Friends六人行 第五季英文剧本(91-100页)

Danny: You are! (Hits her back.)
Krista: You are! (Hits him softly.)
Danny: You are! (Hits her back.)
Krista: You are! (Hits him softly.)
Danny: You are! (Hits her back.)
Krista: You are! (Hits him harder this time.)
Danny: You are so dead! I'm gonna get you.
(He starts chasing her around Rachel a couple of times before she runs into the living room and he tackles her on the couch where he starts tickling her.)
Rachel: (not sure what to do) Uh, it was very nice meeting you. (They continue to ignore her.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is complaining to Ross and Monica about the bucket.]
Phoebe: Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! (Hands it to Monica.) Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you?
Monica: No.
Phoebe: Does it look like an ashtray?
Monica: No.
Phoebe: Does it look like a urinal?
Monica: Eww!! (Throws the bucket down.)
Ross: So Pheebs, are you gonna go back out there or what?
Phoebe: Well, yeah! But I'm not gonna take anymore crap. Okay? No more Mrs. Nice Bucket!
Monica: Yeah, good for you. Y'know you're tough, you lived on the streets.
Phoebe: Yeah, I'm gonna go back to being Street Phoebe. Yeah! Oh but, y'know what? I can't go totally back because Street Phoebe really wouldn't be friends with you guys. Sorry. (Leaves.)
Rachel: (entering from her room) Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Rachel: Hey, umm, can I ask you guys something?
Monica and Ross: Sure.
Rachel: Uh, I don't have any brothers so I don't know, but uh, did you guys wrestle?
Ross: Oh-oh, yeah.
Monica: All the time. In fact, I was undefeated.
Ross: Uh, you weighted 200 pounds.
Monica: Still, I was quick as a cat.
Rachel: Well, I met Danny's sister yesterday, and uh that was actually the girl on the subway.
Monica: Oh, you're kidding.
Rachel: Yeah, they were very y'know…wrestley. But, I guess that's normal?
Monica: (laughing with Ross) We don't, we don't wrestle now.
Ross: Yeah, not since I got too strong for you.
Monica: Too strong for me?
Ross: Yeah.
Monica: You wanna go right now? 'Cause I'll take you right now, buddy! You wanna go?
Ross: Oh fine.
Monica: Ready? (They grab a hold of each other's necks.) Wrestle! (They start wrestling.)
Rachel: Okay, y'know what uh, actually, that's great. That helps a lot. Thanks. (She leaves them to wrestle.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is cleaning the foosball table, Joey is working on his script.]
Chandler: (entering from his bedroom) Guys, come on! Let's go! The puck drops in 20 minutes! Come on, Joe!
Ross: Joey's not going.
Joey: (To Chandler) I didn't finish my five pages.
Chandler: Well, why can't you do them tomorrow?
Ross: Because tomorrow he's redoing yesterday's pages.
Joey: Yesterday's pages did not reflect my best work.
Chandler: (To Ross) Why don't you cut him a little slack? Okay? Maybe if he relaxes a little bit, he'll get some work done.
Ross: I think he's been relaxing enough, thanks to you and Fireball.
Joey: Dude, if you think Fireball's relaxing, you've obviously have never played.
Chandler: The only reason you're doing this to Joey is because you're bored. Okay, it's not his fault that you're unemployed.
Ross: I am not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical!
Joey: Come on look guys, don't fight.
Ross: And the reason I'm doing this is because I am Joey's friend. And if you were a good friend, you'd be doing the same thing.
Chandler: Oh, so being a good friend means acting like a total jerk?
Ross: If it does? Then you're an amazing friend of mine.
Joey: Hey-hey guys, hey! How about we settle this over a friendly game of Fireball? Huh? I'll go unhook the smoke detectors!
Ross: How about we settle this right now! (He rips up the tickets.) There! Now, no one's going to the game. Ha-ha-ha!
Chandler: I paid for those tickets!
Ross: No you didn't. You said you would, but you never did!
Chandler: Oh yeah! (Makes an unintelligible taunting sound.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are listening to a story being told by Danny and his sister.]
