The Princess Bride

RUGEN

Now, where is that secret knot? It's impossible to find.

(finding the knot on the tree he hits it, and it opens, revealing a staircase leading underground)

Are you coming down into the Pit? Westley's got his strength back. I am starting him on The Machine tonight.

HUMPERDINCK

Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work. But, I've got my country's five hundredth anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, MY wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped.

RUGEN

Get some rest – if you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.

Rugen smiles and hurries down the stairs as the tree slides back perfectly into place.

CUT TO:

AN ENORMOUS THING

We can't tell quite what it is or what it does, but somehow it is unsettling.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

Count Rugen, dragging Westley up alongside the thing – Levers and wheels and wires, you name it, it's there.

RUGEN

Beautiful, isn't it?

(the Albino starts attaching suction cups to Westley)

It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. At present I'm writing the definitive work on the subject. So I want you to be totally honest with me on how The Machine makes you feel.

CUT TO:

A DIAL

With numbers ranging from a low of "l" to a high of "50." Rugen goes to it.

RUGEN

This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting.

And he turns the dial to "1".

CUT TO:

WESTLEY

He has suction cups on his head now, on his temple, on his heart, his hands and feet. He says nothing, keeps control of himself

CUT TO:

COUNT RUGEN

Fiddling with his Machine a moment more. And then he opens the flood gate, water pours down the chute, turning the wheel, which in turn really gets The Machine going.

CUT TO:

WESTLEY

And he's lying on the table, and he's only flesh and the chains are metal and thick, but such is his desperation it almost seems he might break them. A terrible sound comes from his throat, an incessant gasping. It keeps on coming as we finally

CUT TO:

COUNT RUGEN

He switches off The Machine, picks up a large notebook and pen, sits in a chair. The NOISE of The Machine subsides. Rugen opens the book to a blank page.

RUGEN

As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Well, really, that's all this is. Except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you. So, let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest – how do you feel?

And now, at last...

CUT TO:

WESTLEY

In anguish so deep it is dizzying. Helpless, he cries.

Count Rugen watches the tears, then starts to write.

RUGEN
Interesting.

CUT TO:

HUMPERDINCK

In his quarters, swamped. Piles of papers are strewn all over. Now YELLIN, a pale, shifty, quick-eyed man appears in the doorway.

HUMPERDINCK

Yellin.

YELLIN

(bows, then kneels)

Sire.

HUMPERDINCK

As Chief Enforcer of all Florin, I trust you with this secret: killers from Guilder are infiltrating the Thieves' Forest and plan to murder my bride on our wedding night.

YELLIN

My spy network has heard no such news.

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP

Entering.

BUTTERCUP

Any word from Westley?

CUT TO:

THE PRINCE AND YELLIN

Turning to her in the doorway.

HUMPERDINCK

Too soon, my angel. Patience.

BUTTERCUP

He will come for me.

HUMPERDINCK

Of course.

As she glides out:

HUMPERDINCK

She will not be murdered. On the day of the wedding, I want the Thieves' Forest emptied and every inhabitant arrested.

YELLIN

Many of the thieves will resist. My regular enforcers will be inadequate.

HUMPERDINCK

Form a Brute Squad then. I want the Thieves' Forest emptied before I wed.

YELLIN

It won't be easy, Sire.

HUMPERDINCK

(alone, exhausted)

Try ruling the world sometime.

CUT TO:

THE THIEVES' FOREST – DAY

A lot of hollering is going on. The THIEVES are being rounded up by the BRUTE SQUAD, alarge group of large men. Yellin stands on a wagon in the midst of all the scuffling.

GRANDFATHER (O.S.)

The day of the wedding arrived. The Brute Squad had their hands full carrying out Humperdinck's orders.

YELLIN

(to an unpleasant-looking assistant)

Is everybody out?

ASSISTANT BRUTE

Almost. There's a Spaniard giving us some trouble.

YELLIN

Well, you give him some trouble. Move!

And his wagon starts, and as it does,

CUT TO:

INIGO

Drunk as a skunk, sprawled in front of a hovel, a bottle of brandy in one hand, the six-fingered sword in the other. He looks dreadful. Unshaven, puffy-eyed, gaunt. But the way he brandishes the great sword in front of him would give anyone cause for worry.

INIGO

I am waiting for you, Vizzini. You told me to go back to the beginning. So I have. This is where I am, and this is where I'll stay. I will not be moved.

He takes a long pull from his brandy bottle. He stops as the Assistant Brute comes into view.

ASSISTANT BRUTE

Ho there.

INIGO

I do not budge. Keep your "Ho there."

(he waves his sword dangerously)

ASSISTANT BRUTE

But the Prince gave orders –

INIGO

– So did Vizzini – when a job went wrong, you went back to the beginning. And this is where we got the job. So it's the beginning, and I'm staying till Vizzini comes.

ASSISTANT BRUTE

(gesturing off screen)

You! Brute! Come here.

INIGO

I - am - waiting - for - Vizzini –

VOICE (O.S.)

You surely are a meanie.

