American Pie

     He looks down at himself in terror.  Nadia sees.  Backs
     away.

                         NADIA
               Jim...

                         JIM
               Oh no.

     INT. KEVIN'S BEDROOM - DAY

                         KEVIN
               Oh no.

     INT. BASEMENT - DAY - SAME TIME

     The stoners look...well, stoned.

                         STONER #1
               Bummer.

     INT. GIRL'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME

     The girls are LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY.

     INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - BROTHER'S BEDROOM - DAY

                         STIFLER'S BROTHER
               What happened?!  What happened?!

                         STIFLER
               He blew it.  Literally.

     INT. JIM'S BEDROOM - DAY

     Nadia is getting dressed.

                         NADIA
               You are done, James.  Perhaps I should
               be going now.

                         JIM
               No, no, I'm not done!  I've got
               reserves!  Nadia, please please
               please.  I'm begging you.

     She sees the desperation in his eyes.  Thinks about it.
     Smiles.

                         NADIA
               I do like your dirty magazines.

     Jim digs into the stack of pornos.  Grabs SHAVED.

                         JIM
               Did you see this?  This is your more
               exotic dirty magazine.

                         NADIA
               Yes...James, it is knowing that these
               beautiful women arouse you that
               arouses me...

                         JIM
               Oh yes.  Very arousing women.  They
               arouse me very much.  But not as
               arousing as you.

     She goes for this line.  Gives in.

                         NADIA
               Oh Jim...

     She grabs him.  Starts caressing his body.

     INT. KEVIN'S BEDROOM - DAY

                         KEVIN/FINCH
               Yes!!

     INT. BASEMENT - DAY - SAME TIME

                         STONER #1
               Alright, dude!

     INT. ANOTHER BEDROOM - DAY

                         GUY #1
               He's re-engaging!

     A CHEER goes up as the guys CELEBRATE.

     INT. JIM'S BEDROOM - DAY

     Groping.  They're tangled in each other.  Nadia backs off
     for a moment.  Slowly, teasing, she hooks her thumbs in
     the sides of her panties.  Starts sliding them down.

                         NADIA
               So, "shaved" is the expression?

     CLOSE UP on Jim as his eyes bug out.  Yep, it is, and she
     is.

                         JIM
                   (mutters)
               Holy shit.

     INT. KEVIN'S BEDROOM - DAY

                         KEVIN
               Holy shit!

     INT. ANOTHER BEDROOM - DAY

                         ALL THE GUYS
                   (unison)
               HOLY SHIT!

     INT. JIM'S BEDROOM - DAY

     Jim is stuck.  Staring at Nadia.  She moves towards him.
     Nadia is inches from his face.

                         NADIA
               Touch me Jim...here.

     Jim is trembling, straining with himself.  A shudder runs
     through him.

     And it's over, again.

     INT. GIRL'S BEDROOM - CONTINUING

     The girls are LAUGHING again.

                         GIRLS
               Again?

     INT. KEVIN'S BEDROOM - DAY

                         KEVIN
               Not again.

     INT. JIM'S BEDROOM - DAY

                         JIM
               No, not again.

                         NADIA
                   (sighs)
               I am sorry, Jim.  I suppose we will
               not be doing any studying now.

                         JIM
               No!  I've got...reserve reserves!

     Nadia starts getting dressed.  Jim is whimpering.

                         NADIA
               It is too bad.  I was at first hoping
               you would ask me to the prom.  But...

     She gathers her things.  Eyes Jim over.

                         NADIA (cont'd)
               You should change your shorts.

                         JIM
               ...okay.

     Jim is stunned.  Ruined.  Nadia exits.  CLOSE on Jim's
     tormented face as we hear...

                         COMPUTER VOICE
               "You have lost your internet
               connection.  Click 'okay' to
               reconnect."

     EXT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - COURTYARD - DAY

     Jim is walking through the courtyard, a bit dazed.  A
     COUPLE GIRLS pass by him, giggling.  He trudges
     along...noticing a CLIQUE OF GIRLS staring at him as he
     passes by...and Stoner #1 giving him a peace sign...and
     the Computer Nerd staring at him like a celebrity......
     Jim's pace slows.  He hears a SNICKER behind him...he
     slows even more, taking very careful steps...as he sees a
     GIRL doing a really strange dance -- and his eyes pop out
     as he sees that, yes, it's his dance.  He stops.  ALMOST
     EVERYONE is staring at him.  Jim pulls his coat up over
     his face and hurries off into the school, like a fugitive
     avoiding the media.  People APPLAUD and LAUGH.

     INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - MAIN HALLWAY - DAY

     Kevin and Oz catch up to Jim.  Here and there, people
     still give Jim funny looks.

                         KEVIN
               Hey, minuteman.

