ALADDIN

SULTAN: There, there, there, my child--we'll set it right.

Now, tell me everything.

(Cut to int. of cave. ALADDIN lies unconscious on the CARPET.

ABU tries to wake him.)

ABU: Oh, oh. Aladdin? Wake up. Aladdin.

(CARPET rises up, lifting ALADDIN up. He awakes slowly.)

ALADDIN: Oh, my head. (He looks at the entrance sealed in.)

We're trapped. (Angry, shaking his fists at the

entrance) That two faced son-of-a-jackal! (Calmer)

Whoever he was, he's long gone with that lamp.

ABU: Aha!

(ABU pulls out the MAGIC LAMP.)

ALADDIN: Why, you hairy little thief! Looks like such a

beat-up, worthless piece of junk. Hey, I think

there's something written here, but it's hard to

make out.

(He rubs the LAMP. Suddenly smoke comes out of the hole, the

LAMP begins to shake and glow, but ALADDIN holds onto the

LAMP, and our wonderful friend, the GENIE comes out.)

GENIE: Aaaaahhhhh! OY! Ten-thousand years will give ya

such a crick in the neck! (He hangs ALADDIN on a

nearby rock. Then he pulls his head off and spins

it around, yelling as he does so. CARPET pulls a

ALADDIN down.) Whoa! Does it feel good to be

outta there! (GENIE uses the lamp end of himself as

a microphone.) Nice to be back, ladies and

gentlemen. Hi, where ya from? (Sticks the mic in

ALADDIN's face.) What's your name?

ALADDIN: Uh, Al--uh--Aladdin.

GENIE: (Says his name as if he's discovered something

major) Aladdin! (A neon sign lights up with

ALADDIN's name on it, circled by chase lights. The

sign changes to reflect the GENIE's upcoming line.)

Hello, Aladdin. Nice to have you on the show. Can

we call you 'Al?' Or maybe just 'Din?' Or how

bout 'Laddi?' (GENIE disappears, then a dog

wrapped in plaid jumps in.) Sounds like 'Here, boy!

C'mon, Laddi!'

ALADDIN: (Shaking his head) I must have hit my head harder

than I thought.

GENIE: (Still a dog) Do you smoke? Mind if I do? (Dog

poofs into smoke, then back to the GENIE. ABU

screeches wildly.) Oh, sorry Cheetah--hope I

didn't singe the fur! Hey, Rugman! Haven't seen

you in a few millennia! Slap me some tassel! Yo!

Yeah! (CARPET flies over and high fives the GENIE.

GENIE looks at ALADDIN.) Say, you're a lot smaller

than my last master. (Lifts his beer-gut.) Either

that or I'm gettin' bigger. Look at me from the

side--do I look different to you?

ALADDIN: Wait a minute! I'm--your master?

GENIE: (Slaps a diploma in ALADDIN's hand and a

mortarboard on his head.) That's right! He can

be taught!! What would you wish of me, (as Arnold

Schwarzenegger) the ever impressive,(inside a

cube) the long contained, (as a ventriloquist with

a dummy) often imitated, (tosses the dummy aside)

but never duplicated--

(He multiplies into multiple GENIES who surround him.)

DUP. GENIES: Duplicated, duplicated, duplicated,

duplicated, duplicated, duplicated,

duplicated, duplicated, duplicated.

GENIE: (Says it like a ring announcer at a boxing match.)

Genie! Of! The Lamp! (Goes into Ed

Sullivan) Right here direct from the lamp, right

here for your enjoyment wish fulfillment.

Thank youuuuu!

ALADDIN: Whoa! Wish fulfillment?

GENIE: Three wishes to be exact. And ix-nay on the

wishing for more wishes. (Turns into a slot

machine, arm pulls down and three GENIEs appear in

the windows.) That's it--three. (Three GENIE

caballeros come out of the slot.) Uno, dos, tres.

(Changes into b/w Groucho Marx.) No

substitutions, exchanges or refunds. (The duck

drops with the secret word "Refunds.'

ALADDIN: (To ABU) Now I know I'm dreaming.

GENIE: (Music for "Friend Like Me" begins) Master, I don't

think you quite realize what you've got here! So

why don't you just ruminate, whilst I illuminate

the possibilities. (GENIE lights up like a

fluorescent light)

Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves

Scheherazadie had a thousand tales

But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeve

You got a brand of magic never fails!

(GENIE produces 40 thieves who surround ALADDIN with swords.

GENIE appears in his vest, then sticks his arms out and boxes

the thieves into submission.)

You got some power in your corner now

Some heavy ammunition in your camp

You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how

See all you gotta do is rub that lamp

And I'll say

(Boxing ring appears, ALADDIN in the corner, being massaged

by GENIE. Then GENIE turns into a pile of fireworks and

explodes. Then GENIE appears inside lamp and grabs ALADDIN's

hand and rubs lamp with it.)

Mister Aladdin sir

What will your pleasure be?

Let me take your order, jot it down

You ain't never had a friend like me

No no no!

(GENIE produces a table and chairs, then writes down things on a

note pad, like a waiter. )

Life is your restaurant

And I'm your maitre' d!

C'mon whisper what it is you want

You ain't never had a friend like me.

(GENIE appears as a plate of chicken, then returns to normal,

but enlarges his ear to listen to ALADDIN. Finally, he explodes

into four duplicate GENIEs.)

Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service

You're the boss, the king, the shah!

Say what you wish, it's yours! True dish

How about a little more Baklava?

(The GENIEs give him a shave, haircut and manicure, then ALADDIN

appears in a comfy chair (eh?) surrounded by the treasure

and being fanned by women. The GENIE appears and fills the

screen with baklava.)

Try some of column 'A'

Try all of column 'B'

I'm in the mood to help you dude

You ain't never had a friend like me

(ALADDIN rises up on a column of food with a giant A on top,

then jumps to another column with a B on top. He falls off

and is caught by a cushion held by GENIE. He opens his mouth,

and his tongue turns into a staircase. A miniature GENIE

dressed like a magician comes out.)

(The mini GENIE does a little dance with the GENIE's two giant

hands. At the end, they surround the mini GENIE and squish

him into nothing.)

Can your friends do this?

Do your friends do that?

Do your friends pull this out their little hat

Can your friends go poof!

Well looky here

Can your friends go Abracadabra, let 'er rip

And then make the sucker disappear?

(The GENIE pulls off his head, duplicates it, then juggles them.

He tosses them to ALADDIN, who juggles with one hand and spins

one of the heads on his fingertip like a basketball. He tosses

the heads back onto the GENIE, who proceeds to try and pull

himself out of a hat at his base. He spirals around and around

until he turns into a white rabbit. The rabbit transforms into

a purple dragon (very reminiscent of Figment from EPCOT Center).

The dragon breathes fire, which turns into three HAREM GIRLS,

who dance around ALADDIN. Just as he begins to enjoy them,

they disappear.)

So don't you sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed

I'm here to answer all your midday prayers

You got me bona fide, certified

You got a genie for a charg? d'affairs!

I got a powerful urge to help you out

So what you wish I really want to know

You got a wish that's three miles long, no doubt

So all you gotta do is rub like so, and oh!

(GENIE imitates what he is calling ALADDIN, then turns into a

certificate which rolls up and surrounds ALADDIN. GENIE pulls

a list {written in Arabic} out of ALADDIN's ear, which he uses

to rub his behind like drying off after a shower.)

Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three

I'm on the job, you big nabob