American Pie

时间:2007-10-22 07:31:54来源: 作者:

                         OZ
                   (pandering to them)
               Hey, you know, what can I say, I dig
               those cute little sweaters she wears.

                         STIFLER
               I'll bet you do, you little horndog,
               she's givin' you fuckin' stiffies,
               right?

Stifler goes into what can only be described as the Spank-
Me-And-Fuck-Me-Like-A-Whore-Dance.

STIFLER (CONT'D)
Yeah! Sing for me! yes!

The other guys LAUGH. Oz joins in, laughing in spite of
himself. They all high-five.

     And from the other side of the field, we see Heather
     peering over at them. Hardly believing it as Oz joins in
     the laughter.

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - CLASSROOM - DAY

English class. The TEACHER is wrapping up a lecture.

                         TEACHER
               So once Hal becomes king, he has to
               take on the responsibilities of
               leadership, and turn his back on his
               old, drunken friend, Falstaff. You
               see, Hal was going through a rite of
               passage, much like you all are. Make
               the most of the time you've got left
               together. You'll miss it later.

Jim, Kevin, and Oz sit in the back of the classroom in
one corner.

OZ
So does your tongue cramp up?

KEVIN
Nah, you get kind of dizzy though.

                         JIM
               Wow, that's amazing, she's probably
               gonna want to do it soon.

Kevin shrugs as the BELL RINGS. Sherman passes by.

                         SHERMAN
               Still questing after the holy grail,
               eh guys?

He CHUCKLES and exits. The guys stand up, exiting the
classroom.

JIM
Hey, where's Finch?

KEVIN
Went home to shit.

                         JIM
               I don't get it. How does a guy like
               that get this sudden reputation?

OZ
What reputation?

KEVIN
Observe.

He taps a passing RANDOM CUTE GIRL on the shoulder.

                         KEVIN (cont'd)
               Excuse me. Do you know who Paul
               Finch is?

                         RANDOM CUTE GIRL
               Of course! Have you guys seen his
               tattoo?

KEVIN
...Yes?

                         RANDOM CUTE GIRL
               Is it cool? I heard it was like an
               eagle, blazing in fire and stuff.

                         JIM
                   (nods, loving it)
               Actually, it's an eagle and this big
               python.

RANDOM CUTE GIRL
Really?!

                         JIM
               Yeah, see it's on his stomach, here,
               and the eagle -- the eagle is actually
               grasping the python in its talons, so
               the snake is like his --

                         KEVIN
                   (interrupting)
               That's good, Jim.

RANDOM CUTE GIRL
Woah, no way! That guy is so cool!

She hurries off to tell her friends. The guys exit the
classroom.

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - SENIOR HIGH LOCKERS - CONTINUING

OZ
Okay, explain.

                         KEVIN
               I can't, I have no idea how he's doing
               it. And that leaves you trailing,
               Jim. You gotta get your act together.

                         JIM
                   (a little aggravated)
               Yeah, I know. I'm working on it.

     Jim turns around -- to find Nadia is standing right in
     front of him. Jim says nothing. Stuck. Staring. Oz
     elbows him. Jim gives a startled GRUNT.

                         NADIA
               You are very good in the world history
               class, yes?

                         JIM
                   (gulps)
               Me?

Jim looks over to Kevin and Oz, who excitedly give him
encouraging looks and gestures.

                         JIM (CONT'D)
                   (trying to decipher the guys'
                    signals)
               Yes. No. Yes.

                         NADIA
               Perhaps you can help me with my
               studies?

The guys nod, "Yes! Yes!"

                         JIM
               Okay...that would be cool sometime.
                   (sees the guys gesticulating)
               How 'bout tomorrow?

                         NADIA
               Well, I do have ballet practice.
               Perhaps I can come by your house
               afterwards. I can change clothes at
               your place?

                         JIM
                   (barely, overwhelmed)
               I suppose that would be okay.

     Nadia walks off. Jim collapses into Oz's and Kevin's
     arms, like a marathon runner at the end of a race. They
     pat him heartily in congratulations.

EXT. RAST GREAT FALLS - SIDE OF SCHOOL - DAY

After school. Oz is there as Heather pulls up in a new
Saab.

OZ
Nice car.

HEATHER
I'm glad you think so.

OZ
You don't like it?

                         HEATHER
               No, I like the car.
                   (then, direct)
               By the way, though, about prom? That
               was like a bad idea. Sorry I invited
               you.

She hastily walks towards the school.

OZ
What?!

                         HEATHER
               Oh, please. I asked you because I
               thought you might actually be worth
               going with. But you are just a jock.
               No wait. You're a jerk.

OZ
What? No I'm not.

                         HEATHER
               I saw you making fun of me with your
               lacrosse buddies.

OZ
I wasn't making fun of you.

HEATHER
Give me a break, you're so full of it.

She hurries up more, breaking off from Oz, and enters the
school. After a moment, he slowly heads in.

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - LITTLE AUDITORIUM - LATER

     Oz and Heather are singing with the group, at opposite
     ends of the room. It's a pop, contemporary arrangement
     of "HOW SWEET IT IS." It sounds jazzy, cool.

