ANNIE HALL

ANNIE

Me? Oh, uh.

(Laughing)

No.

ALVY

(Putting his band on his forehead)

Oh, I'm sorry, wait a minute, I have

something. Well, what about Saturday

night?

ANNIE

(Nodding)

Oh ... nothing. Not-no, no!

ALVY

Oh, you ... you're very popular, I can see.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

I know.

ALVY

Gee, boy, what do you have? You have

plague?

ANNIE

Well, I mean, I meet a lot of ... jerks,

you know-

ALVY

Yeah, I meet a lotta jerks, too.

ANNIE

(Overlapping)

-what I mean?

ALVY

I think that's, uh-

ANNIE

(Interrupting)

But I'm thinking about getting some

cats, you know, and then they ... Oh,

wait a second-oh, no, no, I mean

(Laughing)

oh, shoot! No, Saturday night I'm

gonna-

(Laughing)

gonna sing. Yeah.

ALVY

You're gonna sing? Do you sing? Well,

no, it isn't

(Overlapping)

No kidding?

(Overlapping)

-this is my first time. Oh, really? Where?

I'd like to come.

(Laughing)

Oh, no, no, no, no, no! No, I'm interested!

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Oh, no-I mean, I'm just a-auditioning

sort of at club. I don't-

ALVY

(Overlapping)

No, so help me.

ANNIE

(Overlapping)

-it's my first time.

ALVY

That's okay, 'cause I know exactly what

that's like. Listen-

ANNIE

(Interrupting)

Yeah.

ALVY

(Overlapping)

-you're gonna like night clubs, they're

really a lotta fun.

INT. NIGHT CLUB-NIGHT

Annie stands on center stage with a microphone, a pianist behind her. A

Bright light is focused on her; the rest of the club is in darkness. There

are the typical sounds and movements of a nightclub audience: low conversation,

curling smoke, breaking glass, microphone bum, moving chairs, waiters

clattering trays, a ringing phone as Annie sings "It Had to Be You.

EXT. CITY STREET-NIGHT.

Alvy and Annie walk quickly down the sidewalk.

ANNIE

I was awful. I'm so ashamed! I can't

sing.

ALVY

Oh, listen, so the audience was a tad

restless.

ANNIE

Whatta you mean, a tad restless? Oh,

my God, I mean, they hated me.

ALVY

No, they didn't. You have a wonderful

voice.

ANNIE

No, I'm gonna quit!

ALVY

No, I'm not gonna letcha. You have a

great voice.

ANNIE

Really, do you think so, really?

ALVY

Yeah!

ANNIE

Yeah?

ALVY

It's terrific.

ANNIE

(Overlapping)

Yeah, you know something? I never even

took a lesson, either.

They stop in the middle of the sidewalk. Alvy turns Annie around to face him.

ALVY

Hey, listen, listen.

ANNIE

What?

ALVY

Gimme a kiss.

ANNIE

Really?

ALVY

Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna

go home later, right?

ANNIE

Yeah.

ALVY

And-and uh, there's gonna be all that

tension. You know, we never kissed before

and I'll never know when to make the right

move or anything. So we'll kiss now we'll

get it over with and then we'll go eat. Okay?

ANNIE

Oh, all right.

ALVY

And we'll digest our food better.

ANNIE

Okay.

ALVY

Okay?

ANNIE

Yeah.

They kiss.

ALVY

So now we can digest our food.

They turn and start walking again.

ANNIE

We can digest our-

ALVY

Okay. Yeah.

INT. DELI-NIGHT

Annie and Alvy sit down in a booth. The deli is fairly well lit and crowded.

Conversation, plates clattering, can be heard over the dialogue. The waiter

comes over to them to take their order.

ALVY

(To the waiter)

I'm gonna have a corned beef.

ANNIE

(To the waiter)

Yeah ... oh, uh, and I'm gonna have a

pastrami on white bread with, uh,

mayonnaise and tomatoes and lettuce.

(Alvy involuntarily makes a face

as the waiter leaves)

Tsch, so, uh, your second wife left you

and, uh, were you depressed about that?

ALVY

Nothing that a few mega-vitamins couldn't

cure.

ANNIE

Oh. And your first wife was Allison?

ALVY

My first... Yes, she was nice, but you

know, uh, it was my fault. I was just...

I was too crazy.

ANNIE

Oh.

INT. DARKENED BEDROOM-NIGHT

Alvy and Annie in bed together.

ANNIE

M'm, that was so nice. That was nice.

ALVY

As Balzac said ...

