The Princess Bride

Fezzik considers this a moment, then attacks, and if he moved quickly last time, this time he is blinding and as the Man In Black slips down to avoid the charge, Fezzik moves right with him, only instead of twisting free and jumping to his feet, this time the Man In Black jumps for Fezzik's back and in a moment he is riding him, and his arms have Fezzik's throat, locked across Fezzik's windpipe, one in front, one behind. The Man In Black begins to squeeze. Tighter.

FEZZIK

(standing, talking as he does so)

I just figured out why you give me so much trouble.

CUT TO:

FEZZIK

As he charges toward a huge rock that lines the path, and just as he reaches it he spins his giant body so that the entire weight of the charge is taken by the Man In Black.

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK

And the power of the charge is terrible, the pain enormous, but he clings to his grip at Fezzik's windpipe.

MAN IN BLACK

(his arms never leave Fezzik's throat)

Why is that, do you think?

FEZZIK

(his voice just beginning to get a little strained)

Well, I haven't fought just one person for so long. I've been specializing in groups. Battling gangs for local charities, that kind of thing.

CUT TO:

ANOTHER HUGE ROCK ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PATH

Again Fezzik charges, slower this time, but still a charge, and again he spins and creams the Man In Black against the rough boulder.

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK

And the punishment is terrible, and for a moment it seems as if he is going to let go of Fezzik's windpipe and crumble, but he doesn't, he holds on.

MAN IN BLACK

Why should that make such a difference?

FEZZIK

Well...

(and now his voice is definitely growing weaker)

... you see, you use different moves when you're fighting half a dozen people than when you only have to be worried about one.

Again Fezzik slams the Man In Black against a boulder, only this time his power has diminished and Fezzik starts to slowly collapse.

CUT TO:

FEZZIK

And there isn't much breath coming.

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK

Holding his grip as Fezzik tries to stand, halfway makes it, but there is no air. Back to his knees he falls, holds there for a moment, and pitches down to all fours. The Man In Black increases the pressure. Fezzik tries to crawl. But there is just no air. No air. Fezzik goes to earth and lies still.

CUT TO:

FEZZIK

As the Man In Black turns him over, puts his ear to Fezzik's heart. It beats. The Man In Black stands.

MAN IN BLACK

I don't envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But, in the meantime, rest well... and dream of large women.

And he nimbly scoops up his sword with his foot, catches it and as he dashes off up along the mountain path –

CUT TO:

PRINCE HUMPERDINCK

As he slips his boot into a foot print in the sand.

Count Rugen mounted, watches. Behind him, half a dozen armed WARRIORS, also mounted. A GREAT WHITE HORSE waits riderless in front. Humperdinck is all over the rocky ground, and maybe he isn't the best hunter in the world. Then again, maybe he is. Because, as he begins to put his feet into strange positions, we realize that what he is doing is miming the fencers.

HUMPERDINCK

There was a mighty duel – it ranged all over. They were both masters.

RUGEN

Who won? How did it end?

HUMPERDINCK

(looking down in the position where Inigo fell unconscious)

The loser ran off alone.

(points in the direction Vizzini and Fezzik took)

The winner followed those footprints toward Guilder!

RUGEN

Shall we track them both?

HUMPERDINCK

The loser is nothing. – Only the Princess matters –

(to the armed warriors)

– clearly this was all planned by warriors of Guilder. We must be ready for whatever lies ahead.

RUGEN

Could this be a trap?

HUMPERDINCK

(vaulting onto his horse)

I always think everything could be a trap – Which is why I'm still alive.

And he gallops off –
 

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK

Cresting the peak of the mountain.

CUT TO:

CLOSEUP

A knife pointed at a throat.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

Vizzini munching on an apple, holding the knife to Buttercup's throat. She is blindfolded.

A PICNIC SPREAD is laid out. A tablecloth, two goblets and between them, a small leather wine container. And some cheese and a couple of apples. The picnic is set on a lovely spot, high on the edge of a mountain path with a view all the way back to the sea.

