AntZ

                         SOLDIERS
               You've had enough for one night!
               Come on, Gramps, before you get in
               trouble.

     The soldiers pull him from the bar, carrying him out.

                         Z
                      (excited)
               Hey, did you hear what he said?!

                         WEAVER
               Poor guy's had one too many scouting
               missions.

     MUSIC STARTS UP.

     INT. ANT BAR ENTRANCE - NIGHT

     Princess Bala is peering in at the entrance to the ant bar,
     accompanied by her worried-looking handmaidens.

                         HANDMAIDEN #2
               We shouldn't be doing this -- it
               isn't proper!

                         BALA
               I'm the Princess, aren't I?

                         HANDMAIDEN #2
               Of course --

                         BALA
               And do Princesses do improper things?

                         HANDMAIDEN #2
               Of course not --

                         BALA
               Then if I go to the worker bar, it
               isn't improper.  Anyway, don't worry.
               No one will recognize us in our
               disguises.

     She adjusts her "disguise", a hardhat, tied down Jackie O.-
     style with an ant's version of a Chanel scarf.

                         BALA
               I'm just a common worker, cooling off
               after a rough day!

     Music starts.  An ant BARKER takes the mic at one end of the
     dance floor.

                         BARKER
                      (on loudspeaker)
               Okay, folks.  It's six-fifteen, and
               that means it's time to dance.

     Every ant gets up to dance.  Weaver turns to Z.

                         WEAVER
                      (draining his beer)
               Time to cut a rug, Z!

                         Z
               I'm not in the mood.
                      (disgusted)
               Even when they're off work, they
               follow orders.

                         WEAVER
               Well, you just sit here and be a
               party-pooper.

     Weaver joins the rest of the ants who are lining up for the
     dance.  The Barker calls out the steps in a bored monotone --
     all the ants already know the steps.  Everyone dances in
     perfect synch.

                         BARKER
                      (southern twang)
               And a left-right-quarterstep-back
               step-halfstep -- a left-right-
               quarterstep-backstep-halfstep --
               a left-right-quarterstep-backstep
               halfstep --

     AT THE ENTRANCE, Bala smiles mischievously at her handmaidens.

                         BALA
               I'm going to ask one of these
               mindless, primitive worker-types to
               dance with me!

                         HANDMAIDEN #1
               But General Formica would be furious!

                         BALA
                      (enjoying the idea)
               I know.

     The handmaidens are appalled.  Bala whirls away from them,
     sets her sights and searches the crowd -- zeroing in on --

     Z, who's watching the other ants dance.

                         Z
               What a bunch of losers.  Mindless
               zombies capitulating to an oppressive
               system --

                         BALA
               Wanna dance?

     Bala's standing right there.  Z is instantly smitten.

                         Z
               Me?!  Yes!!!  I mean --
                      (regaining suavosity)
               Just let me finish my beer.

     Not breaking eye contact with Bala, Z smiles suavely.
     Reaches suavely for a beer.  Suavely grabs the candle in a
     glass jar off the bar.  Suavely singes his face.

     He plays it off with a rakish little laugh.  A bit
     apprehensive, Bala heads onto the floor.  Z follows her.

                         Z
               So uh -- how come I haven't seen you
               around here before?

                         BALA
                      (covering up)
               I work in the palace, I don't get out
               much.

                         Z
               The palace, hunh?  I bet those royals
               really live it up.  Of course they're
               all a little, you know, from
               inbreeding --

                         BALA
                      (shocked)
               What?

     Z and Bala step onto the dance floor with the rest of the
     ants, but Z can't do any of the steps.

                         Z
               Now, let's see, I -- it's been a
               while since I -- I think you --

     Bala watches Z, trying to follow along.  It's the blind
     leading the blind, as Z tries in vain to follow the barker's
     rapid instructions.

                         Z
               Here, I'll lead.

     Z starts doing his own, individual dance.  With a suave
     expression on his face, he leads Bala in a helter-skelter
     mixture-of Tango, Charleston, and hand-jive.

