The Princess Bride

INIGO

There we cannot help you.

FEZZIK

(pulling one out)

Will this do?

INIGO

(to Fezzik– surprised)

Where did you get that?

FEZZIK

At Miracle Max's. It fit so nice, he said I could keep it.

WESTLEY

All right, all right. Come on, help me up.

Inigo and Fezzik do.

WESTLEY

Now, I'll need a sword eventually.

INIGO

Why? You can't even lift one.

WESTLEY

True, but that's hardly common knowledge, is it?

(and his bead tilts limply back. Fezzik sets it up right for him)

Thank you. Now, there may be problems once we're inside.

INIGO

I'll say – how do I find the Count? – Once I do, how do I find you again? – Once I find you again, how do we escape? –

FEZZIK

(sharply)

Don't pester him, he's had a hard day.

INIGO

(nods)

Right, right, sorry.

CUT TO:

A SHOT OF THE THREE OF THEM IN PROFILE

They move along the wall in silence for a time. Then these words come to us on the wind –
 

FEZZIK

Inigo.

INIGO

What?

FEZZIK

I hope we win...

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP

In her bridal gown, and she's incredible. It's not just her beauty; there's a tranquility about her now.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

The Prince, fastening a pearl necklace around her.

HUMPERDINCK

You don't seem excited, my little muffin.

BUTTERCUP

Should I be?

HUMPERDINCK

Brides often are, I'm told.

BUTTERCUP

(gently, confidently)

I do not marry tonight.

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP

And she couldn't seem more serene.

BUTTERCUP

My Westley will save me.

CUT TO:

HER WESTLEY

Looking down on the gate with Inigo and Fezzik.

CUT TO:

THE MAIN GATE OF THE CASTLE

And Yellin, standing there, flanked by his sixty Brutes.

CUT TO:

WESTLEY AND INIGO AND Fezzik,

Looking out at the enemy. This is it. Inigo and Fezzik shake hands.

Westley can't even do that, but after a bit of rocking back and forth, he manages to get enough momentum to catapult his arm over and onto his friend's.

CUT TO:

AN ABSOLUTELY GEM-LIKE LITTLE CHAPEL

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

THE MOST INTELLIGENT LOOKING, THE MOST IMPRESSIVE APPEARING CLERGYMAN IMAGINABLE.

Buttercup and Humperdinck kneel before the Clergyman. Behind them sit the mumbling old KING AND QUEEN. Standing in the back is Count Rugen.

FOUR GUARDS are in position flanking the chapel door.

IMPRESSIVE CLERGYMAN

(clears his throat, begins to speak)

Mawidge... mawidge is what bwings us togewer today...

He has an impediment that would stop a clock.

IMPRESSIVE CLERGYMAN

Mawidge, the bwessed awwangement, that dweam wiffim a dweam...

And now, from outside the castle, there begins to come a commotion. And then –
 

YELLIN (O.S.)

Stand your ground, men. Stand your ground.

CUT TO:

THE BRUTES AND YELLIN

By the gate, for it is indeed they who are making the commotion, frightened, pointing.

YELLIN

Stand your ground.

CUT TO:

THEIR POV

And it is a bit unnerving – a GIANT seems to be floating toward them out of the darkness, a Giant in a strange cloak, and with a voice that would crumble walls.

FEZZIK

I AM THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS. THERE WILL BE NO SURVIVORS.

CUT TO:

FEZZIK

And he seems to be floating because he's standing in the wheelbarrow, as Inigo, hidden behind him, busts a gut by pushing it and supporting Westley.

INIGO

Now?

WESTLEY

Not yet.

CUT TO:

THE GIANT FLOATING CLOSER

FEZZIK

MY MEN ARE HERE, AND I AM HERE, BUT SOON YOU WILL NOT BE HERE –

CUT TO:

YELLIN

Keeping the Brutes in position, or trying to, shouting orders, instructions and as yet the Brutes hold. Now –
 

CUT TO:

INIGO AND WESTLEY

Inigo struggles bravely under their combined weight –
 

INIGO

Now?

WESTLEY

Light him.

CUT TO:

THE BRUTES

As the Giant bursts suddenly, happily into flames.

FEZZIK

(roaring)

THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS TAKES NO SURVIVORS. ALL YOUR WORST NIGHTMARES ARE ABOUT TO COME TRUE.

CUT TO:

THE CHAPEL

Where The Impressive Clergyman plows on.

IMPRESSIVE CLERGYMAN

... Ven wuv, twoo wuv, wiw fowwow you fowever..

CUT TO:

PRINCE HUMPERDINCK

Turning quickly, giving a sharp nod to Count Rugen, wbo immediately takes off out of the chapel with the Four Guards as we...

CUT TO:

FEZZIK

Flaming and scary as hell.

FEZZIK

THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS IS HERE FOR YOUR SOULS!

CUT TO:

YELLIN,

As suddenly the Brutes just scream and take off in wild panic –
 

YELLIN

Stay where you are. I said stay where you are!

CUT TO:

INSIDE THE CHAPEL

IMPRESSIVE CLERGYMAN

... so tweasuwe your vruv..

HUMPERDINCK

Skip to the end.

IMPRESSIVE CLERGYMAN

Have you the wing?

As Humperdinck whips out the ring, the screams are very loud outside.

BUTTERCUP

Here comes my Westley now.

CUT TO:

FEZZIK

As he pulls off the holocaust cloak.

WESTLEY

Fezzik, the portcullis.

And Fezzik rushes forward, grabbing the portcullis, which is indeed closing quickly.

Fezzik grabs the gate: and swings the tonnage back upward. Yellin just watches in fear.

CUT TO:

THE CHAPEL

As Humperdinck shoves the ring on Buttercup's finger.
 

HUMPERDINCK

Your Westley is dead.

Buttercup only smiles, shakes her head.

HUMPERDINCK

I killed him myself.

BUTTERCUP

(never more serene)

Then why is there fear behind your eyes?

CUT TO:

PRINCE HUMPERDINCK

And she's right. It's there.

CUT TO:

YELLIN

Pressed against the main gate. Westley, Inigo, and Fezzik close in.

WESTLEY

Give us the gate key.

YELLIN

(every ounce of honesty he's got)

I have no gate key.

INIGO

Fezzik, tear his arms off.

FEZZIK

Steps toward him.

YELLIN

Oh, you mean this gate key.

And he whips it out, hands it to Fezzik.

CUT TO:

HUMPERDINCK AND BUTTERCUP AND THE IMPRESSIVE CLERGYMAN

IMPRESSIVE CLERGYMAN

And do you, Pwincess Buwwercwup...

HUMPERDINCK

Man and wife – say man and wife...

IMPRESSIVE CLERGYMAN

Man and wife.

HUMPERDINCK

(whirling to the King and Queen)

Escort the bride to the Honeymoon Suite – I'll be there shortly.