Friends六人行 第九季英文剧本(201-210页)

around and sees them.)
Ross: I'm smarter than him!
Closing credits
[Scene: The theater. Monica, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the first line]
Phoebe: Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler.
Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
Monica: Oh, you're so wonderful.
Bitter woman: Why don't you like me! Chapter one: my first period.
Chandler: Can't believe you guys bought that, enjoy your slow death (runs away).

921 The One At The Fertility Clinic

[Scene: Central Perk]
Monica: It's so weird, how did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie.
Ross: Hey, I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too ok? But SURPRISE!
Chandler: I missed most of the party (pause) Charlie's a girl, right?
Ross: Yes, she is this new professor of my department that I did not kiss.
Rachel: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD!
Ross: Why do you care so much?
Monica: Yes Rachel, why do you care so much?
Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
Ross: Oh, I don't know, they seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils...
Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!
Rachel: All right, so... Ross, you're ok with all this? I mean...
Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just met her and I'm fine with it...
(Joey and Charlie enter. Ross looks at her)
Ross: Oh, God. I forgot how hot she was!
Joey: Hey!
All: Hi!
Ross: I'm gonna get some more coffee.
Charlie: Oh, you know what? I'll come with you!
Ross: Ok. (they both go)
Chandler: (to Joey) So, a professor, uh?
Joey: Yeah! She is cool, and she's so smart! Her mind is totally acrimonious (which, being Joey, he mispronounces "amonious"). (pause) That's not how she used it...?
Charlie: (talking to Ross) I feel like I owe you an explanation. I don't ordinarily go around kissing guys at parties. I'm... well, I'm kind of embarrassed. I really hope you don't think less of me.
Ross: Uhm no! Think less of you! No, I don't think less of you. I mean, you saw someone you liked and you kissed them. I mean, those people who like someone and don't kiss them... those-those people are stupid, I hate those people.
Charlie: You know, actually I'm a little surprised to myself. I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date. I mean, they're all professors, and intellectuals, and paleontologists mostly, you know, very cerebral...
Ross: Yeah, I know the type.
Joey: Hey, if you wanna grab a bite before work we'd better get acrimonious. No? Am I getting close?
Opening credits
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment]
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey you guys! Look what I just got. (she shows them a pair of slippers)
Rachel: Oh, OH! Wow, I love those! Where did you get them?
Phoebe: I bought them off Ebay! They used to belong to the late Shania Twain.
Rachel: (after a pause) Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive!
Phoebe: Oh... then I overpaid. (she goes to the bathroom)
Monica: Hey, what's this?
Rachel: Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new SPA in SOHO.
Monica: Oh, you can't show Phoebe this! She hates those corporate massage chains.
Rachel: Ah, why, now I can't get a massage? There are so many things that she disapproves of! I can't eat veal, I can't wear fur, I can't go hunting...
Monica: Do you wanna go hunting?
Rachel: Well, I would like to have the option!!
Phoebe: (coming back from the bathroom) What's up? (she sees the gift certificate in Rachel's hands) Hey, Rachel!!
Rachel: Oh!
Phoebe: No, you can't go there! You know how I feel about these "big massage places"! They're putting people like me out of business!
Monica: And she wants to go hunting, too!!
Rachel: Phoebe, come on, I don't wanna waste it! It would be like throwing away a hundred bucks!
Phoebe: Ok, this is not about the MONEY, ok? It's about... it's about corporate greed destroying our hearts and leaving us... the hollow shells.
Rachel: I don't care about any of that!!
Phoebe: Well, do you care about friendship?
Rachel: Oh!
Phoebe: I feel really strongly about this, Rachel. Please, don't use this gift certificate. I'm asking you as a friend.
Rachel: Oh, not as a friend, Phoebe!! Fine, I won't use it!
Phoebe: Promise?
Rachel: I promise.
Phoebe: Thank you. (she tears up the gift certificate)
Rachel: But I am going hunting!!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment]
Monica: (entering) Hey honey! I missed you today!
Chandler: Oh, yeah?
Monica: Yeah. (they kiss) What d'you wanna do tonight?
Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe we could... (he sweeps the stuff off the table and wordlessly invites Monica to have sex on it)
Monica: Ok, trying to turn me on by making a mess? Know your audience! Besides, tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests and until then you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank.
Chandler: We really need to take those tests?
Monica: Honey, we've been trying to have a baby for over a year. I think it's a good idea to find out if everything's ok. Just a few routine tests.
Chandler: But I don't wanna do it in a cup!
Monica: What is the big deal?
Chandler: It's weird! In a doctor's office?
