Friends六人行 第五季英文剧本(81-90页)

being dragged through the mud here!
Monica: We're so sorry.
Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
Chandler: No-no, wait! There's got to be a better explanation. You can tell them you had to make an adult film for your (Thinks) adult film class.
Joey: Yeah, I like that. But no-no, how does that explain why Rachel found my underwear at your place?
Chandler: Oh—I don't know.
Joey: Well, get ready to come out of the non-gay closet!
Monica: Okay, just wait, please. I promise we'll come up with something. Just give us a little more time.
Joey: All right. Hey, but it better make me look really, really good. (Starts for his room.) Oh, and another thing, the video camera? Nice!!
[Scene: The Museum of Prehistoric History (Ross's work); Ross is in the break room eating lunch as his boss, Dr. Leedbetter walks in.]
Dr. Leedbetter: Umm, Ross. May I have a word with you?
Ross: Yeah, of course, Donald.
Dr. Leedbetter: We've been getting reports of some very angry behavior on your part.
Ross: What?!
Dr. Leedbetter: Threatening letters, refusal to meet deadlines, apparently people now call you mental.
Ross: (Proudly) Yeah.
Dr. Leedbetter: We want you to speak to a psychiatrist.
Ross: Oh no, you-you don't understand. Ugh, this is so silly. Umm, this is all because of a sandwich.
Dr. Leedbetter: (laughs) A sandwich?
Ross: Yeah. You see my-my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts a, an extra slice of gravy soaked bread in the middle; I call it the Moist Maker. Anyway, I-I put my sandwich in the fridge over here…
Dr. Leedbetter: (laughs) Oh, you know what?
Ross: What?
Dr. Leedbetter: I-I'm sorry. I, I-I-I believe I ate that.
Ross: You ate my sandwich?
Dr. Leedbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.
Ross: (getting upset) Oh-oh really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a Moist Maker?
Dr. Leedbetter: No.
Ross: Do you perhaps seeing a note on top of it?
Dr. Leedbetter: There may have been a-a joke or a limerick of some kind.
Ross: (getting angry) That said it was my sandwich?!
Dr. Leedbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.
Ross: (jumping to his feet in anger) What?
Dr. Leedbetter: Well, it was quite large. I-I-I-I-I had to throw most of it away.
Ross: You-you-you-you (trying to remain in control) threw my sandwich away!
[Cut to an outside shot of the museum.]
Ross: (losing control, we hear him shout outside) MY SANDWICH?!!!
[Cut to a shot of a park.]
Ross: MY SANDWICH!!!!!! (Ross's scream scares a flight of pigeons away.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's class; Rachel walks in, on time this time.]
Rachel: Hi!
Phoebe: Hi!
Rachel: (sitting down) So umm, what's this book about?
Phoebe: You didn't read this one either?!
Rachel: Well, I was gonna, but I accidentally read something else.
Phoebe: What?
Rachel: Vogue! Hey, so tell me about this Jane Eyre woman.
Phoebe: No! You should've read it yourself!
Rachel: Come on Phoebe! Don’t be such a goodie-goodie!
Phoebe: Fine! Okay, all right, so Jane Eyre, first of all, you'd think she's a woman, but she's not. She's a cyborg.
Rachel: A cyborg?! Isn't that like a robot?!
Phoebe: Yeah, this book was light years ahead of its time.
The Teacher: (entering) Sorry I'm late. Let's get started. So, what did everybody think about Jane Eyre?
Phoebe: Umm, Rachel and I were just discussing it and she had some very interesting insights.
The Teacher: Well, go ahead Rachel.
Rachel: Uh, thank you Phoebe. Umm, well, what struck me most when reading Jane Eyre was uh, how the book was so ahead of its time.
The Teacher: If you're talking about feminism, I think you're right.
Rachel: Yeah, well, feminism yes, but also the robots.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch as Monica joins him.]
Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Hey. Okay, so umm, since that video camera thing didn't work out uh, I thought that I would give you just a little preview. (Hands him a Polaroid.)
Chandler: (gasps) You're naked in this picture!
Monica: I know.
(Ross walks in, eating cotton candy. Monica nudges Chandler who hides the picture in his magazine. Ross sits down on the chair, he seems kinda out of it.)
Chandler: Ross?
Ross: (in a stupor) Hey Chandler. (Sees Monica.) Monica!
Monica: Ross, are you okay?
Ross: I'm fine! I saw a psychiatrist at work today.
Monica: Why?!
Ross: On account of my rage.
Chandler: Which I may say, right now, is out of control.
Ross: He gave me a pill for it.
Monica: A pill?
Ross: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss I started to get worked up again, so he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought was a good idea so, I took it.
Monica: Wait a minute, they're making you take time off work?
Chandler: And you're okay with that?
Ross: I don't know. It's going to be weird not having a job for a while, but I, I definitely don't care about my sandwich.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are returning from class.]
Rachel: (entering, angrily) Ugh, that was so embarrassing! I can't believe you let me go on and on like that!
Phoebe: (smiling) I'm sorry. It was just so funny when you started comparing Jane Eyre to Robocop.
Rachel: That was not funny!
Phoebe: Well, I snapped! Okay? You weren't taking the class seriously.
Rachel: Phoebe, come on! What is the big deal? I thought this was going to be something we could do together! Y'know, I thought it would be fun!
