FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF

I'm sorry, he's out. Can I help you?

JEANIE

(condescending)

I seriously doubt it. When's he back?

SECRETARY

I don't know. He left the grounds

on personal business.

132 EXT. STREET. CU. CURB 132

A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. Slide across to the

sidewalk. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement.

Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his

bile-green LeBaron. Rooney peels off his shades and looks

around like he's Dirty Harry. In his mind he is Dirty Harry.

CU. FIRE HYDRANT

Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. He ties his lace and

pulls up his sock.

EXT. STREET

Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy

hot dog joint.

133 INT. HOT DOG STAND 133

It's jammed with construction workers, secretaries, suburban

businessmen. It's loud and confusing. Rooney pushes his way

in and scopes the crowd.

HIS POV

A young person is playing a video game in a far corner.

CU. ROONEY

He suspects it's Ferris. It look sort of like Ferris. He

smiles and cuts into the crowd.

CU. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD

MOVE IN on the player.

ROONEY (OC)

I've been waiting a long time

for this.

The player looks up.

ROONEY (OC)

Your ass is mine.

The player turns around. It's a GIRL.

CU. ROONEY

The blood evacuates his face. He stares at the girl.

CU. GIRL

She stares at him. She picks up her Coke. She puts the straw

to her lips and sucks.

CU. ROONEY

He's still staring. He can't think of anything to say.

CU. GIRL

Holding the straw in the mouth, she draws it out of the cup.

She raises it, pointing it directly in Rooney's face.

CU. ROONEY

He squints

CU. GIRL

She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face.

CU. NAPKIN HOLDER

A hand yanks a napkin hold.

INT. HOT DOG STAND. SERVICE COUNTER

Rooney wipes his face. Behind him is the kitchen and a

grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game.

There's a long foul ball. The TV camera follows the ball

into the stands. A kid makes a stab at the ball. Rooney

wipes his suit off. The TV camera zooms in on the boy

triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. It's Ferris.

He does a little celebration dance. Rooney wads up the

napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. The TV camera returns to

the game. Rooney glances at the screen.

ROONEY

What's the score?

HOT DOG MAN

Zero to zero.

ROONEY

Who's winning?

HOT DOG MAN

Cubs.

Rooney nods and exits.

134 EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD. STANDS 134

Ferris sits down with the baseball. He shakes his stinging

paw. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. Cameron's

scarfing nachos.

FERRIS

I think I broke my thumb.

SLOANE

Can we leave now?

FERRIS

You want to leave? We just got here.

SLOANE

You got a call, you broke your thumb,

what's left to do?

Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. She looks at them with

disgust.

SLOANE

No wonder you're always sick.

Ferris leans back, puts his hands behind his head and turns

his face to the bright sun.

FERRIS

Do you realize that if I played by

the rules, right now I'd be in gym?

135 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL. PLAYING FIELD 135

A boy's gym class is doing laps. A blue Fiat pulls into the

shot.

136 INT. FIAT 136

Jeanie's at the wheel. She sneaks a glance at the school.

JEANIE

I can't believe my brother's making

me put myself in a position where I

could get expelled. Selfish little

moron.

(pause)

Ferris? You're overshadowed

me long enough. I'm gonna get

you, buddy.

She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot.

137 EXT. STATE STREET 137

A parade is underway. Floats and politicians. Marching

bands, drum and bugle corps, soldiers, school kids. Figure

skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines

on pavement. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY.

EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT

Riding atop on a float is Ferris. He's waving to the crowd.

He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens.

He's leading the girls in singing, "DANKE SHOEN".

EXT. STATE STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON

They're watching Ferris go by. They wave to him.

SLOANE

I love him.

CAMERON

It's hard not to.

Cameron breaks a smile. As worried as he is about the day

and getting caught, he has to admire Ferris for his lack of

inhabitions. Cameron mumbles a few words.

CAMERON

Stop...water...want...

SLOANE

Do you believe in reincarnation?

CAMERON

Huh?

SLOANE

Do you believe that you lived before?

CAMERON

Yeah. Sort of.

SLOANE

DO you ever wonder what you were?

CAMERON

I don't have to wonder. I know.

Sloane looks at him with amazement.

CAMERON

I was a tractor tire.

EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT

Ferris is on his knees, reaching down from the float,

shaking hands with people in the crowd.

FERRIS

Guten tag, dude!

EXT. STATE STREET

Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation.

CAMERON

What were you in a previous life?

