The Princess Bride

WESTLEY

Whirling to face her.

WESTLEY

What was that?

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP

Talking to them both.

BUTTERCUP

If we surrender, and I return with you, will you promise not to hurt this man?

HUMPERDINCK

(right hand high)

May I live a thousand years and never hunt again.

BUTTERCUP

(looks at Westley)

He is a sailor on the pirate ship "Revenge." Promise to return him to his ship.

HUMPERDINCK

I swear it will be done.

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP AND WESTLEY

Staring deep into each other's eyes.

CUT TO:

HUMPERDINCK AND RUGEN

HUMPERDINCK

Once we're out of sight, take him back to Florin and throw him in the Pit of Despair.

RUGEN

(almost a smile)

I swear it will be done.

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP AND WESTLEY

BUTTERCUP

I thought you were dead once, and it almost destroyed me. I could not bear it if you died again, not when I could save you.

Westley is dazed. Silent.

Buttercup tries to speak again, can't, and is swooped off her feet onto Humperdinck's horse, and off they go.

CUT TO:

WESTLEY

Staring after her. Rugen watches as his warriors bring Westley to him. The Count has a heavy sword and he holds it in his hand.

RUGEN

Come, sir. We must get you to your ship.

WESTLEY

We are men of action. Lies do not become us.

RUGEN

Well spoken, sir –

Westley is looking at him.

RUGEN

– what is it?

WESTLEY

You have six fingers on your right hand – someone was looking for you –

Count Rugen clubs Westley hard across the skull. Westley starts to fall – the screen goes black.

FADE IN ON:

THE PIT OF DESPAIR

Dank and chill, underground and windowless, lit by flickering torches. Frightening. Westley lies in the center of the cage, chained and helpless.

CUT TO:

SOMETHING REALLY FRIGHTENING: A BLOODLESS-LOOKING ALBINO

Dead pale, he silently enters the pit, carrying a tray of food and medication. He puts it down.

WESTLEY

Where am I?

ALBINO

(he only whispers)

The Pit of Despair.

He begins tending Westley's wounds. Westley winces.

ALBINO

Don't even think –

(a hack, sputter, cough – now his voice seems normal again)

– don't even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. And don't dream of being rescued either. The only way in is secret. And only the Prince, the Count, and I know how to get in and out.

WESTLEY

Then I'm here till I die?

ALBINO

(working away)

Till they kill you. Yeah.

WESTLEY

Then why bother curing me?

ALBINO

The Prince and the Count always insist on everyone being healthy before they're broken.

WESTLEY

So it's to be torture.

From the Albino: a nod.

WESTLEY

I can cope with torture.

From the Albino: a shake of the head.

WESTLEY

You don't believe me?

ALBINO

You survived the Fire Swamp. You must be very brave...

(little pause)

... but nobody withstands The Machine.

He studies Westley, whose face is almost sad.

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP

And her face is sad. Pallid, perhaps ill. She wanders down a corridor in Florin Castle. As she moves unseeing past an intersecting corridor:

CUT TO:

PRINCE HUMPERDINCK AND COUNT RUGEN

Watching her.
 

HUMPERDINCK

She's been like that ever since the Fire Swamp.

(looks at Rugen)

It's my father's failing health that's upsetting her.

RUGEN

Of course.

As they move on...

CUT TO:

FLORIN CASTLE AT NIGHT

CAMERA HOLDS ON IT while we hear the Grandfather's voice reading.

GRANDFATHER (O.S.)

The King died that very night, and before the following dawn, Buttercup and Humperdinck were married.

CUT TO:

MAIN SQUARE OF FLORIN CASTLE

And if we thought it was packed before, we didn't know how many more could fit in this courtyard. Humperdinck, Rugen and the Queen stand high on the balcony.

GRANDFATHER (O.S.)

And at noon, she met her subjects again. This time as their Queen.

HUMPERDINCK

My father's final words were...

THE KID (O.S.)

– hold it. Hold it, Grandpa.

And the scene FREEZES, Humperdinck caught in mid-sentence.

CUT TO:

THE KID'S ROOM

The Kid is half sitting now, not strong yet, but clearly stronger than when we first saw him.

