The Princess Bride

RUGEN

Stop saying that!

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COUNT RUGEN

Retreating more quickly around the table.

Inigo drives for the Count's left shoulder now, thrusts home where the Count had gotten him. Then another move and his blade enters the Count's right shoulder, the same spot Inigo was wounded.

INIGO
(all he's got)

HELLO! MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA. YOU KILLED MY FATHER. PREPARE TO DIE.

RUGEN

No –

INIGO

Offer me money –

And now the six-fingered sword strikes and there is a slash bleeding along one of Rugen's cheeks.

RUGEN

Yes –

INIGO

Power too – promise me that –

The great sword flashes again, and now there is a parallel slash bleeding on Rugen's other cheek.

RUGEN

All that I have and more please –

INIGO

Offer me everything I ask for –

RUGEN

Anything you want –

INIGO

(roaring)

I WANT MY FATHER BACK, YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH!

And on that –
 

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INIGO

And almost too fast for the eye to follow, the sword strikes one final time and –
 

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COUNT RUGEN

Crying out in fear and panic as the sword hits home dead center and –
 

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INIGO AND RUGEN

The sword clear through the Count. They are almost frozen like that for a moment. Then Inigo withdraws his sword and as the Count pitches down –

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RUGEN

Lying dead. His skin is ashen and the blood still pours from the parallel cuts on his cheeks and his eyes are bulging wide, full of fear.

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INIGO

Staring at Rugen. And now Inigo does something we have never seen him do before: he smiles. HOLD FOR JUST A MOMENT on Inigo smiling, then –

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INSIDE THE HONEYMOON SUITE

Westley lies as before, not a muscle has moved, his head is still on the headboard, Yellin's sword at his side. Buttercup is alongside the bed; her eyes never leave his face.

BUTTERCUP

Oh, Westley, will you ever forgive me?

WESTLEY

What hideous sin have you committed lately?

BUTTERCUP

I got married. I didn't want to. It all happened so fast.

WESTLEY

It never happened.

BUTTERCUP

What?

WESTLEY

It never happened.

BUTTERCUP

But it did. I was there. This old man said, "Man and wife."

WESTLEY

Did you say, "I do"?

BUTTERCUP

Well, no, we sort of skipped that part.

WESTLEY

Then you're not married – if you didn't say it, you didn't do it –

(a pause)

– wouldn't you agree, Your Highness?

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HUMPERDINCK

Entering the room, staring at them. He pulls out his sword.

HUMPERDINCK

A technicality that will shortly be remedied. But first things first. To the death.

WESTLEY

No.

(a little pause)

To the pain.

HUMPERDINCK

(about to charge, stops short)

I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.

WESTLEY

I'll explain. And I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you wart-hog-faced buffoon.

HUMPERDINCK

That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.

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WESTLEY

Lying there comfortably, his words quiet at first.

WESTLEY

It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your feet, below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists, next your nose.

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HUMPERDINCK

Gripping his sword, watching.

HUMPERDINCK

And then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.

WESTLEY

I wasn't finished – the next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right –

HUMPERDINCK

(takes step forward)

And then my ears, I understand. Let's get on with it –

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CLOSE UP – WESTLEY HUGE

WESTLEY

Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why –

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HUMPERDINCK

And now he stops, and the look that was in his eyes at the wedding, that look of fear, is starting to return.

WESTLEY

So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish – every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain" means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.

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HUMPERDINCK

Doing his best to hide the fear that keeps building inside him.

HUMPERDINCK

I think you're bluffing –

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WESTLEY

Lying there, staring at him.

WESTLEY

It's possible, pig – I might be bluffing – it's conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand – then again, perhaps I have the strength after all.

And now, slowly, Westley begins to move. His body turns, his feet go to the floor, he starts to stand –
 

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HUMPERDINCK

Staring, eyes wide.

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