AS GOOD AS IT GETS

 Melvin bursts in on the psychiatrist and emits one word.

      MELVIN
      Help!

      DOCTOR
      If you want to see me you will not
      do this. You will make an
      appointment...

      MELVIN
      Explain to me how you can diagnose
      someone as "obsessive compulsive
      disorder" and then act like I have
      any choice in barging in.

      DOCTOR
      There's not going to be a debate.
      You must leave.

 The Doctor moves into the hallway, forcing Melvin to
 follow.

      MELVIN
      You said you could help me --
      what was that -- a tease?

      DOCTOR
      I can help you if you take the
      responsibility to keep regular
      app --

      MELVIN
       (suddenly)
      You changed the room around...

      DOCTOR
      Two years ago...

 Melvin shakes his head -- as if things weren't bad enough
 he must go through a careful exercise noting every new
 element before he's at all comfortable... as he studies
 each object. The Doctor is professionally intrigued
 despite himself.

      DOCTOR
      I also regrew my beard...  but
      you're not interested in changes
      in me... so it's like I always
      told you...  when it comes to
      people you...

      MELVIN
      Shhhhhhh. I don't have this
      mountain of available time...  I
      got to get to my restaurant on
      time. Do you know how hard it is
      for me to be here?

      DOCTOR
      Yes.
       (as Melvin starts
        for the office)
      No.

 INT. PSYCHIATRISTS' WAITING ROOM - DAY

 More PATIENTS in the almost-crowded waiting room. Melvin
 passes through -- visibly drawn and upset. He stops.
 Eyes on them. Then:

      MELVIN
       (to other patients)
      What if this is as good as it
      gets?

 They look stricken. He exits.

 INT. CAROL'S RESTAURANT - DAY

 As he walks to his booth and sits down. Enormous relief.
 CHERYL, a heavy-set waitress, reluctantly moves to his
 table -- unseen by Melvin as he takes out his utensils
 and arranges them. In a corner booth, four big TRANSIT
 AUTHORITY POLICE are having a meal together. Cheryl
 looks at his utensils.

      CHERYL
      What the heck are those for?

      MELVIN
      No. No. Get Carol.

      CHERYL
      I'm filling in. We don't know if
      she's coming back. She might have
      to get a job closer to home.

      MELVIN
      What are you trying to do to me?

      CHERYL
      What the heck do you mean?

      MELVIN
      Hey, elephant girl, call her or
      something...  just let her do my
      one meal here. I'll pay whatever.
      I'll wait.
       (as she doesn't
        budge; he screams)
      Do it!!!

 The MANAGER comes over, gesturing to the table of police
 that he can handle it. All attention is on Melvin.

      MANAGER
      Out. Be silent or leave.

      MELVIN
      I'll be quiet. Just let me wait.
      No problem. Get her here -- have
      her get me two sausages, four
      bacon, two eggs over easy and
      coffee. I'm not a prick here --
      I'm a great customer. This day is
      a disaster. I can't handle this,
      too.

      MANAGER
      Get out immediately or there's
      going to be trouble.

 Melvin looks at the police, sizes up the hopeless
 situation and rises.

      MELVIN
      There's going to be trouble???

 He walks toward the door as Cheryl and all the other
 employees applaud his defeat. As he passes a BUSBOY near
 the door he hands him 20 dollars.

      MELVIN
      Carol's last name?

      BUSBOY
      Connelly.

 EXT. BROOKLYN STREET - DAY

 An uncomfortable Melvin sitting in the back of a taxi.

 MELVIN'S POV

 A neighborhood in Brooklyn -- a community. Melvin, ever
 the shark observer, looks from the cab to see slices of
 community life -- MEN in front of a bar, PARENTS giving
 their CHILD a ride on a mechanical horse outside a local
 store -- two YOUNG WOMEN discuss dating.

 EXT. CAROL'S BUILDING - DAY

 As he exits -- RINGS the BELL and is BUZZED in.

 INT. CAROL'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DOOR/HALLWAY - DAY

 Carol opens the door just as he arrives on her landing.
 She holds a container of ice, washclothes and a
 thermometer.

      MELVIN
      I'm hungry.
       (on Carol's astonished
        look)
      You've upset my whole day. I
      haven't eaten.

      CAROL
      What are you doing here?

 Melvin ignores the question, instead answering a charge
 he had imagined she might make...

      MELVIN
      This is not a sexist thing. If
      you were a waiter I would still be
      here saying...

      CAROL
      Are you totally gone? This is my
      private home...

      MELVIN
      I am trying to keep emotions out of
      this. Even though this is an
      important issue to me and I have
      strong feelings about the subject.

      CAROL
      What subject? That I wasn't there
      to take crap from you and bring
      you eggs? Do you have any control
      over how creepy you allow yourself
      to get?

      MELVIN
      Yes, I do, as a matter of fact...
      and to prove it I have not gotten
      personal and you have. Why aren't
      you at work? You're not sick --
      you don't look sick... just very
      tired and bitter.

      CAROL
      My son is sick, okay?

 Even saying the sentence, "My son is sick" pushes some
 emotions toward the surface which are wasted on the crazy
 man at her threshold.

      MELVIN
      What about your mother?

      CAROL
      How do you know about my mother?

      MELVIN
      I hear you talk when I'm
      waiting!!!

 She crosses to the sink to dump the ice. Melvin takes a
 step inside. Spencer, seven and looking ill, walks into
 the room.

      CAROL
      Sorry, honey...  I'll be right
      there.

      MELVIN
       (uncomfortably)
      How ya doing?

 Spencer just stares at him.

      MELVIN
       (miffed)
      You should answer when someone
      talks to you...

