American Pie

时间:2007-10-22 07:31:54来源: 作者:

You're just saying that cause prom's a
week away and you don't have a date.

                         GIRL HOLDING OUT FOR FINCH
               No, I don't want a date...
                   (increasingly dreamy)
               Finch is going stag...and so am
               I...the guy is like so...debonair.

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - BATHROOM STALL - DAY

Finch is in hell. Desperately trying not to shit.
Holding it in for all he's worth.

INT. BATHROOM - DAY

                         GIRL #2
               Do you think that "older woman" thing
               is true?

GIRL #3
Of course, it was Stifler's mom.

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - BATHROOM STALL - DAY

     Pure agony. Finch is sweating badly. Every muscle in
     his body is tensed. Tears stream from his fiercely shut
     eyes.

A gastric RUMBLING. Finch's eyes flash open in terror.

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - BATHROOM - DAY

We hear another, deeper RUMBLING. Girl #2 turns to her
friend in surprise.

GIRL #2
Joanie, was that you?

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - BATHROOM STALL - DAY

Finch is struggling. Rocking back and forth. But it's
no use. He's at his limit.

FINCH
Aaaaaaarrrgghhhh!

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - BATHROOM - DAY

     The girls at the mirror freeze -- and we hear what can
     only be the SOUND OF DIARRHEA exploding into a toilet
     bowl.

The girls run out SCREAMING and LAUGHING.

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - BATHROOM - DAY - MOMENTS LATER

     Finch exits the stall with trepidation, pulling up his
     pants. Slowly, slinking, he approaches the door. Grabs
     the handle. Composes himself. And like nothing ever
     happened, he opens it.

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - MAIN HALL - DAY

Finch comes out of the bathroom. Stops. His eyes
register complete disbelief.

     A SEMI-CIRCLE OF GIRLS, including the ones we have seen
     gossiping about him, has crowded around the door. All
     staring at him with complete repugnance, open-mouthed.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. LACROSSE FIELD (MSU) - DAY

     Oz is playing in the final lacrosse game. The team
     scores -- they're beating Central. Everyone cheers,
     except Oz. We see Jim and Kevin in the stands, CHEERING.

EXT. MUSIC HALL (MSU) - DAY

     Establishing. The campus of Michigan State University.
     Students pass in front of an older, impressive university
     building.

A sign out front reads, "MICHIGAN STATEWIDE VOCAL
COMPETITION."

INT. BACKSTAGE (MSU) - DAY

Heather and the rest of the vocal jazz group are behind
the curtain.

     They all wear flashy, borderline cool outfits. Heather
     looks worried, lost. Looking to the door, as if Oz might
     come running in.

VOCAL JAZZ TEACHER
Okay. Albert, you ready?

     ALBERT steps next to Heather. He's kind of funny-
     looking, with an overly-suave attitude that comes off as
     plain weird.

ALBERT
No problemo.

He SINGS a couple lines. Way too melodramatic and
cheesy. Heather looks trapped.

EXT. LACROSSE FIELD (MSU) - DAY

     A scoreboard shows that East is leading by five goals.
     Oz is running up the field, towards the goal, cradling
     the ball in his stick. He seems to have a good lead.
     Suddenly he is tumbling, falling, losing the ball.
     Someone has checked him. He lays stunned on the ground,
     as Stifler recovers the ball and scores.

The players run back to the sidelines to reset for the
face-off, and gather around the coach.

                         COACH MARSHALL
               Alright! Good hustle, guys, but we
               can still lose. You all saw what
               happened to Oz out there. I don't
               ever want to see you guys thinking
               you're gonna score. You don't score
               until you score, period.

The team is getting into it. Shouts of "Hell yeah!" But
Oz's got a quizzical look on his face.

INT. BACKSTAGE (MSU) - DAY

Heather waits with the group to go onstage. Albert paces
like a Shakespearean actor, psyching himself.

                         ALBERT
               Focus on the music. Think melody.
               Let the music be my guide.

HEATHER
That would be a start.

EXT. LACROSSE FIELD (MSU) - DAY

Oz shows some emotion peeking through. Confused.

                         COACH MARSHALL
               It all boils down to today. For you
               seniors, this marks the culmination of
               your past four years. Think of what
               that means to you. Are you guys gonna
               look back on your days at East and
               know that you made the most of the
               time you had?

A wave of realization washes over Oz. He stands up tall.

COACH MARSHALL (cont'd)
Now that's the attitude, Ostreicher!

Oz collects himself. Takes a deep breath.

