Friends六人行 第二季英文剧本(301-310页)

department.

CHANDLER: Alright, ok, alright. So I can't fire Joseph but uh, I can sleep with his wife.

JOEY: Karen.

CHANDLER: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I just did.

JOEY: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me man.

CHANDLER: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah the rogue processor who seduces his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer.

JOEY: Really?

CHANDLER: No freakshow, she's fictional.

JOEY: Take it easy. If it means that much to you, I'll uh, I'll go find something else.

CHANDLER: Thank you.

JOEY: It's just that, I, I'm gonna miss Joseph. I liked him. His wife, she was hot. [Chadler pushes him out the door by the face.]

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Ross are in the kitchen. Phoebe is sitting at the couch with oven mits on her hands.]

PHOEBE: Can I please take these off? I swear I won't scratch.

RACHEL: No sorry hon, Monica's orders.

RYAN: [Comes out of the bathroom, also with oven mits on his hands.] Well that wasn't easy.

ROSS: Ok, dinner's on.

RACHEL: And there's a peach cobbler warming in the oven so the plate's gonna be hot but that shouldn't be a problem for you.

ROSS: Alright you kids, bye now.

PHOEBE and RYAN: Bye. [waving]

ROSS: Oh look, a low budget puppet show.

PHOEBE: It's such a shame you can't see which finger I'm holding up.

[Ross and Rachel leave.]

RYAN: Wine?

PHOEBE: Please. [Ryan pulls the cork with his teeth and spits it into Phoebe's mits.]

RYAN: Oh, I spilled some.

PHOEBE: I got it. [Wipes it up with her mits.]

RYAN: [Puts his hands over Phoebe's ears.] I must tell you, you look beautiful tonight.

PHOEBE: What?

RYAN: Sorry. You look beautiful.

PHOEBE: Oh.

[They start to kiss. They try to get each other's shirts off but can't get the buttons undone.]

PHOEBE: You know what, that's it, that's it. [She rips off the mits, Ryan follows her lead.]

[They keep kissing and start scratching each other. Ross enters, takes one look, and goes right back out the door.]

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard and Monica are in bed.]

RICHARD: Monica, wake up. Monica.

MONICA: What's up?

RICHARD: I thought of a thing.

MONICA: Yeah?

RICHARD: Yeah. I have to sleep, have to, on this side of the bed.

MONICA: No honey. You have to sleep on this side of the bed because I have to sleep on this side of the bed.

RICHARD: Or so I would have you believe.

MONICA: No. Big deal, so you have a side of the bed, everybody has a side of the bed.

RICHARD: Hey come on, you haven't heard my reason yet.

MONICA: Alright, go on.

RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.

MONICA: Oh my God, you're a freak.

RICHARD: Yeah. How 'bout that.

[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe, Rachel, Ross, and Ryan are there. Ryan is in uniform, getting ready to leave.]

RACHEL: So uh, Ryan, were you shipping off to?

RYAN: I really can't say.

ROSS: So do you have like any nuclear weapons on board?

RYAN: I can't say.

RACHEL: Well do you get to look through one of those like, those periscope thingys.

RYAN: I'm sorry, but I can't say.

ROSS: Wow, it, it's neat learning about submarines.

RYAN: I better get out of here, I'm gonna miss my flight.

PHOEBE: Ok, I'll walk you out.

ROSS: Bye Ryan.

RYAN: Pleasure.

RACHEL: It was nice to meet you.

RYAN: Take care.

[Phoebe and Ryan walk outside.]

RACHEL: So do you uh, think we can get you one of those uh, uniform things?

ROSS: You like that do ya?

RACHEL: Oh yeah.

ROSS: I'll make some calls. [Runs off.]

RACHEL: Ok.

[Outside with Phoebe and Ryan.]

RYAN: Can you believe how we spent our two weeks together?

PHOEBE: I know. We didn't do any of the romantic things I had planned, like having a picnic at Central Park and ya know, coffee at Central Perk. Oh I just got that. [They kiss.]

RYAN: Taxi.

PHOEBE: Bye you. [Ryan's cab drives off. As Phoebe is going back in, she sees the Central Perk sign in the window and laughs.]

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is closing. Ross walks in in a uniform.]

RACHEL: Oh I'm sorry, we're clo-... Hey sailor.

ROSS: Is this what you had in mind?

RACHEL: I'll say.

[Ross picks her up.]

ROSS: I'm shipping out tomorrow.

RACHEL: Well then uh, we better make this night count. [He starts to carry her out.] Oh wait, I forgot to turn off the cappucino machine. [He carries her over to turn it off.] Anchors away. Oh no no, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my pu rse. [He carries her to the counter to pick up her purse.] Oh, you know what. I forgot to turn off the bathroom light.

ROSS: Alright you know, why don't I just meet you upstairs. [Drops her on the couch and walks out holding his lower back.]
END
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224 The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding

[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there as Joey enters]

RACHEL: Hey Joey, how'd the audition go?

JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.

ALL: Who?

JOEY: All right. I'll give you one hint. Warren Beatty.

ALL: Wow!

JOEY: Yeah, there's just one thing that might be kind've a problem. See, I, uh, had to kiss this guy.

CHANDLER: 'Cause he was just so darn cute.

JOEY: No, as part of the audition. See, I'm up for this part of this guy, who the main guy kisses.

ROSS: Well, hey. You're an actor, I say you just suck it up and do it. (Rachel looks at him in disbelief) Or you just do it.

JOEY: I did do it, I'm a professional.

MONICA: Then what's the problem?

JOEY: See after the scene, Mr. Beatty comes up to me and says 'good actor, bad kisser'. Can you believe that, me not a good kisser, that's like, like Mother Theresa, not a good mother.

PHOEBE: Well, come on, who cares what that guy thinks. What does Warren Beatty know about kissing (Chandler and Monica, give her a look that says 'think about it') Ooh.