An American Werewolf in Paris

amy

(picking up Marcel's lead)

Sure. We wouldn't ask you to do anything we wouldn't do. Now give me your hand...that's it...

Amy coaxes Andy's hand off the fence. The crowd gasps. Andy grits his teeth and focuses again.

amy/marcel

One... two... three... JUMP!

They jump, but Andy stops short- GASTON is leaning over the fence and has Andy by his shirt.

gaston

You're not getting off so easy.

AMY AND MARCEL

Plummet through the air. They look back at Andy, annoyed.

marcel

Merde! I can't believe this!

AMY

You try to be a good sport, and look what happens.

SPLAT!! Their bodies split into several pieces and squirt out on the pavement into two radial patterns, each about ten feet in diameter. Repair will take a while this time.

marcel'S HEAD

Huh. Galileo was right.

amy'S HEAD

Who?

GASTON

has Andy by the arm and is trying to pull up to "safety". The tourists cheer him on. Andy is resisting.

GASTON

Where's the ADM? Where did your uncle put it?

andy

Man, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

gaston

Bullshit! Your uncle told you!

andy

My uncle's in a coma you moron!

GASTON

Before the coma!

ANDY

He didn't tell me anything. All he said was Saint Severin...

Andy swallows the word "Severin", remembering something as he speaks. Suddenly wheels are turning in his head.

GASTON

Saint Severin? The church? So you know all about the ADM!

(Andy reacts to the

word "church?")

Where is it! Tell me! Tell me or else!

andy

Or else what? You'll kill me?

gaston

No. But I'll kill your fucking girlfriend!

andy

You'll never get the chance.

Andy pulls backward as hard as he can, jerking Gaston off balance. He's trying to pull them both to their deaths, but Gaston grabs a STEEL POST with his free hand.

Andy hangs below the ledge, pulling Gaston's arm down with all his new superhuman strength. But Gaston pulls back just as hard. Andy sees The STEEL POST start to bend. He looks into Gaston's FERAL STARE and understands...

andy

It was you! You son-of-a-bitch! You got my uncle!

The POST keeps bending- its welds won't hold long.

gaston

Don't be an idiot! I'm not the only one. If I die, Serafine dies!

andy

Bullshit! You're bluffing!

gaston

What, you think Claude hangs out underground cause he likes to dance?

This gives Andy pause.

andy

Claude...?

gaston

And you call me a moron...

Andy stops pulling. He looks uncertain- maybe Gaston is right... But then- SNAP! The post, which has bent all the way over into a "J" shape, snaps its weld. Gaston and Andy plummet towards the ground nine hundred feet below. The tourists gasp.

Using the bent pole as a hook, Gaston snares a HORIZONTAL ANTENNA which sticks out of the tower about fifty feet under the observation deck. He stops short and dangles there, still gripping Andy by the arm. The tourists CHEER. Meanwhile, nine hundred f eet below...

RENE AND FRANCOIS

lean on their car, munching doughnuts. The tower looms behind them, and we can just make out the dangling figures at the top. Rene reaches into the paper doughnut bag and comes up short.

rene

(French)

Oh! You ate the last jelly!

UP ON THE ANTENNA

Gaston's grip is firm. They'll have to climb up the iron cross beams to the observation deck.

gaston

The ADM. Let's go.

andy

Yeah, okay. Just gimme a minute to freshen up.

cut to:

ON THE OBSERVATION DECK

Andy and Gaston climb up onto the deck. The tourists applaud and cheer for Gaston- the "hero".

TOURISTS

Bravo! Magnifique! Wunderbah!

Gaston can't resist posing as the cameras flash- he sucks in his cheeks, purses his lips and does his best "Mickey Rourke". Andy looks at him, incredulous.

andy

I must be in Paris. Even the werewolves are poseurs.

cut to:

INT. TERRENCE'S APT. BUILDING

Gaston and Andy endure the elevator ride together.

andy

So, if you and the nutty professor are both werewolves, what do you want with drugs? You like seeing lots of pretty colors when you're tearing people's throats out?

gaston

If you know about the church, why ask such stupid questions?

They step out of the elevator and up to the apartment door. Andy takes his key ring out and tries the lock. The key won't turn. Andy jiggles it.

andy

Damn...

He tries another key. It doesn't work. He jiggles it, rattling the door on its hinges.

gaston

What's the problem?

andy

Hey, I'm new here, what do you want?

Andy tries a third key. No good. More jiggling.

gaston

Fucking cretin...

The fourth key works. Andy pushes the door open. Gaston shoves him in roughly and steps in after him.

INT. TERRENCE'S APARTMENT

Gaston shuts the door behind him and walks over to Andy, who scans the room nervously, unsure of his next move.

gaston

Where is it? Hurry up!

