Full Metal Jacket

ANIMAL MOTHER

(smiles)

Oh, you seen much combat?

Joker returns the smile.

JOKER
Well, I've seen a little on TV.

The other marines laugh.

ANIMAL MOTHER

You're a real comedian.

Some more laughs.

JOKER

(pause)

Well, they call me the Joker.

Adlibs. "Oooooooooo!" and laughter.

ANIMAL MOTHER

(moves closer)

Well, I got a joke for you. I'm gonna tear you a new asshole.

Adlibs, laughter.

JOKER

(John Wayne voice)

Well, pilgrim... only after you... eat the peanuts out of my shit!

Loud laughs and shouts.

ANIMAL MOTHER

(moves in close)

You talk the talk. Do you walk the walk?

Anticipatory adlibs of "Ooooh!" and "Whoooa!"

EIGHTBALL, a black grunt, gets up and steps between Joker and Animal Mother.

EIGHTBALL

(to Joker)

Now you might not believe it but under fire Animal Mother is one of the finest human beings in the world.

Laughter.

EIGHTBALL

All he needs is somebody to throw hand grenades at him the rest of his life.

Laughter.

Eightball leads Animal Mother away.

COWBOY
(laughing)

Come on, sit down. Come on, new guy.

Eightball and Animal Mother sit down together.

ANIMAL MOTHER

Hey, jungle bunny. Thank God for the sickle cell, huh?

EIGHTBALL

Yeah, mother.

Crazy Earl sits on the ground next to a figure sprawled in a chair.

CRAZY EARL
Hey... photographer! You want to take a good picture? Here, man... take this. This... is my bro.

CRAZY EARL lifts the hat which has been, covering the man's face. We see he is a dead N.V.A. soldier.

Laughter.

CRAZY EARL

This is his party. He's the guest of honor. Today... is his birthday.

Adlibs: "Happy Birthday, zipperhead!" etc.

CRAZY EARL

I will never forget this day. The day I came to Hue City and fought one million N.V.A. gooks. I love the little Commie bastards, man, I really do. These enemy grunts are as hard as slant-eyed drill instructors. These are great days we're living, bros! 'We are jolly green giants, walking the earth with guns. These people we wasted here today... are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth shooting.

EXT. A FIELD – OUTSKIRTS HUE CITY – DAY

Cowboy's platoon, advancing towards the city in a sweep formation behind tanks.

Cuts of the squad, nervous and alert.

Mortar rounds explode ahead.

Lieutenant Touchdown is hit and goes down.

The platoon dives for cover.

DOC JAY crawls to him and starts mouth-to-mouth.

SERGEANT MURPHY crawls up, has a look, moves to the back of the tank and picks up a field radio.

The platoon stays flat.

MURPHY
Delta Six Actual, this is Murphy. Over. Delta Six Actual, this is Murphy. Over.

DELTA SIX (O.S.)

Delta Six.

MURPHY

Delta Six, we are receiving incoming fire from the ville. The Lieutenant is down. We're going to stop here and check out what's in front of us. Over.

Crazy Earl, keeping low, scrambles up to the LUSTHOG SQUAD.

CRAZY EARL
Okay. Lusthog Squad, listen up! We're gonna move up these two roads here and check the ville. I want the third team up this road here. First and second fire team behind me up this other road, okay?

Adlibs of "Right!" and "Okay!"

CRAZY EARL

Let's go! Let's get it done!

Bending low the squad moves out past the tanks, leapfrogging toward some ruined buildings a couple of hundred yards in front of them.

HAND JOB peers cautiously around the corner of a house and is killed instantly by a burst of automatic fire.

Animal Mother opens fire with his M-60 machine gun at some windows where the shots came from.

Everyone opens fire, blasting chunks out of the building with a zillion rounds.

T.H.E. ROCK fires an M-79 grenade, blowing out a window.

Rafterman photographs the action, his Nikon violently shaking.

The fire slackens.

Then it gets quiet.

All their senses alert, everyone watches the building, listening hard.

They reload.

As Crazy Earl reloads he spots six V.C. dashing across the street fifty yards away. They are out of sight in a second.

Having missed his first chance, Crazy Earl gets set hoping for another.

Two more V.C. rush out into the open. He fires a long burst from his M-16 and they both go down.

Crazy Earl turns to the squad with a big grin.

Music: "Surfin' Bird" by the Trashmen. This carries over through the next scene.

EXT. LOW WALL – DAY

The platoon are hunched down behind a low wall. Tanks fire at some distant buildings. A three-man TV crew, ducking low, moves past them, filming.

JOKER
(John Wayne voice)

Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?

COWBOY

Hey, start the cameras. This is "Vietnam – The Movie!"

EIGHTBALL

Yeah, Joker can be John Wayne. I'll be a horse!

DONLON T.H.E.

Rock can be a rock!

T.H.E. ROCK

I'll be Ann-Margret!

DOC JAY

Animal Mother can be a rabid buffalo!

CRAZY EARL

I'll be General Custer!

RAFTERMAN

Well, who'll be the Indians?

ANIMAL MOTHER

Hey, we'll let the gooks play the Indians!

Laughter.

EXT. HUE CITY RUINS – DAY

The bodies of Lieutenant Touchdown and Hand Job laid out on ground sheets. The Lusthog Squad are gathered around them. The camera moves to each man, pausing for them to speak.

T.H.E. ROCK

You're going home now.

Camera move.

CRAZY EARL

Semper fi.

Camera move.

DONLON

We're mean marines, sir.

Camera move.

EIGHTBALL

Go easy, bros.

Camera move.

ANIMAL MOTHER

Better you than me.

RAFTERMAN

Well, at least they died for a good cause.

ANIMAL MOTHER

What cause was that?

RAFTERMAN

Freedom.

ANIMAL MOTHER

Flush out your head gear, new guy. You think we waste gooks for freedom? This is a slaughter. If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word... my word is "poontang."

COWBOY

Tough break for Hand Job. He was all set to get shipped out on a medical.

JOKER

What was the matter with him?

COWBOY

He was jerkin' off ten times a day.

EIGHTBALL

It's no shit. At least ten times a day.

COWBOY

Last week he was sent down to Da Nang to see the Navy head shrinker, and the crazy fucker starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for his papers to clear division.

EXT. HUE CITY – VARIOUS PLACES – DAY

The television crew interviews members of the Lusthog Squad.

REPORTER

You ready?

CAMERAMAN
Yeah.

REPORTER

Turnover.

CAMERAMAN
Rolling.

REPORTER

Hue City interviews. Roll thirty-four.

ANIMAL MOTHER

Well... like, like you see, you know, it's a major city, so we have to assault with, uh... tanks. So, they send us in first squad... to make sure that there are no little Vietnamese waiting with, like, B-40 rockets that blow the tanks away. So we clear it out and we roll the tanks in and... basically, blow the place to hell.

(chuckles)

COWBOY

When we're in Hue... when we're in Hue City... it's like a war. You know like what I thought about a war, what I thought a war was, was supposed to be. There's the enemy, kill 'em.

RAFTERMAN

Well, I don't think there's any question about it. I mean we're the best. I mean all that bullshit about the Air Cav... When the shit really hits the fan, who do they call? They call Mother Green and her killing machine!

CRAZY EARL

Do I think America belongs in Vietnam? Um... I don't know. I belong in Vietnam. I'll tell you that.

DOC JAY

Can I quote L.B.J.?