DROP DEAD GORGEOUS

DROP DEAD GORGEOUS 

       FADE IN:

       EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - MINNESOTA - DAY

       Vintage black and white stock footage of some farms and
       farmhouses.
                                                       DISSOLVE TO:

       EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY

       Color footage of cotton fields passing by.  We FREEZE and

                                                    FADE TO BLACK.

       TITLE WIPES IN:

                  1995 MARKED THE FIFTIETH ANNIVERSARY

                OF THE NATION'S OLDEST BEAUTY CONTEST...

        THE SARAH ROSE COSMETICS AMERICAN TEEN PRINCESS PAGEANT

                  A DOCUMENTARY FILM CREW WAS SENT TO

                       A SMALL TOWN IN MINNESOTA

                     TO COMMEMORATE THIS OCCASSION.

       INT. PAGEANT AUDITORIUM - MOUNT ROSE - DAY

       Vintage blue-toned stock footage of a teenage beauty
       pageant contestant.  LEGS WIPE IN.

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER
                           (O.S.)
                 Sarah Rose knows you're a beautiful
                 person....

       Blue-toned stock footage of a long row of beauty pageant
       contestants on stage.

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
                 Sarah Rose knows you have an unusual
                 talent.  Sarah Rose knows you're a
                 teenage girl.

       Blue-toned stock footage of the row of contestants
       parading down some steps from the stage as CAMERA TILTS
       DOWN.

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
                 Mmm, and she definitely knows that you
                 are ready for the ultimate teen
                 glamour.

       ROUSING PATRIOTIC MUSIC.  FAST PACED CUTS feature SMILING
       TEENAGE CONTESTANTS dancing and waving American flags. 
       APPLAUSE!

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER
                           (cont'd)
                 The American Teen Princess Pageant.

       Each contestant wears a BANNER ACROSS her dress reading:
       AMERICAN TEEN PRINCESS.

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
                 And now, a few words...

       ANGLE ON

       Contestants DROP, ROLL and form a STAR.  CHEERS!

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
                 ...from last year's host, Mr. Adam
                 West.

                           ADAM WEST
                 The American Teen Princess Pageant has
                 been enriching the lives of American-
                 made girls since 1945.

       TITLES FADE ON SCREEN: Adam West, TV's Batman, then FADE
       OUT.

                           ADAM WEST (cont'd)
                 The American Teen Princess Pageant
                 provides personal growth, scholarship,
                 travel, and you...

       Numerous contestants stand up in SHOT and SURROUND ADAM.

                           ADAM WEST (cont'd)
                 ...might even meet a few celebrities. 
                 At the national level, thousands of
                 seventeen year-old girls like
                 yourselves. and compete around the
                 country in places like:

                           MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER
                           (O.S.)
                 Beautiful Mount Rose, Minnesota.

                           ADAM WEST
                 And make it all the way here to
                 Lincoln, Alabama, to compete for the
                 title of American Teen Princess.

       LIGHTS come UP on the teenaged girls in the pageant as
       they pause.  As they WAVE AMERICAN FLAGS.  Adam West
       turns back to the camera.

                           ADAM WEST (cont'd)
                 And now, a few words from last year's
                 host, Mr. Adam West.

       Contestants strike a pose around him.  THUNDEROUS CANNED
       APPLAUSE!

                           ADAM WEST (cont'd)
                     (pointing to camera)
                 So, which one of you will it b--

       SCREEN SUDDENLY STATIC.

       INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - DAY

       SCENE from "DAYS OF OUR LIVES"

       PULL BACK to reveal the VIDEO is on a TV in front of a
       GROUP OF SEVENTEEN YEAR-OLD GIRLS, sitting in gym
       bleachers.

       [NOTE: The film is shot documentary style.  PEOPLE ARE
       REAL.  Their lives revolve around this pageant.  All
       speak with a THICK MINNESOTA ACCENT.]

       THREE "CIVIL SERVETTES," the local women's group. 
       [Picture unattractive Stepford Wives in matching
       windbreakers] stand beside GLADYS LEEMAN, 34, president. 
       She STOPS THE VIDEO.

                           GLADYS LEEMAN
                 Good God, Iris, you taped your shows
                 over it.

                           IRIS
                 Sorry.

       Gladys turns to the GIRLS in the bleachers.