     Oz looks dazed, like the wind's taken out of him. He
     sings along, distant. Heather, almost defiantly, sings
     clearer and better than ever. Oz watches her, though she
     never looks his way. At the bride of the song, Heather
     breaks into a solo. She sings beautifully. Oz is
     hooked.

The Choir Teacher halts the song.

                         CHOIR TEACHER
               Okay, Heather, that was good, but I
               want to thicken up that solo.
               Michigan State is this Saturday, and I
               want that part to smoke.

HEATHER
I know, my timing's off.

                         CHOIR TEACHER
               A little, but I think it'll work
               better as a duet. With a tenor part.

                         OZ
                   (interrupting)
               I'll do it.

A beat as the Choir Teacher is impressed and Heather
looks indifferent.

OZ (CONT'D)
I'll do it.

                         CHOIR TEACHER
               Okay then. The rest of you okay with
               that?

The rest of the choir agrees, as Heather looks to Oz with
skepticism.

CHOIR TEACHER (CONT'D)
Great. See you tomorrow.

The group starts packing up.

                         HEATHER
                   (annoyed)
               Why are you doing this?

OZ
Because I want to.

                         HEATHER
               Yeah? Well you can't fake your way
               through this. You better practice.

She leaves.

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS - LIBRARY - DAY

Jim, Kevin, Oz, and Stifler.

                         STIFLER
               Fuck me! You're gonna have a naked
               Eastern-European chick in your house,
               and you're telling me you're not gonna
               take advantage of that?

                         JIM
               What am I gonna do, broadcast her over
               the internet?

OZ
You can do that?

                         JIM
                   (off their looks)
               Oh -- no way. I can't do that to her.

                         STIFLER
               Dammit, Jim, get some fucking balls.
               If you don't have the guts to
               photograph a naked chick in your room,
               how are you ever gonna sleep with one?
               Now all you gotta do is set up some
               sort of private link or whatever on
               the net, and tell me the address.

The guys ponder this.

KEVIN
You can send me the address too.

                         JIM
               Well...dammit, if I'm doing this, how
               the hell am I gonna watch?

KEVIN
I'll save you a seat.

INT. JIM'S BEDROOM - DAY

Jim is setting the computer camera on top of the monitor.
The computer BINGS.

                         COMPUTER VOICE
               "You have established an internet
               connection."

Jim sits. Types a quick E-mail. It reads: "OH YEAH!
128.220.27.102/tempt/NadiaVision. ENJOY!"

Jim scrolls through his list of E-mail addresses.
Highlights a listing. Clicks "Send."

INT. KEVIN'S BEDROOM - DAY

Kevin and Finch sit in front of a computer. Kevin is
unloading beer and chips from a grocery bag.

     We see an image of Jim's bedroom on the computer screen.
     It's a little strobed, but easily watchable. Suddenly
     Jim's face pops into frame. He's adjusting the camera.

KEVIN
There we go.

INT. JIM'S BEDROOM - DAY

     We see the same image on Jim's screen. Jim turns off
     just the monitor. It looks like the computer is off --
     the ruse is undetectable.

     Jim's dad enters with Nadia. She's in sweats and a
     leotard, carrying a duffel bag over her shoulder. Jim's
     dad is delighted, fidgety, almost giddy.

JIM'S DAD
Son. This lady's here for you.

                         JIM
                   (like it's no big deal)
               I know. Hey Nadia.

NADIA
Hello James. Ready to study.

                         JIM'S DAD
               Oh, you bet he is. Jim's quite the
               bookworm.

JIM
Dad.

                         JIM'S DAD
               Oh, no, not too much of a bookworm.
               He's a good little kid. Er, guy.
               Man.

JIM
Dad!!

                         JIM'S DAD
               Okay, okay. I'll let you hit those
               books.

Jim's dad gives a knowing look and exits.

INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - BROTHER'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME

STIFLER'S YOUNGER BROTHER, 11, a monster, is tugging at
Stifler, who sits at the computer, watching Jim's room.

                         STIFLER'S BROTHER
               Steve! Steve! It's my computer and I
               wanna use it!

                         STIFLER
               Shut up and watch this, you might
               learn something.

INT. JIM'S BEDROOM - DAY

JIM
So you need to change, right?

                         NADIA
               Do you mind? This fabric is so
               uncomfortable.

She sets her duffel on Jim's bed.

                         JIM
               No, go right ahead and get dressed.
               I'll just be downstairs, studying up.
               Get me when you're ready.

Jim exits, closing the door behind him.

INT. KEVIN'S BEDROOM - DAY - SAME TIME

KEVIN
Here we go.

INT. JIM'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - CONTINUING

He's off! Jim sprints down the hall. Thunders down the
stairs.

INT. JIM'S HOUSE - CONTINUING

Jim's Mom and Dad are sitting downstairs. Jim bolts
through the room.

JIM
Be back in a sec!

He practically crashes through the door on his way out.

JIM'S MOM
Jim? Honey, where are you going?

She turns and looks at her husband. Both perplexed.

EXT. STREET - CONTINUING