OZ
Good luck, guys.

he sets his lacrosse stick down and starts to leave.

                         COACH MARSHALL
               Christ! I didn't say you were out of
               the game!

OZ
Sorry, coach.

                         COACH MARSHALL
               What the fuck is this? You got
               someplace more important to be?

Coach Marshall is fuming. The entire team is staring at
Oz.

OZ
Yeah.

He runs off.

ANGLE ON JIM AND KEVIN IN THE STANDS

A beat of confusion. Then they stand up.

EXT. MSU CAMPUS - DAY

Oz runs through a gate.

INT. BACKSTAGE - DAY

     The vocal jazz group is on their feet, lined up, waiting
     to go onstage. Oz bursts into the room, still in his
     lacrosse gear.

VOCAL JAZZ GUYS
Oz -- You're back -- Yeah --

ALBERT
-- Oh, great.

Oz rushes up to Heather. She's happy but confused.

HEATHER
What about the game?!

OZ
I'm not playing.

HEATHER
You're missing the game for us?!

OZ
No. I'm missing the game for you.

Heather melts. Oz pulls her close. And they kiss.

                         VOCAL JAZZ TEACHER
               Okay, okay. You guys got about a
               minute to go. Spend it warming up,
               not making out. This ain't the prom
               yet.

Oz and Heather share a smile.

INT. MUSIC HALL STAGE - DAY

     The vocal jazz group is belting their hearts out, singing
     "How Sweet It Is." Oz sings with them now in his vocal
     jazz outfit...we TILT DOWN to see he's still wearing his
     cleats. He and Heather sound great, backed by the vocal
     jazz group. They sail through their duet, join hands,
     and finish perfectly. The audience APPLAUDS with
     enthusiasm -- and we Kevin and Jim, WHOOPING AND
     CLAPPING, loving it, like they're at a rock concert.

JIM
Yeeeeeeeaaaawwwwww!

                         KEVIN
                   (gives that "You rock!" hand
                    sign)
               You fuckin' rule!

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS - CLASSROOM - DAY

     Class has just ended, students are filing out of the
     classroom. A teacher grades papers in the back of the
     room, routinely writing "A, A-, A, A-" on each paper.
     Vicky is studying a pull-down map hanging over the
     chalkboard. Kevin comes up next to her.

KEVIN
Hey...

                         VICKY
               Did you know that it's...450 miles
               from Ann Arbor to Nashville?

                         KEVIN
               It's like a six or seven hour drive.
               That's easy, I don't mind driving.

A beat. Kevin looks back over his shoulder to the
inattentive teacher. Moves closer to Vicky.

                         KEVIN (CONT'D)
               About the other day...I've been
               thinking.

                         VICKY
               So have I. And I know you want to
               make things perfect for me. And I
               understand that you really wouldn't
               tell me that until you were 100%
               comfortable with it.

     Vicky looks over to the teacher, who COUGHS. She steps
     closer. Kevin, somewhat nervous, takes the bottom of the
     map, fidgeting with it a little.

                         VICKY (CONT'D)
               And I want to make things perfect for
               you. You're right, Kev, we do have
               something good...and special.

KEVIN
Yeah, we have something great, Vick.

                         VICKY
               Kevin...
                   (very close, whispered)
               I want to have sex with you.

The map goes FLAPPING upwards. The teacher looks up.

                         KEVIN
                   (almost frightened)
               Now?!

VICKY
No...I know the perfect time...

     She looks to the calendar on the wall...and taps next
     Saturday -- "Prom." Kevin can't believe it...MUSIC UP
     for PRE-PROM MONTAGE --

INT. TUXEDO LAND - DAY

Jim is trying on a tux. he shrugs, like it fits well
enough.

     He turns to see Oz trying on his -- Oz is fidgeting,
     trying on different ties, vests, shoes, very sincere and
     focused.

INT. VICKY'S BEDROOM - DAY

     Vicky is trying on a rather elegant dress, looking to
     Jessica for support, showing it off. Jessica jokingly
     does the same, showing off her shorts and T-shirt, as if
     she could care.

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - COURTYARD - DAY

Finch sits alone. Not like alone. More like Forrest
Gump.

INT. TUXEDO LAND - DAY

     Jim is paying for his tux. We see Oz trying to decide on
     a cumberbund. There are about ten of them scattered
     around him that he's already tried. In the background,
     an ATTENDANT looks impatient.

EXT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - COURTYARD - DAY

Finch still sits. His head is cocked at a different
angle.

INT. JIM'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY