ANNIE HALL

ADULT ALVY

(Yelling into the scene)

You're both crazy!

ROB

They can't hear you, Max.

ALVY'S MOTHER

Leo ... I married a fool!

ROB

(Pointing)

Hey, Max! Who's that?

As the three friends watch Alvy's old living room, the scene has suddenly

shifted. A huge crowd stands around the room, laughing, eating, chatting and

vibrating with the turns of the roller-coaster ride.

ALVY

It-it-it's the welcome-home party

in nineteen forty-five, for my cousin

Herbie.

ADULT ALVY

(Pointing)

Look, look, there's-there's that one

over there, that's Joey Nichols, he

was my-

(Young Alvy stands next to Joey

Nichols, who's sitting in one of

the easy chairs. They smile at

each other; people and noise all

around)

-father's friend. He was always bothering

me when I was a kid.

JOEY

Joey Nichols.

(Laughing)

See. Nichols. See, Nichols!

(Joey shows young Alvy his cuff

links and a tie pin, which are

made from nickels, as Alvy stands

with hands on hips, unconcerned.

Joey then slaps his band to his

forehead and puts a nickel on

his forehead)

Yuh see, nickels! You can always

remember my name, just think of Joey

Five Cents.

(Laughing)

That's me. Joey Five Cents!

Joey grabs Alvy's cheeks and pinches them.

YOUNG ALVY

(Turning away)

What an asshole!

A group of women stands near a buffet table eating and listening to Alvy

mother and her sister, Tessie, and a young girl, as the three friends watch.

ALVY'S MOTHER

I was always the sister with good common

sense. But Tessie was always the one

with personality. When she was younger,

they all wanted to marry Tessie.

She touches Tessie's shoulder. Tessie starts to laugh.

ADULT ALVY

(Pointing, to Rob)

Do you believe that, Max? Tessie

Moskowitz had the personality. She's

the life of the ghetto, no doubt.

ALVY'S MOTHER

(To the young girl)

She was once a great beauty.

Tessie nods her head "yes."

ROB

Tessie, they say you were the sister

with personality.

TESSIE

(Addressing the young girl)

I was a great beauty.

ROB

Uh, how did this personality come about?

TESSIE

(Grabbing the young girl's cheek)

I was very charming.

ROB

There were many men interested in you?

TESSIE

(To the young girl)

Oh, I was quite a lively dancer.

Tessie gyrates back and forth imitating a dancer while Annie and the adult

Alvy lean on each other laughing.

ROB

(Laughing)

That's pretty hard to believe.

EXT. STREET.

Alvy and Annie walk contentedly down a street; Alvy's arm is draped around

Annie. People walk by them on the street as they move toward their apartment

building.

ANNIE

Well, I had a really good day, you know

that? It was just a real fine way to

spend my birthday.

ALVY

Ah? Oh, well, your birthday's not till

tomorrow, honey, I hate to tell yuh.

ANNIE

Yeah, but it's real close.

ALVY

Yeah, but no presents till midnight.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Oh, darn it.

INT. APARTMENT

Annie and Alvy sit on the sofa. Annie's unwrapping a gift while Alvy watches.

ANNIE

(Making sounds)

This is-

(Making sounds)

Huh?

She pulls out flimsy black lingerie from the box.

ALVY

Happy birthday.

ANNIE

What is this? Is this a...Present?

(Laughing)

Are you kidding?

ALVY

Yeah, hey, why don't yuh try it on?

ANNIE

Uh, yeah, uh ... t-t-this is more like

a present for you, yeah, but it's-

ALVY

Try it ... it'll add years to our

sex life.

ANNIE

(Looking up at Alvy and laughing)

Uh huh. Yeah. Forget it.

Alvy leans over and hands her another box as she puts down the lingerie.

ALVY

Here's a real present.

ANNIE

(Opening the gift)

What... huh?

ALVY

Check it out.

ANNIE

Oh, yeah? What is this, anyway?

(continuing)

Let me see. Okay, let's... oooh, God!

