AS GOOD AS IT GETS

 INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 Melvin enters -- the dog cowers in the shadows. Now
 Melvin sees him.

      MELVIN
      You're dead!!

 VERDELL STOPS -- gives Melvin wide berth -- slinking
 along the far wall. Melvin finds Verdell's fear of him a
 bit calming.

      MELVIN
      I don't have dog food. And I
      won't want dog food here. You'll
      eat what we have. You'll eat what
      we eat.

 Melvin exits. Verdell is in a major funk.

 INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - NIGHT

 Melvin breaks two eggs over a large pile of prime chopped
 meat, sticks raw pieces of bacon into it and exits the
 room.

      MELVIN
      Don't you touch anything.

 INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 Verdell cringing as his new master approaches -- MUSIC
 CONTINUES ominously. Melvin sets the bowl down and
 exits...  Verdell breathes excitedly though looking
 alternately in all directions... his recent past making
 him suspect this feast is a trick. He sniffs
 cautiously -- then dives in -- GOTHIC MUSIC CHANGING on a
 dime TO SCORE his RAPTURE... from O.S. we hear the sound
 of RUNNING WATER as steam escapes the bathroom -- then
 MUSIC OUT -- as Melvin returns...  ignoring Verdell he
 sits at the piano and his one key repeatedly. It's odd.
 Verdell shifts his body so he is eating from the bowl
 with his tail to Melvin. Then Melvin begins to play and
 sing Monty Python's "Always Look On The Bright Side Of
 Life," with its cheerful whistle refrain. Verdell looks
 over with surprise and pleasure. But just as mood lifts
 and warmth threatens, Melvin stops abruptly, turns out
 the lights and exits.

 INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY

 Frank on the phone.

      FRANK
       (into phone)
      Put the solid red dots on three of
      them and the hold blue dots on two
      others...  Well, we're not going to
      sell anything if they know we're
      two weeks into a show and have no
      sales. No, you can't reduce a
      price at this stage...  We're in
      free fall here. Any calls?

      JACKIE
      We can see him.

      FRANK
      I'll meet you in there.

 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

 As Jackie enters.

      JACKIE
      How you doing, great one?

      SIMON
      I haven't looked at myself yet. I
      figured I could tell from your
      reaction.

 He turns toward her. Much of his body -- taped -- his
 painting hand wrapped. Simon's face is something of a
 horror. Swollen, one savage discolored cut. We are into
 yuccchhh...  The sight is a jolt. Jackie breaks into
 tears...  sobs, actually.

      SIMON
      That bad, huh?

 They share a helpless half-laugh -- then Frank appears in
 the doorway.

      FRANK
      Hey, hey...
       (as he sees him)
      Haaa...  bad but temporary. The
      nurses say it's much better than
      you looked three weeks ago...  the
      hand will come back...  they're
      sure...

      SIMON
      Jackie, will you hand me the
      mirror?

      JACKIE
       (a small voice)
      No.

 She starts to hand him a large mirror from her purse --
 then thinks better of it.

      JACKIE
      Wait, I have a smaller one.

 But he holds out his hand and she gives him the mirror --
 he starts to look -- then thinks better of it.

      SIMON
      So, what's new anyway? How's
      Verdell?

      FRANK
       (sheepish)
      Your neighbor -- Udall -- is
      taking care of him.

      SIMON
       (suddenly alive and upset)
      How could you do that? He'll hurt
      him.

      FRANK
      No, I promise...  not a chance. I
      own this guy. There was no one
      else. I'm on the move too much.
      Trust me.

      SIMON
      You are very certain my dog is
      okay...  because you have no
      idea...

      FRANK
      Yes. Your dog is fine, Simon.

 Simon holds the mirror poised for a moment of discovery,
 then he takes a breath -- like someone about to dive
 underwater. First a small, mumbled pep talk to himself.

      SIMON
      Okay, waiting gives the devil
      time. Now!

 He quickly brings his hand up and looks at the mirror... 
 he is startled -- the bottom drops out -- leaving him
 awed by his misfortune.

      SIMON
      Oh my... Where'd I go? Ummmm?

 EXT. CAROL'S RESTAURANT - DAY

 AN ESTABLISHING SHOT FEATURING Verdell tied up in front.

 INT. CAROL'S RESTAURANT - DAY

 Melvin finishing a plate of eggs, bacon and sausage with
 his plastic knife and fork. Carol looks totally beat as
 she sets down a cup of coffee. Melvin is craning
 periodically to keep an eye of his dog.

      CAROL
      So what are you doing with a dog?

      MELVIN
      Suckered in. Set up. Pushed
      around.

      CAROL
      You're not worried that someone
      might take him?

      MELVIN
      Well, not until now -- for
      Christ's sake.

      CAROL
      Sorry.

      MELVIN
      It's okay -- I'll sit here.

 He changes tables for the first time ever so that he can
 keep an eye on Verdell. Carol is amazed.

      CAROL
      You know he's a little dog. Next
      time, if Bryan's not here, you can
      bring him in.

      MELVIN
      How old are you?

      CAROL
      Oh, please...

      MELVIN
      If I had to guess by your eyes,
      I'd say you were fifty.

 Carol looks at him.

      CAROL
      And if I had to guess by your
      eyes. I'd say you were kind. So,
      so much for eyes. But as long as
      you bring up age...  how old are
      you?

      MELVIN
       (quickly)
      Otherwise, you're not ugly.

      CAROL
       (laughs out loud)
      Okay, pal...  I accept the
      compliment, but go easy -- my
      knees start a-knocking when you
      turn on the charm full blast.

      MELVIN
      What's with the dark?

 He indicates the bags under her eyes by tapping his own.

      CAROL
      Dawn patrol -- major dawn patrol.
      My son had a full blown attack.
      And this time, for extra fun, they
      gave us the wrong antibiotics, so
      I get him home...

 She reaches for the plate of uneaten bacon -- he goes
 nuts.

      MELVIN
      No...  no...  leave it...  the
      bacon's for the dog.

 She is jolted by the insensitivity of his interruption,
 but he doesn't notice, turning, almost chatty.

      MELVIN
      Last week I was playing the piano
      for him and he likes it, and so I
      decide I'm going to make a little
      joke...

      CAROL
      You all set here?

 Melvin nods -- a bit frustrated about not being able to
 finish his dog story. He pockets the remaining bacon.

 EXT. NEW YORK STREET - DAY

 As Melvin walks Verdell back home, we notice, perhaps a
 beat before Melvin, a remarkably event. Verdell is
 avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk.

      MELVIN
      It's a beautiful day for our walk.

 Melvin slows -- observes the dog mirroring his behavior.

 ON VERDELL

 again carefully placing his paws to avoid a crack in the
 sidewalk. Melvin laughs out loud -- puts on plastic
 gloves hurriedly so he can lift the dog to eye level.

      MELVIN
      Don't be like me, don't you be
      like me. You stay just the way
      you are because you are a perfect
      man. I'm gonna take you home and
      get you something to eat...  what
      you love.

 ANOTHER ANGLE

      FEMALE PASSERSBY
       (charmed)
      Ohhh. I'd like to be treated like
      that.

      MELVIN
       (all smiles to Verdell)
      Let's go home and do some writing.

 INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 Melvin whaling away at his computer, reading to himself
 with great satisfaction as he goes.

 Verdell sits at his chair, fascinated by the speed of his
 master's fingers on the keyboard. He reads his writing
 aloud to the dog.

      MELVIN
      "He turned off the gas jets and
      carried her outside. He kissed
      her brow and when her eyes opened
      and found him, he said, 'there are
      easier ways to break a date.' She
      laughed. The only sensible
      ambition he had ever known was now
      realized. He had made the girl
      happy. And what a girl. 'You've
      saved my life,' she said, 'you'd
      better make it up to me.'"

 Exhilarated by his own words, he shuts down the machine...

