The Princess Bride

WESTLEY

This is true love. You think this happens every day?

He smiles at her, she smiles too, throws her arms so tightly around him. They kiss. Then as Westley walks away, Buttercup watches him go.

GRANDFATHER (O.S.)

(reading)

Westley didn't reach his destination. His ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who never left captives alive. When Buttercup got the news that Westley was murdered –

THE KID (O.S.)

(perking up a little)

Murdered by pirates is good –

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CLOSE UP

Buttercup, staring out the window of her room.

GRANDFATHER (O.S.)

She went into her room and shut the door. And for days, she neither slept nor ate.

BUTTERCUP

(no emotion at all in her voice)

I will never love again.

HOLD ON HER FACE

Perfect and perfectly sad.

DISSOLVE TO:

FLORIN CASTLE – DAY

The main courtyard of Florin replete with townspeople, livestock, and a bustling marketplace.

GRANDFATHER (O.S.)

(reading)

Five years later, the main square of Florin City was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the great Prince Humperdinck's bride-to be.

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PRINCE HUMPERDINCK

A man of incredible power and bearing, standing in his royal robes on a castle balcony. Three others standing behind him: an OLD COUPLE with crowns, the aging KING AND QUEEN, and a dark bearded man who seems the Prince's match in strength: this is COUNT RUGEN.

HUMPERDINCK

(raises his hands, starts to speak)

My people... a month from now, our country will have its 500th anniversary. On that sundown, I shall marry a lady who was once a commoner like yourselves –

(pause)

– but perhaps you will not find her common now. Would you like to meet her?

And the answering YESSSS booms like summer thunder.

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A giant staircase
 

Leading to the CROWD and as a FIGURE just begins to become visible,

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THE CROWD

As they see the figure (we haven't yet.) And if there is such a thing as collective action, then this crowd, collectively, holds its breath.

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THE STAIRCASE

As the figure appears in the archway. It is Buttercup. And she resplendent.

HUMPERDINCK

My people... the Princess Buttercup!!

She descends the stairs and starts to move amongst the people.

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THE CROWD

And they do a very strange thing: with no instruction at all, they suddenly go to their knees. Great waves of people kneeling and –

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BUTTERCUP

Terribly moved. She stands immobile among her subjects, blinking back tears. HOLD on her beauty for a moment.

GRANDFATHER (O.S.)

Buttercup's emptiness consumed her. Although the law of the land gave Humperdinck the right to choose his bride, she did not love him.

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WOODLANDS

And Buttercup, barreling along, controlling her horse easily.

GRANDFATHER (O.S.)

Despite Humperdinck's reassurance that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was in her daily ride.

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A WOODED GLEN, CLOSE TO SUNDOWN

Lovely, quiet, deserted. Buttercup suddenly reins in.

VOICE

A word, my lady?

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THREE MEN

Standing close together in the path. Beyond them can be seen the waters of Florin Channel. The three men are not your everyday commuter types. Standing in front is a tiny man with the most angelic face. He is Sicilian and his name is VIZZINI. Beside him is a Spaniard, erect and taut as a blade of steel. His name is INIGO MONTOYA. Beside him is a giant. His name is Fezzik.

VIZZINI

We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?

BUTTERCUP

There is nothing nearby; not for miles.

VIZZINI

Then there will be no one to hear you scream-

He nods to the giant, Fezzik, who merely reaches over, touches a nerve on Buttercup's neck, and the start of a scream is all she manages – unconsciousness comes that fast. As she starts to fall –

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A TINY ISOLATED SPOT AT THE EDGE OF FLORIN CHANNEL

A sailboat is moored. It's dusk now, shadows are long. Inigo, the Spaniard, busies himself getting the boat ready.

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The giant Fezzik
 

Carries Buttercup, unconscious, on board.

Vizzini rips some tiny pieces of fabric from an army jacket and tucks them along the saddle of Buttercup's horse. There is about the entire operation a sense of tremendous skill and precision.

INIGO
What is that you're ripping?

