American Pie

     Jim's dad fixes Jim's bow tie.

     INT. KEVIN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT (END MONTAGE)

     Kevin is in his tux.  He's staring at himself in the
     mirror.

     EXT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - NIGHT

     The parking lot is full.  VARIOUS FORMALLY DRESSED
     STUDENTS make their way into the school.  One group piles
     out of a stretch limo.  We see a STEALTHY STUDENT slip a
     bottle of liquor into his tux.  A FLUSTERED GUY struggles
     to re-attach his date's corsage.

     This is the prom.

     INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - GYM - NIGHT

     The gym is decorated in a clashingly festive manner.
     Like a combination of Mardi Gras, New Year's Eve, and
     somebody's bar mitzvah.  A CRAPPY BAND plays CRAPPY
     IMITATION ROCK MUSIC.

     Most students mill about, talking, generally bored.  The
     only people who are enjoying themselves are the OBVIOUSLY
     DRUNK STUDENTS, slam-dancing with the obviously drunk
     Stifler in a corner.  CHAPERONE PARENTS try to calm them
     down, futilely.

     The band breaks into a CHEESY BALLAD.  Couples lock
     together and sway back and forth like zombies.

     ANGLE ON JIM AND MICHELLE

     They're dancing at arm's length.  Jim is not enthused.

                         MICHELLE
               You know, at band camp?  We have
               dances like this.  Only they're way
               funner.  Don't you think prom is just
               highly overrated?

                         JIM
               Highly, highly overrated.

     ANGLE ON KEVIN AND VICKY

     They dance.  Both looking a little nervous.  Anxious.

     ANGLE ON OZ AND HEATHER

     Dancing much slower than anyone else.  Tight embrace.
     Heather's got her head on his shoulder, eyes closed.

     ANGLE ON STIFLER

     Dancing with the Girl Holding out For Finch.

     INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - A CORNER OF THE GYM - NIGHT

     Kevin, Oz, Jim, and Finch are hanging out.  Finch is
     drunk.

                         FINCH
               Okay.  I'm here for your dumb...dumb
               meeting.

     Sherman passes by.

                         SHERMAN
               I'm on the offensive, boys.  The
               Sherman Tank is going back in.

     The guys are impassive.  Sherman indicates the Central
     Girl nearby.

                         SHERMAN (CONT'D)
               Locked on target, flying in stealth
               mode under enemy sex radar.  Ready to
               drop the payload...again.

     Sherman confidently walks off.

                         KEVIN
               Alright, how do you guys stand?  Well,
               Finch, I know where you are, but you
               can't use that as an excuse.  Jim?

                         JIM
               My date's a flute-toting band dork.
               That answer your question?

                         KEVIN
               Oz, how about you and Heather?  Now
               you guys are a couple or something?

                         OZ
                   (getting ticked)
               Dammit, Kevin, what's with the
               attitude?

                         KEVIN
               Attitude?  Me?  I think that you guys
               should be more enthusiastic.  Shit,
               we've been trying to get laid forever,
               and tonight's the night we've been
               waiting for.  We're in this together.
               Don't back out on me now!

                         JIM
               Back out?  You don't need us to get
               laid.  You afraid or something?

                         KEVIN
               No, but come on guys, we made a pact!

                         OZ
               Kevin, it was just a --

                         KEVIN
               It was a pact.  You break it and there
               are no excuses.  You guys have to --

                         JIM
                   (interrupting, pissed)
               I don't have to do shit!  Forget it
               already!

     Kevin is taken aback.

                         JIM (cont'd)
               I'm tired of all this bullshit
               pressure!  I mean, I've never even had
               sex and already I can't stand it!  I
               hate sex!  I don't want it, I've never
               wanted it, and I'm not gonna sit here
               busting my balls over something that
               just isn't that damn important!  So
               fuck this stupid pact, fuck you, and
               fuck sex!  Now, I'm gonna go hang out
               with that geek over there, 'cause at
               least she's got something else to talk
               about besides sex!  God damn!

     Kevin storms off.  A beat.

                         FINCH
               At least I learned how to shit in
               school.

     Jessica approaches.  She's dressed well, but not
     lavishly.

                         JESSICA
               Hey, Finch.  Wanna dance?

     Finch looks to the guys.  They shrug.  We FOLLOW WITH
     Jessica and Finch as they dance out onto the floor.

                         FINCH
               How come you have no date?

                         JESSICA
               I like to keep my options open.  And
               let me just clarify that you have no
               chance of scoring with me, Finch.

                         FINCH
               No, of course not, don't be
               ridiculous.

     ANGLE ON VICKY AND CENTRAL GIRL

                         VICKY
               So, I guess you and Sherman are pretty
               close.  You met at that party a while
               back?

                         CENTRAL GIRL
               Yeah, we were up the whole night
               together.  We had one of those
               amazingly deep conversations, where
               you really feel like you get to know
               someone.

                         VICKY
                   (nudge, nudge)
               "Deep conversation," huh?  Is that
               what you guys call it?

                         CENTRAL GIRL
               What else would I call it?

     EXT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - NIGHT

     Kevin sits on the steps into the school, depressed.

     INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - GYM - NIGHT

     The Central Girl has taken over the band's microphone.