(She takes out a watch from the box)

Oh, you knew I wanted this ...

(Laughing)

God, it's terrific, God!

ALVY

(Making sounds)

Yeah, I know. Just-just put on the

watch, and-and ... that thing, and

we'll just ...

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Oh! My God!

(Making sounds)

Alvy kisses Annie.

INT. NIGHT CLUB.

Annie, spotlighted onstage, stands in front of the microphone, smiling. She

looks downward and sings "Seems Like Old Times. " The audience applauds

loudly as the music fades out.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Thank you.

Alvy sits at the bar, clapping and staring at Annie as she walks over to him

and sits down. The low murmur of the night club is surrounding them.

ALVY

(Reacting)

You were-you were sensational. I mean,

I-you know, I-I told yuh that if yuh stuck

to it, you would be great, and-and, you

know, I-I-you-you were sensational.

ANNIE

(Looking at Alvy, smiling)

Yeah, well, we have the, I mean, they were

just a terrific audience, I mean, you know,

it makes it really easy for me, because I

can be ... huh?

Tony, a famous record personality, pushes through the crowd, moving toward

Alvy and Annie. An entourage follows him as he makes his way to their table.

TONY

Excuse me.

He shakes hands with Annie, smiling.

ANNIE

Oh.

TONY

Hi, I'm-I'm Tony Lacey.

ANNIE

Well, hi!

TONY

Uh, we just wanted to stop by and say

that we really enjoyed your sets.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Oh, yeah, really, oh!

TONY

I though it was ... very musical, and I

liked it a lot.

ANNIE

Oh, neat ... oh, that's very nice,

gosh, thanks a lot.

TONY

Are you ... are you recording? Or do-

Are you with any label now?

ANNIE

(Laughing)

No, no, no, not at all.

TONY

Uh, well, I'd like to talk to you about

that sometime, if you get a chance.

Seated Alvy looks the other way, reacting.

ANNIE

Oh. What about?

TONY

... of possibly working together.

ANNIE

(Looking for the first time at Alvy)

Well, hey, that's, that's nice. Uh.

Oh, listen, this is, uh, Alvy Singer.

Do you know Alvy? Uh ... and ... uh ...

Tony Lacey.

TONY

No, I don't-I don't know, but I-I know

your work. I'm a big fan of yours.

Tony reaches over and shakes hands with Alvy. The nightclub crowd surrounds

them all with their low chatter and cigarette smoke.

ALVY

Thank you very much. It's a pleasure.

TONY

(Turning to introduce his entourage)

This is, uh, Shawn, and, uh ... Bob and

Petronia.

ANNIE

Hi.

ENTOURAGE

Hi.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Hi, hi, Bob ...

TONY

Uh ... w-we're going back to the Pierre.

We're staying at the Pierre ... and we're

gonna meet Jack and Angelica, and have a

drink there, and ... if you'd like to come,

uh, we'd love to have you.

ANNIE

Yeah.

TONY

And we could just sit and talk ... nothing.

Uh, not a big deal, it's just relax, just

be very mellow.

Annie and Tony and his entourage turn to look at Alvy.

ALVY

(Fingers to his mouth, reacting)

Remember, we had that thing.

ANNIE

What thing?

ALVY

(Staring at Annie and clearing

his throat)

Don't you remember we-we-we discussed

that thing that we were-

ANNIE

(Overlapping)

Thing?

ALVY

(Overlapping)

-yes, we had, uh ...

ANNIE

(Looking at Alvy, reacting)

Oh, the thing! Oh, the thing ...

(Laughing)

... yeah ... yeah.

Annie turns, looks at Tony as he smiles and gestures with his hands.

TONY

Oh, well, I-if it's inconvenient, eh,

we can't do it now ... that's fine,

too. W-w-w-we'll do it another time.

ANNIE

Hey-

TONY

Maybe if you're on the Coast, we'll get

together and ... and we'll meet there.

He shakes hands with Annie.

ANNIE

(Reacting)

Oh.

TONY

It was a wonderful set.

