AntZ

     Z keeps marching on.

                         BALA
               Face it, Z, we're lost!  We must have
               walked halfway across the world by
               now!  How did I get into this mess...

                         Z
                      (too shy to look at
                       her)
               Come on...tell me there wasn't just
               a little...something between us that
               first night at the bar.  The night we
               danced.

                         BALA
                      (sadly)
               What difference does it make...we're
               both going to starve to death, or get
               squished, or set on fire...

     But Z is just gawking.  The shot expands to show that they
     have stumbled onto...

                         Z
               ...The land of red and white...

     EXT. FALSE INSECTOPIA - DAY

     A PICNICGROUNDS...A red and white picnic blanket, which to
     the ants looks like a vast, undulating pavilion, stretches
     before them.  They gaze up at two obelisks: a salt and pepper
     shaker.

     Behind that is a gigantic tupperware jar full of potato
     salad, and sandwiches stacked high.  It all looks perfect,
     with the clean lines and monumental proportions of fascist
     architecture.  In fact, it looks a little too perfect.

                         Z
               We've found it!  Insectopia!  Look at
               all this food'

                         BALA
                      (amazed)
               You were right...you were right!
                      (smiling happily)
               Z, it's beautiful!

                         Z
               Let's dig in!

     Z goes over to a gigantic sandwich, but -- BOOIIING! -- he's
     prevented from getting at it by the saran wrap covering it.

                         Z
               There's - there's some kind of force
               field!

     Bala joins him, laboring against the saran wrap.  Then both
     of them hear laughter from above.

                         MALE WASP (O.S.)
                      (lockjawed accent)
               Muffy, look, party-crashers.

                         FEMALE WASP (O.S.)
                      (laughing)
               They're simply too much, Chip!

     Bala and Z look up to see two large, yellow WASPS hovering in
     the air above them.  The husband and wife wasps have
     lockjawed, William F. Buckleyesque accents.

                         MALE WASP
                      (to Z and Bala)
               You down there, haven't you ever been
               to a picnic?

                         Z
               Hunh?

                         FEMALE WASP
               Habla Ingles?
                      (to Male Wasp)
               Well I really don't know who they are.

                         Z
               We're ants!

     The Male Wasp zooms in closer.

                         MALE WASP
               Poopsie, we know some ants, don't we?
                      (to Z)
               Are you related to the Fifth Avenue
               ants?

                         FEMALE WASP
               Darling, do you have to talk to any
               insect from off the street?

                         MALE WASP
               Just being friendly, Poopsie.

                         BALA
               Hello?  I'm not just "any insect".
               My mother is the Queen.
                      (momentously)
               I'm Princess Bala!

                         MALE WASP
                      (under his breath)
               They're Eurotrash, dear.

     We hear a loud RUMBLING noise -- the family is about to sit
     down for their picnic lunch.  Gigantic hands reach down and
     pull away the "force fields".

                         MALE WASP
               Lunch!
                      (to Z)
               A little piece of advice, sport --
               bob and weave!  Bob and weave!

                         BALA
               What do you mean?

                         MALE WASP
               Well -- like my father used to say --
               there's no such thing as a free meal!

     The wasps dive in to the picnic, darting in for a bite, and
     then dashing away again...

                         THE WASPS
               Excuse me -- I'll have some potato
               salad -- thank-you! -- don't mind if
               I do!  After you! (etc.)

     -- But all is not well.  We pull back to reveal that Z and
     Bala are standing in front of a giant sneaker logo, which is
     attached to a giant sneaker.  Which moves.

                         Z
               I sort of imagined Insectopia a
               little differently --

     Just at that moment, we hear a whistling in the air -- and
     the female wasp is crushed by a huge swatter that sweeps out
     of the sky, sending the picnic blanket billowing up in an
     aftershock that throws Bala and Z to the ground.

                         BALA
               Oh...my...God.

                         MALE WASP
                      (shaking her)
               Muffy!  Muffy!  Wake up!

     But she doesn't move.  The Male Wasp stares up at the sky.

                         MALE WASP
                      (heartbroken)
               WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY????

     But Z, also looking up, has no time to commiserate.

                         Z
               Bala, look out!!

     They are only saved by the fact that they are so small - .the
     holes of the swatter pass over them.

     The woman, realizing that the swatter won't work on ants,
     throws it to the side and tries stomping on them...

     Before Bala can get away, a sneaker falls on her with a
     thunderous BOOM that shakes the ground.

                         BALA
               MMMffllmmm...

     The shoe rises, as the person wearing it steps away...and we
     see that Bala is stuck in one of the ridges of the waffle-
     soled sneaker, adhering to a big piece of bubblegum!

                         BALA
               Z!  Help me!!!

     But Bala is carried off on the sneaker in a huge, looping,
     ferris-wheel-like motion.  BOOM.  The sneaker on which Bala
     is stuck falls again, as the woman tries to step on Z, too --

                         Z
               Bala!
                      (mournfully)
               I'll never see her again...

     -- But he does, instantly, as the shoe rises again, showing
     Bala stuck deeper in the bubblegum --

                         BALA
               Z!!!  Get me out of heeeeere!

     -- The woman has decided to walk away from the picnic to get
     the bubblegum off her shoe...Z heart sinks as the shoe Bala's
     stuck on lopes off into the distance...

                         Z
                      (thinks)
               These things always come in twos...

     He sees a SECOND SHOE starting to rise --

                         Z
               Take me to your leader!

     Z runs towards the shoe as it rises... and at the last moment
     catches on to the snaky, swinging shoe-lace.

                         Z
               Whoooooooaaaa!!!

     The sneaker lifts off into the air, with Z holding on for
     dear life to the lace, and getting further and further away
     from Bala as he's drawn to a vertiginous height...the
     landscape can be seen rolling and pitching crazily in the
     background...

                         Z
               Bala!  Come back here!

     For a moment, the sneaker seems to pause in the air...then it
     descends again, in a stomach-churning, roller-coaster free-
     fall as the sneaker on which Bala is stuck rises up again...

                         BALA
               Z!!!!!!!  I'm stuck!

     --  But Z is trying to keep his lunch down as he descends.
     The sneaker hits the ground, and Z can feel himself
     again...it's now or never.

                         Z
                      (Tarzan whoop)
               Aa-ee-ya-ee-yaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!

     As the sneaker rises again, he swings off the lace, hurtling
     through the air and catching one of the laces of Bala's
     sneaker...the momentum swings him up and under the sole...

                         BALA
               Z!  You're here!

     Z gets smashed into the bubblegum next to Bala.  Now he's
     stuck too.

                         Z
                      (ruefully)
               Yeah.  I'm here.

     The sneaker descends again.  Z and Bala hold hands and SCREAM
     as they see the ground rise too meet them...

     THUD!  They're squished deeper into the bubblegum.  The
     sneaker rises again...

                         BALA
                      (emotional)
               Z...if we don't make it...I just want
               you to know....

                         Z
                      (touched)
               Yes?

                         BALA
               This is all your fault!!!

     The sneaker rises, and seems ready to fall again...but
     instead it just hovers there.  (The person wearing it is
     balancing on one leg and about to scrape off the bubblegum
     with a penny).

                         Z
               We're safe...

     Just then, the hand holding the penny looms up...the penny
     is, by ant standards, about sixty feet high.  The huge image
     of Abraham Lincoln stares down at them.

                         Z
               Who the hell is that?!!!