Friends六人行 第二季英文剧本(81-90页)

ROSS: Yeah, but not very well, unless 14-across, 'Gershwin musical' actually is bitemebitemebitemebiteme.

OPENING TITLES

[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Joey are seated at couches. Rachel is working behind the counter.]

JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.

CHANDLER: Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.

[Ross enters with several bags from shopping.]

ROSS: Hey guys.

CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.

[Ross approaches Rachel at counter.]

ROSS: Hey Rach. I, uh, got you a little present. [Rachel is not impressed]. . I'll open it. It's a Slinky! Remember, huh. [sings] Walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, everyone knows it's. . . just a big spring. Alright, you still mad at me becuase of the whole. . .

RACHEL: Horrible and degrading list of reasons not to be with me?

ROSS: How 'bout from now on we just call it the 'unfortunate incident'? [Rachel walks off] Hey Gunther, you got stairs in your place?

GUNTHER: Yeah.

ROSS: Here, go nuts. [gives him the Slinky and goes and sits with others at the couches]

ROSS: Hey guys.

CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.

CHANDLER: What's in the bag?

ROSS: Um, just some presents.

JOEY: C'mon show us what you bought. . . You know you want to.

ROSS: [childishly] OK. OK, this is a picture frame from Ben to my parents, huh.

MONICA: Cute.

ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.

[Ross holds up the blouse. It is extremely tacky, with sewn-on medals hanging off of it.]

MONICA: Ross, that is gorgeous!

ROSS: Yeah?

MONICA: Look at these authentic fake medals. I tell ya, mom's gonna be voted best dressed at the make-believe military academy.

[Phoebe enters.]

PHOEBE: Hey.

GANG: Hey. Hi Phoebe.

PHOEBE: Happy Christmas Eve Eve. [sees Ross's picture frame] Oh my God, where did you get this?

ROSS: Uh, Macy's, third floor, home furnishings.

PHOEBE: This is my father, this is a picture of my dad.

CHANDLER: Nah, Phoebs, that's the guy that comes in the frame.

PHOEBE: No it isn't, this is my dad, alright, I'll show you.

RACHEL: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison.

PHOEBE: No, that's my stepdad. My real dad's the one that ran out on us before I was born.

RACHEL: How have you never been on Oprah?

PHOEBE: [showing her pictures] OK, look, see, this is him. My mother gave me this picture before she died, same guy.

MONICA: Honey, uh, this is a picture of the frame guy posing in front of a bright blue screen with a collie.

PHOEBE: It's not a blue screen... it's just, maybe it was just really clear that day. OK, I have to talk to my grandmother. [turns to leave]

MONICA: Oh, wait a minute honey.

GANG: Phoebs. [Phoebe leaves]

MONICA: Wow.

JOEY: So anyway, I'm trying to get my boss's ex-wife to sleep with me. . .

GANG: Joey!

JOEY: Oh, but when Phoebe has a problem, everyone's all ears!

[Scene: Phoebe's grandmother's place. Phoebe's grandmother is sitting at the table, reading the obituaries, and crossing out names in the phonebook.]

GRANDMOTHER: Esther Livingston. [scratches out name] Gone.

[Phoebe enters.]

GRANDMOTHER: Hi, Phoe.

PHOEBE: Hi Gram. Whatcha doin'?

GRANDMOTHER: Oh, just updating the phonebook.

PHOEBE: Um, gram, um, can I see the pictures of my dad again?

GRANDMOTHER: [nervously] Oh. Oh, sure, sure, uh, uh, how come?

PHOEBE: Just, you know, to see... um.

GRANDMOTHER: Oh, sure, yeah. [gets a box with the pictures] This is the one of you father in a meadow, and, uh, helping a little boy fly a kite, and here he is at a graduation. . . another graduation. . . another graduation.

PHOEBE: OK, is this really my father?

GRANDMOTHER: Is it really your fa--I can't... well of course it is.

PHOEBE: OK, I smell smoke. Maybe that's 'cause someone's pants are on fire.

GRANDMOTHER: Look, I. . .

PHOEBE: Ya know, in all the years that we have been grandmother and granddaughter, you have never lied to me.

GRANDMOTHER: Alright, that is not your father, that's just a picture of a guy in a frame.

PHOEBE: Oh God.

GRANDMOTHER: It was your mother's idea. Ya know, she didn't want you to know your real father because it hurt her so much when he left, and, I didn't want to go along with it, but, well then she died and, and it was harder to argue with her. Not impossible, but harder.

PHOEBE: Alright, so, what, he's not a famous tree surgeon? And then, I guess, OK, he doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones?

GRANDMOTHER: Last I heard, he was a pharmacist somewhere upstate.

PHOEBE: OK, that makes no sense. Why would the villagers worship a pharmacist?

GRANDMOTHER: Honey.

PHOEBE: [realizes] Oh.

GRANDMOTHER: Anyway, that's all I know. That, and this. [pulls apart a frame and pulls a picture out] This is the real him.

PHOEBE: Oh.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Chandler, and Joey are decorating the Christmas tree.]

CHANDLER: Ya know I remember my father, all dressed up in the red suit, the big black boots, and the patent leather belt, sneakin around downstairs. He didn't want anybody to see him but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, crash into something and wake everybody up.

RACHEL: Well, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.

CHANDLER: Who said anything about Christmas?

[Monica and Ross enter.]

MONICA: Hi.

ROSS: Hey, anyone hear from Phoebe yet?

RACHEL: No, nothin'.

MONICA: I hope she's OK.

JOEY: Yeah, I know exactly what she's goin' through.

MONICA: How do you know exactly what she's going through?

JOEY: She told us.

CHANDLER: So whaddya got there Monica?

MONICA: Just some stuff for the party.

ROSS: Yeah, what're you guys doin' here, aren't you supposed to be Christmas shopping?

MONICA: You guys haven't gotten your presents yet? Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, what're ya gonna do?

CHANDLER: Don't you have to be Claymation to say stuff like that?