ANNIE

Oh, gosh.

TONY

(Smiling)

I really enjoyed it.

(Looking at Alvy)

Nice to have metcha. Good night.

ENTOURAGE

Bye-bye.

ANNIE

Nice to see you ... bye. Yeah. Bye.

She turns and looks at Alvy.

ALVY

(Reacting)

What's ... you ... well, what's the

matter, You w-wanna go to that party?

ANNIE

(Looking down at her hands,

then up at Alvy)

I don't know, I thought it might be kind

of fun, you know what I mean, it'd be

nice to meet some new people.

ALVY

(Sighing)

I'm just not ... you know, I don't think

I could take a mellow eve- 'cause I-I

don't respond well to mellow, you know

what I mean, I-I have a tendency to ...

if I get too mellow, I-I ripen and then

rot. You know, and it's-it's not good

for my ...

(Making sounds)

ANNIE

All right, all right, you don't wanna go

to the party, so uh, whatta you wanna do?

INT. MOVIE THEATER.

The screen is projecting the beginning of "The Sorrow and the Pity": a street

filled with fleeing cars, belongings tied on top and piled in the back seats.

Subtitles pop on:

"The Jewish warmongers and

Parisian plutocrats tried

to flee with their gold and jewels"

as a narrator explains in German.

CUT TO.

Split screen: Annie and her psychiatrist on the left; Alvy and his on the

right. Annie, talking, sits in a white molded chair, as does her doctor.

The office is very modern: stark, white and chrome. Alvy, talking to his

psychiatrist, lies on a deep leather sofa, the doctor seated away from him.

This office looks more like a well-worn den: bookcases overflowing, dark wood.

The dialogue is separated in each screen, though no one talks simultaneously.

ANNIE

(To her doctor)

That day in Brooklyn was the last day

I remember really having a great time.

ALVY

(To his doctor)

Well, we never have any laughs anymore,

is the problem.

ANNIE

Well, I've been moody and dissatisfied.

ALVY'S PSYCHIATRIST

How often do you sleep together?

ANNIE'S PSYCHIATRIST

Do you have sex often?

ALVY

Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.

ANNIE

Constantly! I'd say three times a week.

Like the other night, Alvy wanted to have

sex.

ALVY

She would not sleep with me the other

night, you know, it's-

ANNIE

And ... I don't know ... I mean, six months

ago I-I woulda done it. I woulda done it,

just to please him.

ALVY

I mean ... I tried everything, you know,

I-I-I put on soft music and my-my red light

bulb, and ...

ANNIE

But the thing is-I mean, since our

discussions here, I feel I have a right

to my own feelings. I think you woulda

been happy because ... uh, uh, I really

asserted myself.

ALVY

The incredible thing about it is, I'm

paying for her analysis and she's making

progress and I'm getting screwed.

ANNIE

I don't know, though, I feel so guilty

because Alvy is paying for it, so, you

know, so I do feel guilty if I don't go

to bed with him. But if I do go to bed

with him, it's like I'm going against my

own feelings. I don't know I-I can't win.

ALVY

(Simultaneously, with Annie)

You know ... it's getting expensive

...my analyst ... for her analyst. She-

she's making progress and I'm not making

any progress. Her progress is defeating

my progress.

ANNIE

(Simultaneously, with Alvy)

Sometimes I think-sometimes I think I

should just live with a woman.

CUT TO:

INT. APARTMENT

Alvy and Annie sit close together on the sofa in some friends' apartment.

Their friends, another couple, stand behind the sofa in the background.

Excited, they talk almost all at once.

WOMAN FRIEND

Wow, I don't believe it ... you mean to

tell me you guys have never snorted coke?

ANNIE

Well, I always wanted to try, you know,

but, uh, Alvy, uh ... he's very down on it.

ALVY

Hey, don't put it on me. You kn- Wh-what

is it, I don't wanna put a wad of white

powder in my nose 'cause the-the nasal

membranes ...

They all start talking at once.

ANNIE

You never wanna try anything new, Alvy.