Danny: …so we finally get to the top of the mountain and airhead here (His sister) forgets the camera!
Joey: Oh, y'know the same thing happened to me one time.
Chandler: When did that happen to you?!
Joey: Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a picture—I didn't have my camera!
Chandler: Oh yeah. First off all, chasing the Churo guy isn't jogging.
Krista: Oh, this is so good (A piece of cake.) you have got to try it. (She takes some on her finger and feeds it to Danny. Then takes a little more and does it again. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang stares on in shock. Then they pick up a part of it and some filling falls into his lap.)
Danny: Oh, damn! I got it on my pants.
Krista: Here, I'll get it. (She grabs a napkin and tries to wipe it up. The thing that gets the rest of the gang going is that she's whipping awfully close to his crotch. In fact, she is whipping his crotch. Chandler's about to come out of his chair.)
Krista: We'd better take these pants off upstairs or that stain's gonna set.
Danny: Yep. (To Rachel) I'm gonna wear these on our date tonight.
Rachel: Oh, great!
Chandler: Okay, bye! (To the gang.) Oh my God!!
Monica: That was unbelievable!
Rachel: Okay, see? I told you!
Joey: Yeah, wow, sorry Rach.
Chandler: I don't believe they're brother and sister.
Joey: They're brother and sister!!!
[Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe has adorned her bucket with numerous signs. Like "We are not a urinal!" and "I have no Macys info." And other stuff like that. She also has a scowl on her face as she is ringing her bell. A little old lady walks up to make a donation but Phoebe stops her.]
Phoebe: Oh whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait a minute, open up your hand; let me take a look. (The lady opens up her hand.) Quarter. Dime. Lint? Not interested in that. (She throws the lint away.) What's this? A Canadian coin? Get outta here! (The lady walks away.)
(Another man walks up with a drink in his hand, Phoebe stops him too.)
Phoebe: Whoa-whoa-whoa! No drinks near the bucket! Set it down over there and then you can make a contribution! (The guy starts to walk away with a hurt look on his face.) And you can leave the hurt bunny look over there too! (Her boss and a co-worker walk up.) Hi Bob! (The same old lady from before walks bye.) (To the old lady.) I thought I told you to get outta here!
Bob: Uh, Phoebe we've been getting complaints and uh, we're gonna move you to a less high-profile spot.
Phoebe: What?!
Bob: Umm, Ginger's gonna take over this corner.
Phoebe: That chick can't handle my corner.
Bob: Look, either you leave, or we remove you.
Phoebe: Fine. (She hands her bell to Ginger and starts to take down her signs.) (The same old lady walks by again.) All right, I'll give you one pointer. Look out for that bitch. (The old lady.)
[Scene: Danny's apartment, there's a knock on the door and he answers it.]
Danny: Oh, hey Rach! I thought we said seven?
Rachel: Yeah uh, y'know what uh, let's skip it.
Danny: What?! Why?!
Rachel: Umm, you-you and your sister seem to have umm, a very special bond, and…
Danny: Oh great! That special bond again! Why do women have such a problem with the fact that I'm close with my sister?
Rachel: Well, okay, look. I don't know, listen, I don't know what's going on here but let's…
Danny: Do-do you, do you have brothers?
Rachel: No, I have two sisters. But one of them has a very masculine energy.
Danny: Are you close with them?
Rachel: No-no, they're not very nice people.
Danny: Okay, listen, I really like you. Okay? I think this can go somewhere. So what if I'm close to my family, are you gonna let that stand in the way of us?
Rachel: Well, uh, I-I don't know. See when-when you put it that way y'know it does sort of…
Krista: (calling from the bathroom) Danny! Hurry up! The bath is getting cold!
Danny: (seeing Rachel's shocked look) What?
Rachel: Yeah, okay, I'll see you later. (Gets up and runs from the apartment.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is there as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Oh hey! There's some kids playing in the street, you wanna go down there and give them a project, ruin their day?
Ross: Hey, if they have a ball maybe you can stick razor blades in it and teach them a new game, Gonna Need Stitches Ball.
