FIGHT CLUB

JACK

Nothing.

He almost kisses her neck. Marla turns around, faces him and begins to

slowly button up her shirt.

MARLA

Whew. That's a relief. Thanks.

JACK

No problem.

MARLA

I wish I could return the favor.

Jack touches his breasts, shakes his head.

JACK

I think everything's okay here.

MARLA

I could check your prostate.

JACK

Uh ... nah.

MARLA

Well, thanks.

PG 81

Marla kisses him -- and lingers for a bit longer than just friendly.

Jack pulls away.

JACK

Are we done?

JACK

I gotta go.

Marla's voice turns acid:

MARLA

Yeah, we're done. Get the fuck outta here.

Jack goes to her door, opens it, looks back at her.

JACK

I'm sorry.

MARLA

GO, ASSHOLE!

EXT. STREET - MOMENTS LATER

Jack walks down the sidewalk. He glances back up at Marla's window as

he crosses the street. He sees her. She moves away from the window

and -- Jack's BUMPED -- very lightly -- by a PASSERBY -- it's *Tyler*.

TYLER

What are you doing?

JACK

Uh ... I ... was ... coming back from ... a ... thing ...

Tyler throws an arm around Jack and leads him down the sidewalk.

TYLER

We need to talk.

INT. BOSS'S OFFICE - DAY

Jack steps into the open doorway and lightly knocks against the frame.

Boss looks up from his large, expensive desk.

JACK

We need to talk.

PG 82

BOSS

Okay. Where to begin? With your constant absenteeism? With your

unpresentable appearance? I might as well tell you now -- you're going

to be put up for review.

This next line *NOT* in V.O.:

JACK

I Am Joe's Complete Lack Of Surprise.

Boss sits up in his seat, becoming enraged.

JACK

Let's pretend. You're the Department of Transportation. And you knew

that our company intentionally left a front seat mounting bracket that

never passed collision tests? Did nothing about leather seats -- that

were cured in third world countries with a chemical we know causes

birth defects? Brake linings that fail after a thousand miles.

Turbochargers that blow up and cut off legs at the knees. Fuel

injectors that burn people alive. All of these accidents where "cause

of failure" is stamped "unknown". I know where the bodies are buried.

Call it job security.

BOSS

Just who the fuck do you think you are?! Get out of here! You're

fired!

JACK

I've got a better idea. You're going to keep me on payroll as an

outside consultant. In exchange for my salary, I'll perform the task

of not telling anyone what I know. I won't need to come into the

office. I can do this job from home. Call it early retirement, with

pension.

Boss stands, moves around his desk, glaring with rage.

PG 83

JACK

Yes, I am shit and crazy, to you and this whole fucking world, but I'm

your responsibility.

Jack PUNCHES HIMSELF in the nose. Blood starts to trickle down. He

punches himself in the jaw, harder. He throws himself back, acting as

if the force of the punch knocked him. His back SLAMS against a framed

painting and SHATTERS the glass. He and the frame and the glass and

the painting fall to the floor.

JACK (V.O.)

I Am Joe's Smirking Revenge.

JACK

Please don't hit me again. Please.

Jack gets back to his feet and punches himself in the stomach, then

punches himself in the jaw again. He reels backwards and falls into a

hanging shelf, ripping it off the wall, sending it's contents flying.

He falls to the floor again.

JACK (V.O.)

For some reason, I thought of my first fight -- with Tyler.

Jack crawls along the carpet toward Boss, dripping blood. He tries to

keep up the act, but he sporadically GIGGLES. He grabs Boss's leg.

JACK

Please ... give me the paychecks like I asked for. You won't see me

again. You won't have any trouble.

Jack climbs up Boss's leg. Boss, aghast, tries to shake him off, and,

in doing so, stumbles back in to his desk, knocking off photos, stacks

of paper, paperweights.

JACK (V.O.)

Under and behind and inside everything this man took for granted,

something horrible had been growing.

Jack crawls up high enough to grab Boss's belt and hoist himself up

further. He's getting blood all over the Boss's clothes. Jack SMUDGES

blood from his face onto the knuckles of both Boss's hands. The

horrified man SCREAMS.

PG 84

JACK (V.O.)

And right then, at our most excellent moment, security guards decided

to walk in.

Two SECURITY GUARDS come inside and gape at the sight. Behind them

stands a crowd of curious workers, also taking in the sight.

JACK (gurgling blood)

Please don't hit me again.

INT. PAPER ST. HOUSE - JACK'S ROOM - DUSK

Jack, all bloody, lies in his bed, asleep. He awakens, hearing the

BACK DOOR SLAM. He painfully hauls himself out of bed.

INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

Jack enters to see Tyler taking beers out of the fridge. Jack waves a

PAYCHECK.

JACK

I did it.

TYLER

That's fucking great!

Jack sees that Tyler is dressed in combat fatigues. He's splattered

with various colors of PAINT. There's a rope and rappelling mechanisms

lying on the table.

Tyler nods toward the living room and hands Jack all the beers.

