Pump Up The Volume

<Malcolm's bedroom>
Mrs Kaiser - Malcolm have you finished your homework yet?
Malcolm - Yes.
Mrs Kaiser - Your father and I are downstairs, why don't you come and join us for once.
Malcolm - No.
Mrs Kaiser - Okay Malcolm have it your way.
Malcolm - Thanks.
<Back at Hard Harrys'>
Happy Harry Hardon - Send me your most pathetic moment, your most anything, as long as it's real. I mean I want the size, the shape, the feel, the smell. I want blood sweat and tears on these letters. I want brains and ectoplasm and cum spilled all over them. Hallelujah! And now , all my horny listeners, get one hand free because yes, the eat me beat me lady is back. "Come in. Every night you enter me like a criminal. You break into my brain, but you're no ordinary criminal. You put your feet up, you drink your can of Pepsi, you start to party, you turn up my stereo. Songs I've never heard, but I move anyway. You get me crazy, I say 'Do it.' I don't care just do it. Jam me, jack me, push me, pull me -talk hard!"............ I like that. Talk Hard. I like the idea that a voice can just go somewhere uninvited and just kind of hang out like a dirty thought in a nice clean mind. To me a thought is like a virus. You know, it can just kill all the healthy thoughts and just take over. That would be serious.
Nora - That would be totally serious.
Happy Harry Hardon - I know all of my horny listeners would love it if I would call up the eat me beat me lady. But no! Because she never encloses her number.
Nora - Tough look creepoid.
Happy Harry Hardon - Always the same red paper, the same beautiful black writing. She's probably a lot like me, a legend in her own mind. But you know what, I bet in real life she's probably not that wild. I bet she's kind of shy like so many of us who briskly walk the halls, pretending to be late for some class, pretending to be distracted. Hey poetry lady, are you really this cool? Are you out there? Are you listening?
Nora - I'm always out here.
Happy Harry Hardon - I feel like I know you, and yet we'll never meet. Ah so be it... Now here's a song from my close personal buddies the Beastie Boys. A song that was so controversial they couldn't put it on their second album. What about a little night light.
<Beastie Boys play>
Happy Harry Hardon - I just love being the rap king of Arizona. I don't know drugs are out, sex is out, politics are out, everything is on hold. I mean we definitely need something knew. We just keep waiting for some new voice to come out of somewhere and say "Hey wait a minute, what is wrong with this picture." <picks up a letter and opens it> Well maybe this is the answer to everything, wouldn't that be nice hey.  "Dear Happy Harry Hardon do you think I should kill myself" Great! Signed "I'm Serious" And of course there is a number here. <Calls the number> Hello serious?
Malcolm - Yeah
Happy Harry Hardon - Are you okay?
Malcolm - Yep
Happy Harry Hardon - I guess what I'm asking is how serious are you, well how are you going to do it?
Malcolm - I'm gonna blow my fucking head off.
Happy Harry Hardon - O! Well do you have a gun.
Malcolm - No I'm going to use my finger genius.
Happy Harry Hardon - Alright. So where is this gonna take place hey?
Malcolm - Right here.
Happy Harry Hardon - Where is this alleged gun? Do you have it with you? Did you at least write a note? You have a reason don't you? Your not going to be one of those people who kills themselves and nobody has any idea of why they did it? Hey that's why we need a note pal!
Malcolm - I'm all alone.
Happy Harry Hardon - No, hey, maybe it's okay to be alone sometimes, everybody's alone.
Malcolm - You're not.
