ANNIE HALL

ALVY

Unbelievably sexy. Yes, you are.

Because ... you know what you are?

You're-you're polymorphously perverse.

ANNIE

Well, what does-what does that mean?

I don't know what that is.

ALVY

Uh ... uh, you're-you're exceptional

in bed because you got -you get pleasure

in every part of your body when I touch you.

ANNIE

Ooooh!

They stop walking. Holding Annie's arms, Alvy turns her to face him. The

South Street Bridge, lit up for the night, is in the background.

ALVY

You know what I mean? Like the tip

o'your nose, and if I stroke your teeth

or your kneecaps ... you get excited.

ANNIE

Come on.

(Laughing)

Yeah. You know what? You know, I

like you, I really mean it. I really do

like you.

ALVY

You- Do you love me?

ANNIE

Do I love you?

ALVY

That's the key question.

ANNIE

Yeah.

ALVY

I know you've only known me a short

while.

ANNIE

Well, I certainly ... I think that's

very- Yeah, yeah ...

(Laughing)

yeah. Do you love me?

ALVY

I-uh, love is, uh, is too weak a word

for what...

ANNIE

Yeah.

ALVY

- I ... I love you.

(Over Annie's laughter)

You know I lo-ove you, I-I love you.

(Over Annie's laughter)

I-I have to invent- Of course I love you.

ANNIE

Yeah.

ALVY

(Putting his arms around her neck)

Don't you think I do?

ANNIE

I dunno.

They kiss as a foghorn sounds in the distance.

INT. ALVY'S APARTMENT

Alvy, somewhat distraught, is following Annie around his apartment, which is

filled with boxes and suitcases, clothes and framed pictures. They both carry

cartons.

ALVY

Whatta you mean? You're not gonna give

up your own apartment, are you?

ANNIE

(Putting down the carton)

Of course.

ALVY

Yeah, bu-bu-but why?

ANNIE

Well, I mean, I'm moving in with you,

that's why.

ALVY

Yeah, but you-you got a nice apartment.

ANNIE

I have a tiny apartment.

ALVY

Yeah, I know it's small.

ANNIE

(Picking up the suitcases and

walking into the bedroom)

That's right, and it's got bad plumbing

and bugs.

ALVY

(Picking up some pictures and

following Annie into the bedroom)

All right, granted, it has bad plumbing

and bugs, but you-you say that like it's a

negative thing. You know, bugs are-are-uh,

entomology is a ...

(Annie, reacting, tosses the

suitcases and some loose clothing

onto the bed. She sits down on the

edge, looking away. Alvy walks in,

pictures and carton in band, still

talking)

... rapidly growing field.

ANNIE

You don't want me to live with you?

ALVY

How- I don't want you to live with me?

How- Whose idea was it?

ANNIE

Mine.

ALVY

Ye-ah. Was it ... It was yours actually,

but, uh, I approved it immediately.

ANNIE

I guess you think that I talked you into

something, huh?

(putting pictures on the mantel)

ALVY

No-what, what ...? I ... we live together,

we sleep together, we eat together. Jesus,

you don't want it to be like we're married,

do yuh?

He moves over to the carton of books on the window seat and reaches in. He

starts tossing books off screen.

ANNIE

(Looking up at Alvy)

How is it any different?

ALVY

(Gesturing)

It's different 'cause you keep your own

apartment.

(Holding a book, he starts walking

around the room)

Because you know it's there, we don't

have to go to it, we don't have to deal

with it, but it's like a-a-a free-floating

life raft ... that we know that we're not

married.

He tosses the book on the bed and walks back to the window seat.

ANNIE

(Still sitting on the bed)

That little apartment is four hundred

dollars a month, Alvy.

ALVY

(Looking at Annie)

That place is four hundred dollars a month?

ANNIE

Yes, it is.

ALVY

(Whistling)

It's-it's got bad plumbing and bugs. Jesus,

I'll-My accountant will write it off as a

tax deduction, I'll pay for it.

ANNIE

(Shaking her head)

You don't think I'm smart enough to be

serious about.

ALVY

Hey, don't be ridiculous.

Alvy moves over to the bed and sits down next to Annie.

ANNIE

Then why are you always pushing me to take

those college courses like I was dumb or

something?

ALVY

(Putting his hand to his forehead)

'Cause adult education's a wonderful thing.

You meet a lotta interesting professors.

You know, it's stimulating.

EXT. COUNTRY HIGHWAY - DAY

Annie and Alvy, in Annie's VW, driving to their summerhouse. The camera moves

with them as they pass a house with a lighted window, blooming foliage. There

is no dialogue, but it is a comfortable quiet. Classical music plays in the

background.

CUT TO:

INT. COUNTRY HOUSE - NIGHT

Annie, sitting cross-legged on a wooden chest in the bedroom, is browsing

through a school catalogue. Alvy lies in bed reading.

