ANNIE HALL

(Walking in)

Oh, hi, Duane, how's it goin'?

DUANE

This is my room.

ALVY

(Looking around)

Oh, yeah?

(He clears his throat)

Terrific.

DUANE

Can I confess something?

Alvy sighs and sits down, leaning his arm on Duane's dresser. Duane's face is

big lighted by a single lamp.

DUANE

I tell you this because, as an artist,

I think you'll understand. Sometimes

when I'm driving ... on the road at night

... I see two headlights coming toward me.

Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn

the wheel quickly, head-on into the

oncoming car. I can anticipate the

explosion. The sound of shattering glass.

The ... flames rising out of the flowing

gasoline.

ALVY

(Reacting and clearing his throat)

Right. Tsch, well, I have to-I have

t-o go now, Duane, because I-I'm due

back on the planet earth.

He slowly gets up and moves toward the door.

INT. THE HALLS' LIVING ROOM.

Mom and Dad Hall walk into the living room; Annie is with them.

MOM HALL

Now, don't let it be so long, now.

ANNIE

No.

DAD HALL

And look up Uncle Bill, you promise.

ANNIE

Okay. Okay.

MOM HALL

Oh, he's adorable, Annie.

ANNIE

You think so? Do you really?

MOM HALL

We're going to take them to the airport.

DAD HALL

Oh, no-Duane can. I haven't finished

my drink.

ANNIE

Yes, Duane is. I'll be right-

MOM HALL

M'mmm.

ANNIE

I just have time to get the, uh-

She walks out of the room as Mom and Dad Hall kiss.

EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

Duane, behind the wheel, stares straight ahead. It is raining very hard, the

windshield wipers are moving quickly. The headlights of another car brightens

the interior of Duane's car as the camera shows first Duane, then Annie, then

Alvy tensely staring straight ahead.

EXT. STREET- DAY

The camera bolds on a quiet New York City street; the buildings, brownstones.

It's a warm day-people sit on front stoops, window boxes are planted. Annie

walks into the frame first, then Alvy, who is walking to her right. They walk

quickly, side by side, their voices heard before they move into the frame.

ANNIE

(Off screen)

You followed me. I can't believe it!

ALVY

(Off screen)

I didn't follow you!

ANNIE

You followed me!

ALVY

Why? 'Cause I ... was walkin' along

a block behind you staring at you?

That's not following!

ANNIE

Well, what is your definition of

following?

ALVY

(Gasping)

Following is different. I was spying.

ANNIE

Do you realize how paranoid you are?

ALVY

Paranoid? I'm looking at you. You

got your arms around another guy.

ANNIE

That is the worst kind of paranoia.

ALVY

Yeah-well, I didn't start out spying.

I-I thought I'd surprise yuh. Pick you

up after school.

ANNIE

Yeah-well, you wanted to keep the

relationship flexible, remember?

It's your phrase.

ALVY

Oh, stop it. But you were having an

affair with your college professor.

That jerk that teaches that incredible

crap course "Contemporary Crisis in

Western Man"!

ANNIE

"Existential Motifs in Russian Literature"!

You're really close.

ALVY

What's the difference? It's all mental

masturbation.

ANNIE

(Stopping for a moment)

Oh, well, now we're finally getting to

a subject you know something about!

She walks away.

ALVY

(Catching up to her)

Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's

sex with someone I love.

ANNIE

(Continuing to walk quickly)

We're not having an affair. He's married.

He just happens to think I'm neat.

ALVY

(Still walking next to her)

"Neat"! There's that- What are you-twelve

years old? That's one o' your Chippewa

Falls expressions! "He thinks I'm neat."

ANNIE

Who cares? Who cares?

ALVY

Next thing you know he'll find you keen

and peachy, you know? Next thing you

know he's got his hand on your ass!

They both stop in the middle of the street.

ANNIE

You've always had hostility toward

David ever since I mentioned him!

ALVY

David? You call your teacher David?

ANNIE

It's his name.

ALVY

Well, listen, that's, a nice bi-it's

a biblical name. Right? W-What does

he call you? Bathsheba?

He walks away.

ANNIE

(Calling after him)

Alvy! Alvy! You're the one who never

wanted to make a real commitment. You

don't think I'm smart enough! We had

that argument just last month, or don't

ou remember that day?

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN.

Alvy is at the sink washing dishes as the screen cuts to the scene of last

month's argument. Annie's voice is heard.

ANNIE

(Off screen)

I'm home!

ALVY

(Turning)

Oh, yeah? How'd it go?

ANNIE

(Comes into the kitchen and puts

down a bag of groceries on the

kitchen table)

Oh, it was ...

(Laughing)

really weird. But she's a very nice woman.

ALVY

Yeah?

ANNIE

And I didn't have to lie down on the couch,

Alvy, she had me sitting up. So I told her

about-about the-the family and about my

feelings toward men and about my

relationship with my brother.

ALVY

M'm.

ANNIE

And then she mentioned penis envy ...

Did you know about that?

ALVY

Me? I'm-I'm one of the few males who

suffers from that, so, so ... you know.

ANNIE

M'hm.

ALVY

G-go on, I'm interested.

ANNIE

Well, she said that I was very guilty

about my impulses toward marriage,

and-and children.

ALVY

M'hm.

ANNIE

And then I remembered when I was a kid

how I accidentally saw my parents making

love.

ALVY

Tsch. Rea- All this happened in the