THE KID

You read that wrong. She doesn't marry Humperdinck, she marries Westley. I'm just sure of it. After all that Westley did for her, if she does not marry him, it wouldn't be fair.

GRANDFATHER

Well, who says life is fair? Where is that written? Life isn't always fair.

THE KID

I'm telling you you're messing up the story, now get it right!

GRANDFATHER

Do you want me to go on with this?

THE KID

Yes.

GRANDFATHER

All right, then. No more interruptions.

(starts to read again)

... at noon, she met her subjects again. This time as their Queen.

And on these words...

CUT TO:

PRINCE HUMPERDINCK

HUMPERDINCK

My father's final words were "love her as I loved her, and there will be joy." I present to you your Queen. Queen Buttercup.

And on his words...

CUT TO:

THE CROWD

And it's gigantic.

CUT TO:

THE ARCHWAY

We saw before, as Buttercup emerges.

CUT TO:

THE CROWD

Suddenly going to its knees, wave after wave of silent KNEELING PEOPLE. All of them down.

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP

Touched as before, but then she seems stunned as we...
 

CUT TO:

THE CROWD

SOMEONE IS BOOING! The BOOING gets louder as an ANCIENT WOMAN approaches Buttercup through the crowd, BOOING every step of the way.

BUTTERCUP

Why do you do this?

ANCIENT BOOER

Because you had love in your hands, and you gave it up.

BUTTERCUP

(distraught)

But they would have killed Westley if I hadn't done it.

ANCIENT BOOER

Your true love lives and you marry another –

(to the crowd)

– True love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse! So, bow down to her if you want. Bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo!

She advances on Buttercup now, who is more and more panicked.

CLOSEUP – THE ANCIENT BOOER

Louder and louder and LOUDER she shrieks vituperation at Buttercup, reaching out her old hands toward Buttercup's throat, and Buttercup is as frightened now as Dorothy was when the Witch went after her in "The Wizard of Oz", and suddenly,

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP

Coming out of her nightmare, alone in her castle bedroom. As she fanatically grabs a robe and starts to run.

GRANDFATHER (O.S.)

(still reading)

It was ten days till the wedding. The King still lived, but Buttercup's nightmares were growing steadily worse.

THE KID (O.S.)

See? Didn't I tell you she'd never marry that rotten Humperdinck?

GRANDFATHER (O.S.)

– yes, you're very smart. Shut-up.

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP

Bursting into the Prince's chambers. Count Rugen stands nearby.

BUTTERCUP

It comes to this: I love Westley. I always have. I know now I always will. If you tell me I must marry you in ten days, please believe I will be dead by morning.

CUT TO:

PRINCE HUMPERDINCK

Just stunned. Finally, softly, he begins to talk.

HUMPERDINCK

I could never cause you grief; consider our wedding off.

(to Rugen)

You returned this Westley to his ship?

RUGEN

Yes.

HUMPERDINCK

Then we will simply alert him.

(to Buttercup now)

Beloved, are you certain he still wants you? After all, it was you who did the leaving in the Fire Swamp. Not to mention that pirates are not known to be men of their words.

BUTTERCUP

My Westley will always come for me.

HUMPERDINCK

I suggest a deal. You write four copies of a letter. I'll send my four fastest ships. One in each direction. The Dread Pirate Roberts is always close to Florin this time of year. We'll run up the white flag and deliver your message. If Westley wants you, bless you both. If not... please consider me as an alternative to suicide. Are we agreed?

And she nods –
 

CUT TO:

A VERY THICK GROVE OF TREES

The trees are unusual in one respect: all of them are extraordinarily heavily knotted.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

Humperdinck and Rugen, walking into the grove of trees.

RUGEN

Your Princess is really a winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps, but her appeal is undeniable.

HUMPERDINCK

Oh, I know. The people are quite taken with her. It's odd, but when I hired Vizzini to have her murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it's going to be so much more moving when I strangle her on our wedding night. Once Guilder is blamed, the nation will be truly outraged. They'll demand we go to war.

They are deeper into the grove now. Rugen is searching around.