ANNIE HALL

Annie hands the lobster to Alvy as he takes it very carefully and drops it

gingerly into the pot and puts the cover back on.

ANNIE

(Overlapping Alvy and making sounds)

Oh, God! Here yuh go! Oh, good, now

he'll think-

(She screams)

Aaaah! Okay.

ALVY

(Overlapping Annie)

Okay, it's in. It's definitely in the pot!

ANNIE

All right. All right. All right.

She moves hurriedly across the kitchen and picks up another lobster. Smiling,

she places it on the counter as Alvy stands beside the refrigerator trying to

push it from the wall.

ALVY

Annie, there's a big lobster behind

the refrigerator. I can't get it out.

This thing's heavy. Maybe if I put a

little dish of butter sauce here with a

nutcracker, it will run out the other

side, you know what I mean?

ANNIE

(Overlapping)

Yeah. I'm gonna get my ... I'm gonna

get my camera.

ALVY

You know, I-I think ... if I could pry

this door off ... We shoulda gotten steaks

'cause they don't have legs. They don't

run around.

Annie rushes out of the room to get her camera as Alvy picks up the paddle.

Trying to get at the lobsters, he ends up knocking over dishes and hitting the

chandelier. Holding the paddle, he finally leans back against the sink.

Annie, standing in the doorway, starts taking pictures of him.

ANNIE

Great! Great!

(Screaming)

Goddammit!

(Screaming)

Ooooh! These are ... p-p-p-pick this

lobster up. Hold it, please!

ALVY

All right! All right! All right! All

right! Whatta yuh mean? Are yuh gonna

take pictures now?

ANNIE

It'll make great- Alvy, be- Alvy, it'll

be wonderful ... Ooooh, lovely!

ALVY

(Picking up the lobster Annie

placed on the counter earlier)

All right, here! Oh, God, it's disgusting!

Alvy drops the lobster back down on the counter, sticking out his tongue and

making a face.

ANNIE

Don't be a jerk. One more, Alvy, please,

one more picture.

(Reluctantly Alvy picks up the

lobster again as Annie takes

another picture)

Oh, oh, good, good!

EXT. OCEAN FRONT-DUSK.

The camera pans Annie and Alvy as they walk along the shore.

ALVY

So, so-well, here's what I wanna know.

W-what ...

(He clears his throat)

Am I your first big romance?

ANNIE

Oh ... no, no, no, no, uh, uh. No.

ALVY

Well, then, w-who was?

ANNIE

Oh, well, let's see, there was Dennis,

from Chippewa Falls High School.

CUT TO:

FLASHBACK OF DENNIS LEANING AGAINST A CAR - NIGHT

Behind him is a movie theater with "MARILYN MONROE, 'MISFITS' " on the marquee.

He looks at his watch as the younger Annie, in a beehive hairdo, moves into the

frame. They kiss quickly and look at each other, smiling.

ALVY'S VOICE

(Off screen)

Dennis-right, uh, uh ... local kid

probably, would meetcha in front of the

movie house on Saturday night.

ANNIE'S VOICE

Oh, God, you should've seen what I looked

like then.

ALVY'S VOICE

(Off screen, laughing)

Oh, I can imagine. P-p-probably the

wife of an astronaut.

ANNIE'S VOICE

Then there was Jerry, the actor.

CUT TO:

FLASHBACK OF BRICK-WALLED APARTMENT - NIGHT

The younger, Annie and Jerry lean against the wall. Jerry is running his band

down Annie's bare arm. Annie and Alvy walk into the room, observing the younger

Annie, in jeans and T-shirt, with Jerry.

ALVY'S VOICE

(Laughing)

Look at you, you-you,-re such a clown.

ANNIE'S VOICE

I look pretty.

ALVY'S VOICE

Well, yeah, you always look pretty, but

that guy with you ...

JERRY

Acting is like an exploration of the soul.

I-it's very religious. Uh, like, uh, a

kind of liberating consciousness. It's

like a visual poem.

ALVY

(Laughing)

Is he kidding with that crap?

YOUNGER ANNIE

(Laughing)

Oh, right. Right, yeah, I think I

know exactly what you mean, when you

say "religious."

ALVY

(Incredulous, to Annie)

You do?

ANNIE

(Still watching)

Oh, come on-I mean, I was still younger.

ALVY

Hey, that was last year.

JERRY

It's like when I think of dying. You

know how I would like to die?