       SUPER:  MOUNT ROSE, MINNESOTA   POPULATION: 5,076

                           GLADYS LEEMAN
                 Now ladies, the rest of the tape -
                 which is now gone forever - goes on
                 about startin' this great American
                 journey we call American Teen
                 Princess...Yah-so, any of you young
                 ladies who'd like to start on that
                 journey, you just come right down here
                 and sign up.  And please...help
                 yourselves to some coffee and bars...

                                                    SMASH EDIT TO:

       Gladys seated with middle-aged women.

                           GLADYS
                 Showtime.

       SUPER: GLADYS LEEMAN, LOCAL CHAIRMAN, PAGEANT ORGANIZING
       COMMITTEE.

                           DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
                 Do you think that most people would
                 say that teenage beauty pageants are a
                 good idea?

                           GLADYS
                 Oh yah-sure, I know what some of your
                 big city, no bra wearin', hairy-legged
                 women's libbers say, "Pageants are old-
                 fashioned" and, uh, and "demeaning" to
                 the girls --

                           IRIS
                     (jumping in)
                 What's sick is women dressin' like
                 men!

       Civil Servettes stare at her a beat.

                           GLADYS
                 Uh... You betcha, Iris.
                     (quickly, back to camera)
                 Yah-I think yous boys'll find that
                 things are different here in Mount
                 Rose...

       Civil Servettes AD-LIB AGREEMENT.

                           GLADYS (cont'd)
                 For one thing, y'know, we're God
                 fearin' folk - every last one of us...

       Civil Servettes AD-LIB AGREEMENT.

                           GLADYS (cont'd)
                 You won't find a back room in our
                 video store...

       Servettes AD-LIB "AMEN.  YAH-YOU BETCHA." etc.

                           GLADYS (cont'd) (V.O.)
                 ...that filth is better left in the
                 "Sin Cities."

                           IRIS
                 A.k.a. Minneapolis - St. Paul.

       PULL AWAY from MINNEAPOLIS SKYLINE to COUNTRYSIDE.

       EXT. QUAINT MAIN STREET

       The camera drives down the street.

       EXT. PICTURESQUE MIDDLE-CLASS NEIGHBORHOODS

       The camera drives down the street.

       EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE

       A HAPPY FAMILY raises the AMERICAN FLAG.

       EXT. SUBURBAN DRIVEWAY

       BURLY GUYS look up from washing a FORD TRUCK.

       EXT. TRAILER PARK

       Sign next to it reads: "Welcome to Mount Rose, Home of
       Freda Klinghagen, Minnesota's Oldest Living Lutheran"
       complete with a photo of the extremely old woman smiling
       and waving.

       EXT. CREW VAN

       An ELDERLY COUPLE looks in the passenger window of the
       van.

                           ELDERLY MAN (MAYOR)
                 Oh, yah-sure, Freda, yah.  She was the
                 oldest livin' Lutheran.  Now she's
                 dead as a doornail.  It's them damn
                 Shriners who ain't taken that Goddamn
                 sign down yet - those lazy sons-a-
                 bitches...
                 I tells kem, I tells kem every goddamn
                 year, "Take the Goddamn Freda sign
                 down, you lazy sons-a-bitches!"

       SUPER: MAYOR OF MOUNT ROSE

       INT. GLADYS' VAN - DAY

       Through the window a family waves to Gladys.

       EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY

       Two BOYS play basketball in the driveway of their home.

       EXT. FRONT LAWN - DAY

       SMALL CHILDREN in bathing suits play on a lawn.  A boy
       shoots his water pistol.

       INT. LEEMAN STATION WAGON - AFTERNOON

       Civil Servettes and crew are piled in.  Gladys drives.

                           GLADYS
                 ...Today's "To Do" list includes a
                 trip to the Mall of America.  We need
                 outfits for the "Physical Fitness"
                 number --

                           IRIS
                 Nothin' too showy!

                           GLADYS
                 Y'betcha, Iris.  We still need a third
                 judge and we need to think of a theme.

       Servettes react with pleasure.

                           IRIS
                 Gladys -- Gladys!  Look out!

       A CAR SWERVES.

                           GLADYS
                 Oh, my!
                     (waving out window)
                 Hello, Father Donigan!  Sidewalks,
                 sidewalks?

       Iris mimes drinking, "glug, glug."

                           GLADYS (cont'd)
                 Iris, stop!
                     (to camera)
                 It's not his fault.  The communal wine
                 just proves too temptin' for some of
                 them.