Happy Harry Hardon - I didn't talk to one person today, not..not counting teachers. I sit alone everyday you know, sitting on the stairwell eating my lunch, reading a book. What about you?  <Malcolm hangs up> I hate that, now I'm depressed. Now I feel like killing myself, but I'm too depressed to bother. <Tries to re-dial Malcolm, but it's engaged> Great! He's got the phone of the hook. Rejected again, that's okay I'm use to it, terminal loneliness....... People always think they no who a person is but they're always wrong. Most parents have no idea. It's just that mine had me tested because I sit alone in my room alone, naked, wearing only a cock ring, heh heh! I mean it really bugs me, everyone knows what a person should be, who cares who I should be! You know, in real life I could be that anonymous nerd sitting across from you in Chem. Lab, staring at you so hard, you turn around, he tries to smile, but the smile just comes out all wrong. You just think how pathetic, then he just looks away and never looks back at you again. Well hey, who cares, that's my motto. Well sleep tight Cheryl, sleep tight Miss Refinements, sleep tight Poetry Lady, sleep tight Mr Serious, maybe you'll feel better tomorrow.
<Tomorrow at school>
Jamie - Hey what's a cock ring, it sounds cool.
Alex - How should I know, maybe it's a ring with a cock on it.
Jamie - But he said he was wearing.
<Mark approaches Paige>
Mark - Hi
Paige - Hi.
<Someone puts a tape on of Happy Harry Hardon's conversation with Deaver>
Murdock - You know people this dancing is a privilege and it will be taken away if it's abused, do you understand that?
<Nora searches the school grounds for Mark and finds him reading on the stairs>
Nora - Hi, got a stick of gum. Black Jack!... You really as horny as a ten peckerd house?..... Hi my names Nora, what's yours?
Mark - Mark.
Nora - Mark! Well hi Mark.
Mark - Hi.
Nora - Listen, I was gonna cut fourth period, do you wanna join me for a smoke in the arts clay room.
Mark - Er, no, I can't, got to go, sorry.
Nora - Sorry!
<Staff room>
Murdock - These dam tapes keep cropping up all over the place, they were playing this in the alcove.
Mr. Moore - Who is this guy anyway, everyday there's more graffiti.
Mr. Stern - I don't know, but he's turning the school upside down.
Jan - Has anybody seen Luis Chavez he wasn't in my class today.
Mr. Stern - Mine either.
<Murdock plays the tape of Happy Harry Hardon reading out Deaver's letter to Creswood. Creswood enters the staff room.>
Creswood - Turn that off, I've got an announcement to make.
<Mark's English class>
Jan - I have some very upsetting news. Last night one of our students, Malcolm Kaiser took his own life, for those of you who knew him, there will be a memorial service at Dempsey hill on Friday. I know it hurts, it's painful to lose someone.
<Mark collects his post from the postal centre, exits and starts to read the eat me beat me lady's letter>
Mark (Reads silently) - "You're the voice crying out in the wilderness, your the voice that makes my brain burn and make my guts go gooey. Yeah you gut me, my insides spill on your alter and tell the future, my steaming gleaming guts spill out your nature. I know you, not your name, but your game. I know the true you, come to me or I'll come to you."
<Nora appears from behind the bus stop>
Nora - So you are him! Don't worry I'm not going to bust you or anything... Aren't you going to ask who I am?
Mark - I don't think so, no!
Nora - I'm the eat me beat me lady!   So you don't believe me. "I know you, not your name, but your game. I know the true you, come to me or I'll come to you."  Hey relax, I'm not really like that, except when I am.
Mark - Look it's not your fault. I was listening last night. I didn't think he'd go through with it.
<The Hunter dining table>
Marla - Mark,  we heard about Malcolm Kaiser, we know.
Brian - We were just wondering if you knew him?
Mark - No not really.
Brian - Mark, I'm going to ask you something. Your mother and I have been talking and I guess we realise...
Marla - Mark, basically we thought you might benefit from seeing a psychiatrist.
Mark - Is it that obvious.
Marla - No honey of course not. We think you're perfect, it's just that you seem so sad and lonely all the time.
Brian - And we just want you to feel good about your self.
Marla - You had friends in New York Hun.
Brian - Have you ever tried to meet people here at all?
Marla - Have you ever just walked up to a girl here and said 'Hi'?
Mark (Trying to make an exit) - Look the girls here, there different, I can't talk to them!
