FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF

TOM'S VOICE

Not any harder than anybody else.

Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them.

67 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN 67

Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard.

Pedestrians stop to look.

68 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 68

He blows a smoke ring.

FERRIS

You work so hard I'll bet you don't

even remember where those bonds are,

right?

Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father.

TOM'S VOICE

Wrong.

He nods.

FERRIS

Oh, yeah? You're pulling my leg. You're

just trying to cheer me up.

TOM'S VOICE

Like hell I am. They're in a shoebox

in my closet.

Ferris smiles. He looks at CAMERA. He's gotten exactly what

he wants.

FERRIS

(to CAMERA, normal

voice)

Was that a class move or what?

The guy gave it up faster than

a drunk Catholic girl. I hope my

kids don't pull this shit on me.

(thinks)

Of course, if they didn't, they'd

be dumb and abnormal and they'd

probably never move out of my

house and I'd have to support them

until I die. I take it back.

(to the phone,

sick voice)

Dad? All this talking has made me

kind of light-headed. I think

I better lie down.

TOM'S VOICE

Okay, pal. You take care. I'll

call you after lunch.

FERRIS

You don't have to, Dad.

TOM'S VOICE

I want to. Bye now.

He hangs up. Ferris sighs.

FERRIS

You win some, you lose some.

He turns his desk chair around and gets up.

FERRIS

I'm so disappointed in Cameron.

Twenty bucks says he's sitting

in his car debating about whether

or not he should go out.

69 INT. CAR. CAMERON 69

He's sitting behind the wheel of his car.

CAMERON

We're gonna get caught. No doubt

about it.

He cuts the engine.

CAMERON

I'm not doing it.

He sits for half a beat.

CAMERON

He'll keep calling until I come

over.

He sighs and restarts the engine. Another beat.

CAMERON

Actually, what'll happen is I'll

get caught. Ferris'll escape.

Another beat. He stops the engine. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC.

70 CU. DRESSER DRAWER 70

Hands curl around the drawer pulls. The drawer is opened

slowly, ominously. The hands lift a sweater out. A HERALDIC

STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater.

INT. FERRIS' ROOM

He takes out the magazine. He leafs through the pages for

the pictorials as he speaks.

FERRIS

Cameron'll go on like that for a

good thirty minutes. The guy

is a shellfish when it comes to

making a decision. The reason

he doesn't fell good is, he

worries about everything. He's

the only guy I know who's deeply

concerned that when he grows up

there'll be a critical shortage

of strategic metals.

He exits the room.

71 INT. HALLWAY 71

Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway.

FERRIS

Cameron's also the only guy

I know who knows what strategic

metals are.

(waves the magazine)

Pardon moi.

He goes into the bathroom. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM

DOWN.

FERRIS

(sings)

MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER,

SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED...

72 INT. CLASSROOM. LATER 72

A stunningly beautiful girl, SLOANE PETERSON, is sitting at

her desk in a history class. She's staring out the window as

a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry, dusty lecture.

TEACHER

Roosevelt's health had seriously

deteriorated by the time he met

with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta.

(sneezes)

Pardon me.

The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. For

a moment, the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard

him sneeze. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear.

SLOANE

She, like the others, watches the nurse curiously.

INT. CLASSROOM. TEACHER AND NURSE

The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece

of disturbing news. He nods grimly to the Nurse. She looks

at the kids.

NURSE

Sloane Peterson?

SLOANE

Sits up in her seat.

NURSE

She's a picture of compassion and understanding.

NURSE

May I see you outside for a moment?

There's been an emergency.

SLOANE

A smile curls across her lips. As she gathers her books she

looks to the GIRL next to her.

SLOANE

(whispers)

Dead grandmother.

73 INT. HALLWAY 73

The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand.

NURSE

(nods solemnly)

Dead grandmother.

74 CU. ROONEY 74

He has a suspicious look on his face.

ROONEY

Dead grandmother?

INT. DEAN'S OFFICE

Rooney's at his desk. His secretary is standing across from

him.

SECRETARY

That's what Mr. Peterson said. I

had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane.

ROONEY

Who's this girl's going with?

SECRETARY

It's so hard to tell. I see her

alot with Ferris Bueller.

Rooney smiles. His suspicions are confirmed.

ROONEY

Could you get me Mr. Peterson's

daytime number?

As the secretary starts out of the room, Rooney's phone

rings. She stops and answers the desk phone.

SECRETARY

Edward Rooney's office.

(pause)

Yes. Can you hold? Thank you.

She puts the call on hold.

SECRETARY

It's Mr. Peterson.

Rooney is startled. He thinks for a beat then reaches for

the phone.

SECRETARY

Do you still want his number?

Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. She smiles and

backs out. He punches the phone button.

ROONEY

Ed Rooney.

MAN'S VOICE

Ed? This is George Peterson.

ROONEY

How are you today, sir?

MAN'S VOICE

We've had a bit of bad luck this

morning as you may have heard.

Rooney rolls his eyes. It's so obvious it's not Mr.

Peterson.

ROONEY

I heard. And, gosh, I'm all broken

up. Huh? Oh, sure. I'd be happy to

release Sloane. You produce a corpse

and I'll release Sloane. I want to

see this dead grandmother firsthand.

The secretary stops cold in the doorway. She turns to Rooney

in horror. He covers the phone.

ROONEY

(whispers)

It's Ferris Bueller. Nervy litttle

punk. I'm gonna set a trap and let

his walk right into it!

(to phone)

That's right. Cart the stiff in and

I'll turn over your daughter. It's

school policy. Was this your mother?

Rooney's other line rings.

75 INT. SECRETARY'S OFFICE 75

She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other

line.

SECRETARY

Ed Rooney's office.

Her jaw drops.

SECRETARY

Hold, please.

She puts the call on hold and hangs up. She hurried into

Rooney's office.

76 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 76

Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line.

ROONEY

I'll tell you want, you don't

like my policies, you can just

come on down and smooch by big

old ugly ass. You hear me?

The secretary comes in. She's waving her arms furiously.

Rooney tries to wave her away. He's angry. She stomps her

foot. Rooney covers the phone.

ROONEY

What!?

SECRETARY

Ferris Bueller's on line two.

CU. ROONEY'S FOOT

It freezes in mid-tap.

CU. ROONEY'S HAND

The pencils falls from his fingers.

CU. ROONEY'S FACE

A mask of horror. He glances at the phone.

CU. PHONE

The second line light is flashing.

CU. ROONEY

He blinks, cocks his head, twitches.

77 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 77

He's zipping his pants, fastening his belt. The phone's

cradled against his shoulder. He speaks in the same voice he

used on his father.

FERRIS

Mr. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb

you at work but I was wondering if

it would be possible for my sister

to bring home any assignments from

my classes that I may need.