ANNIE HALL

Oh, yeah? So do you. Oh, God, whatta-

(Making sounds and laughing)

whatta dumb thing to say, right? I mean,

you say it, "You play well," and right

away ... I have to say well. Oh, oh ...

God, Annie.

(She gestures with her hand)

Well ... oh, well ... la-de-da, la-de-da,

la-la.

She turns around and moves toward the door.

ALVY

(Still looking over his shoulder)

Uh ... you-you wanna lift?

ANNIE

(Turning and aiming her thumb over

her shoulder)

Oh, why-uh ... y-y-you gotta car?

ALVY

No, um ... I was gonna take a cab.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Oh, no, I have a car.

ALVY

You have a car?

(Annie smiles, hands folded in

front of her)

So ...

(Clears his throat)

I don't understand why ... if you have a

car, so then-then wh-why did you say "Do

you have a car?"... like you wanted a lift?

ANNIE

I don't ...

(Laughing)

I don't ... Geez, I don't know, I've ...

I wa- This ... yeah, I got this VW out

there ...

(Laughing and gesturing toward

the door)

What a jerk, yeah. Would you like a lift?

ALVY

(Zipping up his bag)

Sure. W-w-w-which way yuh goin'?

ANNIE

Me? Oh, downtown!

ALVY

Down- I'm-I'm goin' uptown.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Oh, well, I'm goin' uptown, too.

ALVY

Uh, well, you just said you were going

downtown.

ANNIE

Yeah, well, I'm, but I ...

Alvy picks up his bag and moves toward the door. As he turns his bag around,

the handle of the tennis racket bits Annie between the legs.

ALVY

(Laughing)

So sorry.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

I mean, I can go uptown, too. I live

uptown, but ... uh, what the hell, I mean,

it'd be nice having company, you know

I mean, I hate driving alone.

ALVY

(Making sounds)

Yeah.

They walk out the door.

EXT. NEW YORK STREET- DAY

Alvy and Annie in the VW as Annie speeds down a city street near the East River.

ALVY

So, how long do you know Janet? Where

do you know her from?

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Oh, I'm in her acting class.

ALVY

Oh - you're an actress.

ANNIE

Well, I do commercials, sort of ...

She zooms down the wrong lane, cars swerving out of her way. A horn blows.

ALVY

I, uh ... well, you're not from New

York, right?

ANNIE

No, Chippewa Falls.

ALVY

Right!

(A pause)

Where?

ANNIE

Wisconsin.

ALVY

(Finally reacting)

Uh, you're driving a-

ANNIE

Uh, don't worry, I'm a very-

(A car moves closer to the VW,

almost on top of it in the wrong

direction. Annie swerves away at

the very last minute)

-a very good driver.

(Alvy rubs his head nervously,

staring out the window as Annie

speeds along)

So, listen-hey, you want some gum, anyway?

Annie looks down beside her, searching for the gum.

ALVY

No, no thanks. Hey, don't-

ANNIE

Well, where is it? I-

ALVY

No, no, no, no, you just ... just watch

the road. I'll get it-

ANNIE

Okay.

They both fumble around in her pocketbook. Alvy looks up to see the entire

front of a truck in Annie's windshield. She swerves just in time.

ALVY

-for yuh.

ANNIE

Okay, that's good.

Alvy continues to look for the gum while Annie zooms down the city streets.

ANNIE

All right.

ALVY

I'll getcha a piece.

ANNIE

Yeah ... so, listen-you drive?

ALVY

Do I drive? Uh, no, I gotta-I gotta

problem with driving.

ANNIE

Oh, you do?

ALVY

Yeah. I got, uh, I got a license but I

have too much hostility.

ANNIE

Oh, right.

ALVY

Nice car.

ANNIE

(A bit rapidly)

Huh?

ALVY

You keep it nice.

(He pulls a half-eaten sandwich

out of her bag)

Can I ask you, is this-is this a sandwich?

ANNIE

Huh? Oh, yeah.

EXT. STREET-DAY

Cars are parked on both sides of the street as the VW rounds the corner.

ANNIE

I live over here. Oh, my God! Look!

There's a parking space!

With brakes squealing, Annie turns the VW sharply into the parking spot.