VIZZINI

(not stopping or turning)

It's fabric from the uniform of an Army officer of Guilder.

FEZZIK

Who's Guilder?

VIZZINI

(pointing straight out)

The country across the sea. The sworn enemy of Florin.

(slaps the horse's rump)

Go!

The horse takes off. They start for the boat.

VIZZINI

Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the Prince suspect the Guilderians have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead on the Guilder frontier, his suspicions will be totally confirmed.

FEZZIK

You never said anything about killing anyone.

Vizzini hops onto the boat.

VIZZINI

I've hired you to help me start a war. That's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition.

FEZZIK

I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl.

VIZZINI

(whirling on Fezzik)

Am I going mad or did the word "think" escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass.

INIGO

I agree with Fezzik.

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CLOSE UP

Vizzini, in a fury.

VIZZINI

(we only thought he was in a fury – now he's really getting mad)

Oh. The sot has spoken. What happens to her is not truly your concern – I will kill her –

(louder)

And remember this – never forget this –

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INIGO AND Fezzik

As Vizzini advances on them. Nothing shows on Inigo's face, but Fezzik is panicked by Vizzini.

VIZZINI

(to Inigo)

When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy –

(now to Fezzik, who retreats as much as he can while Vizzini advances)

– and you – friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless – Do you want me to send you back to where you were, unemployed in Greenland?

Vizzini glares at him, then turns, leaves them.

During this, Inigo has gone close to Fezzik, who is very distressed at the insults he's just received. As Inigo casts off.

INIGO

(softly)

That Vizzini, he can fuss.

(a slight emphasis on the last word)

FEZZIK

(looking at Inigo)

... fuss... fuss...

Suddenly, he's got it again, emphasis on the last word.

FEZZIK

I think he likes to scream at us.

INIGO

Probably he means no harm.

FEZZIK

He's really very short on charm.

INIGO

(proudly)

Oh, you've a great gift for rhyme.

FEZZIK

Yes, some of the time.

(he starts to smile)

VIZZINI

(whirling on them)

Enough of that.

As they sail off, we hear their voices as the boat recedes.

INIGO

Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?

FEZZIK

If there are, we'll all be dead.

VIZZINI

No more rhymes now, I mean it.

FEZZIK

Anybody want a peanut?

As Vizzini screams we:

DISSOLVE TO:

THE SAILBOAT RACING ACROSS THE DARK WATERS

Inigo is at the helm, Fezzik stands near the body of the princess, whose eyelids flutter slightly – or do they? Vizzini sits motionless. The waves are higher, there are only occasional flashes of moon slanting down between clouds.

VIZZINI

(to Inigo)

We'll reach the Cliffs by dawn.

Inigo nods, glances back.

VIZZINI

Why are you doing that?

INIGO

Making sure nobody's following us.

VIZZINI

That would be inconceivable.

BUTTERCUP

Despite what you think, you will be caught. And when you are, the Prince will see you all hanged.

Vizzini turns a cold eye on the Princess.

VIZZINI

Of all the necks on this boat, Highness, the one you should be worrying about is your own.

Inigo keeps staring behind them.

VIZZINI

Stop doing that. We can all relax, it's almost over –

INIGO

You're sure nobody's following us?

VIZZINI

As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways, inconceivable. No one in Guilder knows what we've done. And no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?

INIGO

No reason. It's only, I just happened to look behind us, and something is there.

VIZZINI

What?

And suddenly the three whirl, stare back and as they do –
 

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THE DARKNESS BEHIND THEM

It's hard to see; the moon is behind clouds now. But the wind whistles. And the waves pound. And suddenly it's all gone ominous.

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INGIO, FEZZIK, AND VIZZINI

Squinting back, trying desperately to see. At this moment, they are all holding their breaths.

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THE DARKNESS BEHIND THEM

And there's still nothing to be seen. It's still ominous. Only now it's eerie too.

Then –

The moon slips through and –

Inigo was right – something is very much there. A sailboat. Black. With a great billowing sail. Black. It's a good distance behind them, but it's coming like hell, closing the gap.

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