Phoebe: Well, yeah! Fun is good, but y'know I also wanted to learn. Y'know, people are always talking about what they learned in high school and I never went to high school.
Rachel: Ohh. Oh, so you really wanted to learn. Yeah, y'know, Pheebs I just wanted to have fun. Ohh, you know who you should go with?
[Scene: The Class; Monica has taken Rachel's spot.]
Monica: (yelling and waving her hand in the air) I know! I know! I know!
The Teacher: Monica, you asked the question.
(She sits back defeated, and Phoebe groans with disgust.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; Joey returns carrying a bucket of chicken, and starts going through the mail. While doing this, Monica's picture falls out. He bends over to pick it up and gasps. While he's staring at the picture, Rachel decides to come over and sees him looking at the picture.]
Rachel: (sees the picture) Oh my God! That's Monica!!
Joey: Oh no-no-no! No-no-no-no-no-no-no!
Rachel: You get away from me!! You sick, sick, sick, sick-o!!
Ross: (entering, with the rest of the gang) What's going on?
Rachel: Joey has got a secret peephole!
Chandler: (Sees the picture) Oh no! No! No! No! (Monica gasps as well.)
Rachel: Yes! He has a naked picture of Monica! He takes naked pictures of us! And then he eats chicken and looks at them!
(Ross stares in shock at him as he angrily puts down the chicken and takes off his coat.)
Rachel: Look! (Shows Ross the picture.)
Ross: (covering his eyes) Dude! That's my sister! (She shows the rest of the gang.)
Monica: (grabbing the picture) Give me that!
Phoebe: All right, wait! Just wait. Everybody just calm down. Okay? Let's give our friend Joey a chance to explain why he's such a big pervert!
Joey: No! I am not a pervert! Okay? It's just… I just… Kinda…
Chandler: All right, look! Look. I think I can explain this.
(He walks over and stands behind Joey.)
Joey: Thank you!
Chandler: Joey's a sex addict.
Joey: What?!! (He turns around and stares at Chandler who's silently pleading with Joey to go along with it.) No I'm not!!
Monica: It's okay! It's good! It's good. It's a disease!
Joey: No! No! I am not a sex addict!
Monica: Yes you are! That's the only way to explain all this stuff!
Joey: No it isn't! No, it's not. Because you can also explain it with the truth!
Rachel: Well, what is the truth?
Ross: Yeah, what's going on?
Phoebe: What's going on?
Joey: (thinking) I slept with Monica.
Chandler: Well let's….let's see what everybody thinks of that?
Monica: Oh no!
Ross: You slept with my sister?
Joey: Uh yes, but it was, we just did it once uh, in London.
Ross: This is not good for my rage. (Takes another pill.)
Rachel: Monica, is this true?
Joey: Of course it's true! How else would you explain all the weird stuff that's been going on?
Monica: Yes it's true.
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
Joey: Ahh—oy! That was the underwear I was wearing that night in London. Right Monica?
Monica: I guess I wanted to keep it (Pause) as a souvenir.
Ross: My God Monica!!
Chandler: Are you sure Joe? Are you sure you're not just a sex addict?
Joey: No! If anyone's a sex addict here, it's Monica! Yeah. Yeah. She has been trying to get me back in the sack ever since London!
Phoebe: So that's why she gave you a naked picture of herself.
Joey: That makes sense!
Rachel: And the video camera?
Joey: Uhh, Monica?
Monica: I guess I set up the video camera to try and entice Joey.
Joey: But sadly I could not be enticed.
Ross: Unbelievable! I mean you really kept Joey's underwear?! Why? Why would you do that?!
Monica: I'm Monica. I'm disgusting. I stalk guys and keep their underpants.
Joey: Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right, now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs. (Offers it to everyone.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's class; the class has ended and Phoebe is talking to one of her classmates.]
Phoebe: I really thought you making a good point. I mean y'know, until you got cut off.
A Female Student: Yeah, what's up with that girl Monica?
Phoebe: I don't know! I didn't come with her!
Monica: (entering, happily) All right everybody! Everybody guess what? I just convinced Paul to give us a test next week!
All: A test?!!
Monica: Come on! Tests make us all better learners! Oh yeah! (Running out) We should have essay questions!!
End
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510 The One With The Inappropriate Sister

[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Ross is cleaning out the fridge. Joey walks from his room. He looks like he just woke up.]
Joey: What are you doing?
Ross: I...reorganized the fridge. See, bottom shelf: meats and dairy. (There’s nothing on the shelf.) Middle shelf: fruits and vegetables. (There’s one lone tomato.) And top shelf: expired products. (The shelf is jammed packed.)
Joey: Why are you doing this?
Ross: Because I am bored...Out of my mind. I’ve already been to the bank, post office, and the dry cleaners.
Joey: Dude, you just described seven days worth of stuff. You’ve got to spread it out a little, you know. Haven’t you ever been unemployed?
Ross: Hey, I am not unemployed. I’m on sabbatical!
Joey: Hey, don’t get religious on me, ok. (Ross looks a little confused.) A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing. You know. Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs? Huh...come here…sit down. (Ross sits down.) Ready? (Joey flips the foot rest up.) Ahh!! (He reclines the chair fully.) Ohh, yeah!! Huh?!
Ross: So what, we just sit?
Joey: Ohh, no, no. We’re not going to just sit. (Joey sits down and hits the speed dial button on the phone.) Shhh. (It begins to ring.)