Friends六人行 第四季英文剧本(231-240页)

entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
[Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]
Joey: Come on! Do something!
Chandler: I am, I'm ignoring you.
Joey: Okay, here! (Gives him the camera.) I wanna be the on camera guy. All right, first stop, Westminster Abbey. (Joey folds out his "pop-up" map of London. All of the major landmarks pop-up like in a pop-up book.)
Chandler: Oh, what the hell is that?
Joey: It's London, baby! All right, the hotel's here. (Points to the map.) Wait. No, we wanna go... No. I know. (Sets the map down.) I'm gonna have to go into the map. (So Joey literally steps into the map.)
Chandler: Okay, if you see a little version of me in there? Kill it!
Joey: I got it! (Picks up the map and starts walking.) Here we go.
Chandler: Okay. Listen-listen, we're not gonna have to walk this way the entire time are we?
Joey: Shhh! (Pause) Man, you made me lose it! (He goes into the map again.)
[Scene: Another street, somewhere along the River Thames, Ross, Emily, and Monica are walking to where they're gonna get married. Emily is relating the troubles with the caterer.]
Emily: ...and that was all before 10 o'clock. The caterer rang and said it was going to be Chicken Kiev instead of Chicken Tarragon. And then the florist phoned to say there aren't any tulips. Oh, and the chilliest has carpel-tunel syndrome. We're not gonna be...
Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Emily, (Gives her the time-out signal.) honey, okay?
Emily: Well, up yours too!
Ross: What?!
Emily: Oh, that's not what it means?
Ross: No! No! That's-that's time-out!
Emily: Sorry.
Ross: Sweetie, you gotta relax. Everything's gonna be great, okay? Come on. Come on.
Monica: Chicken Kiev?
Ross: Um-hmm! Doesn't that sound delicious at the last minute?
Monica: Yeah, y'know, but something like salmon which would be so much more elegant than the chicken. And, you wouldn't have to worry about the salmonella. (Ross pushes her.) But of course with salmon you'd have to worry about the chickenella... So, I can't wait to see this place you're getting married!
Ross: Yeah. Yeah. Yes, this place is beautiful. Emily's parents got married here.
Emily: I still can't believe they're tearing it down. It really is the most lovely building you'll ever see. I mean it's over... (She stops suddenly, when she sees that demolition has already started.) Oh my God!
Monica: It's nice.
Emily: Oh. Oh. (She starts running towards the building.)
[Cut to inside.]
Emily: (running in, with Ross) Oh. Oh my God. How can this be happening? What are we going to do?
Ross: It's all right! Everything's gonna be all right.
Emily: How's it gonna be all right?!
Ross: Uh-huh, I see that.
Monica: (entering) Okay, I talked to the guy with the shovel and I found out what happened.
Ross: What? What?
Monica: They tore it down a few days early.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey are sitting on the top floor on one of the red coaches in London that doesn't have a roof. Joey is very enthusiastic and is pointing at all the different sights. Chandler is really embarrassed and tries to make him stop. Afterwards, Joey tries to film Chandler with his video camera, and Chandler obviously hates this. Then, Joey falls asleep, and Chandler tries to take the video camera away from him. However, Joey is holding onto it (in his sleep) and won't let it go. Chandler pulls until Joey lets it go, causing Chandler to fall out of his seat.]
[Scene: Westminster Abbey, Joey and Chandler have successfully navigated the streets of London and are approaching the Abbey.]
Joey: All right! Westminster Abbey! Hands down, best Abbey I've ever seen. Hey! (Pushes Chandler in front of the camera.) Okay. What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?
Chandler: I think it's great. It's great. Y'know, they're thinking of changing the name of this place.
Joey: Really? To what?
Chandler: To Put the Camera Away!!!
Joey: Man, you are Westminster Crabby. (He starts chasing Chandler towards the Abbey.)
[Scene: A bridal shop somewhere in London. Monica is trying on her red bridesmaid dress, and Emily is watching. A dressmaker is working on Monica's dress.]
Monica: Don't worry. You'll find some place to get married.
(The dressmaker puts a pin in the dress, but accidentally pricks Monica with it.)