YOUNGER ANNIE

No, how?

JERRY

I'd like to get torn apart by wild animals.

ALVY'S VOICE

Heavy! Eaten by some squirrels.

ANNIE'S VOICE

Hey, listen-I mean, he was a terrific actor,

and look at him, he's neat-looking and he

was emotional ... Y-hey, I don't think you

like emotion too much.

Jerry stops rubbing the younger Annie's arm and slides down to the floor as

she raises her foot toward his chest.

JERRY

Touch my heart ... with your foot.

ALVY'S VOICE

I-I may throw up!

CUT BACK TO:

EXTERIOR. BEACH-DUSK

It's now sunset, the water reflecting the last light. The camera moves over

the scene. The off screen voices of Alvy and Annie are heard as they walk, the

camera always one step ahead of them.

ANNIE

He was creepy.

ALVY

Yeah, I-I think you're pretty lucky I

came along.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Oh, really? Well, la-de-da!

ALVY

La-de-da. If I-if anyone had ever told

me that I would be taking out a girl who

used expressions like "la-de-da" . . .

ANNIE

Oh, that's right. That you really like

those New York girls.

ALVY

Well, no ... not just, not only.

ANNIE

Oh, I'd say so. You married-

CUT TO:

INT. NEW YORK CITY APARTMENT-NIGHT

A cocktail party is in progress, the rooms crowded with guests as Alvy and

Robin make their way through the people. A waiter, carrying a tray, walks

past them. Alvy reaches out to pick up a glass; Robin reaches over and picks

it of the tray first. There is much low-key chatter in the background.

ANNIE

(Off screen)

-two of them.

ROBIN

There's Henry Drucker. He has a chair

in history at Princeton. Oh, the short

man is Hershel Kaminsky. He has a chair

in philosophy at Cornell.

ALVY

Yeah, two more chairs and they got a

dining-room set.

ROBIN

Why are you so hostile?

ALVY

(Sighing)

'Cause I wanna watch the Knicks on

television.

ROBIN

(Squinting)

Is that Paul Goodman? No. And be nice

to the host because he's publishing my

book. Hi, Doug! Douglas Wyatt.

"A Foul-Rag-and-Bone Shop-of-the-Heart."

They move through the rooms, Robin holding a drink in one hand, her arm draped

in Alvy's; the crowd mills around them.

ALVY

(Taking Robin's hand)

I'm so tired of spending evenings making

fake insights with people who work for

Dysentery.

ROBIN

Commentary.

ALVY

Oh, really, I heard that Commentary and

Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.

ROBIN

No jokes-these are friends, okay?

INT. BEDROOM

Alvy sits on the foot of the bed watching the Knicks game on television.

TV ANNOUNCER

(Off screen)

Cleveland Cavaliers losing to the New

York Knicks.

Robin enters the room, slamming the door.

ROBIN

Here you are. There's people out there.

ALVY

Hey, you wouldn't believe this. Two

minutes ago, the Knicks are ahead fourteen

points, and now ...

(Clears his throat)

they're ahead two points.

ROBIN

Alvy, what is so fascinating about a group

of pituitary cases trying to stuff the

ball through a hoop?

ALVY

(Looking at Robin)

What's fascinating is that it's physical.

You know, it's one thing about intellectuals,

they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant

and have no idea what's going on. But on the

other hand ...

(Clears his throat)

the body doesn't lie, as-as we now know.

Alvy reaches over, pulls Robin down onto the bed. He kisses her and moves

farther up on the bed.

ROBIN

Stop acting out.

She sits on the edge of the bed, looking down at the sprawled-out Alvy.

ALVY

No, it'll be great! It'll be great,

be-because all those Ph.D.'s are in

there, you know, like ... discussing

models of alienation and we'll be in

here quietly humping.

He pulls Robin toward him, caressing her as she pulls herself away.

ROBIN

Alvy, don't! You're using sex to

express hostility.

ALVY

"'Why-why do you always r-reduce my

animal urges to psychoanalytic categories?'

(Clears his throat)

he said as he removed her brassiere..."

ROBIN

(Pulling away again)

There are people out there from The New

Yorker magazine. My God! What would they

think?

She gets up and fixes the zipper on her dress. She turns and moves toward the

door.

INT. APARTMENT-NIGHT

Robin and Alvy are in bed. The room is in darkness. Outside, a siren starts

blaring.

ROBIN

Oh, I'm sorry!

ALVY

Don't get upset!

ROBIN

Dammit! I was so close.

She flips on the overhead lamp and turns on her side. Alvy turns to her.

ALVY

(Gesturing)

Jesus, last night it was some guy honking

his car horn. I mean, the city can't

close down. You know, what-whatta yuh

gonna do, h-have 'em shut down the

airport, too? No more flights so we can

have sex?

ROBIN

(Reaching over for her eyeglasses

on the night table)

I'm too tense. I need a Valium. My

analyst says I should live in the country

and not in New York.

ALVY

Well, I can't li- We can't have this

discussion all the time. The country

makes me nervous. There's ... You got

crickets and it-it's quiet ... there's

no place to walk after dinner, and... uh,

there's the screens with the dead moths

behind them, and... uh, yuh got the-the

Manson family possibly, yuh got Dick and

Terry-

ROBIN

(Interrupting)

Okay, okay, my analyst just thinks I'm

too tense. Where's the goddamn Valium?

She fumbles about the floor for the Valium, then back on the bed.

ALVY

Hey, come on, it's quiet now. We can-we

can start again.

ROBIN

I can't.

ALVY

What-

ROBIN

My head is throbbing.

ALVY

Oh, you got a headache!

ROBIN

I have a headache.

ALVY

Bad?

ROBIN

Oswald and ghosts.

ALVY

Jesus!

He begins to get out of bed.

ROBIN

Where are you going?

ALVY

Well, I'm-I'm gonna take another in a

series of cold showers.

EXT. MEN'S LOCKER ROOM OF THE TENNIS CLUB.

Rob and Alvy, carrying tennis rackets, come through the door of the locker

room to the lobby. They are dressed in tennis whites. They walk toward the

indoor court.

ROB

Max, my serve is gonna send yuh to

the showers-

ALVY

Right, right, so g-get back to what we

were discussing, the failure of the

country to get behind New York City is-is

anti-Semitism.

ROB

Max, the city is terribly worried.

ALVY

But the- I'm not discussing politics or

economics. This is foreskin.

ROB

No, no, no, Max, that's a very convenient

out. Every time some group disagrees with

you it's because of anti-Semitism.

ALVY

Don't you see? The rest of the country looks

upon New York like we're-we're left-wing

Communist, Jewish, homosexual, pornographers.

I think of us that way, sometimes, and I-I

live here.

ROB

Max, if we lived in California, we could

play outdoors every day, in the sun.

ALVY

Sun is bad for yuh. Everything our parents

said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat,

college ...

INT. TENNIS COURT

Annie and Janet, in tennis whites, stand on the court holding tennis rackets

and balls. They are chattering and giggling.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

I know, but ooh- here he comes. Okay.

Rob and Alvy enter the court and walk over to the two women. Rob kisses Janet

and makes introduction.

ROB

You know Alvy?

JANET

Oh, hi, Alvy.

ANNIE

(To Rob)

How are yuh?

ROB

(To Alvy)

You know Annie?

JANET

I'm sorry. This is Annie Hall.

ALVY

Hi.

ANNIE

Hi.

Annie and Alvy shake hands.

JANET

(Laughing)

Alvy.

ROB

(Eager to begin)

Who's playing who here? Alvy Well, uh ...

you and me against them?

ANNIE

(Overlapping Alvy)

Well ... so ... I can't play too good,

you know.

JANET

(Laughing)

I've had four lessons!

The group, laughing and chatting, divide up-Rob and Annie moving to the other

side of the net, Alvy and Janet standing where they are. They start to play

mixed doubles, each taking turns and playing well. At one point in the game,

Annie starts to talk to Rob, then turns and sees a ball heading toward her.

ALVY

(Hitting the halt back)

Holy gods!

INT. LOBBY

Alvy, dressed, puts things into a gym bag. One knee is on the bench and his

back is turned from the entrance. Annie walks toward the entrance door dressed

in street clothes and carrying her tennis bag over her shoulder. Seeing Alvy,

she stops and turns.

ANNIE

Hi. Hi, hi.

ALVY

(Looking over his shoulder)

Hi. Oh, hi. Hi.

ANNIE

(Hands clasped in front of her,

smiling)

Well, bye. She laughs and backs up slowly

toward the door.

ALVY

(Clearing his throat)

You-you play ... very well.

ANNIE