Full Metal Jacket

Hartman marches the recruits through the squad bay. Their rifles are at shoulder arms and their left hands clutch their genitals.

HARTMAN
This is my rifle! This is my gun!

RECRUITS

This is for fighting! This is for fun!

HARTMAN

This is my rifle! This is my gun!

RECRUITS

This is my rifle! This is my gun!

They repeat this over and over again as they march up and down the squad bay.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. PARADE DECK – DAY

Hartman marching the platoon, calling cadence.

EXT. "ARMSTRETCHER" OBSTACLE – DAY

Hand over hand the recruits swing along the "Armstretcher."

HARTMAN

Ten fucking seconds! It should take you no more than ten fucking seconds to negotiate this obstacle! Quickly, move it out! There ain't one swinging dick private in this platoon's gonna graduate until they can get his obstacle down to less than ten fucking seconds!

EXT. "TOUGH ONE" OBSTACLE – DAY

Hartman watches as the recruits climb ropes and ladders to a high wooden tower above the platform.

EXT. PUGIL-STICK CIRCLE – DAY

Pyle and another recruit, wearing football-style helmets, batter each other with pugil sticks.

The recruits are formed up around them in a circle. They cheer as Pyle is beaten, to the ground.

EXT. "DIRTY NAME" OBSTACLE – DAY

RECRUITS waiting in two lines for their turn.

HARTMAN
Next two privates! Quickly!

The next two recruits struggle over the obstacle.

HARTMAN

Get over that goddamn obstacle! Move it! Next two privates! Quickly! Hurry up! Get up there!

Joker and another recruit go over easily.

HARTMAN
Private Joker, are you a killer?

JOKER

Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN

Let me hear your war cry!

JOKER

Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

HARTMAN

Next two privates, go!

Pyle and another recruit. Pyle is hopeless.

HARTMAN

Quickly! Get your fat ass over there, Private Pyle! Oh, that's right, Private Pyle... don't make any fucking effort to get to the top of the fucking obstacle! If God wanted you up there He would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't He?

PYLE
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN

Get your fat ass up there, Pyle!

PYLE

Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN

What the hell is the matter with you anyway? I'll bet you if there was some pussy up there on top of that obstacle you could get up there! Couldn't you?!

PYLE

Sir, yes, sir!

Pyle drops heavily to the ground.

HARTMAN

Your ass looks like about a hundred and fifty pounds of chewed bubble gum, Pyle. Do you know that?

PYLE
Sir, yes, sir!

EXT. CHINNING BAR – DAY

Recruits are doing pull-ups. Hartman watches Joker finishing many, many of them.

HARTMAN

One for the Corps! Get up there! Pull!

Joker finally drops to the ground.

HARTMAN
I guess the Corps don't get theirs. Get up there, Pyle!

Pyle tries to do a pull-up but can't get to the top of the bar.

HARTMAN
Pull! Pull, Pyle, pull! One pull-up, Pyle! Come on, pull! You gotta be shitting me, Pyle! Get your ass up there! Do you mean to tell me that you cannot do one single pull-up?

Pyle, exhausted from his efforts, drops to the ground.

HARTMAN
You are a worthless piece of shit, Pyle!! Get out of my face! Get up there, Snowball!

EXT. "CONFIDENCE CLIMB" – DAY

Pyle climbs a high obstacle.

HARTMAN

Get up here, fatboy! Quickly! Move it up! Move it up, Pyle! Move it up! You climb obstacles like old people fuck. Do you know that, Private Pyle? Get up here! You're too slow! Move it, move it! Private Pyle, whatever you do, don't fall down! That would break my fucking heart! Quickly!

Pyle freezes at the top.

HARTMAN
Up and over! Up and over! Well, what in the fuck are you waiting for, Private Pyle? Get up and over! Move it, move it, move it! Are you quitting on me? Well, are you! Then quit you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! Now!

Pyle climbs back down his side of the obstacle.

HARTMAN
Move it! I'm gonna rip your balls off so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo!

EXT. ROAD – DAY

The platoon is irregularly strung out on a road nearing the end of a rapid, forced march.

Pyle is at the end of the line ready to drop. Supported by Joker, Pyle staggers along as Hartman bellows at him.

HARTMAN

Pick'em up and set'em down, Pyle! Quickly! Move it up! Were you born a fat slimy scumbag, you piece of shit, Private Pyle? Or did you have to work on it? Move it up! Quickly! Hustle up! The fucking war will be over by the time we get out there, won't it, Private Pyle?

Hartman gives Pyle a shove.

HARTMAN

Move it!

Pyle gasps for breath.

HARTMAN
Are you going to fucking die, Pyle? Are you going to die on me!! Do it now! Move it up! Hustle it up! Quickly, quickly, quickly! Do you feel dizzy? Do you feel faint? Jesus H. Christ, I think you've got a hard-on!

EXT. MUD OBSTACLE – DAY

The platoon tries to run, through the mud. Pyle half carried by Joker and Cowboy falls taking Joker down with him.

HARTMAN
Quickly ladies! Assholes and elbows! Move it out! Get up there! Move it! Move it, move it, move it!

INT. BARRACKS – PRE-DAWN

Hartman and two Junior Drill Instructors stride into the Squad Bay. The lights go on. Hartman bangs loudly on an empty metal garbage can which he carries into the room.

HARTMAN

Reveille! Reveille! Reveille! Drop your cocks and grab your socks! Today is Sunday! Divine worship at zero-eight-hundred! Get your bunks made and get your uniforms on. Police call will commence in two minutes!

Hartman stops in front of Joker's bunk.

HARTMAN
Private Cowboy! Private Joker!

COWBOY

Sir, yes, sir!

JOKER

Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN

As soon as you finish your bunks, I want you two turds to clean the head.

JOKER & COWBOY

(in unison)

Sir, aye-aye, sir!

HARTMAN

I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump!

JOKER & COWBOY

(in unison)

Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN

Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?

JOKER

Sir, no, sir!

Hartman throws down the garbage can with a loud bang.

HARTMAN
Private Joker, I don't believe I heard you correctly!

JOKER

Sir, the private said "No, sir," sir!

HARTMAN

Why, you little maggot! You make me want to vomit!

Hartman slaps Joker, hard, across the cheek.

HARTMAN
You goddamn communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary... or I'm gonna stomp your guts out! Now you do love the Virgin Mary, don't you?!

JOKER

Sir, negative, sir!!

HARTMAN

Private Joker, are you trying to offend me?!

JOKER

Sir, negative, sir!!! Sir, the private believes that any answer he gives will be wrong! And the Senior Drill Instructor will beat him harder if he reverses himself, sir!

HARTMAN

Who's your squad leader, scumbag?

JOKER

Sir, the private's squad leader is Private Snowball, sir!!!

HARTMAN

Private Snowball!

Snowball double-times up to Hartman.

SNOWBALL
Sir, Private Snowball reporting as ordered, sir!

HARTMAN

Private Snowball, you're fired! Private Joker is promoted to squad leader!

SNOWBALL

Sir, aye-aye, sir!

HARTMAN

Private Pyle!

PYLE

Private Pyle reporting as ordered, sir!

HARTMAN

Private Pyle, from now on Private Joker is your new squad leader, and you will bunk with him! He'll teach you everything. He'll teach you how to pee.

PYLE

Sir, yes, sir!