Monica: Oowww!!
Dressmaker: Sorry. Lucky this dress is red!
Emily: We can't find another place. Then we can't have the wedding! I've ordered chicken and salad and-and cake for 150. What should be the most wonderful day of my life is rapidly turning into just Sunday with a spectacular amount of food!
Monica: You're gonna find a place. But even if - God forbid - you didn't.. So you postpone the wedding. Is that really so bad? I mean, think about it. You could take all the time you needed to get everything that you want. You could have tulips, you could have salmon.... Mmmmm... Salmon!!
Emily: I suppose it wouldn't be the end of the world... Oh, thank you!
Monica: But either way... You're gonna get married, you're gonna be happy, my mom's gonna like you better than me.
(Emily smiles a bit and looks uncomfortable.)
Monica: Oh, god... She's told you that already, didn't she?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is trying to move off of the couch as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: Oh. Oh.
Rachel: Oh, honey! Don't get up! What do you need?
Phoebe: Oh, no. Oh, nothing.
Rachel: Come on! I am here to take care of you! What do you need? Anything.
Phoebe: Okay, I have a wedgie.
Rachel: Okay, that is all you.
Phoebe: So-so, what do you want for lunch?
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess we have to eat.
Phoebe: Yeah, I do. What's the matter?
Rachel: I'm just bummed about the way I left things with Ross. I shouldn't have lied to him about having to work. He seemed so mad at me.
Phoebe: Eh, don't be so hard on yourself. If someone I was still in love with was getting married...
Rachel: (interrupting) Still in love with?!
Phoebe: Yeah!
Rachel: I'm not in love with Ross!
Phoebe: Oh. No. No. Good! Yeah, me neither.
Rachel: Phoebe, I'm going to Ross's wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, I'm still in love with him! I mean, hey, y'know, I like Ross as much as the next guy, y'know? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings don't mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesn't mean that-that I'm still in love with him. Y'know? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love him-Ohh! Oh my God! Oh my-why didn't you tell me?!!
Phoebe: We thought you knew!
Rachel: We?!
Phoebe: Yeah, we all know! We talk about it all the time!
Rachel: You all know? Does Ross know?
Phoebe: Oh no, Ross doesn't know anything.
Rachel: Oh, I can not believe you didn't tell me!
Phoebe: Well, because we thought you knew!! It's so obvious! God, that would be like telling Monica, "Hey, you like things clean." Or, y'know, "Hey, Joey, you're gay."
(Rachel stares at her.)
Rachel: What?!
Phoebe: Oh, please! She's always got a broom in her hand!
[Scene: A park in London, Joey and Chandler walk up to a souvenir stand.]
Joey: Hey!
The Vendor: So, what are you guys in the market for? We've got uh, scarves, tulip post cards...
Joey: Check this out? Huh? (Joey has this big tall hat with a British flag on the front of it.) Yeah. That's the stuff. What do you think?
Chandler: Well, I don't have to buy that, "I'm with stupid" T-shirt anymore.
Joey: Well, I like it. Here you go. (He pays for the hat.)
Chandler: All right, look, you're not really gonna buy that are you? Don't you think you've embarrassed me enough for one day?
Joey: Oh, I embarrass you?
Chandler: How can I answer that when I'm pretending I don't know you?
The Vendor: He's just jealous. You'll fit right in; all Londoners wear them!
Chandler: Oh really? Then how come no one here is wearing them?
The Vendor: (looks around) They're all tourists.
Chandler: All right, look, if you insist on wearing that, in public, y'know, you're gonna spend the rest of the afternoon all by yourself.
Joey: Oh yeah? (Puts the hat on.) If you're gonna make me choose between you and the hat? I choose the hat.
The Vendor: Good choice.
Joey: Thanks.
Chandler: Okay, wait. All right, that's it, okay, I'm out of here. I am not going to be embarrassed anymore! (He trips over a box, falls into a flower stand and walks away trying to be cool.)
(A man walks up to Joey and stares at Chandler and the flower stand. Joey turns around to introduce himself.)
Joey: How you doin'? Joey Tribbiani, America.
