Army of Darkness

He is general of the army of Deadites. He thrusts a rusted sword into the air and shouts in a gritty voice:

EVIL ASH

Who rules? !

WIDE SHOT – ONE HUNDRED ARMORED SKELETONS

Raise their swords into the air with a shout.

EXT. CASTLE – DAY

THREE TRUMPETERS stand atop the castle wall and sound their trumpets! CAMERA PANS to reveal...

THE 1973 DELTA 88 OLDSMOBILE

Being pulled by a team of men and horses, inside the castle walls. Ash is behind the steering wheel.

INT. CASTLE – BLACKSMITH SHOP – DAY

ASH AND THE BLACKSMITH look under the hood of the Delta 88, parked in the Blacksmith's shop.

THE DELTA'S ENGINE

Is shattered.

ASH

Frowns.

ASH AND THE BLACKSMITH

Pour molten iron into a large sand mold.

THE SAND

Is brushed away revealing gear wheels.

HAMMERS

Beat upon red hot iron, fashioning helicopter like rotor blades.

THE BLACKSMITH'S STOVE

Is lowered into the Delta's engine compartment.

EXT. CASTLE COURTYARD – DAY

ASH walks along, inspecting a line of forty medieval warriors who stand at attention. He halts before a warrior and stares hard at him. The Warrior glances towards Ash.

ASH

You eyeballin' me boy?

WARRIOR #9

No, M'Lord.

ASH

I can't hear you!

WARRIOR #9

NO, M'LORD!!

ASH

You squeekin' like a mouse! Are you a mouse boy?!

WARRIOR #9

NO, M'LORD!

ASH

Where you from, mouse? !

WARRIOR #9

I hail from the village of Perth.

ASH

Only two things come from Perth: Steers and queers. Which are you?

EXT. MOUNTAIN – DAY

ASH takes charcoal from a dead fire and chips of dried cow dung. He mixes them with sulfur.

THE BLACK POWDER

Is bound up in a small satchel and affixed to an arrow.

GOLD TOOTH

Lights the fuse with a torch.

ASH

Draws back and releases the arrow. ZING!

THE ARROW

Imbeds in a wooden post and EXPLODES. Large pieces of wood are sent flying.

ARTHUR'S WARRIORS

Watch in awe.

EXT. CASTLE LOOKOUT TOWER – DUSK

THE CASTLE BELL is rung madly. The signal for battle stations.

A WARRIOR

Rides in through the castle gates screaming:

WARRIOR

They're coming! The Deadites approach!

INT. CASTLE COURTYARD

A look of shock and fear on all the faces. ASH comes into frame. CAMERA CRANES UP with him as he scales the ladder to the lookout tower. He peers out to the darkening horizon.

ASH

Hears them before he sees them: The sound of clicking bones. Painful moans of tortured souls, the clanging of approaching armor.

ASH'S POV – THE HORIZON

Fifty distant silhouettes of the Evil Dead appear on the horizon. Then fifty more.

EXT. BATTLEFIELD TRACKING SHOT

THREE KILTED SKELETON SCOTSMEN play rotted bagpipes as they march toward the castle. A haunted battle melody. Behind them...

SKELETON #1

Plays the drums upon a set of hollow skulls.

SKELETON #2

Takes a leg bone upon a third skeleton's ribs. A bone xylophone. A bone-o-phone.

SKELETON #3, #4 AND #5

Blow into arm bones forming woodwind section.

FOUR VIKING SKELETONS

CAMERA TRACKING with these helmeted skeletons as they march. They are clad in rusting suits of armor, wielding swords and spears. Nasty grins on their faces. One hobbles past on his wooden leg.

EVIL ASH AND SHEILA

Ride their steeds to a halt atop a hill.

A SKELETON AND DEADITE CAPTAIN

Ride alongside Evil Ash and salute him sharply.

SKELETON CAPTAIN

M'Lord! We are positioned on both fronts!

EVIL ASH

Where are they keeping my book?

SKELETON CAPTAIN #1

Most likely... there, in the castle's keep. It would be the safest place. It is behind two walls that must be taken first.

EVIL ASH
Excellent. Proceed.

SKELETON CAPTAIN #1

With a sweep of his arm, he waves the Army of rot.

SKELETON CAPTAIN #1

Forward!

THE MACABRE MARCHING BAND

Now pound the attack beat on their drums.

A LINE OF DEADITES

Advance toward the castle. Some crouch behind wooden barricades which they roll before them.

EXT. CASTLE – ATOP THE WALL

ASH, ARTHUR AND THE WARRIORS

ASH

Arrows!

ARTHUR

Load!

TWELVE ARCHERS

Pull back arrows on their bow strings. Each arrow has a small charge of black powder attached to it.

ASH

Torch boy!

A TORCH BOY

Runs behind the archers, lighting the fuses on each of the powder charges. As the last arrow is lit....

ARTHUR

Looks to the approaching army.

THE LINE OF DEADITES

Rolls their wooden barricades closer.