The Fifth Element

MOTHER (V.O.)

I get it! You want to make me beg, is that it?

KORBEN

All I want is an explanation! I just got in, I lost my job. I smashed my cab. I got mugged, but other than that everything's peachy, Ma, thanks for asking!! Now settle down and explain to me calmly...

A message drops in his tube. The red light goes on.

MOTHER (V.O.)

You just won a trip, you dolt! Ten days in Fhloston Paradise for two!

KORBEN

Ma. If I'd won, I'd know about it. Someone would have notified me.

MOTHER (V.O.)

They've been blaring out your name on the radio for the last hour, blockhead!

He eyeballs the message still in the tube. The doorbell rings.-

KORBEN

Ma... it's the door. I'll call you back.

Korben hangs up before his mother can say anything and heads for the door. Before he gets there it opens, General Munro enters followed by a Captain and a Major. MAJOR ICEBORG is a woman. All she needs to become a man is a mustache. Munro opens a file.

MUNRO

(clipped)

Major Dallas, if our calculations are correct you still have 57 hours owed to the Federal Army on your enlistment which is more than you will need for a mission of the utmost importance.

KORBEN

What mission?

MUNRO

To save the world.

KORBEN

Where have I heard this song before?

MUNRO

You're to leave immediately for Fhloston Paradise. Retrieve four Stones from the Diva Plavalaguna. And bring them back with the utmost discretion as possible. Any questions'?

KORBEN

(a little bewildered)

Just one... why me?

MUNRO

Three reasons... One: As part of The Elite Special Forces Unit of the Federated Army you are an expert in the use of all weapons and spacecraft needed for this mission.

Munro pulls out a long list of documents.

MUNRO

Two: Of all the members of your unit you were the most highly decorated.

KORBEN

And the third one?

MUNRO

You're the only one left alive...

Munro removes the message Korben hasn't bothered to look at.

MUNRO

Don't you open your messages?

KORBEN

I've had enough good news for today

MUNRO

(by rote)

You have won the annual Gemini contest and a trip to Fhloston Paradise. For two. Congratulations. Here are your tickets.

He hands Korben the tickets. Korben gets it.

KORBEN

You rigged the contest?

Munro nods.

MUNRO

Major Iceborg will accompany you... as your wife...

The idea of taking a trip with Iceborg makes him sick.

KORBEN

(sarcastic)

You couldn't come up with something a little more discreet?

MUNRO

Old tricks are the best tricks eh?

KORBEN

I'm not going.

MUNRO

Why not?

KORBEN

One reason... I want to stay the only one left alive.

INT. KORBEN'S HALL

Leeloo and Cornelius search for Korben's apartment. Leeloo carries the card Korben gave her. Cornelius finds the apartment, and yanks the. number off the door. He waves Leeloo over as his hand goes to the bell.

INT. KORBEN'S APARTMENT

The doorbell rings.

KORBEN

... Scuse me.

Korben goes to the door and looks out the peephole: the beautiful Leeloo. Korben panics, overcome with happiness.

KORBEN

... Shit!

MUNRO

(worried)

What is it?

Korben has two seconds to make up something to get rid of Munro.

KORBEN

It's my wife.

MUNRO

I thought you were divorced.

KORBEN

I mean my future... my ex... My future ex... if she sees you here I'm finished. She hates you guys. It's what killed us in the first place. Please...

He puts them in the fridge, shoving the jellyfish cake in Iceborg's hands.

KORBEN

... Sorry, General, but we've got no choice! It'll only take a minute! Let me set up another meeting and I'll be back.

MUNRO

Three of us will never fit in there!

KORBEN

(pushing him)

Oh, yes you will...

Korben slams the fridge door. The doorbell RINGS again.

KORBEN

... Coming!

He whips through his place in ten seconds, gathers up things laying about, shuts drawers, rolls up his laundry in the folding bed. He brushes his hair back and opens the door with a big smile only to discover a gun stuck between his eyes held by Cornelius.

LEELOO

Apipoulai!

KORBEN

I suppose that means "Hi"?

CORNELIUS

I'm sorry to have to resort to such methods, but we heard about your good luck on he radio and we need the tickets to Fhloston.

KORBEN

Is that the usual way priests go on vacation?

CORNELIUS

We're not going on vacation... we're on a mission...

KORBEN

What kind of mission?

CORNELIUS

(sincere)

We have to save the world.

KORBEN

(skeptical)

Good luck...

CORNELIUS

Of course.

KORBEN

Father, I was in the Army for awhile and every time they told us we were on a mission to save the world the only thing that changed was I lost a lot of friends. So thanks for the offer... but no thanks.

Cornelius is disappointed. Leeloo looks crestfallen.

KORBEN

I'm sorry...

VOICE

This is a police control action...

Everyone freezes as the whole building resounds with the electronic voice.

INT. LANDING KORBEN'S BUILDING

A group of POLICEMEN bursts into the hallway. One of the cops enters a code on the police wall box. A device descends from the ceiling, a flashing light-siren, a VOICE fills the air.

VOICE

This is not an exercise. This is a police control.

Cornelius starts to panic. Korben takes charge.

CORNELIUS

Oh my god oh my god...

Korben pushes a button sending the fridge to the next floor. A shower takes it's place.

KORBEN

Leeloo, hide in here and don't move!

Leeloo hops in. Korben tosses Cornelius on the bed.

CORNELIUS

What are you doing?

KORBEN

Trying to save your ass so you can save the world.

... and hits a button on the wall. The bed disappears into the wall.

Korben grabs his tickets and slides them in his belt.

INT. LANDING KORBEN'S BUILDING – DAY

Meanwhile, the automatic police voice continues.

VOICE

... Spread your legs and place your hands in the yellow circles, please.

A COP slaps a viewer device on Korben's door which makes part of it transparent.

COP #1
Put your hands in the yellow circles, please.

Korben takes his time hiding his face. The Cop looks at his sheet. He's looking for a... Korben Dallas. He has his picture, but it is Korben with long hair and beard.

COP #1

(to Cop #2)

Sir? Are you a human?

KORBEN

No, I'm a meat popsicle.

COP #3

(at the other end of the hall)

I found him!

CLOSEUP – Korben's calling card is clumsily stuck to the door of the neighbor's apartment. Cop #3 slaps the viewer on the nasty neighbor's door. The neighbor is at his sink shaving instead of against the wall, Cop #1 arrives with Korben's picture.

COP #1

Sir, this is a control. Please put your hands in the yellow circles.

The neighbor steps right up to the viewer, shaving cream on his face. He could pass for Korben.

NEIGHBOR

Fuck you!!

INT. KORBEN'S APARTMENT

Korben still has his hands to the wall.

KORBEN

Wrong answer.