ANNIE

(Reading)

Does this sound like a good course?

Uh, "Modern American Poetry"? Uh, or,

uh-let's see now ... maybe I should, uh,

take "Introduction to the Novel."

ALVY

Just don't take any course where they

make you read Beowulf.

ANNIE

What?

(Laughing)

Hey, listen, what-what do you think? Do

you think we should, uh, go to that-that

party in Southampton tonight?

Alvy leans over and kisses her shoulder.

ALVY

No, don't be silly. What-what do we need

other people for?

(He puts his arms around her neck,

kissing her, Annie making muffled

sounds)

You know, we should-we should just turn

out the lights, you know, and play hide

and seek or something.

ANNIE

(Laughing)

Well, okay. Well, listen, I'm gonna get

a cigarette, okay?

ALVY

(Yelling out to her as she leaves

the room)

Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that

it will make a white woman more like

Billie Holiday.

ANNIE

(Off screen)

Well, have you ever made love high?

ALVY

Me, no. You ... I-I-you know, if I

have grass or alcohol or anything I

get unbearably wonderful. I get too,

too wonderful for words. You know,

I don't-I don't know why you have to,

uh, get high every time we make love.

ANNIE

(Moving back into the room and

lighting a joint)

It relaxes me.

ALVY

Oh, you-you have to be artificially

relaxed before we can go to bed?

ANNIE

(Closing the door)

Well, what's the difference, anyway?

ALVY

Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium

pentothal. You can sleep through it.

ANNIE

Oh, come on, look who's talking. You've

been seeing a psychiatrist for fifteen years.

(She gets into bed and takes a

puff of marijuana)

You should smoke some o' this. You'd be

off the couch in no time.

ALVY

Oh, come, you don't need that.

Alvy, sitting down on the bed, moves over to Annie and takes the weed from her.

ANNIE

What are you doing?

ALVY

(Kissing her)

No, no, no, what ... You can once, you

can live without it once. Come on.

ANNIE

Oh, no, Alvy, please. Alvy, please.

(Laughing and making sounds)

M'mrnm.

ALVY

M'm, wait, I got a great idea.

(He gets up and goes over to the

closet, taking out a light bulb.

He goes back to the bed and turns

out the lamp on the night table)

Hang in there for a second. I got a

little-little artifact. A little erotic

artifact, that-that I brought up from the

city, which I think, uh, is gonna be perfect.

(He turns the lamp back on, having

replaced the bulb with the red one

from the closet)

I just ... there ... There's a little Old

New Orleans ... essence. Now-now we can go

about our business here and we can even

develop photographs if we want to. There,

now there.

(He undresses and crawls into bed,

taking Annie in his arms)

M'mmm. M'mmm. Hey, is something wrong?

ANNIE

Uh-uh-why?

ALVY

I don't know. You- It's like you're-

you're removed.

ANNIE

No, I'm fine.

As Annie speaks, her inner self (ghostlike, moves up from the bed and) sits

down on a chair, watching.

ALVY

Really?

ANNIE

U-huh.

ALVY

I don't know, but you seem sort of distant.

ANNIE

Let's just do it, all right?

ALVY

(Kissing and caressing Annie)

Is it my imagination or are you just

going through the motions?

ANNIE'S SPIRIT

Alvy, do you remember where I put my

drawing pad? Because while you two are

doing that, I think I'm gonna do some

drawing.

ALVY

(Reacting)

You see, that's what I call removed.

ANNIE

Oh, you have my body.

ALVY

Yeah, but that's not-that's no good.

I want the whole thing.

ANNIE

(Sighing)

Well, I need grass and so do you.

ALVY

Well, it ruins it for me if you have grass

(Clearing his throat)

because, you know, I'm, like, a comedian-

ANNIE

(Overlapping)

M'hm.

ALVY

(Overlapping)

-so if I get a laugh from a person who's

high, it doesn't count. You know-'cause

they're always laughin'.

ANNIE

Were you always funny?

ALVY

Hey, what is this-an interview? We're

supposed to be making love.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE.

A typical old-fashioned theatrical agency in a Broadway office building.

Autographed 8 X 12 is plastered in the sloppy room. The agent, chewing a

cigar, sits behind his desk talking to one of his clients, a comedian, who

stands with his hands in his pockets. A young Alvy sits stiffly in a chair

nearby watching.

AGENT

This guy is naturally funny. I think

he can write for you.

COMIC

(Buttoning his jacket)

Yeah, yeah. Hey, kid, he tells me you're

really good. Well, lemme explain a little

bit o' how I work. You know, you can tell

right off the bat that I don't look like

a funny guy when I come-you know, like some

o' the guys that come out. You know, right

away

(Gesturing)