Friends六人行 第二季英文剧本(121-130页)

Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do, everybody
That's another thing that you don't wanna do.

MONICA: Excellent!

CHANDLER: Very informative!

RACHEL: Not at all inappropriate!

PHOEBE: Thank you for coming everybody. There're cookies in the back.

ROB: That was great, the kids loved you.

PHOEBE: Yay, I rock.

ROB: And you know why? Because you told the truth, and nobody ever tells kids the truth.You were incredible.

PHOEBE: But.

ROB: How did you know there was a but?

PHOEBE: I sense these things. It was either but or butter.

ROB: The thing is, I think some of the parents, they were kinda hopin' that you'd play more songs about like, barnyard animals.

PHOEBE: I can do that.

ROB: Really?

PHOEBE: Yeah.

ROB: Because that would be fantastic. What? You wanna kiss me?

PHOEBE: Thinkin' about it.

[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross and the janitor are in the nocturnal house.]

JANITOR: Ahh, the bat. Ambassador of darkness, flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger, sightless spectre of the macabe.

ROSS: Buddy, my monkey?

JANITOR: Oh, yeah, right. There was a break-in, few months back, inside job. Your monkey was taken.

ROSS: Oh my God. But the zoo told me that my monkey was dead.

JANITOR: The zoo! Do you believe everything the zoo tells ya?

ROSS: That, that's the only thing the zoo's ever told me.

JANITOR: Of course they're gonna say he's dead. They don't want the bad publicity. It's all a great big cover-up. Do you have any idea how high up this thing goes?

ROSS: That guy Lipson?

JANITOR: Lipson knows. Do you have any idea who else knows?

ROSS: No, I, I only know Lipson.

JANITOR: Hmm, Lipson knows huh? Ahh, hello Mr. Opossum, enigma of the trees, upside-down denizen of the night, taunting gravity with...

ROSS: Buddy, my monkey, my monkey.

JANITOR: Word on the street - well, when I say street, I mean those little pretend streets they have here at the zoo.

ROSS: Of course.

JANITOR: Your monkey found a new career, in the entertainment field. That's all I know.

ROSS: This is unbelievable.

JANITOR: So, what is this information worth to you, my friend?

ROSS: Are you trying to get me to bribe you?

JANITOR: Maybe.

ROSS: But you already told me everything.

[Scene: Library. Ross show up with a MonkeyShine Beer poster.]

ROSS: Check it out, he actually is the MonkeyShine monkey.

RACHEL: Well, so what're you gonna do?

ROSS: Well, I guess I'm gonna call the beer company and try to find out where he is.

CHANDLER: That's what I did when I lost my Clydesdales.

PHOEBE: OK, hi again.

ALL: Hi Phoebe.

PHOEBE: Today we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals.
[singing] Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo,
Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo.
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up,
And that's how we get hamburgers.
Nooowww, chickens!

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and the guys are watching Days of Our Lives.]

TV DOCTOR: You're the only one who can save her Drake.

JOEY ON TV: Damnit, I'm a doctor, I'm not God.

ROSS: Well, there goes my whole belief system.

[knock at the door]

ERICA: It's Erica.

JOEY: Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.

RACHEL: No no no, wait, I wanna see what happens.

JOEY: Uh, I get Leslie out of the coma and then we make out.

RACHEL: Well how can that be, you were just kissing Sabrina?

MONICA: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.

JOEY: Hey Erica, c'mon in.

ERICA: How did you get here so fast, I just saw you in Salem?

JOEY: Right, they uh, they choppered me in. What's up?

ERICA: Ohh, and I see you're having a little party too. Is she here, huh, huh?

JOEY: Who?

ERICA: Sabrina. I know about you two. I saw you today kissing in the doctor's lounge.

JOEY: It's not what you think, that was...

ERICA: You told me I was the only one. [throws a glass of water in his face]

JOEY: Alright look, that's it. I don't think we should see each other anymore, alright. Look, I know I should have told you this a long time ago but I am not Drake Remore, OK. I'm not even a doctor, I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor.

ERICA: Oh my God. Do the people at the hospital know about this?

JOEY: Somebody wanna help me out here?

RACHEL: Oh, I know, I know. [Turns on the TV. Joey in on it.]

ERICA: How, how can you be here and there.

JOEY: 'Cause it's a television show.

ERICA: Drake, what're you getting at?

JOEY: I'm not Drake.

ROSS: That's right, he's not Drake, he's Hans Remore, Drake's evil twin.

ERICA: Is this true?

RACHEL: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because, because he pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me. [throws water in his face]

MONICA: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't. [throws water in his face]

CHANDLER: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard. [throws water in his face]

ERICA: Is all this true?

JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.

ERICA: Oh Hans. [They kiss]

ROSS: Hans...Hans...Yo evil twin.

JOEY: Right. Goodbye Erica, good luck in Salem. Take care

ERICA: I'll never forget you Hans. [Joey shuts the door in her face]

JOEY: OK, alright, the people who threw the water.

[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Rob are sitting on the couch.]

PHOEBE: Fired! Why?

ROB: The library board has had a lot of complaints from parents about some of the stuff in your songs.

PHOEBE: I can't believe it. Did you tell your board about how kids want to hear the truth?

ROB: No.

PHOEBE: I see.

ROB: Maybe if you just played some regular kiddie songs.

PHOEBE: No. What do you, what do you want me to be, like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur?

ROB: I'm not saying you have to be Barney.

PHOEBE: Who's Barney.