      MELVIN
       (singing to Verdell)
      Done!
       (playing with him some)
      Yes, I hate the doggy...  yes, I
      hate the doggy.

 He exits.

      MELVIN (V.O.)
      Sixty-two books... done!

 As the dog goes shooting off to the kitchen we leave our
 couple's play time for...

 INT. SIMON'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM/LIVING ROOM/HALLWAY - DAY

 As the rookie invalid awakens in precisely the same foul
 mood he'd had on falling asleep. In the living room, the
 maid, NORA, is talking with Jackie -- we catch only a few
 words as they review Simon's mounting pile of bills and
 talk of how long Nora can stay on.

 INT. NEW YORK APARTMENT BUILDING - HALLWAY - DAY

 Frank knocking on Melvin's door. He opens it.

      FRANK
      How's Verdell doing?

      MELVIN
      He's a pain in the ass.

 As he looks over at the dog, Verdell trots over and,
 without realizing it, Melvin smiles at him to Frank's
 surprise.

      FRANK
      Simon's home. I was sort of
      hoping you could keep the dog
      until he's had a chance to think
      and adjust...

      MELVIN
       (leaping at the chance)
      It's been five weeks...  another
      few won't kill me.

      FRANK
      No. He wants him back. He'll be
      by tomorrow.

      MELVIN
       (too loudly, weirdly)
      Okay by me.

 Frank exits.

 INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY

 Melvin sits -- Verdell looks up at him. Melvin walks to
 the door. He turns the lock... then checks that they are
 locked...  checks again to make sure he turned them in the
 correct direction...  turns from the door...  then back to
 check once more. And again...  and again...  anguished,
 until now he breaks briefly, the dog looking on.

 INT. NEW YORK BUILDING - MELVIN'S APARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY

 Melvin opens the door -- looks at the scarred Simon in a
 wheelchair and shudders...

      MELVIN
      That's some face they left hanging
      on you. You look like...

      SIMON
       (interrupting)
      Could you take it just a little
      easy, Mr. Udall?

 A beat of silence as Melvin thinks whether to comply.

      SIMON
      Thank you. Verdell...  sweetheart?
       (to Melvin)
      By the way, thanks for saving me.

      MELVIN
      I called. I never touched you. I
      didn't leave my name or nothing.

      SIMON
       (not listening)
      Verdell?

 ON VERDELL

 Totally weirded out...  hiding behind Melvin...  now Melvin
 shifts and Simon and Verdell see each other...  Simon
 smiles at the dog...  he is emotionally caught up in the
 reunion.

      SIMON
      Hi, sweetheart.

 Verdell isn't eager.

 ON SIMON

 The first gnawing pains of rejection.

 INT. SIMON'S APARTMENT - DAY

 Simon pats his leg -- trying unsuccessfully to get
 Verdell to approach him. Instead the dog goes to the
 door and scratches at it. Jackie starts to pick the dog
 up.

      SIMON
      No. Please, don't force him.

      JACKIE
       (to dog)
      You little stinker. He's given
      you everything.

 INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY

 MELVIN'S POV

 Verdell's towel on the floor -- near his bowl.

 BACK TO SCENE

 Melvin's lips compress... he sits on the piano bench and
 hits a few keys...  looks at Verdell's empty spot again... 
 there are those who "get the joke" -- Melvin is clearly
 one -- he laughs suddenly and helplessly even as he feels
 the panic rise in him...

 ...  all his painstaking success in keeping the lid on and
 now it threatens to blow for a reason he articulates.

      MELVIN
      Over the dog...  an ugly dog.

 It's hilarious. But now the humor detours. An actual
 sob is choked back...  he gets up -- following a definite
 pattern across the room. He is conducting a small but
 highest-stakes fight for survival. Momentarily a scared,
 beaten middle-aged man -- he races out the door.

 EXT. NYC STREETS - DAY

 Melvin charging as fast as crack checks allow and then
 turning into a building with a copper sign reading
 "Grammercy Park Psychiatric Group."

      MELVIN
      Worst sidewalk in New York and
      look where they put in.

 INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY