AS GOOD AS IT GETS
(to Simon)
Well, your luck is holding. They
sublet your place. You're
homeless. Frank's got a line on
another place you can use for now.
SIMON
Another place where?
MELVIN
Does it matter?
Melvin gets in -- goes to the glove compartment for a
special CD labelled "For Emergency Use Only." As it
PLAYS a confessional love SONGS:
CAROL
I don't want to hear that music
right now.
MELVIN
What do you mean? You said you
liked it.
CAROL
I don't.
MELVIN
This one has a special meaning.
CAROL
It's your car but I don't want to
hear it. If that means anything.
Melvin hesitates and then turns OFF the SONG in mid-
proclamation of love.
EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING (NEW YORK) - NIGHT
As the car arrives... They get out...
MELVIN
Here are the keys to my apartment.
I'm going to park you in my place
while I take Carol home.
CAROL
(hefting bag)
I'll take a bus.
MELVIN
I'll take you... why not?
CAROL
I don't care what you did for me.
I don't think I want to know you
anymore -- all you do is make me
feel badly about myself.
(turning to Simon)
You have my number.
SIMON
(hugging her)
I love you...
(sotto)
Let him take you home.
CAROL
Don't want to. I love you.
She shakes her head and walks off. Simon looking at
Melvin with some sympathy.
MELVIN
Don't say anything.
INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT KITCHEN - NIGHT
Where Verdell's ears prick.
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT
As they enter.
MELVIN (O.S.)
I told you to go on in.
SIMON (O.S.)
Look, I've got to get a hold of
Frank and see where I'm hanging my
hat 'cause...
The door opens, revealing them:
MELVIN
I think you gotta camp it here...
SIMON
What are you talking about?
The dog vaults toward them -- all else forgotten as the
dog greets his two favorite people and they talk to him.
SIMON
(to Verdell)
I know the feeling -- you feel
like your ol' self again, huh? --
Mommy and Daddy are home.
Melvin reacts.
SIMON
Sorry... You're fun to mess with.
Melvin gets up... Simon notices some of his paintings.
MELVIN
They took your place furnished.
Jackie said she grabbed your
personal stuff -- they were
supposed to set you up here.
(leading the way)
There's this extra room -- I
never use. It gets good light.
No other answer really.
Simon follows.
INT. SIMON'S NEW ROOM - NIGHT
As they enter... the room clean and organized -- a small
but lovely garret.
SIMON
Thank you, Melvin. You overwhelm
me.
MELVIN
They did a nice job... Cozy, huh?
SIMON
I love you.
Melvin looks at him finally -- pretensions fall.
MELVIN
I'll tell you, buddy, I'd be the
luckiest guy alive if that did it
for me.
INT. CAROL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
As Carol unpacks, she gives gifts to her mother and
Spencer. But clearly something gnaws at her psyche.
INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
Melvin's two digital clocks are two minutes apart... each
around 1:55 a.m... He sits in a chair still fully
dressed... forlorn... Verdell in his lap. A beat then we
hear Simon's whispered voice.
SIMON (O.S.)
Where is my big hairy boy?
Melvin is alarmed. He stops breathing as his gay houseguest
approaches.
SIMON (O.S.)
Verdell, sweeties?
Melvin breathes again. Simon enters the room.
SIMON
Sorry, didn't know you were awake.
I just thought Verdell shouldn't
get too used to sleeping in here
'cause then...
MELVIN
Look, we both want the dog --
and...
The PHONE RINGS... they look at each other. Melvin
doesn't move.
SIMON
Should I get it?
Melvin nods. Simon walks into the next room... several
beats as he finds the phone. We hear him pick it up and:
SIMON (O.S.)
Hello.
ON SIMON
SIMON
(into phone)
Hello. It's me. He took me in.
Did you know? Hold on, I'll get
him for you.
He walks back to Melvin's room.
INT. MELVIN'S ROOM - NIGHT
As he enters.
SIMON
It's Carol.
Melvin is quickly out of his chair -- the dog in one
mitt... he thrusts it at Simon.
MELVIN
Here. Take the dog.
As he speeds him out...
SIMON
Good luck.
INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
As Melvin picks up the phone... He clears his throat
loudly. Following is INTERCUT between Carol and Melvin
-- the first such CUT showing Carol blasted by the throat
clearing.
MELVIN
Hello.
CAROL
Yeah... Well...
MELVIN
(very concerned)
How you doing?
CAROL
I can trust my brain.
MELVIN
That seems like a good choice.
CAROL
I don't know whether I'm being
sensible or hard on you.
MELVIN
The two might go together.
CAROL
See. There's an example. I don't
know whether you're being cute or
crazy now.
MELVIN
(what the hell)
Cute.
CAROL
You don't have to answer
everything I say. Just listen to
me. Okay?
He nods his head, "yes."
CAROL
It's really something that you're
looking after Simon. And what I
said on the street. That was a
bad thing to say. And it made me
sick to my stomach. It was a bad
thing to say. And I'd be lying if
I didn't say that I enjoyed your
company... but the truth is you do
bother me enormously and I know --
think -- that it's best for me to
not have contact with you because
you're just not ready and you're a
pretty old guy to not be ready...
and I'm too old to ignore that.
But there were extraordinary
kindnesses that did take place.
So thanks for the trips...
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