SLOANE

I'm not sure but I think I know

who Ferris was.

CAMERON

Hannibal.

SLOANE

From the A-Team?

CAMERON

No. The guy who rode the elephants

into Switzerland.

Sloane laughs at herself. They step out of the crowd and

head down the street in the direction the parade's heading.

SLOANE

I think if he was anybody, he

was Magellan. You know, the guy

who went around the world.

Cameron nods.

SLOANE

I could see him ignoring popular

belief and taking off on some

impossible mission.

CAMERON

Yeah. As long as I've known him,

everything works for him. There's

nothing he can't handle. I can't

handle anything. School, parents,

the future. Ferris can do anything.

EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT

Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. The

girls on the float are singing.

FERRIS

WELL, SHAKE IT UP, BABY, NOW!

GIRLS

SHAKE IT UP, BABY

FERRIS

TWIST AND SHOUT!

GIRLS

TWIST AND SHOUT!

FERRIS

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, BABY ON!

COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT!

GIRLS

WORK IT ON OUT!

EXT. STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON

They continue their conversation.

SLOANE

The future's worse for a boy, isn't

it?

Cameron doesn't understand what she means.

SLOANE

A girl can always bail out and

have a baby and get some guy

to support her.

CAMERON

That's a pretty grim thought.

SLOANE

True, but it's an option. No options

is worse.

CAMERON

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

SLOANE

College.

CAMERON

Yeah, but to do what?

SLOANE

What are you interested in?

CAMERON

Nothing.

SLOANE

Me either.

They walk on for a few beats. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT"

GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. The sons is taking over all the

other tunes in the band. It's infecting the entire parade.

CAMERON

What do you think Ferris is gonna

do?

EXT. STATE STREET. MARCHING BAND

They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT.

EXT. STREET. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER

He's singing.

POLICE OFFICER

YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD!

EXT. STREET. PUNKS

A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk.

PUNKS

LOOK SO GOOD!

EXT. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN

A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along.

WOMAN

YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE!

TODDLERS

LOOK SO FINE!

EXT. STREET. BLACK TEENAGER

He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat.

TEENAGER

COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER!

EXT. STREET. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER

He singing along.

NEWSPAPER SELLER

TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER!

EXT. STREET. CHOIR GROUP

They're marching down the parade. They're singing in their

angleic voices.

CHOIR

AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE!

EXT. STREET. STREET CLEANERS

With their brooms ready...

STREET CLEANERS

KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE!

EXT. STREET. DECK

The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT".

EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND

The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up.

POLITICIANS AND WIVES

AH!

EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND

The CLERGYMEN stand.

CLERGYMEN

AH!

EXT. STREET. VETERANS

Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms.

VETERANS

AH!

EXT. STREET. FLOAT

Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale.

FERRIS

AH!

EXT. STREET. WIDE AND HIGH

The entire parade is at frenzy pitch.

PARADE

AHHHHH!

The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED

HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE.

138 EXT. CALUMET CITY 138

The Port of Chicago. Grim, gritty waterfront. Suddenly,

Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. Like the opening

shot in Star Wars. The Starship Ferrari. SLO-MO.

CU. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE

It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. SLO-MO.

CU. PARKING ATTENDANT

His eyes are wide with exhilaration. Mouth open, tongue out.

Maniac at the wheel. SLO-MO.

CU. RASTAMAN

His eyes are closed. Big smile. SLO-MO,

EXT. STREETS. KIDS

They're looking up in the air, following the car as it flies

over them. Broad, excited smiles. The car's shadow passes

over them. SLO-MO.

139 CU. CAR GRILLE 139

It fills the frame and stops. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney

behind the wheel of his car.

EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE

Rooney gets out of his car. He looks at the house, looks up

and down the street, then crosses to Ferris' house.

140 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 140

Rooney's at the front door. We see him peek in a window at

the top of the door. The doorbell rings.

141 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM. COMPUTER 141

It acknowledges the doorbell.

CU. CASSETTE PLAYER

It clicks on.

142 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT PORCH 142

The house intercom activates. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE.

FERRIS

Who is it?

Rooney presses the intercom.

ROONEY

This is Ed Rooney, Ferris. I'd

like to have a word with you.

FERRIS' VOICE

I'm sorry I can't come to the door

right now. I'm very ill and I'm

afraid that in my weakened condition,

I could take a nasty spill down the

stairs and subject myself to further

school absenses.