                         BALA
               Are you sure this is a real dance?

                         Z
               Well, actually, uh -- I'm sort of
               making it up --

                         BALA
                      (surprised)
               Really?

                         Z
               Why should everyone dance the same
               way?  It's as exciting as watching
               fungus grow.

                         BALA
               You're right!

                         Z
                      (surprised)
               You -- you think I'm right?

                         BALA
               Why can't I just do whatever I want
               to do?  Why can't I just go wild?!
               Yahoo!

     Bala starts to get into it, making up her own steps in reply
     to Z's, loosening up, having fun.  For a moment, the two of
     them are actually sexy together.  Then they get a little too
     wild -- and the other ants, who are still doing their
     intricate dance, start to collide with Bala and Z.  Z almost
     knocks over a big soldier ant.  We can only see the ant's
     back at the moment.

                         SOLDIER
               Hey!  Watch your step, worker.

     Z has turned around to see the soldier ant, MAJOR MANDIBLE,
     glaring at him.  Mandible is about twice Z's size.  He's got
     one eye missing, and half of his left antenna his been chewed
     off.

                         BALA
               You watch yours, soldier, or my
               worker friend will beat you up!

                         Z
                      (terrified)
               Oh, that's okay, I'll let him off
               this time.
                      (whispering to Bala)
               Are you crazy?  This guy's built like
               a pebble!
                      (ineptly trying to
                       placate the soldier)
               You know they do great prosthetic
               antennas nowadays --

                         BALA
               Aren't you gonna stand up for
               yourself?

     Z's caught between a rock and a hard place.  He doesn't want
     to get beaten up, but on the other hand, he doesn't want to
     lose face in front of Bala.  More soldiers have gathered
     around, looking hostile.

                         SOLDIER
               How come you don't dance like the
               rest of us?

     Z glances over at Bala.  Then, shaking with nervousness, he
     says defiantly...

                         Z
               Because -- because I'm an individual!

                         SOLDIER #2
               An individual?  Never heard of it.

                         MANDIBLE
               You look like a worker to me.

                         WEAVER
               Hey, lay off my little buddy!

     Z, meanwhile, looks far away, ecstatic, as if he's just
     realized something very important.  Unfortunately, just at
     this moment, A soldier pushes Weaver...Weaver pushes him
     back...somebody makes a dive for Z -- and before you know it,
     there's a regular bar brawl going on, with Weaver in the
     middle of it, cracking heads together, punching ants in the
     face, having a great time.  Just then, the Princess'
     handmaidens hurries over.

                         HANDMAIDEN #1
               Princess Bala!  Princess Bala!

     Z, who's scrabbling around on the floor, overhears.

                         Z
               Princess?  You're a Princess?

                         HANDMAIDEN #2
               The police are coming!

                         BALA
               Uh oh.
                      (to Z)
               Goodbye!  Gotta run!

                         Z
               Wait!  When can I see you again?

                         BALA
               Let me think.  Hmmnn...
                      (thinks)
               Never.  Bye!

     Bala rushes off with her handmaiden, just before a squad of
     whistle-blowing POLICE wade into the crowd.

                         Z
               Wait!  Princess!  Wait!

     But she's already gone, leaving Z holding her scarf.

                                              CUT TO:

     INT. DORMITORY - THE NEXT DAY

     Z is talking to Weaver, who's getting ready to go off to war.
     Nearby, columns of ant soldiers march by.

                         WEAVER
               Get real, Z!  She just dropped the
               scarf by accident!

                         Z
               Are you kidding?  There were sparks
               between us!  This scarf is a sign!

                         WEAVER
               It's a sign that you're crazy!  Do
               you know what the penalty for
               impersonating a soldier is?

                         Z
               What's gonna go wrong?!  I take your
               place for the royal inspection.  Bala
               comes strolling down the line, she
               sees me -- bingo!  Love is rekindled,
               and she takes me up to the palace for
               a little...
                      (wags his eyebrows
                       suggestively)