HEATHERS

                             J.D.
               Exquisite, but I don't think
               ununderstanding is a word.

                             VERONICA
               We don't want to make them out to be
               too secretly eloquent. Why would the
               Germans invent a bullet that doesn't
               kill people? I mean it was World War
               Two, not a school play.

                             J.D.
                       (rapid-fire)
               They used them on themselves to
               make it look like they were dead.
               Really quite a brilliant device, but
               too flamboyant to seriously produce.

                             VERONICA
               Neat. Let's try it out on J.F.K.

     VERONICA swiftly picks up her gun and aims it at the lovable
     tabby entering the room. J.D. rips it away from her.

                             J.D.
               It doesn't work on small animals!

                             VERONICA
               Oh.

                             J.D.
               Uh well hey, let's take a look at the
               homosexual artifacts I dug up to plant
               at the scene. Now prepare to be a
               little disappointed.

     J.D. lifts up a feminine shopping bag and gently dumps the
     contents on the bed.

                             J.D.
               We've got an issue of Stud Puppy, a
               candy dish, a Joan Crawford post card,
               and some mascara.

                             VERONICA
               You must have had fun.

                             J.D.
               You know it. Oh man, I almost forgot.
               The one perfecto thing I picked up...

     J.D. reaches in both his coat pockets and triumphantly raises
     out two bottles of Perrier water.

                             J.D.
               Perrier water!

                             VERONICA
               Oh come on. Lots of people drink
               Perrier. It's come a long way.

                             J.D.
               This is Ohio. If you don't have a
               brewsky in your hand you might as
               well be wearing a dress.

                             VERONICA
                       (mock-seductively)
               Oh, you're so smart. How about a
               little heterosexuality before we go?

     J.D. laughs then climbs onto VERONICA for a hugging kiss.

     EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT--DAWN

     A tense KURT and an excited RAM, playing air guitar, walk
     through the misty parking lot toward the woods.

                             RAM
                       (singing)
               Sex and Drugs and HBO is all I ever
               need! Whoa! Can you hear me! Hello
               Tokyo! I said Sex and Drugs and...

                             KURT
               Shut the fuck up, all right.

                             RAM
               Lighten up, dude. In those woods is
               some of the finest pussy in the school
               and we don't even have to buy it a
               hamburger and a Diet Coke. What a way
               to start the day! Punch it in!

     KURT feebly slams knuckles with RAM.

     EXT. CLEARING IN THE WOODS--DAWN

     VEONICA stands in the middle of a clearing in the woods. She
     nervously tucks the gun in the back of her dress as KURT and
     RAM emerge into the clearing from a path in the woods.

                             KURT
               Hi Veronica.

                             VERONICA
                       (forced cheerfulness)
               Hi Guys. Glad you could make it.

     RAM smacks his hands together.

                             RAM
               So do we just start fucking?

                             VERONICA
               I've made a circle on each end of
               the clearing. Ram, you come over here.

     KURT steps into the scratched-in-the-dirt circle next to him.
     A confused RAM walks past VERONICA and steps into a circle at
     the opposite end of the foggy clearing.

                             VERONICA

     The guys pause, then slowly start taking off their clothes.

                             RAM
               What about you?

                             VERONICA
               I was hoping you'd rip my clothes
               off me, sport.

                             RAM
               Oh. Good idea.

     KURT and RAM awkwardly stand at opposite ends in their undies.

                             VERONICA
               Count of three, guys.

     RAM giggles in anticipation.

                             VERONICA
               One.

     KURT finally cracks a smile.

                             VERONICA
               Two.

     J.D. suddenly moves next to VERONICA holding a gun in his
     right hand and the feminine shopping bag in his left.

                             J.D.
               Three.

     J.D. almost non-chalantly shoots RAM in the forehead. VERONICA
     rips out her gun and swings it toward KURT. Using both hands,
     she fires, but misses completely. KURT runs away onto the
     path. VERONICA throws down her gun with a smile.

                             VERONICA
               Shucks.

     J.D. races to VERONICA in a white sweat.

                             J.D.
               Did you miss him completely?

                             VERONICA
                       (giggling)
               Yeah, but don't worry, it was worth
               it just to see the look on....

                             J.D.
               Don't move! I'll get him back!

     VERONICA's laughter cuts off like a faucet. Suddenly trembling
     and confused, she watches J.D. bolt into the woods.

     THE PATH

     A panicked KURT runs on the path through the woods.

     OFF THE PATH

     J.D., with a cold efficiency, weaves through trees and fog.