The Man In Black comes running around the path, sees Vizzini, slows. The two men study each other. Then –

VIZZINI

So, it is down to you. And it is down to me.

The Man In Black nods and comes nearer –
 

VIZZINI

If you wish her dead, by all means keep moving forward.

And he pushes his long knife harder against Buttercup's unprotected throat.

MAN IN BLACK

Let me explain –

VIZZINI

– there's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.

MAN IN BLACK

Perhaps an arrangement can be reached.

VIZZINI

There will be no arrangement –

(deliberate)

– and you're killing her!

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP'S THROAT

As Vizzini jabs with his long knife. Buttercup gasps against the pain.

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK

Stopping fast.

MAN IN BLACK

But if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.

VIZZINI

I'm afraid so – I can't compete with you physically. And you're no match for my brains.

MAN IN BLACK

You're that smart?

VIZZINI

Let me put it this way: Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?

MAN IN BLACK

Yes.

VIZZINI

Morons.

MAN IN BLACK

Really? In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.

VIZZINI

For the Princess?

The Man In Black nods.

VIZZINI

To the death?

Another nod.

VIZZINI

I accept.

MAN IN BLACK

Good. Then pour the wine.

As Vizzini fills the goblets with the dark red liquid, the Man In Black pulls a small packet from his clothing, handing it to Vizzini.

MAN IN BLACK

Inhale this, but do not touch.

VIZZINI

(doing it)

I smell nothing.

MAN IN BLACK

(taking the packet back)

What you do not smell is called iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadlier poisons known to man.

VIZZINI

Hmm.

CUT TO:

VIZZINI

Watching excitedly as the Man In Black takes the goblets, turns his back. A moment later, he turns again, faces Vizzini, drops the iocane packet. It is now empty.

The Man In Black rotates the goblets in a little shell game maneuver then puts one glass in front of Vizzini, the other in front of himself.

MAN IN BLACK
All right: where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right and who is dead.

VIZZINI

But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet, or his enemy's?

He studies the Man In Black now.

VIZZINI

Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I'm not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

MAN IN BLACK

(and now there's a trace of nervousness beginning)

You've made your decision then7

VIZZINI

Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

MAN IN BLACK

Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

VIZZINI

Wait till I get going! Where was I?

MAN IN BLACK

Australia.

VIZZINI

Yes – Australia, and you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

MAN IN BLACK

(very nervous)

You're just stalling now.

VIZZINI

(cackling)

You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?

(stares at the Man in Black)

You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong. So, you could have put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard which means you must have studied. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

As Vizzini's pleasure has been growing throughout, the Man In Black's has been fast disappearing.

MAN IN BLACK

You're trying to trick me into giving away something – it won't work –

VIZZINI

(triumphant)

It has worked – you've given everything away – I know where the poison is.

MAN IN BLACK

(fool's courage)

Then make your choice.

VIZZINI

I will. And I choose –

And suddenly he stops, points at something behind the Man In Black.

VIZZINI

– what in the world can that be?

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK

Turning around, looking.

MAN IN BLACK

What? Where? I don't see anything.

CUT TO:

VIZZINI

Busily switching the goblets while the Man In Black has his head turned.

VIZZINI

Oh, well, I-I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.

The Man In Black turns to face him again. Vizzini starts to laugh.

MAN IN BLACK

What's so funny?

VIZZINI

I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink – me from my glass, and you from yours.

And he picks up his goblet. The Man In Black picks up the one in front of him. As they both start to drink, Vizzini hesitates a moment.

Then, allowing the Man In Black to drink first, he swallows his wine.

MAN IN BLACK
You guessed wrong.

VIZZINI

(roaring with laughter)

You only think I guessed wrong –

(louder now)

– that's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned. You fool.

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK

There's nothing he can say. He just sits there.

CUT TO:

VIZZINI

Watching him.

VIZZINI

You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia." But only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line."

He laughs and roars and cackles and whoops and is in all ways quite cheery until he falls over dead.

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK

Stepping past the corpse, taking the blindfold and bindings off Buttercup, who notices Vizzini lying dead.

The Man In Black pulls her to her feet.