An American Werewolf in Paris

时间:2007-10-22 07:44:53来源: 作者:

He grabs the door so it can't hit him again. Serafine pokes her head around and sees him. She's surprised, relieved, elated. Andy's reaction is more disoriented, stunned.

serafine

Andy! Holy shit!

andy

Serafine...?

She kneels beside him and helps him sit up.

serafine

Thank God! What a relief! I thought... After you disappeared... I couldn't find you... I thought all sorts of horrible things...

andy

Yeah... Ditto. I saw, er, I thought I saw you get munched... like Uncle Terrence...

He looks over at the clean bear rug. Andy rises to his feet groggily. He looks down at the rip in his pant leg. He feels the torn fabric, trying to remember.

serafine

What happened? Did you cut yourself?

andy

Um... sort of... Maybe... It's all kind of blurry. We met at the club, then... Damn, that was some weird shit.

He goes over to the window and parts the curtains. It's a brilliant sunny day.

serafine

That was fucking stupid, going down there. You could have been killed. I tried to warn you, But you don't listen. Just like your uncle.

Andy's only half listening. He opens the window, and inhales deeply. Across the court yard, a MATRONLY WOMAN leans out a window, hanging her laundry. In the courtyard, Lulu the obnoxious poodle YAPS at another resident, and Madame Chretien calls her ba ck. Andy's head is clearing. His mood lifting.

serafine (cont'd)

You have to be a hero. All Americans think they are cowboys.

andy

(leaning out window)

I was an Indian, actually. Man, that damn psycho paint...! If that's supposed to be mild, I don't want to know about medium.

(he looks at the woman and smiles, the sun on his face. To himself:)

The planet earth. It's good to be back.

serafine

So... you feel okay now?

He turns around and smiles at her.

andy

Yeah. Actually, I feel fan-fucking-tastic.

Serafine laughs. She hasn't heard this expression before. He approaches her.

serafine

Fan-fucking-tastic?

andy

Hey, what more could I want? I survived my first and last hallucinogenic hellride, and neither of us is dead. I'd say I feel almost as great as you look.

He makes a grab for her, and she pushes him away.

serafine

Hey! Calm down.

He jumps up on the sofa, unable to contain his energy.

andy

Come on Serafine. Let's go out. Show me the real Paris, the part that isn't overpriced and overrun with German tourists.

serafine

Go to Jim Morrison's grave at Pere Lachaise. It's overrun with American tourists. I have to work.

andy

I know! Let's go hock loogies off the Eiffel Tower!

She digs in her pockets and hands him some coins.

serafine

Here. You go. "Hock some loogies" for me.

She turns and heads off to the office. He runs in front of her and blocks her path.

andy

What about food? Even beautiful women have to eat. It's true. I read it. Please? A half an hour?

(pause. He sees she's tempted)

My treat?

(she's smiling. He resorts to begging)

Pleez! Don't make go out there alone again! I'm begging you!

serafine

Okay. But I'm back in half an hour.

Andy claps his hands together in triumph and scrambles to hold open the door for her.

serafine

What about your glasses?

andy

It's okay. I can see fine.

She gestures to his filthy clothes.

serafine

Don't you want to change?

andy

Man! Our first date and already you're trying to get me to change! You French women work quick!

She smiles and pushes him back in the apartment.

CUT TO:

EXT. PARIS BOULEVARD- DAY

JERRY LEWIS

on a TV screen, dubbed with a zany French voice, undergoes a radical physical transformation in "The Nutty Professor". Pull back to reveal Andy and Serafine watching this scene on a dozen or so TV's in a store window display. Several PARISIAN PEDESTRIA NS watch Jerry with reverence.

andy

Now this is Paris!

On screen, the Nutty Professor's alter ego, "Buddy Love" launches into his swinging version of "That Old Black Magic". To this accompaniment, we cut the following-

PARIS MONTAGE:

- AT A BRASSERIE: Andy is about to escort Serafine into the trendy eatery, but she stops him at the door and points to the menu, or more specifically the prices. He makes a horrified face, and they move on.

- IN A BOULANGERIE: Serafine buys cheese, Andy buys meats- the counterman shows Andy how big a slice off the pate loaf he's about to cut. Andy nods "yes". The counterman cuts it and offers the slice. Andy shakes his head "no" and points to the much lar ger remainder of the loaf.

- AT AN OUTDOOR MARKET: Detective Marcel, wearing a lame "disguise" (new wave sunglasses ala "Diva"), watches Andy and Serafine shop from a distance.

- IN A PATISSERIE: Andy points to a large baguette, says something suggestive and winks boastfully at Serafine. She gives him a "yeah, right" look and points at a small breadstick.

- IN A WINE STORE: Andy looks at each bottle closely, then "tests" it by shaking vigorously. Serafine's amused. The owner's baffled.

- ON THE RIGHT BANK: Arms full of groceries, Andy and Serafine pass the row of outdoor pet stores near the river. Andy looks longingly at the live ducks in their cages. Serafine pulls him along. MUSIC fades out.

