FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF

78 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 78

He's staring blankly ahead.

FERRIS' VOICE

Thank you, sir.

He nods.

CU. PHONE

Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting

call.

CU. ROONEY

He winces as he returns to the first call.

79 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. KITCHEN 79

Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. He's doing a deep,

phoney "father" voice.

CAMERON

You oughta be sorry for Christ's

sake! A family member dies and

you insult me. What's the matter

with you, anyway?

80 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 80

He apologies profusely to Cameron. He's perspiring,

trembling.

ROONEY

I don't know. I thought you were

someone else. You have to know,

sir, that I would never deliberately

insult you. I can't begin to tell

you how embarrassed I am.

CAMERON'S VOICE

Pardon my French but you're an asshole!

Rooney nods enthusiastically.

ROONEY

Absolutely! I most certainly am.

81 INT. KITCHEN 81

Cameron lays into Rooney.

CAMERON

This isn't over yet, buster. You

just make sure my daughter's out

in front of the school in ten

minutes. Do you read me?

ROONEY'S VOICE

Load and clear, Mr. Peterson.

CAMERON

Call me sir, goddamn it!

ROONEY'S VOICE

Sir.

CAMERON

That's better.

Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the

conversation. Cameron covers the phone.

CAMERON

(to Ferris)

I'm scared shitless, Ferris! What

is Rooney guesses my voice!

FERRIS

Impossible. You're doing great.

Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone.

CAMERON

(clears his throat)

I don't have all day to bark at you

so I'll make this short and sweet.

Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up.

FERRIS

(mouths)

Great!

Cameron smiles proudly.

CAMERON

I want my daughter out in front

of the school in ten minutes. By

herself. I don's want anyone around...

Ferris smacks Cameron. He's said the wrong thing. He covers

the phone.

CAMERON

What'd I do?

FERRIS

Out in front my herself? It's too

suspicious! He'll think something's

up, moron. Cover it.

Cameron panics. He holds the phone out to Ferris.

CAMERON

You do it!

Ferris waves his arms angrily.

FERRIS

Talk!

Cameron takes a deep breath. He clears his throat and puts

on his father's voice.

CAMERON

I changed my mind, fella. You be out

in front with her! I wanna have a

few words with you!

Ferris slaps Cameron. The phone flies out of his hand.

82 CU. ROONEY 82

He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK!

We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE, THEN

CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT.

CAMERON'S VOICE

On second thought, I don't have

time to talk to you. We'll get

together soon and have lunch.

We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS.

83 INT. FERRIS' KITCHEN 83

Cameron's rubbing the side of his head.

CAMERON

Why'd you hit me?!

FERRIS

Where's your brain?!

CAMERON

Why'd you hit me?!

FERRIS

Where's your brain?!

CAMERON

Why'd you hit me?

FERRIS

Where's your brain?

CAMERON

I asked you first.

FERRIS

How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's

going to be there with her?!

CAMERON

I said for her to be there alone

and you freaked!

FERRIS

My, God, you're so stupid!

(aside)

I didn't hit you, I lightly slapped

you.

CAMERON

You hit me. Look, don't ask me to

participate in your crap if you

don't like the way I do it!

Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. Cameron's

anger is intensified by his embarrassment.

CAMERON

I was home, sick. You get me out of

bed, being me over here, make me

jeopardize my future, make me do

a phoney phone call on a dean of

students, a man who could squeeze

my nuts into oblivion and then

you deliberately hurt my feelings.

FERRIS

I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings.

CAMERON

Oh, really?

FERRIS

Yeah, really.

Cameron glares at Ferris.

CAMERON

Hey, Ferris? Have a nice life.

He turns and heads out of the room. Ferris sighs.

FERRIS

Cameron?

CAMERON

Stick it up your ass, Ferris.

FERRIS

Cameron, I'm sorry. I didn't mean

to jam you. It was uncalled for.

Cameron stops.

CAMERON

You're serious?

He turns around.

FERRIS

Dead serious.

Cameron smiles. He appreciates Ferris apology.

CAMERON

Thanks.

FERRIS

You did screw up through, right?

Not that is was necessarily all

you fault. Right?

CAMERON

(suspiciously)

Why?

FERRIS

To fix this situation, I'm going

to have to ask you for a small favor.

Cameron's jaw drops.

84 INT. GARAGE 84

The door opens slowly, dramatically as we hear a heraldic

fanfare. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris

looking at the car. Ferris is smiling with excitement and

awe. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear.

CU. FERRARI STALLION

The prancing black stallion. We move up from the stallion to

the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California.

CAMERON AND FERRIS

Cameron's face is ashen. The end of the world is at hand.

Ferris is in heaven.

CAMERON

(grim monotone)

1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less

than a hundred were made. It has a

market value of $265,000. My father

spent three years restoring it. It

is joy, it is his love, it is his

passion.

FERRIS

It is his fault he didn't lock the

garage.

CAMERON

Ferris, my father loves this car more

than life itself. We can't take is out.

FERRIS

A man with priorities so far out of

whack doesn't deserve such a fine

automobile.

CAMERON

He never drives it, Ferris. He just

rubs it with a diaper.

FERRIS

We can't pick up Sloane in your car,

Cameron. Rooney'd never believe Mr.

Peterson drives that piece of shit.

CAMERON

It's not a piece of shit.

FERRIS

It's a piece of shit. Don't worry

about it. I don't even have a piece

of shit. I have to envy yours. Look,

I'm sorry but there's nothing else

we can do.

CAMERON

He knows the mileage, Ferris. He has

it tatooed on his wrist.

FERRIS

He doesn't trust you?

CAMERON

No.

FERRIS

Alright, look, this is real simple.

He puts his arm around Cameron.

FERRIS

Whatever miles we put on it, we'll

take off.

CAMERON

(suspicious)

How?

FERRIS

(big, proud smile)

We'll drive home backwards.

Cameron shakes his head, no.

CAMERON

Forget it. I'm putting my foot down,

Ferris. You'll have to think of

something else...

CU. FERRARI GRILLE

Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar

of the twelve cylinders.

CAMERON'S VOICE

...You're not talking me into this

one. I have to live with the man.

I'm sorry but...

The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a

crowded school hallway.

85 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 85

She comes out of a classroom. She stops as Sloane and Rooney

walk past. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her

books. Jeanie watches her suspiciously.

86 EXT. SCHOOL 86

The Ferrari is parked out in front. The top is down.

87 INT. FERRARI 87

Ferris is driving. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses.

Cameron's in the back.

CAMERON

Are you crazy?! Put the top back

up!

FERRIS

This is perfect top-down weather.

CAMERON

What about Rooney?

FERRIS

Cameron, the more obvious we are,

the less likely we are to get

caught.

CAMERON

That makes no sense whatsoever.

FERRIS

The adult mind is a suspicious

machine.

(look around at Cameron)

Stay down, man.

Cameron squeezes himself lower.

CAMERON

Howcome it's my Dad's car and

I'm taking all the risk and I have

to ride back here?

FERRIS

I don't have an explanation.

88 EXT. SCHOOL 88

Rooney and Sloane come out the door.

ROONEY

Once again let me say how deeply

saddened I am by your loss.

SLOANE

Huh?

ROONEY

Were you close to your grandmother?

SLOANE

Oh. Um. Yeah. Very. She was a terrific

lady. Very hip. Very old. Yeah.

DEEP VOICE

Oh, Sloane! Dear!

Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. Rooney looks.

THEIR POV

Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. He's

careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline.

FERRIS

Hurry along now!

EXT. SCHOOL