FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF

FERRIS' VOICE

Have a nice day.

DELIVERY MAN

(to the intercom)

Thank you.

(continues)

I don't know the details. But my

boss had to send to Milwaukee to

get more orchids. He's very

popular.

Rooney is flabbergasted.

DELIVERY MAN

Nobody's home here?

ROONEY

No.

DELIVERY MAN

You gonna be around for awhile?

ROONEY

I imagine so.

DELIVERY MAN

You wanna keep an eye on these?

Rooney looks at the flowers. Then he looks at the Delivery

Man.

DELIVERY MAN

(happy sigh)

It really touches me that so many people

are rallying behind this guy. I guess

there's hope for the human race afterall.

He hands the arrangement to Rooney.

DELIVERY MAN

Gotta run.

He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. Rooney looks

incredulously at the arrangement. He opens the attached

card.

ROONEY

(defeated)

Oh, Christ...

CU. CARD

It's signed:

ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY

THE ENGLISH DEPT. FACULTY AND STAFF

155 INT. RADIO STATION STUDIO 155

The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D.J. is sitting

behind his microphone.

D.J.

I don't know who that was or

what they were playing but I

apologize for it nonetheless.

(pause)

I have a guest with me today...

156 INT. STUDIO. FERRIS 156

He put his headphones on.

157 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 157

Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. We hear her car radio.

D.J.

His name is Ferris Mueller.

FERRIS

Bueller. Ferris Bueller.

INT. CAR. JEANIE

She goes into shock. Her eyes blink, her head cocks.

D.J.

Sorry about that.

FERRIS

It's cool.

Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio.

CU. CAR ANTENNA

The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in

the air.

158 INT. STUDIO 158

Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone.

D.J.

He has an incredible story.

Ferris turns to CAMERA.

FERRIS

I'm going to tell a massive lie here.

It's going to by very thick and very

steamy. I think radio's a facinating

medium, it challenges the imagination.

Unlike television which provides the

images, radio...

(pause)

You know this. Anyway, it's always been

a dream of mine to be on the radio.

I have what I consider to be an excellent

broadcast voice. I practise it in the

bathroom all the time. I used to play

records and do introductions to them.

But I've never had the chance to sit

behind a microphone and try it out

for real. This is a 50,000 watt outlet.

I'm going out to several million people

so let me just say, I'm in a very pleasant

groove right now.

(clears his voice,

speaks into the

mike, affects a

"radio" voice)

Well, Steve, you and your listeners are

probably not going to believe this but...

159 INT. SCHOOL 159

A group of kids are sitting around a blaster.

FERRIS' VOICE

...I'm the first Chicago area youth

to be selected to participate in

a space shuttle mission.

160 INT. STUDIO 160

Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA.

FERRIS

I was going to say I knew Springsteen's

home phone number and I was going

to give out the number of the New

Jersey State Police but I thought I

might get busted. After I got flunked

in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail

box, which was not in any way, shape

or from my fault. I was putting out a

cigarette, like I was told. It was weird.

I'm so used to getting in a car and

lighting up, because I'm not allowed to

smoke at home, that I got in the driver's

ed. car and spaced completely, pulled out

of the lot, lit up a 'boro and Mrs. Heller

looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny

out of my nose or something and I realized

what the hell I was doing and I went to

put it out and hit the mail box. Anyway,

I was so pissed off at her reaction to

the whole thing that I considered running

an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school

teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna

use Mrs. Heller's home number but is cost

too much. I took it again and passed. But

I had to work at Burger King to get the

cash to pay for the driver's ed. car. The

car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and

I think Rooney pocketed the cash. But I

can't prove it? I'm in high school, remember?

He turns back to the DJ.

D.J.

How did you get picked for this.

FERRIS

It's kind of a long story but I've

been doing alot of programming for

NASA.

161 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 161

A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster.

They're cheering him on.

162 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD 162

The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. The flower

arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic

vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. The

broken pieces are all around the dog's head.

EXT. FERRIS HOUSE. BACKYARD. ROONEY

He's smiling with great satisfaction.

ROONEY

Sleep tight, pooch.

He hears something in the house. His head snaps around. He

drops down and peek in the windows.

HIS POV

A glimpse of a fleeting figure.

CU. ROONEY

His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge.

163 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM 163

Jeanie kicks the door open. The yardstick flings the covers

and the pillows beneath them in the air. She stomps in and

turns off the snoring synthesizer.

JEANIE

I knew it!

She grabs the phone and sits down. She dials a number.

164 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 164

Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. He slinks up on

the porch. The front door's open. He peeks in.

165 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 165

Jeanie's on the phone.

JEANIE

Is Mrs. Bueller there? Where is she?

This is her daughter. Do you know where

she is? Do you know when she'll be back?

Do you know anything?

She slams the phone down.

JEANIE

The worm has luck like clams

have body odor...

She's startled by a noise downstairs. A smile spreads across

her face. He's back and she's going to nail him.

166 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 166

Rooney sneaks into the house. He looks around the foyer and

heads into the kitchen.

167 INT. HOUSE. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY 167

Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs.

168 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 168

Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den.

169 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 169

Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer.

170 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 170

Rooney comes out of the den, back into the kitchen. He

crosses back toward the foyer.

171 INT. FOYER 171

Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen.

172 INT. KITCHEN 172

Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. Jeanie squeals in

horror. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an

intruder. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in

the face. He hits the deck. She flees back up the stairs.

173 INT. CAR 173

Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to

the radio.

FERRIS' VOICE

My input on the Star Wars defense

plan was pretty substantial so I

guess this is their way of rewarding

me. I'm pretty flattered.

EXT. CAR

Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the

car.

INT. CAR

Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear.

D.J. VOICE

Can you stay around and take a few

phone calls?

FERRIS' VOICE

I'd really like to but I have a kidney

operation in about an hour.

EXT. CAR

Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house.

JOYCE

If you're willing to commit a

little time and a little money

to this place, you can really

have something to be proud of.

Don't let the black living room

throw you off.

She opens the car door.

INT. CAR

The door opens.

D.J. VOICE

I wish you the best of luck.

FERRIS' VOICE

Thanks, Steve.

D.J. VOICE

A very interesting guy, Ferris Bueller.

Joyce gets in. The clients get in the other side. A song

starts.

JOYCE

(to the kid)

Well, Boyd, how are you bearing

up?

The kid stares at her.

JOYCE

Did I tell you I have a son

your age?