Annie and Alvy get out, Alvy looking over his shoulder as he leaves the car.

ALVY

That's okay, you ... we-we can walk to

the curb from here.

ANNIE

Don't be funny.

ALVY

You want your tennis stuff?

ANNIE

Huh? Oh ... yeah.

ALVY

You want your gear? Here you go.

Alvy reaches into the back of the car and takes out tennis equipment. He

hands her her things. People pass by on the street.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Yeah, thanks. Thanks a lot. Well...

ALVY

(Sighing)

Well, thanks, thank you. You-you're

a wonderful tennis player.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Oh.

Alvy shakes hands with Annie.

ALVY

You're the worst driver I've ever seen

in my life . . . that's including any place

... the worst ... Europe, United ... any

place ... Asia.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Yeah.

ALVY

And I love what you're wearin'.

Alvy touches the tie Annie is wearing around her neck.

ANNIE

Oh, you do? Yeah? Oh, well, it's uh

... this is, uh ... this tie is a present,

from Grammy Hall.

Annie flips the bottom of the tie.

ALVY

Who? Grammy? Grammy Hall?

ANNIE

(Laughing and nodding her head)

Yeah, my grammy.

ALVY

You're jo- Whatta yuh kid- What did you

do, grow up in a Norman Rockwell painting?

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Yeah, I know.

ALVY

Your grammy!

ANNIE

I know, it's pretty silly, isn't it?

ALVY

Jesus, my-my grammy ... n-never gave

gifts, you know. She-she was too busy

getting raped by Cossacks.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Well ...

ALVY

Well ... thank you again.

ANNIE

Oh, yeah, yeah.

ALVY

I'll see yuh.

ANNIE

(Overlapping, gesturing)

Hey, well, listen ... hey, you wanna

come upstairs and, uh ... and have a

glass of wine and something? Aw, no,

I mean ... I mean, you don't have to,

you're probably late and everything else ...

ALVY

No, no, that'll be fine. I don't mind. Sure.

ANNIE

You sure?

ALVY

(Overlapping)

No, I got time.

ANNIE

Okay.

ALVY

Sure, I got ... I got nothing, uh,

nothing till my analyst's appointment.

They move toward Annie's apartment building.

ANNIE

Oh, you see an analyst?

ALVY

Y-y-yeah, just for fifteen years.

ANNIE

Fifteen years?

ALVY

Yeah, uh, I'm gonna give him one more

year and then I'm goin' to Lourdes.

ANNIE

Fifteen-aw, come on, you're . . . yeah,

really?

INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT

Alvy, standing, looks around the apartment. There are lots of books, framed

photographs on the white wall. A terrace can be seen from the window. He

picks up a copy of Ariet, by Sylvia Platb, as Annie comes out of the kitchen

carrying two glasses. She hands them to Alvy.

ALVY

Sylvia Plath.

ANNIE

M'hm...

ALVY

Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide

was misinterpreted as romantic, by the

college-girl mentality.

ANNIE

Oh, yeah.

ALVY

Oh, sorry.

ANNIE

Right. Well, I don't know, I mean, uh,

some of her poems seem - neat, you know.

ALVY

Neat?

ANNIE

Neat, yeah.

ALVY

Uh, I hate to tell yuh, this is nineteen

seventy-five, you know that "neat" went

out, I would say, at the turn of the

century.

(Annie laughs)

Who-who are-who are those photos on

the wall?

ANNIE

(Moving over to the photographs)

Oh ... oh, well, you see now now, uh,

that's my dad, that's Father-and that's

my ... brother, Duane.

ALVY

Duane?

ANNIE

(Pointing)

Yeah, right, Duane-and over there is

Grammy Hall, and that's Sadie.

ALVY

Well, who's Sadie?

ANNIE

Sadie? Oh, well, Sadie...

(Laughing)

Sadie met Grammy through, uh, through

Grammy's brother George. Uh, George was

real sweet, you know, he had that thing.

What is that thing where you, uh, where

you, uh, fall asleep in the middle of a

sentence, you know-what is it? Uh ...

ALVY

Uh, narcolepsy.

ANNIE

Narcolepsy, right, right. Right. So,

anyway, so ...

