Friends六人行 第四季英文剧本(141-150页)

Monica: No, Chandler’s still in Phase One, and Joey’s that thing you smell.
Rachel: Ohh! (Realises that Ross is in the room.) Hi!
Ross: Hi!
Rachel: So….
Ross: No.
Rachel: Ohhhh, come on!!!
(There’s a knock on the door.)
Monica: I think she’s here.
Rachel: No! Wait! Wait-wait! Ross, please!
Ross: You want me to take some girl I’ve never met to the opera so you can go to a club and flirt with some guy, hmm, that-that is a toughie.
Monica: (looking out the peephole) Ohh, she’s looking down the hall. Oh! She looked right at me! Oh wait, you can’t see people through that little hole, can you? (Goes back to the door.) Hello!
Woman: Hello! (Monica screams)
Rachel: I’ll be right there! (to Ross) Okay, Ross, please come on! I thought we have moved on! I thought we’ve gotten to a place where we could be happy for each other! I mean was that just me?
Ross: All right, I’ll do it.
Rachel: Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! (Monica opens the door.) Emily?
Emily: Yes.
Rachel: I’m Rachel Green.
Emily: Thank goodness.
Rachel: There’s been a teeny-teeny change in plans. It turns out that I’m not free tonight. So…
Emily: Really?! Well, that’s just lovely, isn’t it? I must’ve missed your call, even though I didn’t leave the flat all day.
Rachel: Oh well, no I…
Emily: Oh, no-no-no, that’s not rude! It’s perfectly in keeping with a trip that I’ve already been run down by one of your wiener carts, and been strip-searched at John F. Kennedy Airport, apparently to you people, I look like someone who’s got a balloon full of cocaine stuffed up their bum.
Monica: I-I-I think you look great.
Emily: Good night, it was very nice to meet you all. (Storms out.)
(Pause)
Rachel: I’ll get her.
Ross: Please hurry.
Phoebe: Don’t you just love the way they talk?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next morning, Monica and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: Ohh!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: It kicked! I think the baby kicked!
Monica: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Oh no wait, oh no, the elastic on my underwear busted.
Joey: (running from his bedroom) Oh my God! I overslept! I was supposed to be on the set a half an hour ago! I gotta get out of here!
Monica: Oh wait, Joey, you can’t go like that! You stink!
Joey: Look, I know I feel asleep before I could shower and now I don’t have time! They’re just ten blocks away, if I run, I can make it.
Monica: Yeah. Run ten blocks, that’ll help the smell.
(He opens the door to reveal Rachel.)
Rachel: Hey—whoa, slow down. (Gets a whiff of him) No, keep moving. (Joey runs off.) Wow!
Monica: So? How did it go with Joshua last night?
Rachel: Well, I didn’t see Joshua last night, but I did punch a girl in the face.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Why?
Rachel: The whole night was horrible, it was pouring down rain, and when I got there, there was no Rachel Green on the list, but there was a Rachel Greep.
Phoebe: Ohh! So, did you get to meet her?
Rachel: No, there is no Rachel Greep, but then this other girl overheard us and she was all, "I’m Rachel Greep! I’m Rachel Greep!" and he let her right in.
Monica: So you hit her in the face?
Rachel: No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I can’t believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me.
Phoebe: (going over to comfort her) Aww, Pheebs.
Rachel: Honey, that’s you’re name.
Phoebe: That’s short for Phoebe?! I thought that was just what we called each other!
(Chandler enters from his bedroom.)
Monica: Hey! You’re wearing pants!
Chandler: That’s right! Where are the guys? I’m ready to get drunk and see some strippers.
Monica: It’s 9:30 in the morning!
Chandler: They got a breakfast buffet.
(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
Monica: Hello. (Listens) Oh, hey Ross!
Chandler: Ooh, let me talk to him!
Monica: Oh-oh, my God!
Chandler: Well, can I just…
Monica: (to Chandler) Shh!! (On phone) Wait, what?
Chandler: She’s shhing me! It’s my phone and she’s shhing me!
Phoebe: Shhh!! Please! What’s he saying?
Monica: He’s with Emily at a Bed and Breakfast in Vermont!
Phoebe: What? Oh my God!
Rachel: What? Who the hell is Emily—(realises) noooo!!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, scene continued from earlier.]
Rachel: They’re in Vermont!! How could this happen?! (She waves her arms franticly and hits Chandler.)
Chandler: Ow!
Rachel: How—how did end up in Vermont with that awful witch?! (She hits Chandler again.)
Chandler: Maybe, she doesn’t hit him all the time.
[cut to Ross in Vermont, talking on the phone.]
Ross: When we first met her, she was soaking, her feet were wet! Who wouldn’t be miserable? I’m telling you when I got her into a dry pair of shoes, she was a totally different person.
Emily: (rushing in) Ross! Come quickly! There’s a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!
Ross: I’ve gotta go, there’s a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard! (He hangs up and runs out.)
[cut back to Chandler and Joey’s.]
Monica: He had to go, there’s a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard.
Rachel: I don’t get this! She was horrible! (She hits Chandler, yet again.)
Chandler: Okay, I’m going to go stand over there. (Points and moves into the living room.)
Monica: Why do you care so much anyway?
Rachel: I don’t care! All right, y’know what I’m just upset that I’m getting nowhere with Joshua that—y’know what still, you do not meet someone and go flitting off to Vermont!
Monica: Well, when you first met Barry, you flitted off to Vail.
Rachel: Oh, y’know, would you just for once, not remember every…little…thing!! (Storms out.)
Chandler: So y’know, uh, when’s he getting back?
Monica: A couple of days.
Chandler: Y’know, I knew something like this was going to happen. (He starts to take off his pants, revealing that he is still wearing his sweat pants.)