                         CENTRAL GIRL
               Excuse me, everyone, sorry to
               interrupt.

     Her voice reverberates throughout the gym.  A couple WOLF-
     WHISTLES.

                         CENTRAL GIRL (cont'd)
               I just wanted to let you all know
               this:  Chuck Sherman is a liar.  I
               never had sex with him.  He's never
               had sex with anyone -- I know because
               he told me.  Once, he tried to screw a
               grapefruit, but that's it.  Oh, and he
               also told me that sometimes when he
               gets nervous he wets his pants.  Thank
               you for your attention.

     Girls around the gym CHEER and APPLAUD.

     ANGLE ON SHERMAN

     Pissing his pants.

     ANGLE ON JIM

     Shocked.  He looks back to Oz, who shares his expression.

     EXT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - NIGHT

     Kevin still sits there.  Jim, Oz, and Finch come out of
     the school.  Slowly they walk up to Kevin.

                         OZ
               ...Guess what?

                         KEVIN
               I don't care.

                         JIM
               Kevin, come on, the bus to Stifler's
               is gonna be here soon.

                         KEVIN
               I'm not going.

     A beat as the guys don't know what to say.  Kevin's
     speech is halting, downbeat.

                         KEVIN (CONT'D)
               This isn't how I wanted things to turn
               out.  Making the pact wasn't just
               about getting laid.  It was about
               doing one last thing with you guys
               before we graduated.  But now I've
               just wasted my last few weeks here
               trying to do what?  I don't even know.
               All I managed to do was fuck up our
               friendship.

     A beat.  Oz shrugs.

                         OZ
               I still think you're okay.

                         JIM
               So do I, Kev.

                         FINCH
               Me too.  For the most part.

                         KEVIN
               Nah.  Fuck, you guys are right, I
               don't know what I'm doing.  I mean I'm
               acting like I've got it all together
               tonight.  But I know Vicky is gonna
               ask me if I love her.  And I don't
               know what I'm gonna say.  So now it's
               like, maybe I'll just wimp out on the
               whole thing.

                         JIM
               Come on man.  Tonight is the night.
               We're finally going to a post-prom
               party on the lake.  We've been waiting
               to do this for the last four years.
               Why else are we still friends with
               Stifler?  You gotta go.

     A beat as Kevin ponders this.

                         OZ
               And by the way, Sherman didn't even
               get laid.

                         KEVIN
               He didn't?

                         FINCH
               Nope.  He pissed himself.

     The guys LAUGH as Kevin is puzzled.  THEY are suddenly
     illuminated by the glare of headlights.  A charter bus
     pulls in front of the school.

                         JIM
               There it is.  I want to grab my bag.
               Oh, and my date.

                         OZ
               Come on, Kevin.  Vicky's looking for
               you.

     Jim holds out a helping hand.  Kevin looks at it.  Grabs
     it, and Jim pulls him up.

     EXT. STIFLER'S COTTAGE - NIGHT

     A beautiful cottage on the shore of Lake Michigan.
     Students are filing out of the charter bus.

     Jim and Michelle are walking up to the cottage.

                         JIM
               Stifler's mom got it in the divorce.

                         MICHELLE
               It reminds me of this one time --
                   (changing thoughts)
               Hey, can I ask you a question?  How
               come you don't have any stories?  I've
               got lots of stories, and you don't
               have any.

                         JIM
               Oh, I've got stories, believe me.
               They're a little more risque than
               tales of Band Camp.

                         MICHELLE
               Are they gross or something, like guy
               stuff?  Tell me.

                         JIM
               Okay.  You want a story?  Here's a
               story.  Stifler finds this beer,
               right?  And...

     INT. STIFLER'S COTTAGE - BEDROOM

     Kevin leads Vicky into the bedroom.  A large bay window
     overlooks moonlit Lake Michigan.

                         KEVIN
               See -- this is the nicest room.

                         VICKY
               Wow, Kev...it's perfect.

     Vicky opens a closet -- to find Stifler's Little Brother
     inside, grinning.

                         STIFLER'S BROTHER
               You guys are gonna fuck, aren't you!?

                         KEVIN
               No!  Get out of here!

                         STIFLER'S BROTHER
                   (running out of the room)
               Fuckers fuckers fuckers fuckers!

     Stiflers brother is gone.  They LAUGH...and Vicky closes
     the door.

     EXT. BEACH - NIGHT

     Oz and Heather are walking down the beach.  Holding
     hands.  Deep in the background, we see kids partying.

                         OZ
               There's something I've been meaning to
               tell you, Heather.

                         HEATHER
               What's that?

                         OZ
               It's gonna sound really bad, but I
               want you to know.

     She nods.  They stop walking.  Oz swipes his feet around
     in the sand.

                         OZ (cont'd)
               See, uh, I'm a virgin.  And me, Kevin,
               Jim, and Finch, we all made this pact.
               That we would...lose our virginity...
               before high school was over.

     Heather is listening.

                         OZ (cont'd)
               And, see, tonight is supposed to be
               the night we all do it.

                         HEATHER
               This isn't the best way to proposition
               me.

                         OZ
               No, that's not what I mean.  I mean --
               look.  You know what made me leave
               that game?  Coach was giving this
               speech, about not slacking off when
               you see the opportunity to score.

                         HEATHER