                         JIM
               Shut up.  You're supposed to be
               supportive.

                         OZ
               You've still got a chance with Nadia,
               right?

                         JIM
               No.  Her sponsors here saw the thing
               on the net.  I don't think they liked
               it.

                         KEVIN
               How do you know that?

                         JIM
               She's already on a plane back home.

     Kevin winces.

                         JIM (cont'd)
               You know, maybe I'm just not good with
               girls, period.  Like I was born
               without that part of the brain.  I
               mean, I can't talk to girls.  And when
               I do talk to them, I screw it up.

                         KEVIN
               Yeah?  Well come prom night, those
               excuses aren't going to do you much
               good.

                         JIM
               Jesus, Kevin, rub it in.

     A nearby OLD JANITOR starts GUFFAWING at Jim as he walks
     by.

     INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - CLASSROOM - DAY

     Jim sits, waiting for class to start.  Miserable.  Some
     students are obviously talking about him in the
     background.  Others study and chat.

     Next to Jim is Michelle -- the reject, band dork that
     we've seen earlier.  She's got a flute case on her desk.
     She's blabbering to Jim.  The kind of blabbering where
     every other sentence sounds like a question, even though
     it isn't.

                         MICHELLE
               And so, one time?  I was at band camp?
               And we weren't supposed to have pillow
               fights?  But we had a pillow fight!
               And it was so much fun!

     Jim couldn't care.

                         MICHELLE (cont'd)
               And one time, we all lost our music?
               And we were supposed to play this
               song?  But we didn't know it.  So we
               just made it up!  And we kept playing
               and playing but the conductor didn't
               know what we were doing and it was so
               funny!

     Jim looks wistfully over at Nadia's empty desk.

                         MICHELLE (cont'd)
               So you're pissed about something, huh?
               You know what I do when I'm angry?  I
               just play some Bach on my flute.  It's
               so relaxing.  I learned to do that at
               band camp.

     Jim perks up the slightest bit.

                         JIM
               Hold on.  You have no idea why I'm
               angry?

                         MICHELLE
               Is it because we have a test tomorrow?
               Sometimes I get cranky when I know I
               have a big test to study for.

                         JIM
               Yeah, that's pretty much it.

                         MICHELLE
               I thought so.  Because, one time?  I
               was at this --

                         JIM
                   (interrupting)
               What was your name again?

                         MICHELLE
               Michelle.

                         JIM
               Okay.  Michelle, do you want to be my
               date for the prom?

                         MICHELLE
               Really?  You seriously want to go with
               me?

                         JIM
                   (so forced)
               Yes.  Seriously.

                         MICHELLE
               Are we going to Steve Stifler's party
               afterwards?  That would be so cool.

                         JIM
               Whatever you want.

                         MICHELLE
               Cool!  We're gonna have so much fun!
               It's like this one time, at band
               camp...

     INT. EAST GREAT FALLS HIGH - HALLWAY - A LITTLE LATER

     Heather is walking down the hall.  She turns to go into
     the Little Auditorium -- and through the window in the
     door she sees Oz.  She stops.

     Oz is singing, working through the solo.  Determined to
     get it right.  He bounces his lacrosse ball off the
     floor, in rhythm, keeping time.  There's one point that
     he keeps getting stuck at and going back over.  Heather
     watches this, softening as she sees that Oz is actually
     putting his heart into it.  Finally he's frustrated --

                         OZ
               Dammit!

     He whips the lacrosse ball at the wall.  Heather recoils,
     still watching, unseen by Oz.  After a moment, Oz cools
     off.  He gets the ball, and diligently starts up again.
     Heather is impressed.

     INT. VICKY'S BEDROOM - DAY

     Vicky is doing calculus homework, as Kevin looks on,
     rubbing her shoulders.

                         KEVIN
               You're not doing the extra credit
               problems.

                         VICKY
               No, I'm not.  I'm writing a sequence
               of random numbers that look like I'm
               doing the extra credit problems.  Mr.
               Bender doesn't bother to check
               homework past April.

                         KEVIN
               That's my trick!

                         VICKY
               It's everyone's trick, Kevin.
                   (she turns to him)
               But I did pick it up from you.

     She gives him a little kiss on his hand, continuing with
     her work.  Kevin keeps rubbing her back, more serious.

                         KEVIN
               We've come a long way since
               Homecoming.

                         VICKY
                   (playful)
               Yeah, we have.  You corrupted my four-
               point into a three-nine-five.

                         KEVIN
               Indeed I did.  But, our relationship.
               It's progressed a lot.  It's time for
               us to...express ourselves in new ways.

     Vicky stops working and turns, sitting up on the desk,
     facing him.  Her mood has shifted, more romantic.

                         VICKY
               Like how?