ANNIE

H'm?

ALVY

"There goes another novel."

(They laugh)

Jesus, you were great.

ANNIE

Oh, yeah?

ALVY

Yeah.

ANNIE

Yeah?

ALVY

Yeah, I'm-I'm-I'm a wreck.

ANNIE

No.

(She turns and looks at Alvy,

then laughs)

You're a wreck.

ALVY

Really. I mean it. I-I'll never play

the piano again.

ANNIE

(Lighting a joint and laughing)

You're really nuts. I don't know, you

really thought it was good? Tell me.

ALVY

Good? I was-

ANNIE

(Overlapping)

No.

ALVY

No, that was the most fun I've ever

had without laughing.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Here, you want some?

ALVY

No, no, I-I-i, uh, I don't use any

major hallucinogenics because I took

a puff like five years ago at a party and

ANNIE

Yeah?

ALVY

-tried to take my pants off over my

head ...

(Annie laughs)

... my ear.

ANNIE

Oh, I don't know, I don't really. I

don't do it very often, you know, just

sort of, er ... relaxes me at first.

ALVY

M'hm.

(He pushes himself up from the

bed and looks down at Annie)

You're not gonna believe this, but-

ANNIE

What? What?

CUT TO:

INT. BOOKSTORE-DAY

Annie and Alvy browsing in crowded bookstore. Alvy, carrying two books,

"Death and Western Thought" and "The Denial of Death", moves over to where

Annie is looking.

ALVY

Hey?

ANNIE

H'm?

ALVY

I-I-I'm gonna buy you these books, I

think, because I-I think you should

read them. You know, instead of that

cat book.

ANNIE

(Looking at the books Alvy

is bolding)

That's, uh ...

(Laughing)

that's pretty serious stuff there.

ALVY

Yeah, 'cause I-I'm, you know, I'm,

I'm obsessed with-with, uh, with death,

I think. Big-

ANNIE

(Overlapping)

Yeah?

ALVY

-big subject with me, yeah.

ANNIE

Yeah?

They move over to the cashier line.

ALVY

(Gesturing)

I've a very pessimistic view of life.

You should know this about me if we're

gonna go out, you know. I-I-I feel that

life is-is divided up into the horrible

and the miserable.

ANNIE

M'hm.

ALVY

Those are the two categories ...

ANNIE

M'hm.

ALVY

... you know, they're- The-the horrible

would be like, uh, I don't know, terminal

cases, you know?

ANNIE

M'hm.

ALVY

And blind people, crippled ...

ANNIE

Yeah.

ALVY

I don't-don't know how they get through

life. It's amazing to me.

ANNIE

M'hm.

ALVY

You know, and the miserable is everyone

else. That's-that's all. So-so when

you go through life you should be thankful

that you're miserable, because that's-

You're very lucky ... to be ...

(Overlapping Annie's laughter)

... to be miserable.

ANNIE

U-huh.

EXT. PARK-DAY

It's a beautiful sunny day in Central Park. People are sitting on benches,

others strolling, some walking dogs. One woman stands feeding cooing pigeons.

Alvy's and Annie's voices are heard off screen as they observe the scene before

them. An older man and woman walk into view.

ALVY

Look, look at that guy.

ANNIE

M'hm.

ALVY

There's-there's-there's-there's Mr.

When-in-the-Pink, Mr. Miami Beach, there,

you know?

(Over Annie's laughter)

He's the latest! just came back from

the gin-rummy farm last night. He

placed third.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

M'hm. Yeah. Yeah.

The camera shows them sitting side by side relaxed on a bench.

ALVY

(Watching two men approach, one

lighting a cigar)

Look at these guys.

ANNIE

Yeah.

ALVY

Oh, that's hilarious. They're back

from Fire Island. They're ... they're

sort of giving it a chance-you know what

I mean?

ANNIE

Oh! Italian, right?

ALVY

Yeah, he's the Mafia. Linen Supply Business

or Cement and Contract, you know what I mean?

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Oh, yeah.

ALVY

No, I'm serious.

(Over Annie's laughter)

I just got my mustache wet.

ANNIE

Oh, yeah?

ALVY

(As another man walks by)

And there's the winner of the Truman

Capote look-alike contest.

EXT. STREET-NIGHT

Alvy and Annie walk almost in silhouette along the dock, the New York City

skyline in the background. Alvy has his arm around Annie and they walk slowly.

No one else is around.

ANNIE

You see, like you and I ...

ALVY

You are extremely sexy.

ANNIE

No, I'm not.