Andy's eyes come to rest on the end table drawer, where Serafine had put the gun before... He advances toward it.

andy

(patronizing)

Okay, okay. I got your magic medicine right here, dogboy. Just-

Gaston grabs Andy's hand before he opens the drawer.

gaston

Do you think I'm an idiot?

andy

(beat...incredulous)

Sure. Don't you?

He shoves Andy away and opens the drawer... no gun. They hear a pistol COCK behind them.

serafine

Looking for this?

Gaston turns and sees Serafine aiming the gun at him. With incredible speed he leaps for the window as Serafine fires. BANG!! The bullet catches him in the arm as he dives through the glass. BANG!! She fires again and misses.

Gaston lands in the courtyard, three stories below, and runs off with a slight limp. BANG! BANG! Serafine fires blindly into the courtyard after him, overwrought with anger. Andy puts a hand to her arm, and she lowers the gun. They embrace tightly, des perately. Serafine can't keep from crying. Andy comforts her.

andy

Hey, hey... shhh. It's okay now... La Femme Nikita strikes again.

He wipes away her tears and she smiles at his joke.

serafine

Andy, I thought... I heard your message and... thank God you're alright.

She embraces him again, but Andy gently frees himself.

andy

I'm not alright. We both know that. The only reason I'm here now is to warn you. You're still in danger. Gaston told me that Claude has got the curse too. He's a werewolf.

serafine

I know. He told me.

andy

What?! He told you? When?

Andy hears a familiar voice behind him.

claude

Two weeks ago.

Andy spins around to see Claude standing by the hallway to Terrence's office. Andy reaches for the gun and points it at him.

andy

You two faced bastard. I knew you were full of shit.

serafine

Andy! No!

She puts herself between Claude and the gun barrel. Andy pushes her out of the way.

andy

Serafine! Move! Don't you see, he's just after the drug, that ADM stuff. He's using you to get to it, just like he used Uncle Terrence.

Claude approaches Andy, speaking calmly.

claude

You're exactly right, Andy. I enlisted both Serafine and your uncle to obtain ADM. And now I'm counting on your assistance too.

andy

Why the fuck would I do that?

serafine

Because, Andy. It's a cure.

andy

A cure?

claude

A cure. With ADM we can wipe out lycanthropy, the curse of the werewolf, forever.

Andy is shocked, stunned, skeptical. He bluffs with the only card he's got.

andy

Is that so? Maybe we should go to Saint Severin church and make sure, huh?

Claude's face changes. He's surprised.

claude

Ah, you've done your homework... Excellent. Get your coat. Leave the gun with Serafine. She can keep searching. We don't have much time.

Andy and Serafine share a heavy look. He hands her the gun.

serafine

Andy... I should never have let you go underground. I'm sorry...

andy

(shaking his head)

I had to be a damn Hemingway hero. Well I'll tell ya, the old man and the sea didn't go through half this shit.

cut to:

EXT. SAINT SEVERIN CHURCH - EVENING

Sheets of rain crash down over this ancient gothic church. Sharing an umbrella, Andy and Claude walk inside.

INT. UNMARKED POLICE CAR

Parked across the street, Rene and Francois watch them enter the church. Rene talks into a cellular phone.

rene

(French)

He's going into Saint Severin church with Professor Claude Roussel.

INT. LEDUC'S OFFICE - SAME TIME

leduc

(on phone)

Really... Okay, keep checking in.

Leduc hangs up and thinks a moment. He turns the page of the old book on his desk, revealing an old woodcut illustration of a policeman being attacked by a werewolf. He frowns.

INT. SAINT SEVERIN CHURCH - EVENING

An evening mass is in progress. The boy's choir fills the church with a solemn hymn. Andy follows Claude to a narrow staircase. An OLD WOMAN gives them the evil eye and crosses herself as they pass. Claude and Andy go up the stairs and arrive at a balc ony under a magnificent wall of ancient STAINED GLASS. One of the panels catches Andy's eye.

andy

Whoa...

THE PANEL shows a weird medieval ritual- a man draining blood from another man's neck into a goblet. ANOTHER PANEL features a pentagram. ANOTHER PANEL shows a huge werewolf eating a monk under a frowning sun. All the transcriptions are in Latin. Claude signals Andy to follow him.

claude

The panels that concern us are over here.

(he directs Andy to a group of panels)

I'll translate the Latin.

A PANEL shows a different werewolf, tied down, being stabbed in the heart by a knight under a frowning moon.

claude

"Then Simon did slay the demon spirit, the same as had made him unclean,"

THE NEXT PANEL- the knight now holds the beast's heart aloft, impaled on his dagger. Where the beast was, a man lies bleeding in the background.

claude (cont'd)

"and Simon did cut out the heart of the beast which once dead, regained the shape of a man"

THE NEXT PANEL shows the beast's heart on a platter. The Hero is sitting at a table, cutting into the heart with a knife, as if he's about to eat it.