(Joey shakes his hand. The man looks at him and his hat.)
[Scene: The hotel, Ross's room, Emily is entering.]
Emily: Hello?
Ross: Hey! I just spoke to your dad, and you know what? He seems to think we'll be able to find a new place for the wedding.
Emily: We don't have to.
Ross: Whoa-whoa-what? You found a place?
Emily: No. But, Monica and I were talking, and-and I was so upset about the hall being knocked down, and she suggested that we put the wedding off for a bit.
Ross: She said what?
Emily: She said, "If I'm not gonna be happy getting married somewhere that we find in a day, well then we should just postpone it."
Ross: Postpone it? Emily, do you think Monica realises how much our parents spent on this wedding? Do you my sister's teeny-tiny little brain comprehends that people took time out of their lives to fly thousands of miles to be here, huh? (He puts his pants on backwards.) This isn't right.
Emily: I realise that people are going to be disappointed. But, I'm sure they'll come back when we can do it right.
Ross: I can't ask people to do that? Would you ask people to do that? (Holds out his pants)
Emily: Don't you point your pants at me! (She throws them on the floor.) We have no choice! Anywhere that's half-decent would've be booked months ago, Ross don't you understand? This is our wedding I'm talking about.
Ross: The only thing I understand is; postponing it is not an option. This is when we're getting married.
Emily: So what are you saying? It's now or never?
Ross: No. I'm saying it's now. (He starts putting on his pants, backwards again.)
Emily: Or?
Ross: There's no 'or' in mind. What is wrong with these pants?!!
Emily: It's not the pants. It's you that is backwards. And if, and if you don't understand how important this is to me, well then, perhaps we shouldn't get married at all! (She storms out.)
Ross: (chasing her, trying to zip up his pants. His got them on right now.) No, wait! Emily! No, wait, stop! Emily, please-(He catches something important in the zipper and howls like a little boy and falls to the floor.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the couch as Rachel returns carrying a bunch of shopping bags.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: (depressed) Hi.
Phoebe: So, did shopping make you feel any better about Ross?
Rachel: Manhattan does not have enough stores.
Phoebe: Well, I think I can help you get over him.
Rachel: You can?
Phoebe: Yeah. I just need you to bring me some photos of Ross.
Rachel: Um-hmm.
Phoebe: And a small piece of chocolate.
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: And a glass of tepid water. (She gathers up all of these things.)
Rachel: Ooh, is this one of those things where you throw it in a bag with some graveyard dirt and hang it from a north-facing tree?
Phoebe: Uh, only if you have the hiccups too. Yeah, the pictures are for you, the water and the chocolate is for me. I just didn't feel like getting up. Okay, I'm gonna show you a picture of Ross. Okay? And you're going to remember all of the bad things about him. All right? Really focus on his flaws.
Rachel: I can do that. I certainly did it when we were going out.
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think he's such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that you're with Ross okay and imagine that you're kissing him. And you're-you're running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross it's some kind of grease, it's-uck! Hah?
Rachel: I don't know, his uh, his hair never really bothered me that much, and y'know it was always more crunchy than it was greasy.
Phoebe: Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought. Umm, let's try some uh, aversion therapy.
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay?
Rachel: All right.
Phoebe: So uh, now look at the picture...
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: All right, and umm... (She grabs the picture and smacks her in the head.)
Rachel: Ow!
Phoebe: Okay, how do you feel now?
Rachel: Well, I like you less!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's hotel room. Chandler is trying to kick his shoe into a trash can that is standing on the TV. He can't do it.]
Chandler: Well, this is just as boring in England.
(Joey returns, still wearing his hat.)
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey. (He nods at the hat.)
Joey: Oh. (Takes off the hat.) Sorry!
Chandler: No-no-no, y'know what? I really shouldn't have said that you were embarrassing me, I mean that really wasn't cool. And if it makes you feel any better, I've had a really lousy day.
Joey: Me too.
Chandler: Yeah?
Joey: Noo!! I've had the best day ever! Dude, check this out! Now, I'm gonna fastforward past the part with you, 'cause it is boring.