Friends六人行 第二季英文剧本(211-220页)

EDDIE: [walks around corner] A little what?

CHANDLER: Bit country? C'mon in here you roomie.

EDDIE: Hello Tilly.

TILLY: Eddie, I just came by to drop off your tank.

EDDIE: That's very thoughtful of you. It's very thougtful.

TILLY: Well, ok then. I'm gonna go. Bye.

EDDIE: Bye-bye.

CHANDLER: Bye.

[Tilly leaves]

CHANDLER: So, we gettin' a fish?

EDDIE: You had sex with her didn't you?

[Scene: Central Perk. Joey enters with several magazines and runs up to Phoebe.]

JOEY: Phoebs, check it out, check it out, check it out, check it out.

PHOEBE: Oh, ooh, Soap Opera Digest, oh that's one of my favorite digests.

JOEY: Page 42, page 42, page 42.

PHOEBE: Ok, ok, ok. Ooh, hey 'new doc on the block, Days of Our Lives' Joey Tribbiani.' Ooh, cool picture.

JOEY: Ooh, I look good.

PHOEBE: Hey is this true, that you write a lot of your own lines?

JOEY: Uh, well, kinda yeah. Like, remember last week when Alex was in the accident? Well the line in the script was, 'If we don't get this woman to a hospital, she's going to die.' But I made it, ' If this woman doesn't get to a hospital, she's not gonna live.'

PHOEBE: Ohh, ok, I see what you did there. Aren't you afraid though, that the writers are gonna be kinda mad when they read this?

JOEY: Huh? Never really thought about the writers. The scripts just kinda come to my house. But you know what? This makes me look good, which makes the show look good, which makes the writers look good so how could they be mad about that?

[Scene: At a writer's desk. The writer is working on a script for Days of Our Lives.]

WRITER: Makes up most of his lines. Son-of-a-. Yeah, well, write this jerkweed.

[Scene: Joey's apartment. The next script is being delivered.]

JOEY: I fall down an elevator shaft? What the hell does this mean, I fall down an elevator shaft?

DELIVERY GUY: Uhh, I don't know, I just bring the scripts.

JOEY: They can't kill me, I'm Francesca's long lost son.

DELIVERY GUY: Right. Could you sign this?

JOEY: No. No way, I'm not signing that.

DELIVERY GUY: I don't think that's gonna affect the plot of the show.

JOEY: How can they do this to me?

DELIVERY GUY: Er, uh, I'm just gonna go. Sorry.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are returning.]

MONICA: Well it wasn't that many guys. I mean, if you consider how many guys there actually are, it's a very small percentage.

RACHEL: Hey, it's not that big a deal, I was just curious.

ROSS: G'night.

RICHARD: Night Richard. Good luck Mon.

MONICA: Alright, before I tell you, uh, why don't you tell me how many women you've been with.

RICHARD: Two.

MONICA: Two? TWO? How is that possible? I mean, have you seen you?

RICHARD: Well, I mean what can I say? I, I was married to Barbara for 30 years. She was my high school sweetheart, now you, that's two.

MONICA: Two it is. Ok, time for bed, I'm gonna go brush my teeth. [goes in the bathroom]

RICHARD: Woah, woah, no wait a minute now. C'mon it's your turn. Oh c'mon. Ya know, I don't need the actual number, just a ballpark.

MONICA: Ok, it is definitely less than a ballpark.

[Rachel's bedroom]

RACHEL: Wow, I am so glad I'm not Monica right now.

ROSS: Tell me about it. So what, what's your magic number?

RACHEL: Uhhhooo.

ROSS: C'mon, you know everyone I've been with. All, both of them.

RACHEL: Well, there's you.

ROSS: Better not be doin' these in order.

RACHEL: Ok, uh, Billy Dreskin, Pete Carney, Barry, and uh, oh, Paolo.

ROSS: Oh yes, the weenie from Torrini.

RACHEL: Oh honey, are you jealous of Paolo? Oh, c'mon, I'm so much happier with you than I ever was with him.

ROSS: Really?

RACHEL: Oh please. That Paolo thing was barely a relationship. All it really was was just, ya know, meaningless animal sex. Ok, ya know, that sounded soooo much better in my head.

[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.]

CHANDLER: Eddie, I didn't sleep with your ex-girlfriend.

EDDIE: That's very interesting, ya know, 'cause that's exactly what someone who slept with her would say.

CHANDLER: This is nuts. This is crazy. She came over for like two minutes, dropped off a fish tank, and left, end of story.

EDDIE: Where's Buddy?

CHANDLER: Buddy?

EDDIE: My fish, Buddy.

CHANDLER: There was no fish when she dropped it off.

EDDIE: Oh, this is, this is unbelievable. I mean, first you sleep with my ex-girlfriend then you insult my inteligenct by lying about it and then you kill my fish, my Buddy?

CHANDLER: Hey I didn't kill your fish. Look Eddie...[puts his hand on Eddie's shoulder] Would you look at what I'm doin' here. That can't be smart. So we're just gonna take this guy right off ya and put him here in Mr. Pocket. Tangellon? [picks up the fruit an tosses it to Eddie, it hits Eddie in the chest and falls]

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are in Monica's bedroom.]

RICHARD: That's it? That's the giant number you were afraid to tell me?

MONICA: Well yeah.

RICHARD: Well, that's not bad at all. I mean, you had me thinkin it was like a fleet.

MONICA: You really ok with it?

RICHARD: Oh honey, I'm fine.

MONICA: Oh, yay. Ok about that two.

RICHARD: What? Alright, what about my two?

MONICA: Well, it just seems like a really small number.

RICHARD: Right, and...

MONICA: And, well, don't you have a lot of wild oats to sew? Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh my God, am I an oat?

RICHARD: Honey, you are not an oat. I, I mean I don't know, I, I guess I'm just not an oat guy. I've only slept with women I've been in love with.

MONICA: But you've only slept with two people.

RICHARD: Right.

MONICA: Wow. Oh wow. You know I love you too, right.

RICHARD: Now I do. [they kiss and fall to the bed]

[Ross and Rachel are in Rachel's bedroom]

RACHEL: Ross, Ross, please listen to me. Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean you care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.

ROSS: Oh, hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea, why don't you invite Paulo over and have a little romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock-knock jokes.

RACHEL: God, Ross, look, what you and I have is special, all Paolo and I ever had was...

ROSS: Animal sex, animal sex? So what're you saying, I mean, you're saying that like, there's nothing between us animal at all. I mean there's not even like, uhm, a little animal, not even, not even like, like chipmunk sex?

RACHEL: Ok, Ross, try to hear me. Ok, I, hey, I'm not gonna lie to you. Ok, it was good with Paolo.

ROSS: Knock-knock.

RACHEL: But, what you and I have is so much better. Ok, we have tenderness, we have intimacy, we connect. Ya know, I swear, this is the best I have ever had.

ROSS: Until now. [jumps on Rachel on the bed]

[later in the bathroom Monica is looking in the drawer, Rachel runs up]

RACHEL: Oh, hi.

MONICA: Hi. Richard just told me he loves me.

RACHEL: Oh my God, honey that's great.

MONICA: I know. I just can't find...

RACHEL: Oh they're in the top drawer. Hurry.

MONICA: You need one too?

RACHEL: Ooooh yeah.

[they pull out the box of condoms but there's only one left]

MONICA: There's only one.