Monica: It's not ok to do it in a doctor's office but it is ok to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
Chandler: (embarrassed) I cannot believe Ross told you that! (pause)
And in my defense, it was a Wendy's!
Monica: Look, I don't wanna do this test either, but I really do think it's a good idea!
Chandler: Yeah, ok. I'm sure that doctor's office can't be worst than on a class trip to the Hershey's factory!
Monica: (really embarrassed) OH!
Chandler: Oh, yeah! RACHEL TALKS TOO!
[Scene: Joey's apartment]
Joey: (sipping red wine from a glass) Who says that wine has to cost more than milk!
(somebody knocks the door, Joey opens and it's Charlie)
Joey: Heeey!
Charlie: Hi!
Joey: Come on in, how are ya?
Charlie: I'm good!
Joey: Can I offer you a drink?
Charlie: Please, I've been crazed all day! I had a meeting with the Dean, and my syllabus for summer school is due and I'm writing the Foreword for a friend's book...
Joey: Uh-oh. I hade a pretty hectic day at work too, today I had to open a door and go (looking scared) ohhhh!
Charlie: So I am just so excited to be here. And I can't wait to start exploring the city!
Joey: Hey, if you need a tour guide... (point to himself)
Charlie: Oh, you mean it? That would be so fun!
Joey: Yeah, definitely, definitely. Ok, what do you wanna see first?
Charlie: Oh, well, we can go see the Chronos Quartet at the Avery Fisher Hall.
Joey: (looking puzzled and nodding) Ok!
Charlie: And there is a collection of Walt Whitman letters on display at the public library.
Joey: I know, yeah!
Charlie: And first, I have to see the MET!
Joey: Ok, let me stop you right there. The Mets suck, ok? You wanna see the Yankees.
Charlie: No, no, no, not the Mets, the MET, singular!
Joey: Which one, they all suck!
Charlie: The museum!
Joey: (looking puzzled) I don't think so.
[Scene: SPA massage center, Rachel enters]
Rachel: (to the receptionist) Hi there!
Receptionist: (in an affected tone) Hello, welcome to Lavender Day Spa SPA. How may I help you?
Rachel: Oh, hi. I have a massage appointment under Rachel Green, and here is my gift certificate.
Receptionist: This has been torn up.
Rachel: And... taped back together.
Receptionist: Ok well, I'll call you as soon as your massage therapist is ready.
Rachel: Ok
Receptionist: Have a seat through the glass doors.
Rachel: (imitating the receptionist's tone) through the glass doors.
Receptionist: Through the glass doors.
Rachel: Alright-y then.
(Phoebe enters the hall)
Receptionist: Phoebe, your next client's in the waiting room.
Phoebe: Ok. Do we have to talk like that then they're not around? (She sees Rachel) Oh, no, no! Listen, is there someone who can fill in for me?
Receptionist: Sorry, everyone is booked!
Phoebe: But that woman can't know I work here. She's a friend of mine and I made this big stink about how awful this massage chains are.
Receptionist: Then why you work here?
Phoebe: 'Cause it's good money! But that doesn't change the fact that this is an evil blood sucking corporate machine!
Receptionist: Well, I think this is a great place to work!
Phoebe: (watching around and whispering) Ok, are they listening?
[Scene: Central Perk]
(Joey walks in and moves towards Ross, who's sitting of the sofa)
Joey: Ross!
Ross: Hi!
Joey: I need to talk to you about Charlie.
Ross: (annoyed) Oh, do you, do you really?
Joey: Yeah, I'm... I'm kind of having a little problem.
Ross: Look, if you don't know what the word "acrimonious" means, just don't use it!
Joey: No, look, you know Charlie, right? She's cool, she's funny, her body is soo...
Ross: Get to the problem!
Joey: Yes. It's just that she's so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated! Combined! I don't want her to think I'm stupid!
Ross: (looking down) Are you wearing two belts?
Joey: (checking) EH, what do you know!
Ross: You were saying you didn't want to seem stupid.
Joey: Right, right, right, well, she wants to go to all this cultural places and I don't know how to talk about that stuff. You gotta help me out!
Ross: You know, I really don't want to get involved in you guy's relationship.
Joey: Please, c'mon, you're the smartest person I know and I really like this girl, ok, I don't wanna lose her.
Ross: (after a short hesitation) Fine.
Joey: Thanks.
Ross: Ok. Let's see. Oh, you should take her to the MET!
Joey: The Metsss!
Ross: Oh, no! The MET! The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
Joey: (realizing) Oh, that's what she meant! (pause) You know, if they're gonna shorten it, they should call it the MUSE! You know, short for museum, and avoid all the confusion!
Ross: Yeah, most of it it's a place packed with confused angry baseball fans!
Joey: Ok, all right, so I'll take her to the MET.
Ross: Yeah, uh, uh, ok, there's this great rare bookstore on Madison Avenue. You know what? She loves architecture, you know what you should do? You should take a walk down fifth to the Saint Patrick's Cathedral and there there's this great little pastry shop that she'd love.
Joey: Geez, sounds like you should be going on this date!
Ross: But I'm not! (pause). You know what if you're in the mood for Thai food...
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down, you go way too fast. Ok? Just go back to the MET, ok?
Ross: Ok.