Inigo feels a hand on his back. A huge hand. He compares it to his own smaller hand.

FEZZIK

Hello.

INIGO

It's you.

FEZZIK

True!

And as the Assistant Brute is just about to club Inigo's brains out, Fezzik lets fly with a stupendous punch.

The Assistant Brute takes the full force of the blow right in the chops. It's like he was shot from a cannon as he careens backwards out of sight across the street.

There is a pause. Then a crunching sound, as he clearly has come in contact with something hard and immobile.

Fezzik puts Inigo down.

FEZZIK
You don't look so good.

(after Inigo blasts air in protest)

You don't smell so good either.

INIGO

Perhaps not. I feel fine.

FEZZIK

Yeah?

And so Fezzik puts Inigo down. That's when Inigo faints, and as he does...

CUT TO:

AN EMPTY ALEHOUSE IN THE THIEVES' QUARTER

Inigo sits slumped in a chair, while Fezzik spoons him some stew.

GRANDFATHER (O.S.)

Fezzik and Inigo were reunited. And as Fezzik nursed his inebriated friend back to health, he told Inigo of Vizzini's death and the existence of Count Rugen, the six-fingered man. Considering Inigo's lifelong search, he handled the news surprisingly well.

And he faints again into his stew.

CUT TO:

TWO LARGE TUBS

One filled with steaming water, the other with water clearly of an icy nature. Without a word Fezzik stuffs Inigo's head into the icy water, then, after a reasonable amount of time, pulls him out, ducks him into the steaming stuff, and, a short time after that, puts him back in the cold again, then back in the hot –

GRANDFATHER (O.S.)

Fezzik took great care in reviving Inigo.

INIGO

(up and going)

That's enough. That's enough! Where is this Rugen so I may kill him?

FEZZIK

He's with the Prince in the Castle. But the castle gate is guarded by thirty men.

INIGO

How many could you handle?

FEZZIK

I don't think more than ten.

INIGO

(doing the math on his fingers)

That leaves twenty for me. At my best, I could never defeat that many.

(he sinks sadly down)

I need Vizzini to plan. I have no gift for strategy.

FEZZIK

But Vizzini's dead.

CUT TO:

THE TWO OF THEM

Silent and bereft. Then a wild look hits Inigo.

INIGO

No – not Vizzini – I need the Man in Black –

FEZZIK

What? –

INIGO

Look, he bested you with strength, your greatness. He bested me with steel. He must have out-thought Vizzini, and a man who can do that can plan my castle's onslaught any day. Let's go –

FEZZIK

Where?

INIGO

To find the Man in Black, obviously.

FEZZIK

But you don't know where he is.

INIGO

(he is possessed by demons now)

Don't bother me with trifles; after twenty years, at last, my father's soul will be at peace.

CUT TO:

CLOSE UP – INIGO

INIGO

(big)

There will be blood tonight!!

CUT TO:

PRINCE HUMPERDINCK'S CHAMBERS

Strewn with maps, etc. Yellin enters, and kneels.

HUMPERDINCK

(sharpening his dagger)

Rise and report.

YELLIN

The Thieves' Forest is emptied. Thirty men guard the castle gate.

HUMPERDINCK

Double it. My Princess must be safe.

YELLIN

The gate has but one key, and I carry that.

He shows the key, dangling from a chain around his neck. Just at that moment, Buttercup enters.

HUMPERDINCK

Ah! My dulcet darling. Tonight we marry. Tomorrow morning, your men will escort us to Florin Channel where every ship in my armada waits to accompany us on our honeymoon.

BUTTERCUP

Every ship but your four fastest, you mean.

The Prince looks at her blankly for a moment.

BUTTERCUP

Every ship but the four you sent.

HUMPERDINCK

Yes. Yes, of course. Naturally, not those four.

YELLIN

(bows, exits)

Your Majesties.

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP

Staring at Humperdinck.

BUTTERCUP

You never sent the ships. Don't bother lying. It doesn't matter. Westley will come for me anyway.

HUMPERDINCK

(sharply)

You're a silly girl.

BUTTERCUP

Yes, I am a silly girl, for not having seen sooner that you were nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear.

HUMPERDINCK

(close to erupting; speaks very distinctly)

I-would-not-say-such things-if-I- were-you –

BUTTERCUP

Why not? You can't hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that. Not with a thousand bloodhounds. And you cannot break it. Not with a thousand swords. And when I say you are a coward, that is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the earth.

CUT TO:

HUMPERDINCK

Jumping at her, yanking her by the hair, starting to pull her along, out of control, his words indistinct.

HUMPERDINCK

I WOULD NOT SAY SUCH THINGS IF I WERE YOU!

CUT TO:

A CORRIDOR OF THE CASTLE

As the Prince throws open the door to Buttercup's room, slams it shut, locks it, breaks into a wild run and –
 

CUT TO:

WESTLEY IN THE MACHINE

But it's not on. Count Rugen is adding more notes to his book. He looks up as the Prince suddenly comes down the steps, raging.

HUMPERDINCK

(at Westley)

You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.