Joey: (entering) Hey guys! I was at the library all morning and I already finished my five pages for today!
Ross: Yay!
Chandler: Great! Now, we can go to the Ranger game! (Pause) Last night!
Joey: No dude, Ross tore up the tickets!
Ross: I guess when you don't have so many distractions, it's easier for you to focus. Huh?
Chandler: Yeah or also when you don't have somebody breathing down your neck ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY!!
Joey: Yeah, well, that's fine, but the important thing is that I finished it. And uh, I think it's really good, but y'know it'd really help me is if I could hear it. So would you guys read it for me?
Chandler: All right. (Takes a copy.)
Ross: All right. (Takes another copy.)
Joey: Okay. (Reading.) "It's a typical New York City apartment. Two guys are hanging out." Ross (Points to him.)
(Ross and Chandler start to read Joey's script aloud.)
Ross: Hey man.
Chandler: What is up?
Ross: About yesterday, I was really wrong. I am sorry.
Chandler: No, it was me. I'm sorry. I over reacted.
Ross: Maybe it was both of us, but we had our best friend's interest… (Pauses and looks at Joey.) But we had our best friend's interest at heart.
Chandler: Could I be more sorry. (Looks at Joey.)
Ross: I don't know, I'm one sorry polentologist. (Stops reading.) All right Joey, we get it. (To Chandler) I'm sorry.
Chandler: (To Ross) I'm sorry too.
Joey: Oh no! No-no, keep reading! The good part's coming up. Keep going.
Ross: (reading from the script.) I am sorry, Chandler.
Chandler: I am sorry, Ross.
Joey: A handsome man enters. (Playing the part of the handsome man.) Hey! How's it going guys? I don't know what you two were talking about, but I'd like to say thanks to both of you. You, (Ross) you wouldn't let me give up on myself, and you (Chandler) well you co-created Fireball. The end.
Chandler: This took you all day?!
Joey: No-no, this only took five minutes. I spent the rest of the day coming up with new, Ultimate Fireball. (Takes out a bowling ball and a propane torch.) Ha-ha!
Ending Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are about to read another one of Joey's efforts.]
Joey: (Reading the scene set up.) Okay, it's a typical New York City apartment. Two girls are just hanging out.
(Monica and Rachel begin to read from the script.)
Monica: Hi, how are you doing Kelly?
Rachel: I'm doing just fine! God, Tiffany, you smell so great!
Monica: It's my new perfume. Why don't you come closer where you can really appreciate it?
(They both start to read ahead.)
Rachel: Oh, y'know Joey, you are sick!
Monica: This is disgusting!
(They both throw the scripts in his face.)
Rachel: I'm not reading this!
Joey: What?! Wait-wait-wait! The handsome man was about to enter!!
End
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511 The One With All The Resolutions
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[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are hosting a New Year's party. So the place is crowded and in a shameless promotion for NBC they're watching Jay Leno's coverage of New Year's from Time Square.]
Jay Leno: (On TV to Dick Clark) Is there any entertainment there? What are people doing?
Joey: All right! Here we go! 1999! The year of Joey!
Chandler: (deadpan, standing next to Monica) We're very happy for you.
Joey: What's the matter?!
Chandler: We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so y'know…
Joey: All right, I'll take care of it.
Monica: Oh no, wait! Joey!
(They try to stop him, not sure of what he's planning. He ignores them and goes to talk to Ross.)
Ross: (hopping) 73! 72! 71!
Joey: Ross! Ross! Ross, listen! Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe?
Ross: What?
Joey: Well you gotta kiss someone, you can't kiss your sister.
Ross: Well, who's gonna kiss my sister.
Joey: Chandler.
Ross: Awww, man! Really?
Joey: Dude-dude, who would you rather have kiss your sister, me or Chandler?
Ross: That's a good point.
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: Oh well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.
Joey: Okay, great!
Ross: All right.
Joey: Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight!
Phoebe: It's so obvious, why doesn't he just ask?
Joey: Rach! Rach! Listen, I'm gonna kiss you at midnight.