TYLER

Go on in. We're celebrating.

INT. LIVING ROOM

Jack, a little bewildered, saunters in, carrying the beers. Tyler does

NOT follow him. Bob, Ricky and several fight club guys are in front of

the TV. They are all dressed like Tyler, all splattered with paint.

Jack hands them their beer. One of the guys is sixteen year old with

an angelic face. He notices the TV.

ANGEL FACE

SHHH! They're back to it!

PG 85

Jack looks at the TV as it shows a LIVE shot of a BUILDING, which is

identified at the bottom of the screen as the TRW building. It has a

GIANT GRINNING FACE PAINTED on it. The two EYES are broken, charred

windows with SMOKE pouring out. Firetrucks spray water into the

windows.

REPORTER

Police Commissioner Jacobs has come down ... just a second ... excuse

me, could you tell us what you think this is?

The COMMISSIONER JACOBS, a wrinkled man with baleful eyes, turns to

camera.

COMMISSIONER JACOBS

We believe this is related to the other recent acts of vandalism around

the city. It's some kind of organized group. And we're investigating

thoroughly.

Jack turns back and sees Tyler in the archway, watching the TV. Tyler

pulls back, out of sight. Jack turns to the others.

JACK

What did you guys do?

They all BURST INTO LAUGHTER, look at Jack and shake their heads. Jack

just stares at them. Suddenly, the guys' faces turn to stone.

BOB

The first rule of Project Mayhem is -- you don't ask questions.

Jack stares at them. CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL BALLROOM - NIGHT

A loud, luxurious banquet ensues. Commissioner Jacobs guzzles

champagne and puffs on a cigar. Jack, in a waiter's uniform, serving

another table, stares at Jacobs. Then, Jack looks apprehensively

toward certain other waiters: Tyler, Bob, Ricky and Angel Face --

mixed in with the mass of waiters.

INT. BATHROOM - SAME

Commissioner Jacobs enters, puffing the cigar, and walks toward a

urinal. Jack, Tyler, Bob and Ricky leap out of the corner and attack

him. Jack's heart isn't in it -- he barely helps the others. Tyler

knocks the cigar out of Jacob's mouth and slaps a piece of tape over

it.

PG 86

INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - SAME

Jack holds the door while the others drag the struggling Commissioner

inside. They hold him down and pull down his pants. Bob snaps a

rubber band, then reaches down to Commissioner Jacob's crotch.

TYLER

Wrap it around the top of his ball sac.

Ricky holds a knife to Commissioner Jacob's testicles. Jack,

red-faced, keeps his distance. Tyler leans in and whispers in the

frightened man's ear.

TYLER

You're not going to continue your "rigorous investigation". You're

going to publicly state that there is no underground group. Or --

imagine, the rest of your life with your ball sac flapping empty.

COMMISSIONER JACOBS

No. Please. Stop. Please.

TYLER

One to the *New York Times* and one to the *Los Angeles Times*. Press

release style. Remember this. The people you're after are everyone

you depend on. We're the people who do your laundry and cook your food

and serve your dinner. We guard you while you sleep. We drive the

ambulances. We process your insurance claims. We control every part

of your life. So don't fuck with us.

Ricky makes a dramatic cut with the knife -- he holds up the severed

RUBBER BAND.

EXT. HOTEL - LATER

Jack, Tyler and the others file quickly out the back service entrance.

Tyler slaps Angel Face's back. Angel Face smiles at him. Everyone

splits up in different directions.

PG 87

INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT

Fight club in full swing. Jack squares off with Angel Face. He BEATS

the SHIT out of Angel Face with a viciousness heretofore unseen. The

crowd shouts maniacally, save for Tyler, who watches with an

inscrutable stone face.

Angel Face tries to speak, but Jack pounds him too hard. Blood flies

everywhere. The crowd becomes QUIETER. Finally, Angel Face, on the

floor, is clearly unconscious. Jack stops, stares at him, numb. The

crowd seems a little spooked. Tyler scans the faces, looks at Jack.

EXT. STREET - LATER

Tyler and Jack walk through pools of streetlight.

JACK

I felt like destroying something beautiful.

TYLER

Excellent.

An idling car HONKS. Tyler leads Jack toward it. A bruise-faced VALET

PARKER throws keys to Tyler.

VALET

There you go, Mr. Durden.

JACK

After you, *Mr. Durden*.

INT. STOLEN CAR - MOVING - LATER

RAIN GUSHES down. Tyler drives. Jack sits slumped in the passenger

seat. They are BARRELING down a two-lane HIGHWAY, intermittently

illuminated by oncoming headlights. Jack stews in silence. Tyler

glances at him.

TYLER

What's the problem?

JACK

Nothing. Why wasn't I told about "Project Mayhem"?

TYLER

You *were* told about it.

PG 88

JACK

Uh-huh. Yeah. Fine. If you can't talk to me about it ...

TYLER

That's the whole point -- you *don't* talk about it.

JACK

So, I can't even ask?