ANNIE HALL

I'm late.

ALVY

Air miles, you know. I mean, you

know what that does to my stomach?

They move down the steps of the cafe' toward the parking lot.

ANNIE

If you must know, it's a hectic time

for Tony. The Grammys are tonight.

ALVY

The what?

ANNIE

The Grammys. He's got a lotta records

up for awards.

ALVY

You mean they give awards for that

kind o' music?

ANNIE

Oh!

ALVY

I thought just earplugs.

Annie gets into her car. Alvy moves over to his rented convertible.

ANNIE

Just forget it, Alvy, okay? Let's

just forget the conversation.

She closes the door, starts the motor.

ALVY

(Yelling after her)

Awards! They do nothing but give out

awards! I can't believe it. Greatest,

greatest fascist dictator, Adolf Hitler!

Annie drives away. Alvy gets behind the wheel, starts the motor. Putting the

car in gear, he inadvertently moves forward, hitting a bunch of trash cans with

a loud crash. Putting the car in reverse, Alvy notices a beige car that has

just turned into the parking lot. For a brief moment, the screen shows a

flashback of the bumper-car ride at the Brooklyn amusement park. Alvy's father

is on the Platform directing traffic; young Alvy is in a small car bumping

others right and left. Alvy, hack in the parking lot, backs up his convertible,

purposefully smashing the side of the beige car as another flashback of bumper-

car ride appears, this time-as, Alvy's father directs traffic-a Marine in a

small car bits the back end of a soldier's car, and Alvy, back in the parking

lot, moves his car over to another parked car and bits it full force.

Another flashback appears. people in the small cars really racing around the

track now, bumping into one another over and over again, Alvy's father

directing the flow, as the film cuts back to the parking lot, where Alvy

reverses the convertible and rams it into the front end of yet another car.

He sits behind the wheel as people rush out of various cars and as sirens

start blaring, coming closer and closer, stopping finally as a motorcycle cop

gets off beside Alvy's car and walks over to him.

ALVY

(Getting out of the car)

Officer, I know what you're gonna say.

I'm-I'm not a great driver, you know,

I-I have some problems with-with-with-

OFFICER

(Interrupting)

May I see your license, please?

ALVY

Sure.

(Searching, he finally fishes

his license out of his pocket)

just don't-don't get angry, you know

what I mean? 'Cause I-I have - I have

my-my license here. You know, it's a

rented car. And I've ...

He drops the license and it falls to the ground.

OFFICER

Don't give me your life story

(Looking at the piece of paper

on the ground)

-just pick up the license.

ALVY

Pick up the license. You have to ask

nicely 'cause I've had an extremely

rough day. You know, my girl friend-

OFFICER

(Interrupting)

Just give me the license, please.

ALVY

Since you put it that way.

(He laughs)

It's hard for me to refuse.

(He leans over, picks up the

license, then proceeds to rip

it up. He lets the pieces go;

they float to the ground)

... have a, I have a terrific problem

with authority, you know. I'm... it's

not your fault. Don't take it personal.

CUT TO:

INT. JAIL-CELLS CORRIDOR.

A guard moves down the ball to the cell where, Alvy stands with other inmates.

He unlocks the door and opens it, letting Alvy out.

ALVY

So long, fellas. Keep in touch.

He walks down the corridor off screen.

EXT. A STREET IN FRONT OF THE COURT HOUSE - DAY

Policemen are walking up and down the courthouse steps as Alvy and Rob move

out the door of the building, down the steps to the street.

ROB

Imagine my surprise when I got your

call, Max.

ALVY

(Carrying his jacket over his

shoulder)

Yeah. I had the feeling that I got

you at a bad moment. You know, I heard

high-pitched squealing.

They walk over to Rob's convertible and get in.

ROB

(Starting the car)

Twins, Max. Sixteen-year-olds. Can you

imagine the mathematical possibilities?

ALVY

(Reacting)

You're an actor, Max. You should be

doing Shakespeare in the Park.

ROB

Oh, I did Shakespeare in the Park, Max.

I got mugged. I was playing Richard the

Second and two guys with leather jackets

stole my leotard.

He puts on an elaborate helmet and goggles.

ALVY

(Looking at Rob's helmet)

Max, are we driving through plutonium?

ROB

Keeps out the alpha rays, Max. You

don't get old.

CUT TO:

INT. REHEARSAL HALL OF A THEATER.

An actor and actress sit on hard wooden chairs in a sparse rehearsal ball.

They face each other. The actress resembles Annie; the actor, Alvy.

ACTOR

You're a thinking person. How can you

choose this lifestyle?

ACTRESS

What is so incredibly great about New

York? It's a dying city! You-you read

"Death in Venice".

ACTOR

You didn't read "Death in Venice" till

I gave it to you!

ACTRESS

Well, you only give me books with the

word "death" in the title.

The camera pulls back, showing Alvy sitting with two men at a table set up

near the actors. A mirror, running the whole width of the wall, reflects the

two actors, a script lying on the table between them. It is obvious now that

they are rehearsing a scene that Alvy wrote.

ACTOR

(In mirrored reflection)

It's an important issue.

ACTRESS

(In mirrored reflection)

Alvy, you are totally incapable of

enjoying life.

The camera moves back to actual actor and actress.

ACTRESS

You're like New York. You're an island.

ACTOR

(Rising with emotion)

Okay, if that's all that we've been

through together means to you, I guess

it's better if we just said goodbye,

once and for all! You know, it's funny,

after all the serious talks and passionate

moments that it ends here ... in a health

-food restaurant on Sunset Boulevard.

Goodbye, Sunny.

The actor begins to leave as the actress jumps up from her chair.

ACTRESS

Wait! I'm-I'm gonna ... go with you.

(The actor comes back. They embrace)

I love you.

The camera cuts to Alvy, who turns and looks straight into the camera.

ALVY

(To the audience, gesturing)

Tsch, whatta you want? It was my first

play. You know, you know how you're

always tryin' t' get things to come out

perfect in art because, uh, it's real

difficult in life. Interestingly, however,

I did run into Annie again. It was on the

Upper West Side of Manhattan.

Annie, singing "Seems Like Old Times, " overlaps Alvy's speech and continues

over the next scene, where Alvy, standing in front of a Manhattan theater,

shakes hands with Annie and her escort. The theater marquee reads "OPHULS

PRIZE FILM: 'THE SORROW AND THE PITY'."

ALVY'S VOICE

(Over the theater scene and,

Annie's singing)

She had moved back to New York. She was

living in SoHo with some guy.

(Laughing)

And when I met her she was, of all things,

dragging him in to see "The Sorrow and the

Pity." Which I counted as a personal

triumph. Annie and I ...

(Alvy's voice continues over the

scene shot through a window of

Manhattan cafe showing Alvy and

Annie sitting at a table, laughing

and enjoying themselves)

... we had lunch sometime after that, and,

uh, just, uh, kicked around old times.

A series of flashbacks following in quick succession while Annie continues to

sing: