Friends六人行 第二季英文剧本(71-80页)

208 The One With the List
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are there, discussing the night before.]
RACH: Ross kissed me.
MNCA: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
RACH: It was unbelievable!
MNCA: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
PHOE: Ok, all right. We want to hear everything. Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone. Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues?
RACH: Oh, it ended very well.
PHOE: Oh.
MNCA: [getting the wine] Do not start without me. Do not start without me.
PHOE: Ok, all right, let's hear about the kiss. Was it like, was it like a soft brush against your lips? Or was it like a, you know, a "I gotta have you now" kind of thing?
RACH: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And then, oh, god, and then we just sort of sunk into it.
PHOE: Ok, so, ok, was he holding you? Or was his hand like on your back?
RACH: No, actually first they started on my waist. And then, they slid up, and then, they were in my hair.
PHOE/MNCA: Ohhhh.
[Scene: Ross' apartment. Ross, Chandler, and Joey are there eating pizza.]
ROSS: And, uh, and then I kissed her.
JOEY: Tongue?
ROSS: Yeah.
JOEY: Cool.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there; Chandler is showing everyone his new computer.]
CHAN: All right, check out this bad boy. 12 megabytes of ram. 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 b.p.s.
PHOE: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
CHAN: [doggedly] Games and stuff.
MNCA: [reading the paper] There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me.
JOEY: [reading over her shoulder] Wait, here's one. Uh, would you be willing to cook naked?
MNCA: There's an ad for a naked chef?
JOEY: No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then... [rubs his fingers together]
[Ross enters, distraught.]
ROSS: Hi.
PHOE: Hey, oh, so, um...how'd you make out last night?
ROSS: That, that is funny. That is painfully funny. No, wait. Wait, yeah, that's just painful
MNCA: Wait a minute. I thought last night was great.
ROSS: Yeah, it was, but...I get home, ok, and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table. And I'm thinking to myself, oh my god, what the hell am I doing? I mean, here I am, I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman, who I care about and who cares about me, and I'm like, what, am I just gonna throw all that away?
JOEY: You got all that from saline solution?
MNCA: We are talking about Rachel here. You and Rachel.
ROSS: Believe me, I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for ten years now. But now, I'm with Julie, so it's like me and Julie, me and Rachel, me and Julie, me and... [Rachel enters, carrying a tray]... Rachel. Rachel, Rachel.
RACH: [to Ross] Hey, you.
ROSS: How are you?
RACH: Good. How are you?
ROSS: Good.
[Julie enters.]
JULIE: Hi, honey.
ROSS: Hi, Julie. [nervous] Hi, Julie. Julie, um, how are you?
JULIE: Good.
ROSS: [uncomfortable] Good, so everybody's here. Everybody's good. So, were you gonna play something, Phoebe?
PHOE: Oh, well, actually.
ROSS: [impatient] Play it.
PHOE: Ok, all right.
JOEY: Hey, Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses.
JULIE: What?
ROSS: [to Joey] Ssshh.
PHOE: Ok, um, hi, hello, hi, ok, so, um, this is a song about a love triangle between three people that I made up. Um, it's called, um, "Two of Them Kissed Last Night".
[Ross and Rachel look at each other and then at Phoebe, realizing the song is about their situation.]
PHOE: [singing] There was a girl, we'll call her Betty, and a guy let's call him Neil. Now I can't stress this point too strongly, this story isn't real. Now our Neil must decide, who will be the girl that he casts aside. Will Betty be the one who he loves truly? Or will it be the one who we'll call Ju...Loolie? He must decide, he must decide, even though I made him up, he must decide!
[Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's (RTST) office. Monica is there about a job.]
RTST: This is a nice resume. Nice, nice, nice. Muy impressivo.
MNCA: So, Mr. Rastatter, what exactly does this job entail? The ad wasn't too clear.
RTST: Mockolate.
MNCA: I'm sorry?
RTST: Mockolate. It's a completely synthetic chocolate substitute.
MNCA: Ohh.
[He pulls out a piece of Mockolate.]
RTST: Go ahead. Try a piece. Yeah, we think that Mockolate is even better than chocolate.
MNCA: All right. Mmm-mmm.
[She tastes it, and obviously hates it.]
RTST: Yeah?
MNCA: [disgusted, trying not to show it] I love how it crumbles. Now see, your chocolate doesn't do that.
RTST: No, ma'am. Well, anyhoo, we should be getting our F.D.A. approval any day now, hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving. See, the way we look at it, chocolate already dominates most of your major food-preparation holidays: Easter, Christmas, what have you.
MNCA: [still chewing] Mmm-mmm.
RTST: But, we're thinking, given the right marketing, we can make Thanksgiving the Mockolate holiday.
MNCA: Wow.
RTST: Aren't you going to swallow that?
MNCA: Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.
RTST: Yeah, isn't that great?
MNCA: [with false enthusiasm] Mmm.
RTST: Well, anyhoo, um, we are looking for a couple of chefs who can create some Thanksgiving-themed recipes. You think you might be interested?
MNCA: Abso...[swallows hard]...lutely. See, I love creating new recipes. I love Thanksgiving. And, well, now, I love Mockolate.
RTST: Really?
MNCA: Especially the after taste, you know, I'll tell ya, that'll last ya till Christmas.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are there. Monica is suggesting Mockolate recipes to Phoebe.]
MNCA: How about Mockolate mousse?
PHOE: It's not, it's not very Thanksgiving-y.
MNCA: Ok, how about pilgrim Mockolate mousse?
PHOE: What makes it pilgrim?
MNCA: We'll put buckles on it.
[Rachel enters.]
RACH: Hey.
PHOE: Hey.
MNCA: Hey.
RACH: Did uh, Ross call?
MNCA: No, I'm sorry.
RACH: Why didn't he call? He's gonna stay with Julie, isn't he? He's gonna stay with her and she's going to be all, "Hi, I'm Julie, Ross picked me, and we're gonna to get married, have a lot of kids and dig up stuff together."
PHOE: No offense, but that sounds nothing like her.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is up in arms about the Rachel/Julie situation.]
ROSS: I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare.
CHAN: Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh, no. Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight.
JOEY: Hey, here's a thought, Ross. [reaches for the computer]
CHAN: Don't touch the computer. Don't ever touch the computer.
JOEY: Ross, listen. I got two words for you. Threesome.
[Ross gives him an insulted look.]
CHAN: Ok, all right, look. Let's get logical about this, ok? We'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons. Oh. We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, and I can use different colors for each column.
ROSS: Can't we just use a pen?
CHAN: No, Amish boy.
JOEY: Ok, let's start with the cons, 'cause they're more fun. All right, Rachel first.
ROSS: I don't know. I mean, all right, I guess you can say she's a little spoiled sometimes.
JOEY: You could say that.
ROSS: And I guess, you know, sometimes, she's a little ditzy, you know. And I've seen her be a little too into her looks. Oh, and Julie and I, we have a lot in common 'cause we're both paleontologists, but Rachel's just a waitress.
CHAN: Waitress. Got it. You guys wanna play Doom? Or we could keep doing this. What else?
ROSS: I don't know.
JOEY: Oh, her ankles are a little chubby.
CHAN: Ok, let's do Julie. What's wrong with her?
ROSS: [long pause] She's not Rachel.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica has made food for Phoebe and Rachel to taste.]
MNCA: Ok, this is pumpkin pie with mockolate cookie crumb crust. This is mockolate cranberry cake, and these are mockolate chip cookies. Just like the Indians served.
[Rachel takes a bite.]
RACH: Oh my god.
MNCA: Oh my god good?
RACH: Oh my god, I can't believe you let me put this in my mouth.
[Rachel runs to the sink to spit it out.]
PHOE: Oh, oh sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on the phone with a computer hotline.]
CHAN: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hot line you are not so hot. What? What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek?
[Ross enters with a melancholy look.]
JOEY: [to Ross] Hey, so how'd it go with Julie? Did you, did you break her heart?
ROSS: Yes, it was horrible. She cried. I cried. She threw things, they hit me. Anyway, I did the right thing.
CHAN: [in phone] So, Spock actually hugs his father?
[Rachel enters.]
RACH: Hey, do you guys have...[sees Ross, pauses]...hi.
ROSS: Hi.
RACH: [sees his coat on] Where you goin'?
ROSS: I uh, I just got back from uh, from Julie's.
RACH: [dejected] Oh.
ROSS: No, no, uh, it's not what you think. It's um the other thing.
RACH: Well, what's the other thing, what do I think?
[Joey is looking at Rachel, smiling, and gesturing his head towards Ross.]
ROSS: Well, uh.
JOEY: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes.
RACH: Really?
ROSS: Really. It's always been you, Rach.
[Ross and Rachel hug.]
RACH: Oh, god.
JOEY/CHAN: Ohhh.
RACH: Oh, oh, this is good, this is really good.
ROSS: I know, I know, it's, it's almost...[turns around, sees Chandler and Joey] What do you say we go take a walk, just us, not them?
RACH: Let me get my coat.
ROSS: Ok. No, hey, whoa, whoa, I'll get your coat.
[Ross leaves.]
RACH: Ok, he's goin' to get my coat. He's goin' to get my coat. Oh my god, you guys. I can't believe this. This is unbelievable. [notices Chandler's computer screen] What's that?
CHAN: [nervous] What? Nothing.
[Chandler closes up the laptop computer screen.]
RACH: What's that? What? I saw my name. What is it?
CHAN: No, no, see? See? [the printer starts to run] Hey, it's printing. [to Joey, rattled] Hey, it's printing!
[Chandler rips off the sheet of paper from the printer.]
RACH: Well what is it? Let me see.
[Ross walks back in, Rachel's coat in hand.]
ROSS: Hey, someone order a coat?
RACH: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.
ROSS: He won't? [remembers what it is] He won't! Because, isn't that, isn't that the, the short story you were writing?
CHAN: Yes, yes it is, short story, that I was writing.