EXT. ILE SAINT LOUIS - SUNSET

Andy and Serafine sit on the river bank facing a magnificent Paris vista. Serafine unpacks the food.

serafine

Shit! You bought enough pate for a fucking army!

andy

So tell me, exactly which truck driver did you study English with?

She laughs and pushes him playfully.

ANDY

Like I should talk. Monsieur foot-in-the-mouth. I'm really sorry about that whole Woody Allen thing...

serafine

So's Woody Allen.

(Andy laughs. She starts uncorking the wine.)

No, your uncle really helped me. I was sort of messed up for a while. Wasting my time just partying and... just stupid shit. He kind of woke me up, gave me a job, got me taking classes.

(she uncorks the wine and

fills their plastic cups)

You know, he and Claude, their work is controversial, but they're serious about it. Totally dedicated.

andy

That's what counts. If you're not passionate about it, don't waste your time. That's why I quit college... Plus I'm a lazy bastard.

(CONTINUED...)

andy (cont'd)

(They raise their cups.

Andy taps his forehead.)

Wait, I know this... A votre sante.

serafine

A la votre.

They "clink" and drink. He notices her KEYCHAIN lying on the ground. It's a miniature replica of Rodin's famous sculpture, "The Kiss". He picks it up.

andy

This looks familiar...

serafine

Ahh, Rodin. Mmm! He's the fuc-

(she catches herself

and laughs)

I mean, he's the best. You must go to the Rodin sculpture garden, in the huitieme, it's so beautiful.

She gestures across the river. Andy looks at the gorgeous panorama.

andy

Yeah, I gotta admit, you French are pretty good at beautiful.

He looks at Serafine. She looks back at him. He holds up "The Kiss".

andy

I bet you're pretty good at this too.

She smiles playfully.

serafine

What, sculpting?

He shakes his head "no" and moves towards her. They kiss tenderly. They separate and share a deep, passionate look. They kiss again, hungrily, falling into a passionate embrace. They're really going for it. Her NAILS dig into his back. He pulls her bod y into his until they look like one form- just like Rodin's sculpture.

APPLAUSE and CHEERS break the moment. A TOURIST BOAT is gliding by on the Seine, it's ELDERLY PASSENGERS applauding the young couple. Serafine pulls away, blushing a little, and turns to the boat. ANDY doesn't even notice the boat. He's staring at Sera fine with a scary kind of intensity. She starts to say something but he starts kissing her again, cutting her off.

Suddenly he's out of control, pawing at her... It takes an effort for her to pull back from him.

serafine

Hey, calm down a second...

She looks into his eyes and freezes with fear. HIS STARE is terrifying, totally predatory, inhuman. Something's ignited in him. She pushes him away and shakes him.

serafine

What's wrong with you!?

Andy blinks and seems to come a couple of steps back to normality.

andy

What? Aren't I a good kisser? What's the matter?

She fixes him with a heavy, suspicious stare. She glances down at his ankle, where the bottom of HIS WOUND is visible. She seems to understand something. She fumbles in her purse, takes out a compact mirror, and checks her face.

serafine

God, look at my lipstick. Look, I'm going to run into the bathroom at that cafe. Stay here and watch the stuff, okay?

She gets up and starts off. He looks after her.

andy

Serafine...

serafine

I'll be right back. Stay put.

She runs up the steps to street level. Andy watches her go. He turns back to his glass of wine and chugs it. He puts the bottle to his lips and takes a long belt. He picks up the big block of pate and bites into it like a piece of cake. He likes it. He takes another huge bite. He looks after Serafine. He gets up.

INT. CAFE

Serafine puts her "telecarte" into the pay phone and dials. She looks anxious, upset. We hear the phone ringing at the other end. Behind her, Andy comes into the cafe. He walks up to her, pissed off.

andy

Fixing your makeup with a phone, huh? Who the fuck are you calling?

serafine

Professor Roussel. There's something wrong with you. I know it.

andy

Roussel? You mean Claude? You're calling Dr. Demento so he can come paint my face again? Fuck that.

Andy starts backing away.

serafine

Andy, stop! I think he can help you-

(Claude picks up)

claude (V.O.)

Allo?

andy

What, you think you're gonna catch fucking leprosy from me? Fuck that shit! If I'm not good enough for you I'll find someone else!

He turns and storms out of the cafe. Serafine's flustered.

SERAFINE

Andy!

claude (V.O.)

(French)

Serafine? Is that you? What's going on?

Serafine

(French)

Claude, it's Andy, he's acting really weird, I think something happened last night...

claude (V.O.)

God, well don't let him go! Catch him!

She drops the phone and runs out of the cafe. On the sidewalk, she looks in all directions. Nothing. Andy's gone.

serafine

Fuck!

INT. CLAUDE'S OFFICE.- SAME TIME

Claude's sitting at his desk, phone to his ear. The room is stuffed with books.

claude

Serafine? Allo?

