American Pie

                         OZ
               No, see Heather, what I realized is
               that...with you, it's not like I'm
               running towards the goal, trying to
               figure out the best way to score.  And
               this may sound corny, but --

     He takes her hand.

                         OZ (cont'd)
               I feel like I've already won.

     Heather softens, taken off guard.

                         OZ (cont'd)
               And, well, I really care about you.  A
               lot.  And I want you to know that.

                         HEATHER
               Oz, it's okay, I know.

                         OZ
               You called me Oz.

                         HEATHER
               Well, that's what your friends call
               you.  I mean...I feel like I'm one of
               your friends now...and also...your
               girlfriend.

     Oz seems truly touched.

                         OZ
               Dieter.  My middle name is Dieter.

     Heather nods, and speaks pensively.

                         HEATHER
               Hmm.  You know that's
                   (cracking up)
               really a shitty middle name!

                         OZ
                   (laughing)
               I know, it sucks!

     Through their laughter, they kiss.  After a moment, it
     grows more passionate.  Lost in each other.

     INT. STIFLER'S COTTAGE - BASEMENT - NIGHT

     The party rages in the rest of the cottage, but the
     basement is empty.  STIFLER'S MOM sits in the corner,
     smoking a cigarette.  She's as attractive as her photo we
     once saw, but the divorce has replaced her sexy smile
     with a bitter smirk.

     Finch stumbles in.

                         FINCH
               Ah, Stifler's mom!  Thank you for
               letting us have a great party.

                         STIFLER'S MOM
                   (dry)
               As if there were any alternative
               in the matter.  Are you enjoying
               yourself?

                         FINCH
               I'm three sheets to the wind, ma'am!

                         STIFLER'S MOM
                   (deadpan)
               I'm so happy for you.  Takes the edge
               off, doesn't it?  And where might your
               date be?

                         FINCH
               Oh no, no date.  Bathroom incident.

                         STIFLER'S MOM
               Pardon me?

     Finch pauses a moment.  He's got an idea.

                         FINCH
               ...Nevermind.  You have anything to
               drink?

                         STIFLER'S MOM
               I believe the kegs are upstairs.

                         FINCH
               No, no, that's what the cretins drink.
               I mean alcohol, liquor -- good stuff.

     She considers him as she drags off her cigarette.

                         STIFLER'S MOM
               All right, I got some scotch.

                         FINCH
               Single malt?

                         STIFLER'S MOM
               Aged eighteen years.
                   (she gives him a look)
               Why don't you get the glasses.  Behind
               the bar.

     INT. STIFLER'S COTTAGE - PARTY ROOM - NIGHT

     It's a great party.  Stifler is with a group of guys
     drinking a beer, which he inspects very carefully before
     every sip.

     ANGLE ON JIM AND MICHELLE

     Both drinking and talking, almost enjoying themselves.

                         MICHELLE
               That is a nasty story!

                         JIM
               I told you.

                         MICHELLE
               You wanna hear a nasty story of mine?
               It's kind of sexual.

     Ding!  A light goes off in Jim's head.

                         JIM
               Yeah, bring it on!

                         MICHELLE
               Well, this one time?  At band camp?
               We were playing this game, I don't
               know if you know it?  But it's called
               spin the bottle?  And I had to kiss
               this guy named Marc Wander on the
               lips?  And...

     Jim's expression sinks.

     INT. STIFLER'S COTTAGE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

     The lights are down.  Vicky and Kevin are in bed.

                         KEVIN
               You comfortable?

                         VICKY
               Yeah, are you?

                         KEVIN
               Yeah.

     A beat.

                         VICKY
               You sure you're comfortable?

                         KEVIN
               Yeah.  Are you sure?

                         VICKY
               Yeah.

                         KEVIN
               Me too.

                         VICKY
               Okay.
                   (a beat)
               Did you bring a condom?

                         KEVIN
               Yeah, right here.

     He pulls out a condom.  A beat as they contemplate it.

                         KEVIN (CONT'D)
               So, do you want to be -- I mean, how
               do you want to do it?

                         VICKY
               I don't know.  How do you?

                         KEVIN
               Like, normal style.  The...missionary
               position.

                         VICKY
               Okay.

     A moment as they realize there's nothing left to do, but -

                         VICKY (cont'd)
               Kevin...

                         KEVIN
               Yeah Vick?

                         VICKY
               I want to hear you say it.

                         KEVIN
               Okay.

     Kevin swallows hard.  And says --

                         KEVIN (CONT'D)
               Victoria...I love you.

                         VICKY
               I love you.

     They both take a deep breath.

     EXT. BEACH - NIGHT

     Oz and Heather lay in a secluded spot in the dunes,
     surrounded by tall beach grass that swishes in the spring
     breeze.  Stars and a lustrous moon above.

     The silence speaks.  We can see it in their eyes.
     Yearning.

                         OZ
               I can't think of anything to say
               that's not cheesy.

                         HEATHER
               Then don't.

     They kiss.  It's time.

     INT. STIFLER'S COTTAGE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

     A brief moment of uncertainty.  Kevin shifts around a
     bit, trying to position himself.  Vicky's hand goes under
     the sheets.

                         VICKY
               Here.

     We know what she's doing.  They both maintain eye
     contact...

     EXT. BEACH - NIGHT

     Heather and Oz are re-inventing the idea of passion.
     Discovering love.  This is the stuff that you thought
     only existed in romance novels.  Seriously.

     INT. STIFLER'S COTTAGE - PARTY ROOM - NIGHT

     Jim is trying to stay interested in Michelle's drivel.

                         JIM
               So, the end of the story is...you had
               to kiss the guy for twenty seconds?

                         MICHELLE
               Yes!  And he was such a dork!  And
               everyone laughed at me, but I didn't
               care?  Because it was so funny!

                         JIM
                   (flat)
               Okay, I get it.

                         MICHELLE
               Oh!  And then this one time?  At band
               camp?  I stuck a flute in my pussy.

     Jim CHOKES on his beer.  Michelle considers her
     revelation no big deal, watching with some amusement as
     Jim struggles to recover.

                         JIM
               ...excuse me?!

                         MICHELLE
               What, you think I don't know how to
               get myself off?  Hell, that's what
               half of band camp is!  Sex ed!

     Jim is ga-ga.  He watches in disbelief as she lets her
     hair down.  And wouldn't you know it, she's pretty cute.

                         MICHELLE (cont'd)