 Carol eyes Melvin with disgust and disbelief then
 emphatically gestures him to "clear out." Melvin backs
 out the door.

      CAROL
      Sorry. There is a limit, Melvin,
      and I can't handle you teaching
      my son manners.

 She closes the door in his face, then walks to her son
 and leads him back to his room.

 INT. SPENCER'S ROOM

 CAMERA MOVES TOWARD mother and son sitting on the edge of
 Spencer's bed. She holds a digital thermometer to his
 ear. They both count down the seconds.

      CAROL AND SPENCER
      5...  4...  3...  2...  1...  Bingo.

      SPENCER
      104.9

      CAROL
      We are going to treat ourselves to
      a cab ride.

 EXT. BROOKLYN SIDEWALK - ANGLE ON CAROL - DAY

 As Carol carries her young son through a class of
 uniformed KIDS from a Catholic elementary school. She
 spots Melvin about to enter a cab.

      CAROL
      Melvin, wait!

 The school kids pick up the chant in unison.

      SCHOOL KIDS
      Melvin, wait! Melvin, wait!
      Melvin, wait!

 He turns to face them.

      MELVIN
      Shut up, kids!

 They immediately obey as Carol approaches him.

      CAROL
      Melvin...  give us a lift. We've
      got to go see our friends at the
      hospital.

 Melvin is thrown...  he pauses a beat...  then holds the
 rear door open as Carol hustles the kid inside. The
 maneuver puts the beet red, sweating Spencer at his face.

      MELVIN
      I'll ride up front. Cover your
      mouth when you cough, kid.

 INT. BROOKLYN CAB - DAY

 As they settle in and drive off.

      CAROL
      Brooklyn Presbyterian Hospital,
      please and quickly please.

 EXT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY

 As Carol enters the hospital.

      CAROL
       (calling back)
      I owe you three dollars.

 Melvin follows behind her as she carries her son...

      MELVIN
      Yeah, yeah...  any chance you'll
      get back to work today?

      CAROL
       (furiously)
      No!!! Stay away from me!

 INT. SIMON'S APARTMENT - DAY

 Verdell lies just inside the front door whimpering for
 Melvin. Jackie sits across from Simon's wheel chair... 
 she has some index cards in her laps which she
 occasionally consults and shuffles.

      JACKIE
      I feel terrible that I have to...
      Simon? Forget about the dog for a
      second.

 Simon forces his attention to Jackie.

      SIMON
      Sorry. What are those cards?

      JACKIE
       (a bit embarrassed)
      Frank's idea. He thought I should
      have notes so I did this right...
      maintained focus, didn't get
      emotional and tried not to terrify
      you.

      SIMON
       (scared shitless)
      Terrify me?

      JACKIE
      See, he's right. I need the
      cards.
       (reading from cards)
      Simon, you're broke.

 ANGLE ON VERDELL

 as their conversation continues -- the dog is distressed.

      JACKIE (O.S.)
      The medical bill are 61 thousand
      now. I've spoken to your parents
      and they didn't hang up or
      anything -- they just said they
      would feel strange calling you.

      SIMON (O.S.)
      Well, I can't reach them.

 Verdell walks out on the terrace and looks off. He turns
 for:

      SIMON
       (to Verdell)
      Here, baby...  what is it,
      Verdell?...  You miss the tough
      guy...
       (trying to be
        Melvin-like)
      Well, here I am, you little pissant
      mop, happy to see me? How about
      another ride down the chute? Oh,
      God...  I don't mean it,
      sweetheart...
       (on Jackie's look)
      I'm sorry. I know...

 Verdell hides behind a chair.

      JACKIE
      Frank loves you. You know that...
      but I've spoken to him and he
      feels that --
       (reading from card)
      -- as a businessman, with limited
      resources...

      SIMON
      I'll be able to keep my apartment
      and studio, won't I?...  Just tell
      me.

 As Jackie looks at him then thumbs for a card.

      SIMON
       (overwhelmed)
  Wow...

 Verdell has come near him -- he reaches out a hand to pet
 the dog and the dog ducks.

 INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT - DAY

 He is trying to write. He can't. His world has been upset.
 He walks away from his work -- a highly unusual act. He
 is distressed -- and then an idea and he exits.

 INT. PUBLISHER'S OFFICE - DAY

 We are looking at ZOE, the receptionist. She is listening
 with interest to an O.S. conversation while answering
 phone calls, "Premier Publishing."

      FEMALE EXECUTIVE (O.S.)
      Yes, you write more than anyone
      else. Yes, you make us a lot of
      money, but isn't there someone
      more appropriate to...

      MELVIN (O.S.)
      I need this. Just say, "Melvin,
      I'll try," okay?

      FEMALE EXECUTIVE (O.S.)
       (resigned)
      Melvin, I'll try.

 They appear now -- the woman tall, attractive, etc. She
 pauses at the elevator.

      FEMALE EXECUTIVE
      Now, on a pleasant note, our son
      got accepted at Brown. My
      husband...

      MELVIN
       (curtly)
      Great, wonderful. I don't need
      you to wait with me.

 She nods, pissed, waves and leaves. As Melvin waits, Zoe
 summons her moxie.

      ZOE
      I can't resist. You usually move
      through here so quickly and I have
      so many questions I want to ask
      you. You have no idea what your
      work means to me.

      MELVIN
      What's it mean?

      ZOE
      That somebody out there knows what
      it's like to be...
       (taps her head and heart)
      in here.

      MELVIN
      Oh God, this is like a nightmare.

      ZOE
      Aw come on, just a couple of
      questions -- how hard is that?

 As he hits the button, wipes his fingers, hits the button
 etc.