(Laughing)

George, uh, went to the union, see, to

get his free turkey, be-because, uh, the

union always gave George this big turkey

at Christmas time because he was ...

(Annie points her fingers to each

side of her head, indicating George

was a little crazy)

shell-shocked, you know what I mean, in the

First World War.

(Laughing hysterically, she opens

a cabinet door and takes out a

bottle of wine)

Anyway, so, so ...

(Laughing through the speech)

George is standing in line, oh, just a sec

...uh, getting his free turkey, but the

thing is, he falls asleep and he never

wakes up. So, so...

(Laughing)

so, he's dead ...

(Laughing)

he's dead. Yeah. Oh, dear. Well,

terrible, huh, wouldn't you say? I

mean, that's pretty unfortunate.

Annie unscrews the bottle of wine, silent now after her speech.

ALVY

Yeah, it's a great story, though, I

mean, I... I ... it really made my day.

Hey, I think I should get outta here,

you know, 'cause I think I'm imposing,

you know ...

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Oh, really? Oh, well ... uh, uh, maybe,

uh, maybe, we, uh ...

ALVY

... and ... uh, yeah, uh ... uh, you

know, I-I-I...

They move outside to the terrace, Alvy still holding the glasses, Annie the

wine. They stand in front of the railing, Annie pouring the wine into the

held-out glasses.

ANNIE

Well, I mean, you don't have to, you know.

ALVY

No, I know, but ... but, you know, I'm

all perspired and everything.

ANNIE

Well, didn't you take, uh ... uh, a

shower at the club?

ALVY

Me? No, no, no, 'cause I never shower

in a public place.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Why not?

ALVY

'Cause I don't like to get naked in front

of another man, you know-it's, uh ...

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Oh, I see, I see.

ALVY

You know, I don't like to show my body

to a man of my gender-

ANNIE

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I see. I guess-

ALVY

-'cause, uh, you never know what's

gonna happen.

ANNIE

(Sipping her wine and laughing)

Fifteen years, huh?

ALVY

Fifteen years, yeah.

ANNIE

Yeah. Oh, God bless!

They put their glasses together in a toast.

ALVY

God bless.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Well, uh ...

(Pausing)

You're what Grammy Hall would call a

real Jew.

ALVY

(Clearing his throat)

Oh, thank you.

ANNIE

(Smiling)

Yeah, well ... you-She hates Jews. She

thinks that they just make money, but let

me tell yuh, I mean, she's the one yeah,

is she ever. I'm tellin' yuh.

ALVY

(pointing toward the apartment

after a short pause)

So, did you do shoot the photographs

in there or what?

ANNIE

(Nodding, her hand on her hip)

Yeah, yeah, I sorta dabble around, you know.

Annie's thoughts pop on the screen as she talks: I dabble? Listen to me-what

a jerk!

ALVY

They're ... they're... they're wonderful,

you know. They have ... they have, uh

... a ... a quality.

As do Alvy's: You are a great-looking girl

ANNIE

Well, I-I-I would-I would like to take

a serious photography course soon.

Again, Annie's thoughts pop on: He probably thinks I'm a yo-yo

ALVY

Photography's interesting, 'cause, you

know, it's-it's a new art form, and a,

uh, a set of aesthetic criteria have

not emerged yet.

And Alvy's: I wonder what she looks like naked?

ANNIE

Aesthetic criteria? You mean, whether

it's, uh, good photo or not?

I'm not smart enough for him. Hang in there

ALVY

The-the medium enters in as a condition

of the art form itself. That's-

I don't know what I'm saying-she senses I'm shallow

ANNIE

Well, well, I ... to me-I ... I mean,

it's-it's-it's all instinctive, you

know. I mean, I just try to uh, feel

it, you know? I try to get a sense of

it and not think about it so much.

God, I hope he doesn't turn out to be a shmuck like the others

ALVY

Still, still we- You need a set of

aesthetic guide lines to put it in

social perspective, I think.

Christ, I sound like FM radio. Relax

They're quiet for a moment, holding wine glasses and sipping. The sounds of

distant traffic from the street can be heard on the terrace. Annie, laughing,

speaks first.

ANNIE

Well, I don't know. I mean, I guess-I

guess you must be sorta late, huh?

ALVY