Marla - How are they different?
Brian - I was taking to your English teacher today.
Mark - C'mon Dad please! It's creepy enough around there without you snooping around.
Brian - And she says you've got a great promise as a writer, but that you're having trouble concentrating.
Mark - So when is Johnny gonna concentrate, get happy, get a girl friend and then write a best seller?
Brian - Fine! You don't listen, you don't talk to me, you don't talk to anyone, you hate everything.
Mark - I can't talk to you people and I certainly aint gonna see a shrink.
Brian - Listen Mark! Everyone's got problems, not just you, but you aint gonna solve them if you don't communicate them.
<Mark walks off>
Marla - Okay! He's gone back down stairs.
<Downstairs>
Shep Sheppard - And so family and friends of Malcolm Kaiser sadly come and go into the night even as phantom DJ Happy Harry Hardon prepares to broadcast anonymously from somewhere in this formerly peaceful community. This is Shep Sheppard reporting live from Paradise Hills, Arizona. Back to you Bill.
Mark - Yeah back to you.
<If it be your will plays.The ten o'clock broadcast>
Happy Harry Hardon - You see I never planned it like this. My dumb Dad got me this short wave radio set so I could just speak to my friends back east, but I couldn't reach anybody, I thought I was talking to nobody. I imagined that nobody listening. Maybe I imagined one person out there, anyway one day I woke up and I realised I was never going to be normal and so I said fuck it, I said so be it and Happy Harry Hardon was born. I never meant to hurt anyone, honestly I never meant to hurt anyone. I'm sorry Malcolm. I never said "Don't do it" I'm sorry. Erm anyway I'm done, stick a fork in me it's been grand. This is Happy Harry Hardon saying sionara, over and out.
Nora - Come on you can't do this.
Paige - This is a joke right?
Mazz - C'mon Harry baby, don't stiff.
Mark - What am I doing. Fuck It!
Happy Harry Hardon - You hear about some kid who did something stupid, something desperate. What possessed him. How could he do such a terrible thing. It's really quite simple actually. Consider the life of a teenager. You have parents, teachers telling you what to do. You have movies, magazines, and TV telling you what to do. But you know what you have to do. Your job, your purpose, is to get accepted, get a cute girl friend, and think up something great to do with the rest of your life. What if you're confused and can't imagine a career? What if you're funny looking and you can't get a girl friend? You see no one wants to hear it, but the terrible secret is that being young is sometimes less fun than being dead.
Shep Sheppard - This is great he's making it worse.
Happy Harry Hardon - Suicide is wrong, but the interesting thing about it is how uncomplicated it seems. There you are, you got all these problems swarming around your brain, and here is one simple, one incredibly simple solution. I'm just surprised it doesn't happen every day around here. No now they're going to say I said offing yourself is simple, but no, no, no, no, it's not simple. It's like everything else you have to read the fine print. For instance, assuming there is a heaven who would ever wanna go there, you know. I mean think about it, sitting on this cloud, you know it's nice, it's quiet, there's no teachers, there's no parents, but guess what? There's nothing to do. Fucking boring. Another thing to remember about suicide is that it is not a pretty picture. First of all, you shit your shorts you know. So there you are dead, people are weeping over you, crying, girls you never spoke to are saying, "Why? Why? Why?" and you have a load in your shorts. That's the way I see it. Sue me. Now, they're saying I shouldn't think stuff like this. They're saying something is wrong with me, that I should be ashamed. Well, I'm sick of being ashamed. Aren't you?
Nora - Sick to death!
Happy Harry Hardon - I don't mind being dejected and rejected, but I'm not going to be ashamed about it.

上一页 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 下一页

网友评论加入收藏打印文本论坛讨论关闭此页

上一篇：Pulp Fiction

下一篇：Purple Rain