He hangs up. He strokes his chin and furrows his brow, sinking deep into thought.

cut to:

EXT. STREETS OF PARIS - NIGHT

Music cue: "Wolf Call" by Elvis Presley. Andy pays for a crepe at one of the roadside stands, and eats it as he walks along the narrow sidewalk, still brooding about Serafine. He stops to gawk at the PRETTY GIRLS that pass by, and bumps into a young FR ENCH TOUGH with a ROTTWEILER.

french tough

Idiot!

andy

Ah, bite me!

He glares at the tough and his growling dog. The dog suddenly shrinks back in fear and decides it's time to leave. He pulls his owner along. Andy continues on his way. He ditches the half finished crepe. That's not what he's hungry for.

Andy comes upon a trendy little CAFE with several tables of diners eating in the open air. Andy notices an attractive young blond sitting alone, thumbing through a "Let's Go" guide. This is AMY SINGLETON. Andy approaches confidently.

andy

Ahem. Did you know that, according to the "Let's Go" code of conduct, whenever two Americans meet in Paris, the one with the sexiest smile has to buy dinner?

Amy smiles. She is indeed sexy, with remarkable, sparkling BLUE EYES.

andy

Damn! You win!... Waiter! Garcon!

He jumps into the seat across from her.

amy

Actually, I'm waiting for someone.

andy

What a coincidence, I am someone!

(sniffs)

Mmm. Calvin Klein's Obsession. Now it's mine too.

She laughs. The waiter arrives to take their order. Andy hands him the empty half bottle of wine from Amy's table.

andy

Hi. Another, bigger bottle for this ravishing blue eyed Goddess and myself. And, avez vous le Steak Tartar?

CUT TO:

INT. TERRENCE'S APARTMENT BUILDING HALLWAY - SAME TIME

Serafine unlocks the door and enters the apartment. She's stopped cold by what she sees. The place has been totally ransacked - drawers opened, shelves cleared, furniture overturned, the works. The window is open.

serafine

Merde! Salots!

She walks across the room, kicking at the debris in her path. She stands in the middle of the mess, absolutely furious.

serafine

Aaaaah!

EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS

Across the street from the apartment building, GASTON pauses to light a cigarette. He hears Serafine's distant scream, looks towards the building, and walks away.

cut to:

EXT. CAFE - NIGHT

Three successive tables of upscale PARISIAN DINERS are gawking at something. At one table, Inspector Marcel hides behind his menu, and shakes his head in disdain.

We follow their glances to Andy, greedily licking the last bits of Steak Tartar off his plate. Amy giggles in amazement as she pours the last from the bottle of wine. She's a bit drunk- enough to be amused by Andy's antics.

amy

God. How can you eat like that?

andy

It's all in the tongue. Another bottle?

Amy laughs and nods "yes". JEAN-LUC, 25, a well dressed, powerfully built Frenchman enters. He kisses Amy on both cheeks, all the while watching Andy uneasily.

amy

Jean-Luc. You're kinda late sweetie.

jean-luc

I was busy. Is this a friend of yours?

amy

Well, yeah, kinda', but-

andy

We're so much more than friends. We're soul mates, sex slaves, pen pals, the whole nine yards. Well, nine yards is a slight exaggeration, but believe me, for a white boy, I got nothing to be ashamed of.

Amy laughs in mid gulp and wine comes through her nose. Andy looks at Jean-Luc, who is - of course - pretty steamed.

andy

Hey, I'm kidding... It's a joke! Here, maybe if I say it in metric.

Jean-Luc grabs Andy by the collar and pulls him to his feet.

jean-luc

Think you're smart, huh?

Amy tries to intervene.

amy

Jean-Luc, don't be a jerk.

She tries to pull his hands off Andy, but Jean-Luc sends her reeling back with a firm shove.

andy

Hey, look man, she-

Jean-Luc brings his hand back and slaps Andy in the mouth.

jean-luc

Shut up. Why are you Americans always so loud?

andy

I don't know. Maybe it's so we can drown out the sound of your mother fucking the navy?

Jean-Luc takes a swing at Andy. With amazing reflexes, he dodges it deftly. Jean-Luc jabs- again Andy avoids it easily. He smiles, impressed with himself. Jean-Luc is incensed.

He goes for Andy's throat, but Andy catches him by the arm and, with superhuman strength, FLIPS him head over heels, through the air and - SMASH! - onto a nearby table.

Andy casually leans past the semi-conscious Jean-Luc and plucks a CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE out of its ice bucket. The WAITER is about to object, but thinks better of it. Andy takes Amy by the arm, she grabs the RED WINE BOTTLE, and they start off away from the cafe.

amy

Wow. You know Kung Fu or something?

andy

(amazed at himself)

Yeah. Apparently.

In the background, Marcel hurries to pay his tab and follow them. He slips on some of the broken glassware spilled by Jean-Luc's fall, and almost goes for a tumble himself.

FURTHER DOWN THE STREET

Amy and Andy walk together. She's still giddy.

amy

Ha ha. You were probably right about his mom.

andy

Hope I didn't hurt him too bad.

amy

Who gives a shit? I've had it up to here with arrogant Frenchmen.

andy

Up to there? Really? I bet I could beat that.

amy

Ha ha! Yeah right, white boy! Ha Ha ha.