ALADDIN

You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend

You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend

You ain't never...had a... friend... like...me!

You ain't never had a friend like me!

(The dancing HAREM GIRLS reappear, and ALADDIN leans in to kiss one.

She turns into the GENIE, who zaps four dancing elephants into

existence. To the other direction, he zaps in four dancing camels,

and a grand finale dancing number ensues. ABU grabs as much gold

as he can, but the GENIE wraps everything up in a cyclone and

zaps it away until they're all back in the cave. GENIE has a

neon "APPLAUSE" sign on his back. ABU turns his hat over and

sees that is is empty.)

GENIE: So what'll it be, master?

ALADDIN: You're gonna grant me any three wishes I want?

GENIE: (As William F. Buckley) Ah, almost. There are a

few provisos, a couple of quid pro quos

ALADDIN: Like?

GENIE: Ah, rule number one: I can't kill anybody. (He

slices his head off with his finger.) So don't

ask. Rule two: I can't make anyone fall in love

with anyone else. (Head turns into a big pair of

lips which kiss ALADDIN.) You little punim, there.

(Lies flat, then gets up and transforms into a

zombie.) Rule three: I can't bring people back from

the dead. It's not a pretty picture, (He grabs

ALADDIN and shakes him) I don't like doing it! (He

poofs back to normal.) Other than that, you got

it!

ALADDIN: (Looks at ABU as if plotting) Ah, provisos? You

mean limitations? On wishes? (To ABU) Some all

powerful genie--can't even bring people back from

the dead. I don't know, Abu--he probably can't even

get us out of this cave. Looks like we're gonna

have to find a way out of here--

(They start to leave, but a big blue foot stomps down in front of

them.)

GENIE: Excuse me? Are you lookin' at

me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up, did

you bring me here? And all of a sudden, you're

walkin' out on me? (Gets madder and madder) I

don't think so, not right now. You're gettin' your

wishes, so siddown! (They all get on CARPET.

GENIE takes the form of a stewardess, with lots of

arms pointing out the exits.) In case of

emergency, the exits are here, here, here,

here,here, here, here, here, here, here, here,

here, anywhere! Keep your hands and arms inside

the carpet. Weeee'rrrrrreee...outta here!

(The CARPET and passengers fly out of the sand in the desert and off

into the distance. Cut to int. of SULTAN's chamber. JAFAR is

there with IAGO, JASMINE and the SULTAN.)

SULTAN: Jafar, this is an outrage. If it weren't for all

your years of loyal service... . From now on,

you are to discuss sentencing of prisoners with me,

before they are beheaded.

JAFAR: I assure you, your highness, it won't happen again.

SULTAN: Jasmine, Jafar, now let's put this whole messy

business behind us. Please?

JAFAR: My most abject and humblest apologies to you as

well, princess. (He takes her hand to kiss it, but

she yanks it away.)

JASMINE: At least some good will come of my being forced to

marry. When I am queen, I will have the

power to get rid of you.

SULTAN: That's nice. All settled, then. Now, Jasmine,

getting back to this suitor business, (he

looks and sees Jasmine walking out) Jasmine?

Jasmine! (He runs after her.)

JAFAR: If only I had gotten that lamp!

IAGO: (As JASMINE) I will have the power to get rid of

you! D'oh! To think--we gotta keep kissing

up to that chump, and his chump daughter for the

rest of our lives...

JAFAR: No, Iago. Only until she finds a chump husband.

Then she'll have us banished--or beheaded!

BOTH: Eeewww!

IAGO: (Has an idea) Oh! Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Jafar? What if you were the chump husband?

JAFAR: (He looks at IAGO in insult) What?

IAGO: Okay, you marry the princess,all right? Then, uh,

you become sultan!

JAFAR: Oh!Marry the shrew? I become sultan. The idea has

merit!

IAGO: Yes, merit! Yes! And then we drop papa-in-law and

the little woman off a cliff! (Dive bombs into the

floor) Kersplat!

JAFAR: Iago, I love the way your foul little mind works!

(Both laugh as we cut to an oasis in the desert, where CARPET is

coming in for a landing.)

GENIE: (Still as stewardess) Thank you for choosing Magic

Carpet for all your travel needs. Don't stand

until the rug has come to a complete stop. (As

ALADDIN and ABU get off down the stairway formed by

CARPET) Thank you. Good bye, good bye! Thank you!

Good bye! (Back to normal) Well, now. How about

that, Mr. doubting mustafa?

ALADDIN: Oh, you sure showed me. Now about my three wishes-

GENIE: Dost mine ears deceive me? Three? You are down by

ONE, boy!

ALADDIN: Ah, no--I never actually wished to get out of the

cave. You did that on your own.

(GENIE thinks for a second, then his jaw drops. He turns into a

sheep.)

GENIE: Well, don't I feel just sheepish? All right, you

baaaaad boy, but no more freebies.

ALADDIN: Fair deal. So, three wishes. I want them to be

good. (To GENIE) What would you wish for?

(GENIE is hanging like a hammock between two trees.)

GENIE: Me? No one's ever asked me that before. Well, in

my case, ah, forget it.

ALADDIN: What? No, tell me.

GENIE: Freedom.

ALADDIN: You're a prisoner?

GENIE: It's all part-and-parcel, the whole genie gig.

(Grows gigantic, voice echoes) Phenomenal cosmic

powers! (Shrinks down, cramped in MAGIC LAMP.)

Itty bitty living space

ALADDIN: Genie, that's terrible.

GENIE: (Comes out of the LAMP) But, oh--to be free. Not

have to go "Poof! What do you need? Poof! What do

you need? Poof! What do you need?" To be my own

master, such a thing would be greater than all the

magic and all the treasures in all the world! But

what am I talking about, here? Let's get real