Monica: What are you doing?! Chandler! You can’t just go back a phase!
Chandler: Yes you can. You’re thinking about time, you can’t go back in time.
Phoebe: Well, look, why don’t you just, why don’t you do your Phase Two strip club thing with us.
Monica: Yeah, come on, we can be guys!
Chandler: (laughs) No you can’t.
Phoebe: Come on! Let us be guys! Maybe we want to be guys!
Chandler: You don’t want to be guys, you’d be all hairy and wouldn’t live as long. (Starts to go to his bedroom)
Phoebe: Y’know you, you just stop being such a wuss and get those off and you come with us and watch naked girls dance around!!
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to cry)
Phoebe: I’m sorry. (Goes and hugs him)
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey is just arriving for his scene.]
Joey: (rushing in) Hey! Joey Tribbiani! I’m here! I’m here!
The A.D: Calm down, we got time, we’re running a little late.
(Just then, Charlton Heston walks out of his dressing room and starts eating a liquorice whip.)
Joey: Look at that, Charlton Heston eating a liquorice whip!
The A.D: Yeah, we loves ‘em. I’ve never seen him with—(He gets a whiff of Joey and starts smelling around.)
Joey: (trying to act like he’s not the one that stinks.) Whoa! Yeah, what the hell is that? What smells so bad?
The A.D: You.
Joey: Y’know, I can see why you think that, but ah, actually, you know who I think it is?
The A.D: You?
Joey: No-no, it’s uh, it’s Heston.
The A.D: What?
Joey: Yeah, the man wreaks! Smells like he went on a three day fishing trip and then ate some liquorice.
The A.D: There’s no way he smells, he’s the only one around here with a shower in his dressing room.
Joey: Really, a shower huh? And uh, which-which room might that be?
The A.D: The one with "Heston" on it.
Joey: Interesting.
[Scene: A strip club, the girls are there with Chandler, who isn’t enjoying himself.]
Monica: (coming back to the stage and sitting next to Chandler) Okay, I’ve got some Ones, you wanna put them in her panties?
Chandler: No thanks, Mom!
(A man sits down next to Phoebe and lights up a cigarette.)
Phoebe: Oh, no umm, hi, that-that, you have to put that out, ‘cause I’m pregnant.
The Cigarette Smoking Guy: (No, not the Cigarette Smoking Man from The X-Files.) Well, maybe you and your baby should go to another strip club.
Phoebe: Ha-ha, it’s not my baby, ha-ha-ha! (He leaves.)
(The dancer finishes and everyone claps.)
Monica: Very good, (getting up and sliding a One into the dancer’s hot pants) so good.
Phoebe: (doing the same) I really, really enjoyed it. Very exotic.
Rachel: (joining them) Well, I just checked our messages and Joshua didn’t call. I mean you’d think he’d be worried about me not showing up at his club. Ugh, you know what makes it so much worse, Ross is all happy in Vermont!
Phoebe: Come on! Look where you are!!
Monica: (to the waitress) When you get a sec, another round of daiquiris.
Phoebe: Remember, a virgin for me please.
Monica: Oh! And don’t let me leave without getting the name of that carpet guy.
Chandler: Ahh, come on! Y’know what—y’know what, I think I’m just gonna go home and call Kathy.
Phoebe: Well, if you think it will help.
Chandler: No! That was a test! In a couple of hours I’m gonna get really drunk and wanna call Kathy and you guys are gonna have to stop me! And then after that, I’m gonna get so drunk, I’m gonna wanna call Janice
Phoebe: You should! How is she?
Chandler: Ohhh!!
Monica: I think somebody needs another lap dance. (Motions for one.)
[Scene: Silvercup studios, Joey is taking a shower in Charlton Heston’s dressing room. Heston enters the room, Joey panics, and walks over to the shower and confronts Joey about the use of his shower.]
Charlton Heston: Hello! Who’s in there? (He opens to curtain to reveal a naked and wet Joey.)
Joey: How ya doin’?
Charlton Heston: Who in the hell are you?
Joey: I guess you wouldn’t believe me if I said I was Kurt Douglas, huh?
Charlton Heston: Put some pants on kid so I can kick your butt.
Joey: No-no-no, no, no, wait. You see, I’m an actor, Joey Tribbiani, I’m doing a scene with you today, and well, I stink.
Charlton Heston: (shocked) You’re in this picture?
Joey: Yeah-yeah, I’m one of the cops that won’t work with you ‘cause you a lose cannon. Anyway, look, I’m really sorry, but I stink!
Charlton Heston: Joey, right?
Joey: Yeah.
Charlton Heston: (tosses him a towel, motions for him to get out of the shower and sits down on the couch) Every actor at one time or another—opp! (Joey tries to sit down next to him and Heston makes him sit somewhere else.) Every actor thinks he stinks, even Lawrence Oliver at sometimes thought he stank, Bob Redford won’t even watch himself.
Joey: Oh no-no-no, you don’t understand…
Charlton Heston: Listen to me!
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah.
Charlton Heston: I don’t know one actor worth his salt that didn’t say at one time or another, "God, I stink!" Hell, I just did a scene out there, first take, I stunk the place up. But, the important thing you must remember, no matter how badly you think you might stink, you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?!
Joey: Yes sir! Yes sir, I’m-I’m—(he starts to leave)
Charlton Heston: Wait a minute! Take your pants.
Joey: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are returning from the strip club.]
Monica: So, we did okay at the strip club, right?
Chandler: Oh yeah, that was great. Thanks to you, the hottest cocktail waitress there is quitting to teach the third grade!
Rachel: (entering) I can’t believe it! He still hasn’t called.