Rachel: What?!
Ross: Well, everyone's gotta kiss someone. You can't kiss Ross you got the history.
Rachel: So?
Joey: So? Who would you rather have kiss you, me or Chandler?
Rachel: Oh, good point.
Joey: Yeah!
All: (watching the ball drop) 3! 2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
(And with that everyone starts playing tonsil hockey. Chandler with Monica, Ross with Phoebe, and Joey with Rachel.)
Chandler: (To Monica) Happy New Year!
Monica: Happy New Year.
Ross: (To Phoebe) Happy New Year, Pheebs!
Phoebe: You too!
Rachel: (To Joey) Happy New Year, Joey!
Joey: So did that do anything for ya?
(Rachel slowly walks away.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, after the party. Everyone has left, except for the gang.]
Ross: Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!
Rachel: But your divorce isn't even final yet.
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
Chandler: Do you want us to leave the room, or?
Ross: Everyday I am gonna do one thing that I haven't done before. That my friends is my New Year's resolution.
Phoebe: Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Chandler: That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
Phoebe: Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.
Monica: She has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us.
Ross: In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks that you can't go the whole year without making fun of us. Eh, y'know what, better yet? A week.
Chandler: I'll take that bet my friend. And you know what, paying me the 50 bucks could be the "new thing you do that day!" (Ross looks at him.) And it starts right now!
Joey: All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play the guitar.
Ross: Ohh.
Phoebe: Really?! How come?
Joey: Well, y'know those special skills I have listed on my resume? I would love it would be great if one of those was true.
Phoebe: Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher.
Joey: Really? Who-who have you taught?
Phoebe: Well, I taught me and I love me.
Joey: Yeah that'd be great! Thanks Pheebs!
Rachel: Op, look! Claire forgot her glasses! And she's gonna be really needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend, who, I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.
Monica: Hey Rach, maybe your resolution should be to umm, gossip less.
Rachel: I don't gossip!
(They all laugh.)
Rachel: Well, maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on y'know kinda like a public service, it doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you call Ted Kopel a gossip?
Monica: Well if Ted Kopel talked about his coworkers botched boob jobs, I would.
Rachel: What? They were like this!
(She puts her hands over her breasts and indicates that the coworkers boob job resulted in one pointing up and one pointing down with her hands by pointing up with one hand and down with the other.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to a beautiful woman as Chandler and Joey enter.]
Woman: I'll see you tomorrow.
Ross: Okay! (She leaves.) (To Chandler and Joey.) Hey!
Chandler and Joey: Hey!
Ross: I just asked that girl out.
Chandler: Nice!
Joey: Nice!! Yeah! Is that part of your resolution, your new thing for today?
Ross: Yes it is. See. (Shows them the piece of paper she gave him with her name and phone number on it.)
Chandler: (reading it) Elizabeth Hornswoggle?
Ross: That's right, uh, Elizabeth Hornswoggle.
Chandler: Horn-swoggle.
Joey: You all right Chandler? Is there something funny about that name?
Chandler: No. No, I just think that maybe I-I'd heard it somewhere before. (Sits down rubbing his temple.)
Joey: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)
Ross: Hi, Pheebs!
Phoebe: Hey!
Ross: Oh-oh, guess what? I-I have a date with Elizabeth (Talking into Chandler's ear.) Hornswoggle.
Phoebe: Hornswoggle? (To Chandler) Ooh, this must be killing you.
Ross: All right, see you later.
Joey: See ya! All right Pheebs, I am ready for my first lesson.
Phoebe: Okay. (Joey tries to take the guitar.) Oh no-no-no, you don't touch the guitar! First you learn here, (Points to her head.) then you learn here. (Points to the guitar.)
Joey: Umm, okay.
Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
Chandler: What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. Y'know some might find it amusing, I myself find it regular.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering with Rachel.]
Phoebe: Hey everybody, Rachel was so good today. She didn't gossip at all.
Rachel: I didn’t! Even when I found out…umm, all right, well let's just say I found something out something about someone and let's just say she's gonna keep it. (Goes into her room.)
