FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF

BOYD

Twice.

JOYCE

His name is Ferris. I think you'd

like him.

Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name.

BOYD

Is he going up in the space shuttle

in September?

Joyce looks around at Boyd. She gives him a curious look.

JOYCE

Not that I know of.

BOYD

I knew he was bullshitting.

MOTHER

Watch your mouth.

BOYD

How do you watch your mouth?

JOYCE

Do you know my son?

FATHER

Don't pay any attention to him.

He thinks it's cute to bait adults.

BOYD

I don't think it's cute. I think

it's fun.

Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car.

174 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 174

Jeanie's on the phone. She's in a panic.

JEANIE

This is not a phoeny phone call. There's

an intruder, male caucasian, possibly armed,

certainly weird, in our kitchen.

(pause)

My name is Bueller.

There's another pause. Jeanie's face drops.

JEANIE

It's real nice that you hope my

brother's feeling better but I'm

in danger, okay? I'm very cute,

I'm very alone and I'm very

protective of my body. I'd rather

not have it violated or killed.

I need help!

175 INT. KITCHEN 175

Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. The

intercom goes on.

JEANIE'S VOICE

Excuse me. If whoever's in the house

is still in the house, I'd like you

to know that I have just called the police.

If you have any brains whatsoever, you'll

get your ass out of my house real quick.

Rooney stiffens with fear.

JEANIE'S VOICE

I'd also like to add that I have

my father's gun. And a scorching

case of herpes.

176 EXT. STREET 176

Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. It's parked in front

of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with

parking citations. In the distance SIRENS WAIL.

177 EXT. PARKING LOT 177

The three are waiting for the Ferrari. We HEAR TIRES

SQUEALING, AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. Then the Ferrari pulls down

the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. A BLACK GUY jumps

out. Ferris hands him the parking stub.

FERRIS

Just out of curiosity, what was

your top speed coming down the

ramp?

BLACK GUY

(matter-of-fact)

About 60.

FERRIS

Stunning!

He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the

passenger seat forward for Cameron.

FERRIS

This is probably the last time you'll

have to ride back here. Keep that in

mind.

Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in.

178 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET 178

The Ferrari cruises through traffic.

INT. FERRARI

Sloane's in the passenger seat. Ferris is driving and

Cameron is crammed in the back.

SLOANE

What's next.

CAMERON

Nothing. We return the car.

SLOANE

We could go to my house. My parents

aren't coming home until late.

FERRIS

We have enough cash left for a quick

flight to Peoria and back.

CAMERON

Very funny.

Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. He glances

down at the speedometer, then to the road. And back to the

speedometer.

FERRIS

Cameron? How many miles did you

say this thing had when we left?

CAMERON

One hundred and twenty six and

halfway between three and four

tenths. Why? How many miles are

on it now?

He glances down at the speedometer.

CU. SPEEDOMETER

The odometer reads 432.7.

FERRIS

(to CAMERA)

Here's where Cameron goes berserk.

EXT. TRAFFIC

The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. We HEAR A THUNDERING,

MUFFLED SCREAM.

EXT. EXPRESSWAY

The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic.

INT. FERRARI

Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. Her gesture

is one of genuine support.

SLOANE

You okay?

CU. CAMERON

His eyes are frozen in a mindless, vacant stare.

CU. FERRIS

He looks at Sloane. He's concerned.

FERRIS

Hey, Cameron. It's okay. We'll fix

it.

CU. CAMERON

He's still holding the stare. He starts to breathe heavily.

He's trembling.

CU. SLOANE

She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms.

SLOANE

Cameron! Cut it out! What's

wrong?! Ferris!

CU. FERRIS

He shoots Sloane a look.

FERRIS

Cameron, are you okay? It's

no problem, really. Your old

man won't know a thing. It's

completely fixable.

INT. FERRARI

Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris.

SLOANE

Shut-up! It is a problem! For

him it's a problem. Nothing's

a problem for you. But it's

a problem for him! So, just

shut-up.

She turns back to Cameron.

SLOANE

What can I do, Cameron?

CU. FERRIS

Eyes front. He knows what he's doing.

179 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. FOYER 179

The doorbell rings. The Ferris' tape is activated.

FERRIS VOICE

Who is it?

We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom.

VOICE

Anybody home?

FERRIS' VOICE

I'm sorry that I can't come to

the door right now...

The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs.

JEANIE

I'm saved! Thank you, God!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door.

She whips it open.

180 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT DOOR 180

The door swings open.

JEANIE

Thank...you...

Her jaw goes slack. She blinks her eyes.

HER POV

The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the

door with floral arrangements. Spread all around them are

more flowers. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps

up on the porch.

NURSE

(sings)

WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER

WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT

WE...

The door slams shut.

181 EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET 181

Rooney's walking down the street. A school bus is crawling

alongside him as kids hang out the windows. From inside we

hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON

BLASTERS. A top forty montage.

KID

Hey, Mr. Rooney! What're you doing?

Rooney doesn't respond.

ANOTHER KID

Did you get in a fight?

Rooney keep walking. The bus doors open. The DRIVER calls

out to him.

DRIVER

You want a lift?

Rooney takes a few more steps. He stops. The bus stops.

Rooney takes a deep breath. He climbs aboard the bus.

182 INT. BUS 182

The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. The passengers

are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and

take an empty seat next to a skinny, myopic GIRL.

CU. GIRL

She looks at Rooney and smiles. She pushes her Coke bottle

glasses up on her nose.

CU. ROONEY

He looks vacantly at her.

CU. GIRL

She holds her smile.

GIRL

I'll bet you never smelled a

real school bus before.

CU. ROONEY

He stares at her.

CU. GIRL

She holds up a candy package.

GIRL

Gummi Bear?

CU. ROONEY

He stares at her.

CU. GIRL

She puts one in her mouth.

GIRL

They've been in pocket. They're

real soft and warm.

CU. BOY

A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring

at him.

CU. ROONEY

He looks across to the kid.

CU. BOY

He leans forward.

FRESHMAN BOY

It's kind of like being in the

belly of the beast isn't it?

CU. ROONEY

He turns him eyes to the front. The bus jerks forward and

pulls away.

183 EXT. BUS 183

It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet

street. The BLASTERS go back on, the SHOUTING RESUMES.

184 EXT. PARK 184

Cameron's laying on a picnic table. Sloane's sitting beside

him on the table. She's stroking his hair. Ferris WALKS INTO

THE FOREGROUND. He addresses CAMERA.

FERRIS

This may very well be for real. I

think Cameron might have blown a

micro-chip or two. He's always been

a little keyed-up. All I wanted to do

was give him a good day. We're

gonna graduate in a couple of months.

Then we have the summer. He'll work

and I'll work. And we'll see each

other at night and on the weekends

but then he'll go to one school and I'll

go to another. And basically that'll

be it. As much as we like each other,

the process of growing up will

separate us.

He begins to walk. We follow him.

FERRIS

Sloane's a bigger problem. She still

has another year of high school. How

do I deal with that? I was serious when

I said I'd marry her. I would. This isn't

just teenage infatuation. That's what my

parents call it. What do they call what they

have? If that's love, I'll take infatuation.

CU. CAMERON

His eyes are closed. Sloane's stroking his hair.

FERRIS (VO)

Cameron's never been in love. At

least no one's ever been in love

with him. He's gonna marry the first

girl he lays. And she's gonna treat

him like shit because he's gonna

kiss her ass for giving him what he's

built-up in his mind as the end-all,