     THE CLEARING

     VERONICA turns toward Ram's collapsed body.

     THE PATH

     KURT sees the opening at the end of the woods. J.D. suddenly
     moves into the opening and raises his gun. KURT runs back...

     THE CLEARING

     VERONICA approaches Ram's body with increasing shivers. He
     does not look bleeding and unconscious. He looks bleeding and
     dead, dead, dead.

     KURT barrels into the clearing as J.D. howls from the woods.

                             J.D.
               Now!

     In a burst of frightened, animal instinct, VERONICA whips
     around and fires her gun right into KURT's chest.

     INT. SQUAD CAR IN SCHOOL PARKING LOT--DAWN

     Two cops, MILNER and McCORD, smoke marijuana in a squad car
     already filled with smoke. After a coughing fit, MILNER
     shouts.

                             MILNER
               I heard it that time!

                             McCORD
               Wha?

                             MILNER
               Another gunshot! From the woods!

                             McCORD
               Shit, let's roll.

     The two officer explode out of the car.

     EXT. THE CLEARING--DAWN

     J.D. puts his gun in RAM's right hand while VERONICA
     zombiesquely does the same with KURT and her gun.

                             VERONICA
               Kurt doesn't look too good.

                             J.D.
               Remember he's left-handed.

     A quivering VERONICA puts the gun in KURT's left hand.

                             MILNER (O.S.)
               Keep going until you hit the clearing!

     J.D.'s head snaps forward. He yanks up VERONICA. They both run
     into the woods behind RAM's body as the two Cops charge into the
     clearing, guns raised. Seeing the Jocks, they stop.

                             McCORD
               Mother of Shit!

                             MILNER
               Call in!

     MILNER looks toward where VERONICA and J.D. ran out.

                             MILNER
               I heard something out there. I'm
               checking it out.

     MILNER runs off as McCORD shouts into a walkie-talkie. He is
     holding the pulse of KURT KELLY.

                             McCORD
               This is Officer McCord and I've got
               two dead bodies in the woods behind
               Westerburg High. Oh my God, one of
               them's Kurt Kelly, the quarterback.

     EXT. IN THE WOODS--DAWN

     VERONICA and J.D. flow through thick trees. An Owl hoos.

     EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE WOODS--DAWN

     MILNER blindly barrels through the dense, foggy woods.

     EXT. JUST OUTSIDE THE WOODS--DAWN

     VERONICA and J.D. come out of the woods and race up a dew
     drenched hill toward VERONICA's car which is parked on top.

                             J.D.
               Faster!

     EXT. IN THE WOODS--DAWN

     MILNER is jolted by an OWL-HOO, then continues moving.

     EXT. THE HILL--DAWN

     VERONICA and J.D. reach the car, panting.

     MILNER races out of the woods just as VERONICA and J.D. slam
     the car doors closed behind them. MILNER huffs up the hill.

     INT. THE SAWYER CAR--DAWN

     VERONICA and J.D. somersault into the backseat and begin
     taking off their clothes.

     EXT. THE HILL--DAWN

     MILNER continues to move up the hill.

     INT. THE SAWYER CAR--DAWN

     VERONICA and J.D., stripped down to their underwear, embrace.

     EXT. OUTSIDE THE CAR--DAWN

     MILNER approaches the car and peers in. His crackling walkie-
     talkie startles him.

                             McCORD (O.S./walkie-talkie)
               Milner, can you hear me? What's going down?

     MILNER moves away from the car, then speaks into his walkie-
     talkie.

                             MILNER
               Think what I heard was just a
               stinking owl. All I got is two kids
               making out in the backseat of a
               car. Should I pry them apart?

                             McCORD (O.S./walkie-talkie)
               Forget it. I got all the answers
               back here, partner. Boy, kids today
               sure start in early. Hey, are they naked?

     MILNER sighs, and clicks off his walkie-talkie.

     INT. THE SAWYER CAR--DAWN

     Seeing the cop move away. VERONICA and J.D. stop kissing. They
     catch their breath, smile, then continue passionately necking.

     EXT. THE CLEARING--DAWN

     MILNER runs back into the clearing.

                             MILNER
               What's the deal?

                             McCORD
               Suicide. Double Suicide. They shot
               each other.

                             MILNER
               That's Kurt Kelly!

                             McCORD
               Yeah, and the linebacker, Ram Sweeney.

                             MILNER
               Oh my God, suicide? Why?

                             McCORD
               Does this answer your question?

     McCORD reaches in the feminine shopping bag and pulls out the
     bottles of Perrier water.

                             MILNER
               Oh man, they were fags!