Joey: Hey, Pheebs! Check-check this out. (Holds up his hand in one of Phoebe's chords.)
Phoebe: Ooh, you nailed the Old Lady! (They both laugh at what she said.)
Joey: Yeah listen so, I thought I was getting better, so on my way home today I stopped by this guitar store and…
Phoebe: Did you, did you touch any of the guitars while you were there? Did you?!
Joey: No.
Phoebe: Give me your hands. (He does and she smells his left hand.) Strings. Gimme it! (He gives her his right hand and she smells it as well.) Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?
Joey: Yes!
Phoebe: Then don't touch one!!
Ross: (entering, with Ben) Hi!
Ben: Hi!
Monica: Hi Ben!
Ben: Auntie Monica!! (He runs to hug her.)
Chandler: (notices something) Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? (Pause, no one speaks.) Someone comment on the pants!
Rachel: I think they're very nice.
Monica: I like 'em.
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler bangs the table in frustration.)
Monica: I like them a lot.
Chandler: That's not what I had in mind! See, people like Ross don't generally wear these types of pants. You see, they're very tight. (Motions to Ross's buttock.) Maybe there's something in that area.
(They all speak at once in general approval of his pants selection; Joey asks where he got them. I can't pick out the rest of it.)
Ross: Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, (To Chandler) I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before."
(No one says anything.)
Chandler: Oh come on!! (Storms out.)
Ross: (after he's left) Okay, seriously, what do you think?
Joey: You look like a freak.
Rachel: Awful, absolutely awful. (Plus other negative comments from Phoebe and Monica.)
(Monica starts taking pictures of Ross and Ben, with the flash.)
Ross: What are you, what are you doing?
Monica: It's my New Year's resolution!
Ross: What, to blind my child?
Monica: No! To take more pictures of all of us together. I mean I really think it's the best resolution because everyone will enjoy the pictures.
Joey: Well, everyone will enjoy my music as well. (Does a chord and Monica starts taking pictures of him and Phoebe. They both start to strike a pose with the excessive amount of pictures that Monica takes.)
[Scene: Elizabeth Hornswoggle's apartment; Ross is there on his date with her. They are sitting on the couch watching a movie. Ross is obviously hot.]
Ross: (talking to himself) My God! These pants are burning up! (He's still wearing the leather pants.) (She snuggles closer.) Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! (Out loud.) Are you hot?
Elizabeth Hornswoggle: No.
Ross: Okay, it must just be me then.
(He shifts on the couch and a ripping sound emanates from his lower regions, the sound reminds one of a brief explosion of gas. In other words, it sounds like he farted. She has a look of horrific wonderment, wondering "Did he just fart?")
Ross: That was just the pants on the couch. Umm, hey, do you, do you mind if I use your bathroom?
Elizabeth: No, go ahead.
Ross: Thanks. (Gets up and as he does so, the sound returns. Without another word he heads into her bathroom.)
[Cut to Elizabeth Hornswoggle's bathroom, Ross frantically pulls his shirt out and drops his pants. He exhales in sheer ecstasy as the coolness of the bathroom envelops his legs. He sits on the cast iron bathtub, again gasping in pleasure. He next grabs a magazine and starts to blow air on his exposed legs, but that doesn't work the way he wants it to. So he throws the magazine down, looks around for another idea, and finds one. He jumps up and hops to the sink. He turns on the water and starts to splash some on his legs, cooling them further.]
Ross: (in ecstasy) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh……….
Elizabeth: (yelling from outside) Hey, my favorite part is coming up!
Ross: 'Kay!
(He goes to pull up his pants, but can't seem to get them past his knees. He frantically tries to pull them up to no avail. Panic sets in.)
Ross: Oh my God!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is drilling Joey on the chords as Monica looks on.]
Phoebe: Tiger! (Joey moves his hand in an attempt to do the chord, in fact he does it with each name.) Dragon! Iceberg!! (He fails.) Joseph, did you even study at all last night?
Joey: Yes! Yes, I did.
Phoebe: Then do Iceberg!